The great hall of the Dark Temple... and further, further inside, the coffin chamber.
The Demon King Chronova should be sleeping in the coffin. I ready my sword and sneak up, when a voice comes from behind me.
"Is it you who disturbs my slumber..."
"...Tch. So he noticed."
"I sensed a foul presence, and now... who goes there... hmmm?!"
Demon King Chronova, dressed in what looks like high priest attire, let out a voice of surprise.
Well, of course. The man who snuck into the bedchamber is, after all, wearing a gas mask and completely naked. At the sight of me, naked with a gas mask, the Demon King's voice cracked.
"Terrifying?! Terrifying?! Wh-why are you completely naked?!"
Fuhaha! Where did the Demon King's dignity go? He's terrified of a suddenly naked man, and I'm the one laughing!
Anyone would be scared. Even I'm scared. Thank goodness the naked gas-mask man who snuck into the bedchamber really was me.
"What are you?! A pervert?! A trespasser?! The owner of some particular fetish?!"
"The one who will defeat you!"
"You do not look it!"
"Dieeee!"
Strike first to win. I ready my sword and charge.
But as expected of the Demon King, he seems to have recovered quickly from his confusion and deftly manipulates both fingers. The ground beneath his feet glows with a vwoom, and a semicircular magic circle is immediately deployed.
"Seal: Absolute Barrier (Chronowall)!"
With a clang, my sword is blocked by the defensive magic. Demon King Chronova, breaking into a cold sweat, hurled abuse at me.
"Y-you pervert! Where did you break in from?!"
"Hah! You wanted me to come through the front gate fair and square?! Idiot! I killed my presence and came in through the window, obviously!"
"You! And you call yourself the one who would defeat the Demon King?!"
I don't need to care about appearances anymore. Forget the image of a hero that's been talked about for hundreds of years. I'll go with language that doesn't give a damn about the kids.
"The one who will beat you bloody and kill you, and bring light back to this world!"
"Words with not a shred of light in them! Enough! Do not let that thing dangle about!"
Demon King Chronova was enraged by the way my lower half was dangling about. Even before my death and return, he was always a stickler for propriety.
"And furthermore, you! Do you truly believe such a headpiece shall ward off my miasma?!"
"Just the miasma, yeah!"
"Insolent!"
"Or rather, if I were wearing holy equipment, you'd sense me from far away, wouldn't you‼"
Demon King Chronova, perhaps struck where it hurt, clamped his mouth shut.
That's right. Holy equipment is convenient, but it seems to easily trip his senses, and because of that, in my previous life I was attacked by a horde of monsters before I could even reach the Dark Temple.
So then: full nudity. And a gas mask.
Discarding anything that carries the smell of people or iron as much as possible, I launch a surprise attack completely naked. My bare skin stings and burns from the miasma, but as long as I don't breathe it in, I'm fine. The old me couldn't have pulled off such a stunt. I'd have been stopped by those around me or my companions.
But I came here alone, and I quit being a hero, so I can do iiiiiiit!
Right now I'm just a naked man (with a gas mask)!
I can even pull off a surprise attack on someone fast asleep!!!!
"Die! No, spill your brains and die screaming, Demon King!"
I drive my sword into the barrier of defensive magic. Demon King Chronova clasped both hands together, seemingly pouring even more magical power into the barrier.
"Hmph! To think my magic could be broken... What?!" said Demon King Chronova.
The barrier begins to crack with a creaking sound. Demon King Chronova shouted as if he couldn't believe his eyes.
"Impossible! That a mere human should break my Absolute Barrier...?!"
"Fuhahahaha! Look, look, it's about to break! Scared, Demon King?!"
"D-don't tell me, you pervert! Are you the Hero of this age?!"
"A hero? Never heard of one!"
While replying that I know nothing of the sort, I pour on the power.
The barrier shattered with a crash, but the Demon King instantly spun around and, while retreating, unleashed a purple flame serpent.
"Seal: Flame Serpent King's Fang (Chronos Fang)‼"
"Fhnngh‼" That one hurt.
I cut the flame serpent apart with my sword. Sparks scatter with a hiss.
He must have been stunned by the string of surprises. He froze in place. No wonder, he never expected his magic to be broken so easily.
I thought my stats might have dropped from the death-and-return. Almost nothing did. I lost the Goddess's protection, and a few light-hero-exclusive skills stopped working. Time rewound, so the people I'd earned them from never gave them to me.
But that's enough. I ignored the hero events, infiltrated the Dark Temple alone, and came to destroy the Demon King.
Demon King Chronova spoke, looking worn out as if he'd been fighting for hours.
"Tell me, you... you are the Hero, are you not?"
