-Tiona Hyryute-
The scene in front of her was, honestly, just uncomfortable to look at. While also triggering many, many memories of a younger Tiona.
‘’You reckless, disobedient, menace-children!’’ A petite and furious Goddess scowled at three kneeling figures. All in different states of emotion. ‘’Me, as your Goddess, was surprised and concerned. Yet, did I deny you the joy of using magic? I didn’t! I just wanted you to wait until tomorrow!’’
The Bunny-hume, more than kneeling, had smacked her forehead on the ground in a full, shivering dogeza. Inside, Tiona felt the slightest bit bad, but that may be because of Bell’s flat ears against her skull.
Midna, the goblin she had been pointedly staring at considering the company inside the room, merely nodded along, arms crossed.
Lastly, Roy Raynolds just scratched his chin as if deep in thought.
‘’One night. One full night. You could have left at the crack of dawn!’’ The Goddess kept going, pacing in front of the three, each stomp making her look increasingly adorable.
Not that Tiona would ever mention that. She was too terrified to do so, after all. Because the earful sounded exactly like quite a few she herself got from the green-haired elf one step in front of her, who had a solemn look while nodding along with the Deity’s words.
‘’Counterpoint.’’ Finally, the brown-haired man decided to speak. A poor, poor choice, if the sound of Hestia’s head snapping to him, and those azure eyes igniting with barely-restrained fury, were anything to go by. ‘’It was magic. We, poor, little influenceable mortal minds… Our species are not born with magic. Do you know how fucking shit that is?’’
The man shook his head. The arguing of his case may have moved the petite Goddess’s heart on another occasion. But considering both Bell and Midna were silently trying to convey that he should shut up by making slicing motions at their necks… It was not doing well.
‘’Of course, being a human is better than some tree-hugging, sunflower-fucking, dwarf-hating, pious-being knife-ear—‘’ The words almost made Tiona snort. Her lips pursed, and she stared away just in time for Riveria Ljos Alf to look in her direction with a nondescript stare. Thankfully, Tiona managed to hold her laughter in. ‘’—But Bell has the fucking zoomies in ‘I bit the power-cable’ form, and I can do, uh… some casino bullshit. But that’s not the point. The point is…’’
Lady Hestia crossed her arms as Roy made a dramatic pause, confidently smiling up at his Goddess…
…Before putting his hands together, winking, and sticking out his tongue in a silly expression. ‘’Forgive us, pretty please, with some cream and cherries on top?’’
…
That was it.
That was the great defense of Roy Raynolds. After causing an Ignis Fatus that could have left him and his two comrades incapacitated or worse.
‘’No.’’ Hestia spat.
The words made the three crumble. All the metaphorical weight of a Goddess’s scorned fury landed right on their spines.
But then, it vanished in a sigh of bone-deep tiredness. The fire was put out. Even the fireplace inside the house suddenly stopped sparking, finally burning out.
Hestia eyed up her three kneeling children with a disappointed frown. ‘’Look up.’’
And they did so without hesitation. Hestia’s eyes narrowed and focused on Roy first. The man swallowed hard as Hestia stepped right in front of him, aiming her gaze down.
‘’…I know what you do. I know why you do it.‘’ For some reason, her azure eyes went to the blue armor around the man’s body for that single sentence. Was that cobalt? ‘’But you can’t put your Familia in danger. They are your friends, your family and… other stuff.’’
The words made Roy’s faust-fear fall to the ground. Tiona’s eyes widened in minute shock, as for that single moment, Roy… remained expressionless.
It was like seeing Loki act serious with her eyes fully open. Uncanny and terrifying. Something that she shouldn’t be feeling from a Level One Adventurer.
Hestia met this gaze head-on, however. ‘’You couldn’t have predicted an Ignis Fatus would happen, but that’s exactly why I asked you to do this safely tomorrow. Probably outside the city, not the Dungeon.’’
Roy pursed his lips. Like he was chewing on the words while rapping his fingers against his thighs. ‘’…I’m sorry. You’re right, and I’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again, Hestia.’’
The regretful, almost sad tone made the Goddess’s hands twitch. Was that a hint of regret in her eye—?
Oh.
‘She’s trying really hard not to hug him right now.’ Tiona resisted the urge to grin. ‘Tione did the exact same when we were little…’
Without another word, the Goddess stood in front of the ‘’Pallum’’. This one’s easy smile was also gone, replaced with a tight, almost uncomfortable frown.
‘’You knew they would get overexcited. You use ‘magic’ yourself, Midna.’’ Hestia said, causing the hidden goblin to wince. ‘’You egged them on. Those other two are not free of fault either, but you knew what I just said, and you went along with this nonetheless.’’
