Afterward, he got up to wash up.
Standing in front of the sink, he glanced at himself in the mirror and noticed a small, unnatural patch of redness at the corner of his mouth.
He leaned closer.
Shu Ci’s eyes widened.
It looked like Lu Xianyan had kissed his lip hard enough to break the skin.
By the time he finished revising his illustrations, it was already five in the afternoon. Shu Ci ordered takeout from bed. Just as he was about to close his eyes and rest for a bit, the familiar urge rose again—his teeth and the space between them itching unbearably.
It was happening again.
He didn’t get up. Instead, he curled into the blankets, wrapping himself up tightly.
This time the sensation was even fiercer.
Shu Ci’s cheeks flushed red. He let out soft, muffled sounds, his lashes drooping. When he finally loosened the pillow from his mouth, even the tips of his hair were damp.
It hurt… it was unbearable.
He couldn’t delay treatment any longer. Once he recovered a little, Shu Ci immediately scheduled a face-to-face consultation.
The next day, he got up early to see the doctor.
The condition was largely psychological, closely tied to his emotional state. In severe cases, it could even lead to depression.
The doctor asked the usual questions about his appetite, daily routine, and what happened during episodes.
Aside from the incident with Lu Xianyan, Shu Ci answered everything truthfully.
“It has indeed worsened,” the doctor concluded. Once again, he reminded Shu Ci to step away from work that triggered his anxiety, restore healthy habits, and find a close friend to cooperate with the treatment—mainly to supervise him and prevent his emotions from spiraling.
Shu Ci nodded.
On the way back, he opened Zhou Mingran’s chat window. He typed and erased the message several times, but never dared to send it.
Zhou Mingran couldn’t keep secrets.
Forget it.
If he endured it, maybe it would pass.
Shu Ci deleted the message. While waiting for his ride, bored, he started scrolling through Moments.
Unexpectedly, he saw that Lu Xianyan had posted something.
He found it unbelievable.
Lu Xianyan was a man of few words, steady and reserved. He rarely shared anything; he hadn’t posted in years. The most recent update had been three years ago, reposting a university innovation project.
And now, today, he had posted a photo of a cat.
It was a tabby, only a few months old, tilting its head blankly at the camera.
A hand rested on the cat’s white belly.
The fingers were long and well-defined, veins faintly visible—clearly an adult man’s hand.
Shu Ci drew people often and was familiar with anatomy. He immediately recognized it as Lu Xianyan’s hand.
The caption contained only two words: “Little Star.”
Probably the kitten’s name.
He casually tapped “like.”
A trace of envy flickered in Shu Ci’s eyes.
When he graduated, he had also thought about getting a cat. But he worried he wouldn’t be able to care for it properly, so he gave up on the idea.
Lu Xianyan… was raising a cat now?
Over the next few days, Shu Ci became certain that he was.
Lu Xianyan updated his Moments daily—every post about the cat.
—“My shirt got chewed up.”
Shu Ci had been focused on the cat, but after reading the caption, he noticed that Lu Xianyan’s shirt was missing three buttons, the fabric hanging open to reveal a faint outline of muscle beneath.
He remembered that Lu Xianyan was a bit of a neat freak. He always buttoned his shirts all the way up to the collar.
So the disheveled look… was because the kitten had bitten it?
His teeth ached with the urge to gnaw, to grind.
More precisely, human skin would be more suitable.
…
Those few minutes felt like an eternity for Shu Ci.
He sat inside his locker, half his body tucked in, toes barely brushing the floor.
The entire changing room echoed with his faint, uneven breathing.
Swimming had already drained his energy. After another episode, he didn’t even have the strength to lift a finger.
His head tilted against the locker wall, lashes clumped together by physiological tears.
His brows drooped weakly, making him look fragile and pitiful.
Just as he was resting with his eyes half-closed, he suddenly sensed a shadow pass in front of him.
Startled, Shu Ci snapped awake and quickly pulled the towel from his mouth.
Not far away, Lu Xianyan stood half-turned toward him.
Shu Ci didn’t dare look at his expression. Pressing his lips together, he pretended nothing had happened and asked, “Are you done swimming?”
“Mm. Want to grab dinner later?”
“Sure…”
Even though Lu Xianyan’s tone was no different from usual, Shu Ci couldn’t shake his suspicion. He had a feeling Lu Xianyan must have seen something.
He parted his lips, about to say more, but Lu Xianyan’s phone rang at that moment.
From the conversation, it sounded like he was inquiring about an apartment.
The research institute where Lu Xianyan worked was some distance from Fog University’s main campus, and the dormitory assigned to him was even farther. Combined with long experiment hours and strict dorm curfews, renting nearby was more convenient.
Shu Ci had heard all this from Zhou Mingran.
After Lu Xianyan hung up, Shu Ci took the initiative. “Are you looking for a new place?”
“Mm. My landlord wants to sell the apartment.” Lu Xianyan set his phone down and handed him a towel. “You look a little pale. Feeling unwell?”
“No…” Shu Ci accepted the towel and changed the subject. “Have you found a place yet?”
“Not yet. It’s the off-season; places aren’t easy to find.” Fresh from the water, droplets trailed down Lu Xianyan’s neck. “If I can’t find one, I’ll stay in a hotel for now.”
A hotel?
What about the kitten?
Most hotels didn’t allow pets. And even if they did, the space would be cramped.
After a moment’s thought, Shu Ci spoke up. “You could stay at my place for now.”
Lu Xianyan looked at him.
“It’s close to campus, and I live alone anyway.”
Under that steady gaze, Shu Ci straightened unconsciously.
Maybe living with someone would be inconvenient for Lu Xianyan.
To his surprise, the man agreed quickly. “Thank you. I’ll pay rent.”
Shu Ci frowned slightly, his delicate brows knitting together as if troubled. He hesitated for a full two minutes before carefully speaking.
“No need to pay rent…”
He tilted his face up.
“Could you help me with something?”
“You mean… you need me to cooperate with the treatment?”
Shu Ci had already honestly told him about his condition. Embarrassed, he added, “Just now… you saw it, right? When it happens, I’m like that.”
His cheeks flushed red, his gaze dazed, his lips rubbed raw by the coarse towel.