"Don't know."
"You are the Hero, are you not? ...That the battle of light and darkness should take such a form. Later historians shall surely be much troubled by it."
"Don't know."
I have no intention of making this battle into history. I won't let any bard sing of it either.
The battle between the hero and the Demon King does not exist. Here there is only a naked gas-mask man and the Demon King.
Then, the Demon King's miasma thickened. He seems to have judged me a formidable enemy. He's done with skirmishes and is coming to settle it all at once.
I infuse life force into my sword. The blade begins to give off a faint green light. The Demon King furrows his brow.
"A holy sword technique... Should the Goddess see you thus, she would surely swoon."
"I've never even met the Goddess... but yeah, she'd probably faint. She's a total neat freak."
"You are the Hero, are you not?"
"Don't know, don't know."
"...That is a technique that turns bonds with others into power through a sacred heart, is it not?"
The Demon King, even while conversing, is searching for an opening. The next move will decide everything. So then, let me declare my resolve.
"It's different."
"What is?"
"It's a technique to connect with people through a lewd heart1."
"That is not different at all."
The Demon King slowly wriggled his fingertips. He's probably about to unleash an enormous dark spell. I take a deep breath.
I was stripped completely bare when I died. So what, at this point. I'll strip away body and soul alike.
"This technique is! For thrusting my hips at girls with a super-lewd heart... a technique to connect to a harem future!!!!"
"A h-harem?!"
The Demon King, shaken, was a beat late.
Not letting that opening escape, I make my blade shine even brighter and swing my lewd sword2.
"Kh?! Seal: Lotus (Chrono)..."
"Too slow!!!!"
A solid hit!!!! Die, my greatest and strongest obstacle!!!!
Underhanded? Scum? Super-lewd bastard?
Fine by me! I'm not a holy hero3 anymore!
"G-gwaaaaaah! Do not think this is the end, Hero!"
"Second strike! Third! Fourth!"
"Wha?! I have a second form..."
"Perish! And become my foundation! For a glorious harem!!!!"
Before he could go from second form to final form, I slash Demon King Chronova to pieces, soul and all. And without even a death cry, he was completely annihilated from this world.
...Good, no mutual-destruction self-destruct either. He must have needed time to charge it up. Last time I was too busy acting hero-like to notice. I just stood there and let him talk.
"Now then."
The greatest obstacle and enemy of the world has thus perished without anyone knowing. The only one in this world who knows I'm the hero.
Yes. Only me.
"Fufufu..."
Light! So light, my shoulders are super liiiiight!
No overbearing companions! No royals or nobles imposing responsibility! No total neat-freak Goddess! I'm freed from the heavy burden of the hero. Woooooo!
I head to the balcony of the Dark Temple with a spring in my step. Sunlight is pouring into a place that spent centuries under cloud. The big bad is dead. Hope's coming in through the windows.
I receive the peace with my entire body, without holding back. Naked, of course.
"Ahh! Freedom and peace are wonderful!"
I look up at the radiant sun fondly. Thinking of the future ahead, I couldn't contain my excitement, my arousal, and my swelling anticipation.
Trivia:
- The protagonist deliberately abandoned holy equipment because its holy aura would alert the Demon King from a distance, a lesson learned from his previous life where he was ambushed by monsters before reaching the Dark Temple.
- The death-and-return did not significantly reduce his stats, but it erased his bonds with others, causing hero-exclusive skill acquisition events to never occur, meaning his power loss is relational rather than physical.
- The Demon King's remark that historians would be troubled suggests he recognizes this battle's absurdity will be erased from record, which aligns with the protagonist's intent to let no bard sing of it.
Translation Notes:
1 ↩ A holy sword technique that channels sacred power. The protagonist twists its original purpose, which was to convert bonds formed through a holy heart into strength, into a technique fueled by lewd desire.
2 ↩ A pun on 聖剣 (holy sword). The character for "holy" is replaced with the character for "sex/lewd," turning "holy sword" into "lewd sword," which is lost in English translation.
3 ↩ A pun on 聖なる勇者 (holy hero). The title replaces 聖 (holy) with セイ (written phonetically), which can also mean "sex/lewd," making the title read as "Lewd Hero" while sounding identical to "Holy Hero."
Notes:
• Demon King Chronova - A powerful demon lord who fell from grace while serving Goddess Flora. Attempted to plunge the world into darkness. Bound his soul to the Dark Temple to drag the hero down with him in death. Speaks with archaic, grandiose diction. Ruler of the Dark Temple who wears high priest-like garments. Possesses defensive and offensive magic including Chronowall and Chronosfang. Dignified yet easily flustered, particularly by the intruder's nudity. Values formality and tradition.