Midna sighed, unwilling to meet those azure eyes with her lone, red one. Instead, she nodded. ‘’…My bad—‘’ A soft nudge from the side made her click her tongue. ‘’Freaking… Fine. I… Ap… Apologize…’’
‘’Like drawing an apology out of Bete…’’ Riveria whispered under her breath, and Tiona couldn’t help but agree.
One more step, and she was in front of the bunny-hume.
‘’Bell…’’ She started in a softer tone, yet the girl’s eyes remained on the ground. ‘’You are Familia Captain. You know what that means, right?’’
Silence prevailed for a few seconds until Bell realized an answer must be given. She swallowed hard and nodded. ‘’I’m… I’m the one that should take care of them. And I’m responsible when stuff goes wrong.’’
Hestia sighed. ‘’Yes… but not entirely. Little Bell, you are the one who says what goes. Practically on the same stand as me! If you say no, then it’s no. And if you’re being unfair or unreasonable—not that I’m saying you are—it can be discussed, as a Familia does.’’
Bell nodded, hands balled into shaking fists. She almost looked like she wanted to cry.
‘’But if you go along with Roy and Midna every time—‘’ The man tried opening his mouth, only for a set of blazing azure eyes to shut him up immediately. ‘’—Then they’ll keep doing so. They can be dumb and get into reckless situations… but not every single time.’’
Finally, Hestia addressed the three kneeling children. ‘’Now… did I make myself clear?’’
‘’Yes, Hestia.’’
‘’…Ate and left no crumbs, Boss-lady.’’
‘’I’m sorry. I promise to do better!’’
The Goddess’s eyes scanned the expressions of the three of them… before she dropped to her knees and enveloped the three in a giant hug, drawing a squeak from the white-haired bunny and dumbfounded expressions from the other two.
Tiona turned her gaze away for the sake of being polite. Staring just felt like she was intruding a bit too much, but with her high-level, not overhearing them was next to impossible.
‘’I’m glad you’re safe…’’ Hestia whispered.
‘’You, uh… you ain’t mad?’’ Midna asked.
‘’Oh, I’m furious.’’ She reassured with a giggle. ‘’But I’m also tired, and I can’t stay mad at you dunces for long… so follow my words, or I’ll get angry for real!’’
‘’’’Yes ma’am!’’’’
Once that was settled, the tired Deity decided to finally address the Amazon and Elf at the doorstep. Practically dragging her three children along.
The Goddess bowed at a perfect, ninety-degree angle.
‘’I apologize for the trouble my children have caused you!’’ She shouted. ‘’And thank you very much for bringing them back!’’
The three stood awkwardly, with Roy even waving her way, which she replied with one of her own before all three were pulled down by Hestia’s hands, forcing them to bow like her in apology.
‘’No need for that, Lady Goddess. We were just in passing.’’ Riveria informed, her verdant eyes glancing between the three and… remaining on Roy for a bit too long. ‘’While they are free from injuries, it won’t do them any harm to check in at a clinic tomorrow morning. Just to make sure they are not suffering any collateral.’’
‘’Of course!’’ Hestia nodded with a smile. ‘’And please, call me Hestia. Just Hestia.‘’
‘’Well, hello, Just Hestia—‘’ Roy got smacked in the head for that one.
‘’You’re always welcome, and thank you so much again!’’
…
Goodbyes were quick and polite. It was getting pretty late after all, but as Tiona, Lefiya, Ais, and Riveria walked to the Twilight Manor, residence of the Loki Familia, the elder elf spoke.
‘’Tiona, Ais, Lefiya. You three witnessed the Hestia Familia back during the incident in Monsterphilia, right?’’
The question brought confusion to the orange-haired elf’s face, but both Tiona and Ais nodded. Realization was already filling the former’s head specifically.
‘’Bell and Roy didn’t have magic the last time I saw them…’’ Tiona huffed under her breath, placing her hands behind her head as she walked.
‘’Strong… Quick, too.’’ Ais provided with a tiny frown. ‘’It’s unnatural.’’
‘’Eh?’’ Lefya turned from her teacher to the other two. ‘’Are they… really that amazing?’’
‘’Supposedly, they are Rookies that started not even a month ago,’’ Riveria informed. ‘’But to have such magic… Did they somehow strike gold and happen upon a set of Grimoires, I wonder?’’
It certainly got her blood pumping. Two weeks ago, Tiona saved a man she almost indirectly killed by the carelessness of their Familia, and days ago—not counting all the bizarre stuff with that perverted Monster Taming Skill—she had seen him grow amazingly.
‘’If only they were from our Familia, I would love to spar with ‘em…’’ Tiona grumbled under her breath.
Yet, her words brought pause.
