Light and darkness. Justice and evil. The Hero and the Demon King. The battle that would be spoken of for the next several centuries was about to come to an end.
The great hall of the Dark Temple.
A large man dressed like a priest falls to his knees, a look of anguish on his face.
"Guh, guuugh?! Curse you! Sacred Hero Haruya Arden!"
"This is the end! Demon King Chronova!"
I regrip my sword and glare at the priest-like giant. That's Demon King Chronova, who served the Goddess once before he fell into darkness and set out to stain the world in shadow.
"Guh... To think my miasma does not trouble you at all..."
An ordinary person cannot remain sane in the presence of the Demon King. The great hall is filled with his miasma, and it smells so foul my nose is about to twist off.
"This is the strength of the human heart! Demon King!"
I said that, but honestly, it's all thanks to my equipment. Sacred Armor Flora. Exorcism gear imbued with the protection of Goddess Flora, it nullifies miasma and even low-tier magic. It's the finest armor in the world. However, there are conditions for equipping it.
Demon King Chronova groans in frustration.
"Sacred Armor Flora... An armor that only one with a sacred heart and a pure spirit may wear, and a loathsome human such as you can handle it..."
He figured it out completely.
Man, it was really tough, equipping this armor...
The armor imbued with Goddess Flora's protection can only be worn by those who are pure, righteous, and beautiful. "Pure, righteous, and beautiful" apparently also judges your daily words and conduct, and if the armor deems even slightly improper, it becomes intensely heavy.
You can't even belch after a meal, you know? You have to use the toilet elegantly too. It's only permitted if you simultaneously use a sound-dampening spell and a floral scent spell.
...Even heroes poop3 and fart, you know‼
Hah⁉ No no no. I must maintain a hero-like bearing.
"You underestimate human potential too much."
"Kukuku... Human potential, is it..."
He's got a face like he's plotting something. I'd love to just skip the talk and finish him off, but even against the Demon King, I'll refrain from barbaric behavior. That's how I was trained.
"What's so funny? Demon King."
"To be ranked alongside you, with your lovely face and your title as the incarnation of flowers... there must be many humans who find that unamusing."
"I don't think so. Besides, anyone can become their ideal self."
Do you think this face came for free? Hero-like features, hero-like flawless skin, hero-like smile. You have no idea how much effort my companions and the people around me forced me to put in.
I had to hold back on greasy food, obviously watch my salt intake, and alcohol was completely off-limits.
I'm a hero, and that's manual labor, you know⁉
Oil! Salt! Oil! Salt! How I've longed for you‼
The pain of being pressured by everyone around me to 'be a hero spoken of for centuries'... You wouldn't know, would you, Demon King⁉
Hah⁉ No no no. I-I must maintain a hero-like mindset.
When I radiated a refreshing aura, the Demon King let out a muffled laugh.
"Kukuku... And yet, in the end, was it not you alone who reached me? You are alone, Sacred Hero2 Haruya Arden."
"I made it this far because I had companions."
"Hmph... You are merely being used as others see fit."
"Don't insult my precious companions."
When I replied with a sharp expression, the Demon King twisted his face in displeasure.
Being treated conveniently? It was way beyond that level‼
Appearance and behavior weren't the only things I was pressured about when it came to 'being a hero.' Everywhere I went, it was 'If you're a hero, lend a hand,' 'If you're a hero, you'll definitely save them,' 'If you're a hero, you'll help for free, nicely, and coolly.' How much they demanded of the pure and righteous hero image!
Even just now, my companions sent me off with 'We'll hold back the monster horde, so please go on ahead, Hero,' but I see that as blocking my retreat too!
Hah⁉ No good no good no good! I-I must trust my companions!
"Let's end this, Demon King Chronova."
"...Kuk."
I elegantly step forward to deliver the finishing blow. The Demon King wears a strange smile, but the outcome is already decided. With barely any magic left, he can't do anything significant now.
And so, as the Sacred Hero, I poised myself with dignity and swung the final strike.
A dull weight certainly traveled through my sword.
...It's over. Now I'll be freed from the hero's duties... probably not. I heard there's tons of post-battle paperwork.
"Hm?"
Suddenly, the Dark Temple begins to shake. As I stand bewildered by the violent tremor rising from beneath my feet, the Demon King, still prostrate on the ground, squeezes out his voice.
"Th-this temple... will collapse soon..."
"What⁉"
"I have bound my soul to this temple... kuku, you shall die together with me..."
Even on the verge of death, the Demon King looks happy, probably because he can take me with him.
Debris comes crashing down with a clatter.
Damn, I screwed up at the very last moment‼‼‼
Should I run now⁉ ...No good. I can hear landslides in the distance too. It seems not just the temple but this entire area is collapsing.
Despair almost showed on my face, but letting him be any happier would piss me off. I pretended to be unfazed and stood there coolly.
"...Will you not flee, Hero?"
"I'll see you die properly here."
