Kaito has a lot of rules for how he tries to live his life.
I also have a certain set of rules I try to abide by.
These are my rules for surviving at home.
Don’t talk back.
Don’t make things worse.
And when things get loud… smile.
I like quiet.
Not silence, necessarily.
Just… calmness.
The soft sound of pages turning.
The hum of the train tracks outside my bedroom window.
The rustling of leaves during autumn.
Small sounds.
Gentle sounds.
That’s why I like being around Kaito so much.
Because being around him feels quiet.
It feels calm.
Akane Fujihara entered her house as quietly as she could, like someone who had learned long ago how not to be noticed.
My lack of noise was met by its polar opposite.
There are loud people.
Then there’s my father.
The front door had barely closed behind me before his voice echoed through the house.
“ARE YOU STUPID?!”
Ah.
So we’re doing this tonight.
The same programming as usual.
Don’t know why I expected anything different.
I quietly slipped off my shoes near the entrance and carefully placed them side by side.
Mom always liked when the house looked neat.
Said it made things feel calmer.
Not that calmness survives very long here.
“I-I said I was sorry…” Mom’s voice sounded small.
Fragile.
“Sorry doesn’t fix anything, woman!”
I tightened my grip slightly around the small bakery bag in my hands.
The melon bread suddenly didn’t feel very cute anymore.
I walked down the hallway quietly.
Slowly.
Carefully.
You learn how to walk softly in a house like this.
Something shattered against the wall.
Sounded like glass.
Perhaps a cup?
Maybe a plate?
I didn’t flinch.
“Mhm~” My mind wandered, trying to think of what could have possibly been broken this time.
I stood in the hallway for a moment.
Perfectly still.
Just listening.
“They’re starting early today~” I muttered under my breath.
My voice was light.
Almost cheerful.
“Akane!” My mother yelled from the other room.
I had been discovered at last.
I cautiously stepped into the kitchen like I was wading through a minefield.
Dad stood in the kitchen glaring at Mom while she kept her head lowered near the sink.
There was a broken plate on the floor.
Again.
I could feel the tension in the air.
Heck, I could feel it the second I walked through the door, but it was much thicker now.
It was almost suffocating.
“…Yes, mom~?” I replied as sweetly as possible.
My mother turned immediately.
She had a sunken look on her face, her exhaustion plainly visible in her lifeless eyes.
“Where were you?” My mother said sharply.
“Out shopping~”
“With who?”
“Some friends~”
“What friends?”
I smiled.
Soft.
Harmless.
The kind of smile I had practiced 1,000 times.
It had become second nature to me.
“School friends~”
My father scoffed.
The anger on his face was palpable.
“Must be nice. Just wandering around wasting time while everyone else is dealing with real problems,” my father said with disdain in his voice.
“I can help if you want~”
“Don’t get smart with me.”
“I’m not~”
Pause.
The moment seemed to drag on for what felt like ages.
Mom immediately crouched down to pick up the broken plate pieces.
“Akane, sweetheart, did you eat already?”
“Yeah, but it was a while ago~”
“I’ll make something.”
Dad scoffed loudly.
You could feel the anger radiating off of him.
“Yeah, because you’re so damn useful otherwise.”
Mom flinched.
Just slightly.
Most people probably wouldn’t notice it.
I noticed.
I always noticed.
“Dad…”
“What?!”
“You’re loud again~” I broke one of my rules but I had to do something to try to help out mom.
He looked at me sharply.
For a second, the kitchen became very quiet.
Dangerously quiet.
“You got something smart to say, missy?”
“Nope~”
I smiled.
Always smile.
It’s better if you smile.
“You think smiling fixes anything?” He said bluntly.
I didn’t dare say anything else.
I knew talking back would be the worst move I could make right now.
My fake smile remained stuck on my face.
“Go to your room. Now!” He bellowed out as he pointed towards the hallway.
I didn’t even think about arguing.
There would be no point.
It’s not like I wanted to deal with this mess anyways.
“…Okay~”
I turned.
Walked away.
Didn’t rush.
Didn’t protest.
I did as I was told to.
Just… left.
Mom walked after me.
“Sorry you had to see that again, sweetheart.”
“Mhm~”
Mom smiled weakly at me.
The tired kind of smile.
The kind adults use when they don’t want children worrying about them.
It never fooled me.
Not even when I was little.
My mom walked back into the kitchen to fix me a quick meal.