Ais stilled for a moment, making the group stop walking altogether. A certain determined glint rarely seen in the girl manifested in her golden eyes right then and there.
Tiona didn’t know why, but she could swear that same glint had appeared in Riveria’s eyes.
‘’That would be crazy, right?’’ Lefya asked, making the three turn to her. The elf-girl shivered and partially hid behind her wooden staff with a wobbly smile. ‘’I-I mean… they seem nice! But they don’t even belong to an allied Familia! And, um…’’
Riveria, Ais, and Tiona exchanged looks.
‘’I mean…’’ Tiona started, a smile creeping up her face. ‘’Was there ever a rule that says we can’t?’’
Ais nodded along, much to the younger elf’s horror. ‘’Bunny girl’s magic… I want to see it again. Feel her use it.’’
‘’W-what?’’ Lefiya whispered, stumbling over her own feet.
‘’I will admit… that human’s magic was pretty unique. A case study in and of itself.’’ River sighed. If Ais’s agreement made Lefiya stumble, then this made her pale. ‘’However, it wouldn’t get past our Goddess. One of us may, but not all three.’’
‘’L-Lady Riveria… teaching a human? Ais… training with that bunny girl…?’’ Lefiya mumbled, eyes spiraling and clutching her head like she had witnessed a horror scenario.
Meanwhile, both Ais and Riveria turned to Tiona with intense stares—wait.
‘’…Why me?!’’ She asked, shocked.
‘’You brought up the idea,’’ Riveria informed coolly. ‘’I say it's only the responsible thing to do for you to inform our Goddess of a thing such as this.’’
‘’Loki gets handsy,’’ Ais said flatly. ‘’…Less so with Tiona.’’
‘’Oi, what the hell did you say?’’ A tick mark appeared on the Amazon’s forehead. ‘’You’re implying something with that, aren’t you, Ais?!’’
But the blonde was already long gone, covered by green winds that propelled her away.
‘’COME BACK HERE, YOU COWARD! I’LL SHOW YOU HANDSY!’’ Tiona screamed at the top of her lungs, chasing after the blonde.
Leaving both a spiraling young elf and a resigned older one, who had to drag her student forward, lest she ended up overthinking way past dawn’s arrival.
-X-x-X-
-Roy Raynolds-
The next morning had the consequences of my own actions slapping me in the face.
‘’Are you sure you’re not going to the Dungeon?’’ Hestia stared me in the eye with a scrutinizing gaze. All while blocking the doorway.
I sighed. The first few times, it was adorable, but now it was getting the tiniest bit annoying… Not like I didn’t deserve it, of course, but still!
‘’Hestia.’’ I started flatly, gesturing to the bag in my left hand. ‘’I’m going to get Naaza these damn Papillo Wings. Nothing else.’’
‘’And that’s all you’re doing…?’’ She hummed, arms crossed under her bust. ‘’…I’m not buying it.’’
‘’Woman, I said I was sorry already!’’ I scoffed
‘’And I believe you. As in, literally, you can’t lie to me.’’ Hestia replied proudly. ‘’But you’ve shown me time and time again that ‘normal’ is not in your vocabulary. I won’t even be surprised if you tricked a God’s power.’’
The stare match lasted for a few more seconds. Neither of us seemed ready to give in. Unless I probably brought the deity for the ride.
But the kind of deal I had with Naaza… Well, let’s just say it may just land me in even more trouble, so that option was out.
Instead, I turned to my surroundings. Bell and Midna were nowhere to be seen. They probably went out earlier today. Meanwhile, Label had disappeared, like she always does. And Dodo was just being Dodo, still writing stories in those empty Grimoires to try and pass them up as real books.
So, in shame, I knelt on the ground.
And patted my lap.
Hestia frowned. ‘’…What are you doing?’’
I met her gaze with a bored one of my own, repeating the motion.
‘’I’m not a dog, Roy.’’
Once more, I patted my thighs, then extended my arms as if ready to hug her, yet I didn’t move an inch. Hestia looked at me like I was a weirdo… but still took a step forward.
‘’…’’ Read this novel at g.com for the best experience.
Silence remained between the two of us. Only Dodo’s hums filled the air.
Another step, and those azure eyes dropped the scrutinizing look, replaced by nervousness as they looked around the house, probably searching for what I did moments before.
Now, she was right in front of me. I didn’t break eye contact until she literally plopped down on my lap.
‘’What?’’ She asked, now staring up at me. A tiny hint of rosiness on her cheeks. ‘’This is embarrassing… I swear to me, if you try and play a prank on me, Roy—‘’
Her words were cut off as I hugged her.
‘’Eh?’’ The tiny squeak of surprise escaped the Goddess.
