The royal guards and I, along with the Knight of Steel. (that was his true title, pretty good guess on my part.) Departed the little morale retreat. Losers would follow old steel in the war, winners would follow old platinum, who I had just ordered to C three, blocking his pawn.
My aching body sat dimly lopsided in half armor behind an identity concealing full helmet as we traveled back up the mountain switchbacks on tired horses. The royal guards knew that one of us was the king and indeed had been trained to serve as a decoy if necessary. They would serve in the castle and were selected for the strictest obedience, loyalty, and physical likeness to myself, or so the queen had told me when I had asked.
I had my doubts about how secure that was, it would be easy to swap one of us out for the other. Perhaps secure for the queen?
She did a good job acting the part of naive however.
A dim little lantern on one of the horses led us back to the gates of my castle.
It was cozy on the inside but outside it seemed an impassible and hostile mess of rocks carved into a mountain.
Behind us stretched the calm grids of a valley. Gentle lights of towns and villages dotted lowlands, dark spots indicated areas with heavy vegetation, which implied a river or a marsh or some other gentle and fertile environment.
I’m a practical person, If it was peacetime I would have ordered a survey of the land.
Did you know that the faces of Mount Rushmore were three surveyors and another guy? They say there is no such thing as good luck. They probably also say it takes a steady and patient architecture to build a nation. Slow and steady...
Like my sleepy horse.
Or my hungry body.
The gates opened for the small slow and heavily armed heavy horse contingent of the royal guards.
Within the castle we could relax, remove our helmets and see who each other were.
The horses were happy to sleep in their stables. The guards eager to enjoy a meal.
I went home, asked for a drink of water, my guards consuming four rotisserie chickens, half a barrel of oats and a barrel of beer between us. I asked about fried potatoes. This world has thankfully not invented fried food, but I was craving some salt. A maid was able to conjure salted hams. Such a heavy meal was perhaps a bit much. I Could not find the kitchen girl De-Pheobe though I did look but avoided asking after her. Then my queen who had joined us to be enamored with the stories of our jousts and congratulating me on three subsequent victories and an honorable kill, retired with me.
Not before I secured a flagon of fresh mountain water.
I needed to brush my teeth. I had rather forgotten about the toothbrush all day.
“Tell me that story about slow and steady winning the race.” My queen was pulling me into our room, she had attended dinner in her chess themed bedrobe. I had to slip into mine.
“The tortoise and the hare.” I began my story.
Pajamaed, we looked as if we were two old people out of a cartoon about sleeping. I suppose having clothes made just for bed was a sort of dark age flex.
Was it a wonder the clothing of the queen and king did not itch?
As much as it might help people, I couldn’t bring myself to invent the loom yet. This poor little universe was not ready for the specter of capitalism and the panopticon of civilization.
What was fleeting and material comfort really worth?
It would be like introducing the Amish to recreational chemistry. Maybe you make a dollar but mostly you make everyone sad.
Shedding my sweaty tunic and donning a bedrobe, I put aside the baggage of the other wold and focused on the simple happy one of fairy tale. “The rabbit was quite confident in life, rabbit jumped high, ran fast, and liked to brag.”
My queen smiled at me in the dim light of a candle as I climbed into our big bed.
“And so all the animals knew of rabbit. Expect the turtle, who was so slow that they never made it to any sort of gathering in time to hear the news.”
My queen was the little spoon, cute, she liked to cuddle.
“And so the rabbit asked all the animals if any would like to race. But all the animals knew that rabbit was the fastest. And so when rabbit asked…. ‘Who would like to race against me? I shall grant the winner this gold of mine.’ All replied ‘keep it for yourself and rest a bit.’”
I paused, expecting my queen to ask a question.
“Why did you stop?” She asked.
I guess that was a question.
“It’s been a long time since I heard this story, it’s normally for children. I’m not sure how best to tell it.” I had an answer.