I decided to risk my dad’s wrath and followed her.
Thankfully, dad had gone over to the living room to watch one of his shows.
“You should eat while it’s warm,” Mom said softly.
“I bought melon bread~”
“That sounds nice.”
“Mhm~”
Mom looked exhausted.
Not physically.
Emotionally.
Like someone slowly wearing down over time.
I hated that look.
Always had.
“I’ll make tea~” I said softly with a warm smile.
“You don’t have to do that, sweetheart.”
“I want to~”
Because if I didn’t do small things like this… the house would feel even colder.
I engulfed my meal in record time.
Dad entered the kitchen and immediately ordered me back to my room.
I smiled back at him and complied without hesitation.
Behind me, the shouting started again.
Though it was much louder this time.
I headed upstairs quietly.
Step.
Step.
Step.
Careful footsteps.
I learned a long time ago how to move through this house without making noise.
I closed my door softly.
I didn’t want to do anything to invite any sort of punishment on me.
Even with the door closed, the noise didn’t stop.
It never did.
“Mhm~”
I sat on my bed.
Folded my hands in my lap.
The smile still plastered on my face.
“It’s fine~”
That’s what I typically said to myself in the comfort of my bedroom.
Isn’t it funny?
The little lies we tell ourselves just to try to feel better.
My room was my only true sanctuary in this place.
It was the only place that really felt like mine.
Soft lighting that helped keep me at ease.
Bookshelves filled with all sorts of romance novels and manga.
Cute plushies adorning my bed and scattered strategically throughout my room.
Warm blankets that I could just melt myself into.
Safe things.
Gentle things.
“It’s always fine~”
Another crash downstairs.
I wonder what it was this time?
I always tried to make a game out of it.
A voice raised.
Then another.
“It’ll stop eventually~”
It always did.
At some point.
Typically not soon enough for my tastes.
I looked down at my hands.
They were steady.
They had to be.
“I… I don’t like loud places~”
I said it so casually.
Like it wasn’t important.
But deep down… it was everything.
Later that night, I laid in bed staring at the ceiling.
The house was finally quiet.
At some point my dad had left the house and still wasn’t home yet.
Which honestly meant things were more peaceful.
I hugged my pillow slightly.
“Kaito would probably say this house is inefficient~”
I smiled a little.
A genuine smile.
That silly boy always says strange things with a completely straight face.
That made me pull out my phone.
One unread message.
Kaito:
Make sure you actually eat dinner.
I stared at the screen for several seconds.
Then I smiled before I could stop myself.
“You noticed~”
Of course he noticed.
He always notices small things.
I hugged one of my pillows, imagining it was him.
The first time I met Kaito Sakamori, I thought he was strange.
Not bad, strange.
Just… different.
The rain had finally stopped by the time recess started.
Small droplets still clung to the classroom windows while the warm afternoon sunlight slowly pushed through the clouds outside.
Most of the kids rushed toward the playground immediately, excited to finally escape the classroom after being trapped inside all morning.
I was crying alone in the empty classroom.
Quietly, obviously.
I didn’t like crying in front of people.
Then again, I don’t think anyone does, but I REALLY don’t like it.
Dad yelled that morning before school.
Mom cried afterward.
The house felt cold.
But what else is new?
So I cried too.
A little.
I quietly sat at my desk, swinging my legs slightly beneath the chair while absentmindedly staring out the window.
I then rested my cheek against my folded arms.
“…It’s so gloomy today~”
“You’ve been saying gloomy things all day.”
I looked up immediately.
A boy stood there holding a juice box.
He had messy black hair.
Was wearing dirty basketball shoes.
And had a completely neutral expression on his face.
“Why are you hiding back here?”
“…Nothing~” I replied, trying to wipe away my tears.
“You’re crying.”
“No I’m not~”
He held a small juice box in one hand while casually looking out the window.
“It stopped raining.”
“Mhm~”
“You still seem sad though.”
I tilted my head slightly.
Most kids avoided saying things directly like that to me.
“Do I~?”
“Yeah.”
“That’s embarrassing~”
“You say embarrassing things very casually.”
I smiled a little at that.
“So do you~”
“Fair.”
He sat down at the empty seat beside me.
I quietly watched him for a moment.
“You’re strange~”
“A lot of people say that.”
“I can see why~”
The boy poked the straw into his juice box.