I merely held her in place. She squirmed around a bit, which, thankfully enough, didn’t make me pop a chub right there and then, before melting into the embrace.
‘’Roy…?’’
‘’I’m sorry.’’ I started again with a sigh. ‘’I said it yesterday already, but I can take the lick when I’m the one poking the bear ‘round.’’
‘’I-I already accepted your apology…’’ Hestia tried, her face going the tiniest bit redder as it was pressed against my chest.
‘’Yes, but it made you genuinely upset.’’ I patted the top of her head, caressing the black, silky strands. ‘’I fucked up, so don’t take it too hard on bun-bun. She was just adorable by how excited she got with that lightning of hers.’’
‘’Roy…’’ Hestia pursed her lips, as if biting some words back before nodding. ‘’I… guess she would have been pretty adorable. Wish I could have seen it.’’
I chuckled, patting her head a few more times, which earned me a little pout before I suddenly got up, holding onto Hestia all the while and taking her off the ground. ‘’W-woah! Hey!’’
‘’My bad.’’ I grinned.
‘’…Now I know you’re not sorry at all.’’ She pouted.
Knowing very well she had that whole ‘Puny mortals can’t lie to us, big, strong Deuses, grrr’ bullshit going on, I let my grin turn into a full-on smirk.
‘’My Goddess is the most adorable little thing in the world—With the sole exception of Bell Cranel, of course.’’ I stated.
‘’…W-what?’’ Her eyes widened.
‘’Hm, so petite and cute, in fact, that picking her up is like holding onto your favorite plushie. I would want nothing more than to have something this soft to cuddle.’’ I nodded sagely. ‘’Not to mention, she worries so much about us, how sweet she is… I just want to gobble her up.’’
The previous rosiness on her cheeks became a full-on blush. Because all the things I was saying? They were all true.
‘’Such soft hair, like a princess.’’
‘’Alright, you can put me down now, Roy. I don’t need—‘’
‘’And look at this round, kissable face. I just want to squeeze your cheeks!’’
‘’K-kissable?!’’
‘’Not to mention, Hestia could never lose when beauty is involved.’’ I hummed, and purposely looked her up and down. ‘’Assets truly amazing enough to be called divine, no doubt!’’
‘’R-Roy…’’
‘’Hey, Hestia…’’ I whispered, closing the distance between our faces slightly. Enough to make the Goddess’s eyes bulge like saucers and for her to release an adorable little ‘eep’. ‘’If you don’t stop this naughty child of yours… he might just steal a kiss.’’
Hestia’s face went blank, and her body went limp in my arms. Out of her mouth came different incoherences.
‘’…This was almost too easy.’’ I blinked. ‘’Not like I was lying. I have done much worse for less, but still.’’
With an unresponsive Goddess in my hands, I had free way to go give Naaza her wings and learn how to do drugs, but first I approached the writing Dodo, and plopped Hestia right beside her.
‘’Take care of her, ‘kay?’’ I asked.
Dodo, with a pen in her mouth because of a lack of fingers, nodded several times. ‘’Yesh, mastah!’’ And then covered the petite Goddess with one of her arm-wings.
‘’Good enough.’’ I decided, and went through the front door. ‘You know, I feel like my actions may have consequences. If all of those compliments worked, does that mean a Goddess—one of the very big ones, no less—is…?’
…Nah, that couldn’t be it.
Surely, it took more than being in her Familia, treating her nice, teasing her lots with some flirting on the side, and me being a total shameless degenerate in the house to make a Deity have a crush on—Oh fuck.
‘She’s Greek, you fucking retard!’ I reminded myself while groaning out loud, drawing stares from nearby passersby. ‘Of course that’s more than enough!’
Yeah, this isn’t something that regular Roy can process right now. Being emotionally vulnerable was already more than exhausting enough.
‘‘High Roy, here I come!’’ I shouted victoriously and hurried up the pace.
-X-x-X-
I watched attentively as the dog-girl used a stone to turn the Papillo wings into a fine powder. A frown rested on my face as she slowly added a purple liquid into the mix.
‘’So… you just mix them?’’ I asked. ‘’That easy?’’
Naaza shook her head, eyes focused on the mix. ‘’You have to grind them finely beforehand. You can’t dilute the poison either, or you’ll get an incredibly watered-down version.’’
The slow movements quickly turned into short bursts of speed. The blue powder mixed with the poison, resulting in a sky-blue liquid that glowed softly. Much to my surprise, both the tool and the mortar started to glow, too.
Naaza released a sigh and then set her tools down. Then proceeded to grab an empty vial and pour the mix right inside. It was no different than one of the many that lined up the shop.