“I don’t care, I like children, I’m like a child compared to you.” My stupid little queen was as tactless as any nervous freshman.
As a youth I wanted a girlfriend, netflix and chill, to go to the beach, to watch movies and eat good food together. Maybe buy a house and travel across the country. If she was bad she could convince me to drink and party, if she was good, that would be necessary.
Much too much to ask naturally.
Now in… death? I get this aging girlboss who pretends to be an anime girl. It smacked of some sort of arrested development. Not that I was any different.
The worst of all worlds somehow.
“But the rabbit really wanted to race, for they were so proud of themselves. Eventually they found the Tortoise patiently eating his leaves. The rabbit confidently said ‘If you can beat me in a race, I will give you this gold!’
‘What do I need gold for?’ Replied the tortoise, ‘I’m a tortoise, I only need my shell and my leaves.’”
My queen laughed.
“‘Well won’t it be fun if you race me? Let’s race all the way around the lake.’ The rabbit said.
‘Sounds like a good time, but why don’t you buy me a strawberry patch if I win.’ The turtle agreed.
‘And if I win you have to tell every creature how fast I am’ said rabbit.
‘But then you have no reason to try’ said the turtle.”
“Wait so the rabbit throws the race?” The queen asked.
“Let me finish” I said,
“The rabbit had never heard such nonsense in their life, winning was just what they did. So they agreed, and rabbit gleefully hurried and announced that the race was to begin to all the animals.”
We gently breathed together for a moment or two, I grabbed my flagon of water. Hrm, copper flagon… I was missing the glass of the modern era.
“On the day of the race the tortoise was late, and most animals left because such a race was going to be boring and the tortoise was wasting their time. Rabbit would win. But the patient animals, songbird, bear, frog, owl and catfish saw the tortoise did eventually show up. And the songbird called the start of the race.
‘The race is from this tree, all the way around the lake, to this tree! Owl is going to watch and make sure that it’s a clean race! On your marks!!’
And the race began.”
“Rabbit was quarter way around the lake by the time the tortoise made it beyond the tree they started at. ‘No contest’ said the songbird. And they left to sing about how fast rabbit was.”
“But a quarter the way around the track the rabbit thought about strawberries and how the tortoise must like them, and so far ahead, they stopped to go find a strawberry. And after searching and trying a few. Said. ‘The leaves are fine but the fruit is much too sweet.’ And returned to the race.”
“By this time the rabbit was half way around the lake but wanted to know how far ahead they were. Rabbit called out over the lake. ‘Frog! Frog! How far has the tortoise gone?’ And the frog heard the call and replied. ‘About a quarter way around the lake!”
“The rabbit saw he had plenty of time, and decided to tell their friends about the race, and they went to go enjoy a meal at the nearby garden where they took turns jumping a fence. But all this was very tiring, so rabbit took a nap.”
“And rabbit slept for a long time. When they woke up, they were in a panic and rushed to the lake worried they had lost the race. ‘O Frog? Has tortoise won yet? Do I owe them any strawberries? ‘Not yet!’ Said the frog.”
‘Good I’m only a few hops from winning myself’ said the rabbit. For he could see the tree at which he started was nearby. Rabbit breathed a sigh of relief and decided to stretch before winning.
‘Wait now you owe tortoise! they just crossed the finish line!’ called the catfish. “
“Rabbit couldn’t believe it. They rushed to the old tree they started at. Sure enough there was tortoise. ‘Did tortoise really go all the way around the lake?’ Rabbit asked Owl.
‘I watched them the entire time, yes’ said Owl.”
‘I can help anyone out of debt!’ Said the snake, who had waited there the entire time, for they were also very patient.”
“But the rabbit wasn’t too worried about debts. They liked racing more than gold, even if they weren’t very good with either. Tortoise and Rabbit became successful farmers together. They grew clover and strawberries. And lived happily ever after… And that’s why slow and steady wins the race.”
“I like that story.” The queen was breathing quietly in my arms.
We drifted to sleep.