Someone once said, "If you're so frustrated, get out there and do the running yourselves."
Yes. Now I really wanted to shout it.
I'm running. I'll do it myself.
So—
"Stop giving them songs like this!"
[Impacter "Boom-Shot!" M/V]
Today was the release day for the five-member boy group Impacter's sixth single.
The reason for releasing a whole album with just two songs was obvious. It was a declaration that they'd hold signing events like mad again.
The music video, which should have gone up at six o'clock sharp, wasn't uploaded until a full twenty-seven minutes later.
"……Wow."
Was I really the only one waiting? The comments were unbelievably quiet.
Not a single person was angry.
Until the last album, I'd been grateful just to see them make a comeback.
[Boom, boom, boom goes my beating heart
Shot, shot, shot toward you
I throw you my heart]
Now I felt like crying for the members who had to sing these godawful lyrics.
If this was what you were going to do, you could at least have read my emails, you X-ing agency. I'd begged to give them a song. Did you ignore every message just to make them come back with this trash?
['Impacter' Collaboration Proposal_Composer SW (Demo Attached)]
['Impacter' Title Track Proposal_Composer SW (Demo Attached)]
My emails had started out perfectly normally.
['Impacter' Free Song Offer_Composer SW (Demo Attached)]
Within a few months, I'd even changed the subject line to offer them a song for free.
[♨Which Zodiac Sign Will Strike It Rich This Week?♨]
[※Starting Salary Over 40 Million Won? Dreaming of a New Job? ☆C☆L☆I☆C☆K☆]
In the end, I'd resorted to bait more outrageous than spam.
"……Are these bastards insane?"
The most absurd part was that the bastards had read those last two emails. Of course, they didn't seem to have opened the attached demos.
"They wouldn't have come back with a song like this if they had."
I pushed my chair back and leaned against it.
['Sorizen' Title Track Request_SJ Entertainment]
['Genie' Title Track Commission_K Entertainment]
.
.
.
[New Idol Group Debut Album Production Request_Starit Entertainment A&R]
My inbox, on the other hand, was full of requests from agencies. I was SW, a composer successful enough to pick and choose among them. In other words, I was Yu Seong-woo.
They say the things you love and the things you're good at rarely coincide, but I was lucky. I was good at what I enjoyed. I'd topped the music charts, worked on the soundtracks for films and games I loved, and even watched my songs climb back up the charts. The results had always been good, too.
But there was one thing I still hadn't managed to do— give Impacter a song.
Impacter. A five-member boy group that had debuted three years earlier. Their name combined "Impact" and "-er," reflecting their ambition to become a group with a powerful impact on the music industry.
They'd debuted through their agency's own survival show and, apparently, attracted considerable attention at first. Good looks, the drive of rookies, and a story that had taken shape through the survival show. Impacter had made a decent entrance into the entertainment industry, but their fall came in an instant.
[The rapper's spot I got because I can't sing
My two-line part was over before I could do more than mutter it]
An old mixtape in which Go Jae-seong, the member in charge of producing, dissed a famous boy group was dug up. Impacter came under indiscriminate attack from that group's fandom. Worse, that lunatic hadn't dissed just one group.
Yes. Go Jae-seong was a doll that trashed everyone.
He'd also written swaggering lyrics about another famous girl group, as if he could pick any member and date her. He'd never even met them. On top of that, he made ignorant remarks that amounted to racism, setting off K-pop fans overseas as well.
As the saying goes, one loach can muddy an entire pond. One Go Jae-seong had ruined all of Impacter.
If the group had been completely unknown, the whole thing might have been buried. But the survival show had given them an awkward degree of public attention. Their fandom, meanwhile, had yet to find its footing, and Impacter's fans scattered.
Then belated allegations of plagiarism involving their debut song surfaced, and they were on the road to becoming a flop group in no time.
Some fans stayed, of course, but even their numbers were decimated by the agency's absurd insistence on defending the scandal-ridden member. As if picking a fight with the fans, the agency made Go Jae-seong the center of the next album, and Impacter's failure was sealed.
GoJaeSeongLeaveBot @OUT_GO 2 minutes ago
Has Go Jae-seong left yet?
No
Shares 30 Quotes 20 Hearts 3
GetAGrip @seeballoma 1 minute ago
We're not even a handful anymore, just an eighth of one, and these crazy bastards are doing that shakeout dance again, ffs
Shares 25 Quotes 30 Hearts 10
ImpacterIsFinished @mangpacter 3 minutes ago
Impacter is finished. I thought they'd make it once, but it all fell apart in an instant.