‘’And that’s a mid-grade healing potion.’’ She explained, then handed the vial to me. I raised a questioning eyebrow. ‘’…Consider it my thanks. That quest has been up for far too long without anyone paying attention to it.’’
‘’Neat.’’ I pocketed the vial and looked around the shop. From the back, there were a lot of bags with ingredients I didn’t recognize. Probably some fantasy bullshit. ‘’Sooo…’’
The dog-girl deadpanned before turning away. She searched between a few scriptures while mumbling something about ‘a dumb god that disorganizes things’.
‘’Here.’’ She presented an old book to me. The cover was slightly ripped and worn, but it read just fine as Notes #1 ‘’These are my notes from when I first started… They should help you out.’’
I hummed. ‘’There are drug recipes in it?’’
Naaza scowled, turning to the door, where an oblivious, portly man was browsing some of the wares before snapping back to me with a glare.
‘’Fine.’’ I sighed. ‘’Are there any recreational and/or unsafe recipes inside?’’
‘’Yes.’’ She nodded, arms crossed. ‘’I’m not providing you the steps to correctly make them, however.’’
‘’Oh girl, I know.’’ I grinned, causing her to take a step back. ‘’Now, how much for one of them rocks you pound the medicine with, and the big rock that holds them?’’
‘’Mortar and pestle.’’ She corrected.
‘’And what did I say?’’ I huffed.
‘’…I really pity Miss Bell, having to deal with you on a daily basis,’’ Naaza added as she placed an identical mortar and pestle to the one she was using on the counter, along with empty vials and even one big glass tube. ‘’That one is for boiling, and no, it’s not a bonus. All of it comes to ten thousand valis.’’
‘’Ruthless, I respect that.’’ I nodded, presenting a small bag full of coins.
‘’Yes, that’s kind of my point.’’ She said sharply, swiping the bag from my hands and quickly counting the money. Her brown eyes narrowed in suspicion. ‘’…There’s an extra thousand here.’’
‘’Consider it a bonus to convince you to give me more missions.’’ I shrugged. ‘’Really, those fuckers have four wings, and you only wanted two. Easy money.’’
Naaza’s eyes narrowed. ‘’I heard you had to fight a pantry for them.’’
Literally how. No one but Hestia and Lili knew about that.
‘’Of course you heard stuff.’’ I pointed out snarkily, side-glancing her dog ears.
‘’Get the fuck out of my store.’’ She growled.
‘’Ohh, Puppy got angsty~!’’ I cooed. ‘’Is the wittle pupper weady for her nappies?’’
Her face flushed red in either anger or embarrassment. I couldn’t tell, because she immediately grabbed the mortar on the counter and threw it at my head. ‘’I SAID OUT!’’
Her shouts, the sound of glass breaking apart, and my cackling as I ran out the door caused the man browsing wares to jump.
-X-x-X-
Back home, I more or less managed to follow Naaza’s notes. My eyes landed on a particular scribble as a mirthful chuckle escaped past my lips.
‘’Miach, the bastard keeps giving away my potions for free!’’ It was crossed off, replaced below by less messy writing. ‘’Miach is an idiot… but a good person.’’
‘’It do be like that.’’ I nodded, focusing back on the equipment around me. ‘’Alright—Holy fuck!’’
I almost had a heart attack as, without me noticing whatsoever, Dodo had appeared in the middle of the empty storage room, looking at the empty vials and herbs I had around with curiosity.
‘’What are you making, Master?’’ The massive bird asked.
‘’…I’ll put a bell on you,’’ I stated, ignoring the adorable tilt of the head on her part. I gestured to the things in front of me and shrugged. ‘’Honestly, I wanted to make drugs… but all I have is some dinky flowers, a few spices, a bag of Purple Moth poison, and a bag of Papillo Wing powder. Nothing for the good shit mentioned in this book.’’
Dodo frowned, practically glaring at the bags of powder on the table. ‘’…Drogs?’’
I sighed. I swear this fat bird is lucky she’s adorable, because stealing my money and being this brain-dead was a crime punishable by death.
‘’Recreational substances?’’ I tried. ‘’Some Molly? Snow? Big H? Freaking Pot? Any of ‘em ring a bell, birdie?’’
Finally, some recognition entered the girl’s eyes, and she flapped her wings eagerly, almost as if clapping. ‘’Oh, oh, Dodo knows! Dodo can help!’’
I blinked, brought to a pause, then stared at the bird up and down. ‘’You know how to make drugs?’’
‘’Hm, hm!’’ She nodded, her brick-colored eyes sparkled as she took the Purple Moth poison and some blue flowers from the table. ‘’Shisha did it all the time, even taught Dodo—U-um… Dodo means, Dodo learned it all on her own, because Dodo is smart!’’
I blinked. ‘Who the fuck is Shisha?’