Then after a few seconds, he held another one out toward me.
“…For me~?”
“My mom packed extra.”
“What’s this for~?” I said with a bewildered look on my face.
“You look sad.”
“That’s your reasoning~?”
“Yup.” He nodded profusely as he said that.
I accepted it carefully with both hands.
“Thank you~”
“No worries,” he said with a big grin on his face.
I stared down at the little strawberry milk carton.
“I like strawberry milk~”
“That’s good.” He laughed.
“You don’t seem surprised~”
“You seem like the type to like sweet things.”
I smiled softly.
I started to feel warm inside.
“That’s true~”
I stared at him for a few moments.
After sipping some of the strawberry milk, I finally asked something that had been on my mind since he started speaking to me.
“You’re not gonna ask why I’m crying~?”
“You don’t seem like you wanna talk about it.”
That surprised me.
Most people asked questions immediately.
Teachers especially.
What’s wrong?
Are you okay?
Did something happen?
He just sat there quietly beside me.
Like he understood how valuable silence was to me somehow.
“You’re really strange~” I said to him as I looked at him inquisitively.
“That’s the second time you said that.”
“You counted~?”
“Yup. I can count to 100.”
“That’s also strange~”
“Fair.”
I laughed a little despite myself.
And for some reason… that made him smile slightly.
Just a little.
I returned his smile with one of my own.
“You look better smiling,” he said casually.
My brain stopped functioning immediately.
“…Eh~?” I somehow managed to stammer out.
“You smile a lot more when nobody else is around.”
My eyes widened slightly.
This boy really just says whatever pops into his head.
I had met very few people like that.
And how is he so perceptive?
“You noticed~?”
“Yup.” He nodded with a look of pride on his face.
“That’s kind of embarrassing too~”
“You keep saying embarrassing things.”
“Mhm~”
For some reason, talking to him felt easy.
Not exciting.
Not dramatic.
Just easy.
Like sitting beside a heater during winter.
Warm without demanding anything from you.
I softly poked the side of the juice box.
“Hey~”
“What’s up?”
“Do you ever get lonely~?”
He thought about it seriously.
“Sometimes.”
“What do you do then~?”
“I usually play basketball.”
“That sounds very boy-ish~”
“Maybe.”
I rested my chin against my arms again.
I hesitated before I spoke again.
“I… I think lonely feelings are scary~”
He looked over at me.
He had a bit of a concerned look on his face.
“Why?”
“Because they make rooms feel cold~”
That answer slipped out before I could stop it.
I immediately smiled afterward.
Like I always did.
Trying to soften the edges of my words.
But Kaito didn’t laugh.
He didn’t look uncomfortable either.
Instead, he quietly pulled his chair slightly closer beside mine.
Just a little.
“Then we can stay here until recess ends.”
I blinked.
“Eh~?”
“You said the room feels cold.”
“Mhm~?”
“So it’s probably better if you’re not alone,” he said in a calm tone.
Simple.
Casual.
There was a softness in his voice that I hadn’t really experienced much in my life.
I stared at him quietly.
Then slowly smiled.
A soft smile.
The kind that only appeared when my heart felt safe.
Which was a rarity.
“You really are kind~”
“I think my mom says that’s normal.”
“Mhm~”
I stared at him some more.
“But you’re still a bit strange~”
“Probably.” He laughed.
“I’m Kaito Sakamori by the way.”
“I’m Akane Fujihara~”
That was the first day we walked home together.
And somehow… we never really stopped.
I eagerly awaited walking home with him every day.
I loved his presence.
Everything about him just seemed to soothe me.
It was the quiet calm that I so desperately needed.
Not everyone felt warm to be around.
And somehow… Kaito Sakamori always did.
I was at Kaito’s house once because he had invited me over to goof around.
I believe it was one of the first times I got to hang out with his parents since they typically worked a lot.
His dad in particular was rarely home since he travelled for work.
I had met them before but it had always been brief.
I sat quietly at the dinner table while Kaito and his dad argued about basketball.
“Phil Jackson was carried by Shaq and Kobe.” His dad said confidently.
“That is objectively incorrect,” Kaito replied calmly.
“Otherwise how do you explain Phil’s time with the Bulls?”
“You’re twelve. Your opinion is invalid.”
“That’s age discrimination.”
I blinked quietly.
They were arguing.
But… nobody sounded angry.
No sharpness to anyone’s voice.