Shares 30 Quotes 0 Hearts 27
And I was a male fan who'd stepped into the ruins long after everyone else had left.
***
Did this damned agency know any way to make money besides fan signings? The group had promoted for barely two weeks, yet the agency was still running signing events for an album released two months ago.
Would you believe today's was already their twentieth signing event?
Sounds like a lie, doesn't it? The bigger lie is that I'd attended all twenty.
"Here again?"
"You were here yesterday too, weren't you?"
By now, only the most entrenched fans remained. Entrenched to the point of almost rotting.
I set up my camera with practiced ease. When I aimed the lens at my favorite, Kang I-yul, he grinned and waved.
'A face like that, and he's in a flop group.'
He'd had a rough life, too.
The first thought I had every time I came, no matter how often I came:
'This group shouldn't have failed like this.'
"Seong-woo, you're here again?"
"I feel like I see you every day."
"Thanks for supporting us so much this comeback!"
"Wow, I'm really touched."
All four members had the looks, character, and talent—
"Hello."
"……."
The one who merely bobbed his head instead of answering… except for that useless one.
"……."
"……."
The second thought I had every time: Why did I have to spend the same amount of time with every member at a fan signing?
'I really have nothing to say to this bastard.'
Go Jae-seong, sitting across from me, seemed to feel the same. 'Why would a man pay to see another man?' I could practically hear the bastard's thoughts just by looking into his eyes.
"Seong-hun? Seong-ho? Seong-un?"
True to his reputation as a woman-obsessed creep, he still couldn't remember my name after seeing me dozens of times at least. I was beginning to seriously wonder whether this was a question of intelligence rather than effort when—
"……Seong-woo."
The security guard standing behind him muttered my name, seemingly so dumbfounded that it had slipped out involuntarily.
"Ah, Seon-woo? Good to see you, Seon-woo!"
Even a staff member squeezed their eyes shut and turned away.
'Enough. Forget it.'
I truly had nothing to say, but I managed to squeeze something out.
"I heard the demo you posted on social media."
"Oh, did you?"
"……."
"……Well, what did you think?"
What did I think? It was X-ing awful. I turned it off halfway through.
"Mm, how about using a little less Auto-Tune?"
The bastard, who'd looked like he'd been chewing on shit the whole time, now scoffed.
"Wow, you really don't get it. That's the charm of it."
It wasn't charm. You'd slathered it on to cover up your lousy singing. I had no idea you were such a forward-looking person, you bastard. The song was so full of mechanical sounds that I wouldn't have been surprised to hear an AI made it.
"You have no ear at all—"
Now he was casually dropping the polite speech, the rude bastard.
"Then again, what would you know about composing, Mr. Seon-ho?"
'It's Seong-woo, you goldfish-brained bastard.'
"You must listen to SW's songs a lot these days."
"Oh, man—our great SW is a god."
My stomach turned. I wanted to tell him I was SW and shut that flapping mouth of his.
"It'd be nice if SW gave Impacter a song."
"Nah, an SW song would be wasted on the group."
Only on you. I barely swallowed the words.
"A song from SW should be my solo track."
……Should I kill him?
Being this incapable of seeing yourself clearly ought to be a crime. A crime.
"Ah, ha, ha. You're absolutely right. See you next time."
No one had told me to move on yet, but I figured a minute must have passed and rose from my seat. A staff member caught me by the hand.
"Your time isn't up yet."
...You've got to be joking. A minute hasn't passed? It felt like I'd endured an hour.
I was forced to stare him down until I finally heard, "Please move along."
"Oh, it's Seong-woo!"
Who said there was no paradise where you fled? Heaven was waiting for me.
This was Kang I-yul, my favorite.
His hair caught my eye even before his radiant smile did. Repeated dyeing had left it as coarse as dog fur, and the lights only made it look worse. Strangely, the agency, which had lost every last shred of good judgment, tried all its experimental hairstyles on I-yul alone.
'I should put some hair essence in his birthday present, too.'
What had he done to the agency president to deserve a life sentence of cheap hair dye? Was being handsome a crime? I hadn't seen hair this fluorescent since Ppoppi, the Maltese a childhood friend of mine had owned.
"Be honest. You trained to be an idol, didn't you?"
"Huh? At my age—"
"It amazes me every time I see you. You've got a face that belongs onstage with us."