But Dodo’s claims, for once, weren’t for naught. Her talons moved at speeds I could barely notice. She expertly mixed the Papillo’s wings into fine dust, but instead of adding the Purple Moth’s poison as a liquid, she mixed it in with… spices? Was that cinnamon?
‘’...When I said I wanted to ‘get high’, I didn’t mean it in the sense that I would die, you know?’’ I stared pointedly at the bird, but I was completely ignored.
Birb only had enough brain cells to focus on one task at a time. Yes, that made sense.
‘’Bit of lotus… add some powder…’’ She hummed. A second later, she presented a strange, glowing blue dust to me. ‘’It’s done, Master!’’
‘…Birds make cocaine now, swell.’ I blinked, staring at the alien substance. ‘’So… do I snort it or…’’
‘’Uh… Dodo thinks it’s supposed to burn…?’’
‘’Smoke it is, then.’’ I hummed. ‘’Good thing I was ready for the occasion.’’
It probably wasn’t the healthiest, but just some thin parchment would do. With practiced ease from my younger years in high school, I rolled that bitch up like a blunt and stared at Dodo’s creation.
‘Focus on smaller… smaller… smaller…’ Staring at the rolled-up piece of paper. I pursed my lips and started to chant.
‘’As the hand is dealt, so are the dice cast. The stakes are high, and blood’s on the line. May this be my winning card, or may my luck herald demise.’’
Inside my head, an explosion of color appeared. Gray, green, blue, purple, golden. All of them mixing and mashing together until one was put right above every other one.
Grey.
‘’Luck N’ Load.’’ When the words left my mouth, a single spark appeared on my index finger. A tiny, little flame, no stronger than a match. ‘’…Huh, cool.’’
Using magic to light up my equally-as-magical drugs was, in my opinion, fitting.
Without thinking twice, I lit the end part of the impromptu blunt and let it burn for a few seconds. Instead of the grey or white smoke I expected, there was a light blue mixing with purple that just screamed ‘toxic’.
I put the side pointing to me on my mouth and, lips sealed around it, and sucked the smoke into my mouth. The texture was surprisingly smooth yet spicy. I can certainly see where the cinnamon went, at least.
One more breath, and I let the smoke into my lungs, exhaling it only a few seconds later in a puff of light-blue smoke.
‘’I…’’ I frowned, looking at the lit blunt. ‘’Huh, well that’s disappointing.’’
‘’…Can Dodo try?’’ The big bird asked, head tilted to the side as those big eyes stared in curiosity.
‘’Knock yourself out.’’ I shrugged, handing the supposed drug to her. Much to my surprise, she didn’t choke on the smoke, taking it into her lungs as if she had done so before. ‘…This bird is so weird.’
Yet, Dodo also tilted her head in confusion once she was done. It seemed that, indeed, these drugs weren’t doing much of anything.
‘’Guess we can cross magical blue powder off the list.’’ I hummed, slowly turning to Dodo and frowning. ‘’…Your head is funny.’’
I snorted. ‘’Head… pff…’’
Dodo and I shared a chuckle, though the girl looked more confused than anything else. Yet, I grabbed onto her face and nodded.
‘’See? Funny head.’’ I said, tapping her little head-wings.
‘’Master’s head is funny.’’ Dodo mimicked my motions, taking my head into her wings with ease and almost making me laugh as her brown feathers rubbed against my nose. ‘’No wings? Why no wings… funny-shaped Master Bird.’’
‘’I’m not a bird!’’ I laughed. ‘’Oh wait… Diogenes says we are…’’
‘’Dio…?’’ She asked.
‘’No, that’s a vampire.’’ I shook my head.
…
Oh shit.
-X-x-X-
-Bell Cranel-
‘’That lady did not want to sell us the watermelon.’’ Midna scoffed, floating into their house. ‘’Like, what the hell was her problem?!’’
‘’Think she was just mad… She mentioned Roy pissing her off, I think?’’ Bell shrugged, carrying a whole watermelon. It was rare to have it this side of Orario, but she knew by experience the fruit was very tasty.
‘’Well, butter my holes and call me a pastry, then!’’ The goblin huffed, infuriated. ‘’Roy annoys everybody in equal measure. Bitch should get over it.’’
Bell frowned, walking to the kitchen counter to place the fruit down. With some degree of hesitation, she approached the annoyed goblin as she sat down on the couch.
‘’Midna?’’
She only stared at Bell. Not a trace of her usual smile on her face. ‘’…Yeah, bun-bun?’’
‘’It’s okay to be mad, you know.’’ The words seemed to have caught the pretend-pallum off-guard. Midna did a double take, hands clenching against the couch’s leather. ‘’Is it because of Hestia? Are you mad… at her?’’