No fear.
No careful walking on eggshells.
Just noise.
A sort of warm noise.
I was completely bewildered by this.
How are people arguing without yelling?
How is there no tension in the air?
Kaito’s mother laughed softly as she placed another plate of food on the table.
“Akane, sweetie, eat more before Kaito inhales everything,” Kaito’s mom said gently.
“I do not inhale food!” Kaito retorted.
“You ate six karaage pieces already,” His dad said with a bellowing laugh.
“That statistic feels exaggerated.”
I stared down at my plate for a moment.
How is any of this possible?
How is this household real?
It’s so warm.
So calm.
So unlike anything I was used to.
“Your house is nice,” I said softly without thinking.
The room quieted slightly.
Kaito’s mom smiled gently.
“You’re always welcome here, Akane.”
Kaito and his dad smiled at me as well.
Something in my chest tightened painfully.
Because I realized… she meant it.
They ALL meant it.
I remember thinking to myself… Is this what other families are like?
The gym lights were still on by the time practice ended.
Most of the team had already gone home, leaving only the sound of bouncing basketballs and squeaking shoes echoing faintly through the near empty gymnasium.
I sat quietly on the bottom row of the bleachers, watching the boy I liked do what he loved most.
Kaito dribbled near the three-point line before pulling up for another shot.
Swish.
“That one looked nice~”
Kaito glanced toward the bleachers.
“You’ve said that about the last six shots.”
“Mhm~”
“That lowers the value of the compliment.”
“I still meant it~”
He sighed before spinning the basketball lazily in his hands.
“You’ve been here since practice started.”
“I know~”
“Why?”
I tilted my head slightly.
“Can’t I watch~?”
“You can. I’m just confused.”
“That’s normal for you~”
“Fair.”
Kaito walked toward the bench and grabbed his water bottle.
Sweat clung lightly to his hair while his jersey hung damp against his shoulders.
“You practiced really hard today~”
“Of course. I have to get better.”
“You look exhausted~”
“I am.”
“You pushed yourself too hard again~”
“That sounds subjective.”
“You nearly ran into the wall earlier~”
“That was strategic momentum.”
“That was almost a concussion~”
Kaito sat beside me on the bleachers with a tired sigh.
For a few moments, we simply sat there quietly.
Comfortably quiet.
No yelling.
No tension.
Just calmness.
The kind of moment I savored.
“Kaito~”
“What’s up?”
“You really love basketball, huh~?”
He looked down at the ball resting near his feet.
“Yeah.”
Simple answer.
But his expression softened slightly when he said it.
“The court makes more sense than real life.”
I smiled faintly.
“That sounds very Kaito-like~”
“What does that mean?”
“You like calm things. Predictable things. Organized things~”
“That sounds accurate.”
I looked over at him quietly.
“I think that’s why people like being around you~”
Kaito immediately frowned.
He had a bewildered look on his face.
“That logic chain feels incomplete.”
I laughed softly.
“It still makes sense~”
“Does it?”
“Mhm~”
I leaned slightly closer beside him.
I wanted to wrap my arms around him, but he was still overheated from practice.
I decided to behave myself.
Just this once…
“You make people feel calm.”
Kaito blinked once before looking away slightly.
“You say weirdly serious things very casually.”
“You say casually serious things very weirdly~”
“That sentence hurt my brain.”
“Mine too~”
We laughed together while the gym lights hummed overhead.
Outside, the evening sky had already started turning orange.
Silence settled between us again.
“Home… was loud again today.”
The words came out softly.
They slipped out before I could stop them.
This was the main reason I had decided to come see his practice session today.
Not that I wanted to tell him that.
I didn’t want him to worry.
He already worried too much on my behalf.
I was actually surprised I had blurted that out.
Guess I couldn’t keep it in anymore.
Kaito’s expression shifted immediately.
Not dramatic.
Not panicked.
Just attentive.
“…Bad loud?”
“Mhm~”
He didn’t pry after that.
Didn’t ask questions.
Didn’t force conversation.
That was one of the things I liked most about him.
Kaito reached into his bag before holding out a sports drink toward me.
“You should hydrate too.”
I stared at the drink for a moment before smiling softly.
“You always do that~”
“What?”
“You always make things feel calmer.”
Kaito looked faintly embarrassed.
“I’m literally just handing you a drink.”
“Mhm~”
“That feels like a low-level action.”