As if being handsome wasn't enough, he was kind, too.
"Oh, right. There's something I want to ask you."
"What is it?"
"How did you become our fan?"
For a moment, I couldn't speak. Well, it made sense that he'd wonder. A male fan coming to every signing event was unusual. I'd never imagined I'd end up liking an idol group, let alone a boy group. I'd never even been interested in girl groups.
"Hmm…… I'll tell you next week."
"What? Now you've got me curious—"
I'd already entered the draw for next week's fan signing anyway. The event fell right on I-yul's birthday, so I'd tell him when I gave him his present.
'I could write songs again because of you.'
***
"Wow, this weather's ridiculous."
It was so insanely hot that sweat poured down me just standing still. Apparently, that damned agency never turned down a last-minute gig: the day before Kang I-yul's birthday, it had suddenly booked an event out of town.
BZZZT—
"What?"
It was my friend and production partner, producer Moon-ho—Moon Geon-ho.
"What is it?"
[Can you send over the work file today?]
"No. I'm out right now."
[Why? Whoa, don't tell me. You went to see our I-yul?]
"Yeah, I'm X-ing busy, so get lost."
Click.
I'd spent so much time running around to see Impacter that I'd long since given up trying to hide my fandom.
"It's fucking hot……."
The heat, compounded by exhaustion, had pushed my irritation to the limit. If I ran into someone making a fuss over seats today, I'd end up at the police station for sure.
A trot singer, a children's choir, a dance team I'd never heard of…… After a long wait, the host finally shouted.
"The global boy group leading the Korean Wave! Impact!"
The only part he got right was "boy group."
"Hello, we're Impacter!"
...Amazingly, no one reacted. I couldn't bear the silence, so I shouted a cheer despite my embarrassment.
"Our song has the lyrics 'Boom, boom, boom, shot, shot, shot'! Shall we try them together?"
The leader, Han Sang-yun, kept trying to draw a response. It really did take something special to be an idol.
"Boom, boom, boom goes my beating heart, shot, shot, shot toward you!"
Whatever else happened, I couldn't let my boy lose heart.
"Boom, boom, boom! Shot, shot, shot!"
I felt like a parent cheering until my throat gave out at a kindergarten recital.
Still, smiles spread across the members' faces. Kang I-yul gave my camera a thumbs-up. Someday, this would be something we could all laugh about.
'Because things will get better for them.'
Even though it was just an event, they danced and sang as passionately as they would on a music show. One loach of a bastard was ruining all their formations, though.
"If only he weren't there."
They had only one stage. I'd spent a good seven hours getting here and waiting for Impacter, and it was over in three minutes.
Still, I didn't regret it. Every stage was precious.
"We've been Impacter. Thank you!"
The members bowed so deeply they looked ready to break at the waist, then left the stage.
I packed up without lingering and went back to my car.
Now I had to drive four hours to my studio, finish working on the song as soon as I got there, sleep for an hour or two, and head to Impacter's fan signing.
"Why do I feel like I'm busier than Impacter?"
As I drove out of the venue, I heard raindrops striking the roof of the car.
Plip, plip-plop.
"What? Is it raining?"
In an instant, rain poured down harder than the wipers could clear it.
"Ah, shit. I washed the car yesterday……."
On the other side of the road, headlights were flashing wildly.
"A new driver, maybe—"
I turned the wheel slowly to give them room.
At that moment, the headlights flared. They were so bright I thought they'd blind me.
It happened in a split second.
"……Huh?"
Beyond the headlights, I saw Kang I-yul's face.
HOOONK—!
It was over in an instant. The airbag exploded with a tremendous bang. My whole body twisted, and I couldn't breathe. I didn't even know what had broken.
The last face I'd seen kept my fading consciousness from slipping away. There was only one thought in my mind.
Please, let that not be Impacter's car.
'Please—'
Clutching what felt like a broken shoulder, I barely managed to get out of my car.
It was horrific. The other car was crushed beyond recognition, and shards of broken glass lay scattered across the ground.
"Ah, ah……."
At the wrecked scene, I saw a hand hanging limp. I knew whose it was just by looking at it. That knowledge was unbearably terrible.
"……No."
The legs that had barely held me up gave way. The rain pouring down felt too heavy. I wouldn't have been surprised if it pressed me straight into the earth.
I still hadn't told you why I'd become your fan.
As my consciousness blurred, I had no choice but to admit it.
Today, I'd killed my favorite idol.