It was something that worried her greatly since last night. While the verbal breakdown was humiliating in and of itself, she thought that the worst came from actually disappointing the Goddess, considering just how nice and caring she is.
Midna’s face scrunched up as if she had bitten something sour. ‘’Nothing escapes you, lady-captain.’’ She sighed. Bell took a seat at her side. ‘’But nah. I’m not angry at her. Shorty is right. Some other bastard would have skinned me and used my stone to pay a whore. Hestia’s been real nice… so I’m angry, but I don’t know why!’’
It only occurred to Bell now that, while Midna was clearly smart and could feel many, many emotions, it didn’t mean that she had been ‘’conscious’’ long enough to actually know what to do with them.
How did you even explain ‘’being disappointed in yourself’’ to a creature that lived for chaos and funny business?
So, instead, Bell proposed something else.
‘’How about we get her something nice?’’ She asked with a smile. ‘’There’s a bathhouse which is very popular with Goddesses. I bet we can afford her a day there, don’t you think?’’
Midna blinked. Her red eye turned to Bell for a moment before she slowly nodded. ‘’Yeah… yeah! Sounds fine for that overworked shortstack. Good ol’ soak and whatever they do in them bathing places!’’
The same, confident smile returned to the goblin’s face, and Bell was very happy to have helped out. What she didn’t expect was for the goblin to give her a sly smirk.
And a kiss… right on the cheek.
The wet smooch caught the bunny-hume off-guard completely. Her mouth hung agape like that of a fish while Midna cackled, holding her belly in laughter.
‘’Oh, Hestia’s jugs, look at your face!’’ She said, causing Bell to pout, even if a feeling of warmth spread across her face. ‘’Aw, don’t be so disappointed, bun-bun… You know what to do if you want a piece of this gobbo~’’
The remark only made the embarrassment worse. Especially since, after that very, very lucid dream, Bell knew exactly what Midna was talking about.
‘’I-it’s not that easy, alright—?!’’
‘’Hehe…’’
Bell paused, ears twitching. ‘’…Did you hear that?’’
‘’Hmm?’’ Midna tilted her head, cleaning her right ear with her pinky. ‘’No? It’s probably Dodo or Label messing around, though.’’
‘’Tehee~’’
‘’No, it’s…’’ Bell frowned, getting up on her feet. ‘’It sounds like… giggling?’’
Finding the noise particularly strange, Bell followed it. And being ever-curious, Midna floated right beside her Captain. Slowly, they threaded the stairs and walked the long hallway. Up until the last room revealed a door completely jagged open… with a sky-blue cloud of smoke coming out of it and clinging to the ceiling.
‘’The storage room?’’ She asked, sniffing the air. ‘’…Cinnamon?’’
The sound of giggling was more pronounced now. There was clearly a feminine voice along with a… masculine one?
‘’…Roy?’’ Bell asked as she approached the door and opened it fully.
There, she found an old table which had been repurposed to hold a bunch of different herbs and empty vials. Alongside them was an old book being left forgotten right in the middle of the impromptu mess.
‘’Yoooo, Bun-bun, lil’ gobbo!’’
But that’s not what caught her attention. Instead, it was the form of Roy and Dodo, the two of them lying on the floor, with the man on top of the bird girl, hugging her close, while Dodo engulfed him in a blanket of feathers.
A completely wholesome scene… if the two of them weren’t completely naked!
‘’R-Roy?!’’ Her shouting brought the attention of the two. Bell noticed that both of their eyes had a light blue tint to them. ‘’What are you two doing?! Where a-are your clothes?!’’
‘’…Oh.’’ Roy hummed, looking down at himself and then at Dodo. ‘’…I dunno. Do you know, Dodo?’’
The giant bird girl chirped, flapping her wings and revealing pale, creamy skin beneath, along with a pair of massive breasts that dwarfed Bell’s entire head.
Not like she was staring or anything.
‘’Of course Dodo knows~ Dodo knows everythiiiiiing, he-he-he~’’ She replied, and both of them laughed. ‘’B-but you know something funny…? Dodo doesn’t know now!’’
Roy choked on air and burst into genuine, strong laughter, unconsciously nuzzling the Jack Bird, which caused those mounds of flesh to move.
Bell shook her head and turned to Midna. ‘’W-what’s wrong with them?’’
‘’Oh, they are higher than a fucking kite, and I’m not. That’s what's wrong.’’ The goblin cackled while holding a piece of rolled-up paper with more of that blue smoke coming out of it. ‘’I’m going right in!’’
Yet, before she could put the thing to her lips, Bell grabbed her hand. ‘’Midna, this is serious! We don’t know if they may be poisoned o-or… um…’’
Midna raised an eyebrow, her expression completely flat as both turned to the two naked people in the room.