“It still helps~”
I accepted the bottle carefully.
Our fingers brushed slightly.
My heart immediately betrayed me.
Stupid heart.
Don’t flutter like that.
Don’t skip a beat when I’m talking to him.
“Thank you~”
“No worries.”
I took a small sip before looking back toward the empty basketball court.
“Kaito~”
“What?”
“…I think if I met you later in life…”
Kaito drank from his water bottle while I spoke.
“…I still would’ve liked you~”
Kaito froze completely.
I immediately smiled afterward.
Bright.
Gentle.
Dangerously cute.
The kind of smile I knew would make his heart do what mine was doing just moments ago.
“Relax… I meant as a person~” I totally didn’t.
But he was already flustered enough.
Then again, I could try to go for the kill right now… No.
I want him to say how he feels about me first.
“That clarification arrived way too late.”
“Mhm~”
“You did that on purpose.”
“Maybe a little~” I gave him yet another dangerously cute smile.
Me and my devious ways.
I wondered how much longer he planned to pretend not to notice.
Sometimes I thought he liked me too.
Then he’d open his mouth and remind me he was Kaito.
Kaito sighed while rubbing the back of his neck.
“You’re dangerous sometimes.”
“No~”
I looked at him warmly.
“You just make me honest~”
“Are you saying you’re normally a liar?”
“Maybe~”
“Then you’re definitely dangerous.”
I giggled softly while the evening light spilled across the empty gymnasium.
And for a little while longer, neither of us moved.
I laid back against my bed slowly.
The ceiling above me blurred slightly as I stared upward.
My thoughts were focused solely on that silly boy.
Kaito was always calm.
Steady.
No yelling.
No cruel words.
No tension.
Even when Hikari screamed at him, he stayed calm.
Even when things got chaotic, he stayed calm.
Being around him felt safe.
That’s probably why I became selfish.
Because once you find something safe… you never want to let it go.
I rolled onto my side and hugged my pillow tighter.
“It’s unfair though~”
Hikari likes him too.
I know she does.
She tries to put up a front.
But she’s loud about everything except the things that matter most.
And Kaito…
Kaito still doesn’t fully realize it.
What a silly, silly boy.
I could tell he knew something was up.
He’s not completely dense.
But I figured he didn’t want to fully acknowledge her feelings, or mine for that matter, because then he would actually have to confront them.
He’d have to make a decision.
I’m pretty perceptive too.
I smiled softly to myself.
Then my smile faded slightly.
Intrusive thoughts permeated my skull.
“What happens when he finally does realize it~?”
The thought hurt more than I wanted it to.
Not dramatic pain.
Not sharp pain.
Just, quiet sadness.
The kind that slowly spreads through your chest.
Because eventually… he’ll choose someone.
And what if he chooses her over me?
And no matter what happens after that, things will change.
People always change.
Even if things are good.
Especially then.
A soft knock came from my bedroom door.
“Akane?” Mom’s voice came from the other side.
“Mhm~?”
“Did you have fun today?”
I looked toward the door quietly.
Then smiled again.
This time honestly.
“Yeah~” I said with heartfelt excitement.
Because I did.
We always had a good time together.
Even when he pretended not to.
Especially when he pretended not to.
Even if it hurt a little sometimes, being with him still made me happy.
I waited until Mom’s footsteps faded away before reaching for my phone again.
I stared at Kaito’s message for another few seconds.
Then I typed slowly.
Like I was trying to make sure the message didn’t say anything that could be misconstrued.
I looked at it multiple times.
Akane:
I ate properly~
Thank you for worrying about me~
I hesitated.
Then added one more line before I could lose courage.
I looked at it multiple times again.
Today was really fun~
Sent.
Immediately embarrassed.
“Ahh…”
I buried my face into my pillow.
Why does talking to him always make my heart feel weird?
Scratch that, I know the answer to that dumb question.
A few seconds later, my phone buzzed.
Kaito:
Good.
I had fun too.
Also I saw you steal some of my fries earlier.
My eyes widened slightly.
“He noticed that too?!~”
I started laughing quietly into my pillow.
Warm laughter.
Soft laughter.
The kind that makes lonely rooms feel less lonely.
I hugged my pillow tighter and closed my eyes.
And for tonight at least… the house didn’t feel quite so cold anymore.
Announcement on Older Chapters Will also split older chapters in future.
TY to all my readers!