"...Do you not wish to return to your companions... to your homeland?"
"When I stepped into this temple, I had already prepared myself never to return."
I had not. I fully intended to return no matter what.
Uuuugh... My life is just getting started, I'm still so young...!
Dammit! If it's come to this, I'll act like a hero out of sheer spite‼
Demon King Chronova, perhaps realizing his defeat on the mental front as well, groaned with genuine frustration.
"An utterly loathsome creature, to the very end..."
"I am the Sacred Hero Haruya Arden. I simply make the right choices."
"...You have not even a speck of regret?"
"None."
I do. I have tons.
Things I wanted to do. Rather, I wanted to do lots of "that." But as a virtuous hero, as a pure and righteous hero, I had to be the ideal hero everyone wanted, so I couldn't do the things I could have done.
Maybe dying does something to a man's survival instincts. Maybe it strips the humanity right off him.
I'll be honest and blunt.
I don't wanna die a virginrrrrrrrrrr‼‼‼
I was about to ask the Demon King if he had any regrets himself, but...
"..."
He says nothing anymore. He seems to have become a mere corpse.
Debris keeps falling from the ceiling, and with a loud crash, it crushes the Demon King. Thus the great evil who sought to stain the world in darkness met an abrupt end.
And I too will soon follow.
"...Damn it."
I throw down my sword and collapse on the spot.
I wanted to do "that." I wanted to put my strategy to work on girls.
There were plenty of opportunities. As the Sacred Hero I was incredibly popular, but the children of royalty and nobility had bloodshot eyes trying to marry me into their bloodline, which was terrifying, and I couldn't even stop by a brothel because my companions were watching me.
The virtuous hero. The Sacred Hero. The ideal hero everyone demanded.
Because of that, I couldn't lose my virginity.
Dammit... Even heroes poop and fart, and sometimes want to have no-strings-attached, irresponsible se...
Thud, thud, debris keeps falling. The rumbling grows louder, and the sound of landslides draws closer.
My life is finally ending.
No one is around anymore. Returning to who I was before becoming a hero, back when I was just an adventurer, I voiced my one and only wish.
"I wanted to build a harem... and spend every day just shaking my hips1..."
Trivia:
- The Sacred Armor Flora's purity judgment extends to bodily functions like belching and toilet etiquette, hinting that the armor's standards are absurdly strict and possibly arbitrary.
- Chronova's comment about Haruya's beautiful appearance and being called a flower incarnation suggests the hero's form may be the result of divine blessing rather than natural genetics.
- The Demon King binding his soul to the temple reveals he had a contingency plan for death, showing he anticipated losing and prepared a spiteful final trap.
Translation Notes:
1 ↩ Literally "to thrust the hips back and forth," a crude Japanese slang expression for sexual intercourse. The title and story use it as a comedic contrast against the hero's pure image.
2 ↩ Sacred Hero, a title distinct from ordinary "Hero" (勇者), implying divine blessing and moral perfection required by the Goddess Flora.
3 ↩ A censored way of writing うんこ (poop) in Japanese, using the circle symbol to mask the word. Reflects the comedic vulgarity of Haruya's inner monologue contrasted with his heroic facade.
Notes:
• Haruya Arden - Former Holy Hero who defeated the Demon King Chronova and died in a mutual kill, only to awaken back in his home village before his journey began. Resurrected by the Twin Wing Circulation pendant's power, which rewound the world in response to his impure wish. Carries the pendant, now reduced to ash. Deeply traumatized by the pressures and expectations of heroism, he dreads being forced back into the role. His original motivation for adventuring was shallow: to become famous and popular with girls. The Sacred Hero who defeated the Demon King Chronova. Wields the Sacred Armor Flora, a divine armor that only those with pure hearts can wear. Maintains a flawless hero persona through rigorous self-discipline, suppressing his true desires for a harem lifestyle. Has secretly never been with a woman due to constant surveillance and the pressures of his heroic image.
• Haruya - Solo adventurer in the trading city of Gran Neal, formerly the Holy Hero who defeated the Demon King Chronova. Maintains a bronze-rank adventurer status deliberately to avoid responsibility and attention. Slim-built young man in plain breast armor with a longsword and a large hip pouch of adventuring tools. Harbors a singular life goal of losing his virginity at a high-class brothel and building a harem, a dream he loudly declared at guild registration, earning him infamy among female adventurers while being well-liked by male adventurers for his candid lewd talk. Secretly a returnee from death who deliberately destroyed his hero-route reputation.
• Demon King Chronova - A powerful demon lord who fell from grace while serving Goddess Flora. Attempted to plunge the world into darkness. Bound his soul to the Dark Temple to drag the hero down with him in death. Speaks with archaic, grandiose diction. Ruler of the Dark Temple who wears high priest-like garments. Possesses defensive and offensive magic including Chronowall and Chronosfang. Dignified yet easily flustered, particularly by the intruder's nudity. Values formality and tradition.