…And Roy was currently hiding his head beneath Dodo’s naked breasts, only to come out a second later. ‘’Chat, this may be Valhalla.’’
‘’Right…’’ Bell turned back to Midna. ‘’So, unless you plan to join in. Momma wants to see how them Behemoth-class tiddies bounce.’’
Bell, the Familia Captain, stared as Midna took a long puff of the lit stick. For a few seconds, nothing seemed to happen, until that same blue tint appeared once more, superimposing over Midna’s normal yellow.
‘’Make some space, love-birds~!’’ She cackled, floating to and immediately plopping herself right on top of the naked man and monster. ‘’Holy shit, these are massive!’’
‘’Of course, Dodo’s chest-fat is aerodynamic!’’
Midna blinked. ‘’...But Dodos don’t fly.’’
‘’Of course we do! Everyone can fly!’’ The bird protested. ‘’Look, you’re doing it right now!’’
And the goblin, clearly out of her mental faculties, stared at her own floating form. All the while, Roy giggled to himself while trying to catch the long mane of orange hair that floated alongside her.
‘’…Oh shit, you’re right, birdie!’’
‘’Dodo knows everything, umu!’’
‘’All hail the all-knowing Dodo…~’’ Roy praised while sinking his face back into the Jack Bird’s feathers.
Bell palmed her face with a groan. Midna’s earlier words echoed in her head as she looked at the discarded, glowing stick on the ground.
‘They look so… relaxed.’ She noticed. ‘M-maybe—’
‘’What is happening here?’’ Another voice joined in, and Bell turned to the door to see Hestia, who immediately froze at the scene in front of her. ‘’...Bell? What am I looking at?’’
The bunny-hume merely looked her Goddess in the eye… and walked through the door, away from the three drugged idiots and a very confused Hestia.
‘’W-wait, Bell! What happened here? Why are they not wearing any clothes? And what’s that smell?! Bell, BELL!’’
‘I need air.’ She told herself, ignoring her Goddess’s pleas. ‘And not this spicy, blue one either. Real air!’
There really wasn’t a single normal day in this household.
-X-x-X-
-Bonus Scene: Poor Little Lily-
-Liliruca Arde-
‘’This much won’t be enough to pay shit, you brat!’’ A brazen, angry voice shouted.
Lili’s back met the dirty wall behind her. Her teeth ground as she suppressed the sheer rage inside her blood. Twin chestnut eyes stared up at a rust-haired, raccoon-hume who held a greedy smile on his face.
Around her, two other bastards she didn’t quite recognize were laughing all the while. Their eyes constantly swerved to the bag full of valis that the fat man was holding.
‘’T-that’s…’’ Lili croaked, still clutching her ribs as pain covered her entire stomach. ‘That’s mine, you ugly, rat bastard!’
Is what she wanted to say, but couldn’t. Knowing very well she may die just by trying to scrape back any of the valis that were rightfully hers in the first place.
Below her dirty, broken robes, she clutched a tiny, glowing shortsword. Even if she didn’t make it alive… Even if she could take one of the damn bastards with her!
Canoe Belway, the raccoon fatso who had just kicked her, grinned after finishing the count of the valis he had taken from her. ‘’Now then… I’ll be taking your share from now on. You got lots from that idiot rookie, right? I saw you two at the plaza, buhihihi!’’
‘He even laughs like a pig.’ Lili thought.
‘’Maybe he’s rich or something? We could jump him down there and take his shit!’’ One lanky blonde on the side cackled.
‘’Idiot, if he keeps giving free money like this, we might as well let him live until his pockets run dry!’’ Another, portlier and brown-haired one commented.
‘’He probably has some expensive stuff on him!’’ Canoe cackled, his rusted eyes landing back on Lili. ‘’And our friend here would do well in getting that stuff for us. Of course, we’ll make sure you don’t run away with it either.’’
The grip on her blade tightened. For a moment, she felt it pulse, almost ready to answer her call.
But… Lili desisted. She lowered her head and meekly nodded. Canoe wasn’t a bastard she interacted with much, after all. He may have seen some of her tricks, but not all of them.
As the group of scum cheered at how easy their pockets would start filling up, Lili was scheming.
Why trick one adventurer if she could trick all four of them and just kill them? Adventurers were, after all, scum.
And scum didn’t deserve to live.
-X-x-X-.
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Author's Note:
With how serious part of this chapter was, having Roy get high as a kite seemed like the perfect type of crack to balance things out, lol.
Still, angy Hestia is a force to be reckoned with. Good thing you can always pacify your local deity with lots of truthful praises and headpats!
...Probably, idk.
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