Jade
"I don't get how someone can get pregnant by accident. If you came inside, like, just scoop it out!" the human barbarian with the axe remarked.
"Uh-huh," agreed the human barbarian with the Viking sword.
We were walking away from the city walls and into the forest, intent on exterminating a monster that had been attacking hunters and travelers in the area. And that conversation was actually one of the least stupid ones the two of them had had so far.
"Hey, wouldn't it be better if we stayed quiet? I mean, so we can hear the forest better, figure out where the monster might attack from, and all that," I suggested, hoping to spare myself from hearing their nonsense.
"Bufufu! Bufufufu! Don't worry, I-I'm here to protect you!" the sword-wielding barbarian promised.
"...Right," I said.
And please, die in the process, I thought.
"Dude, how much longer do we have to look for this monster? My brother's gonna give me shit if I waste much more time out here," the axe-wielding barbarian complained. "Seriously, my life was ruined the moment I was born with a super annoying older brother instead of an older sister who'd sexually abuse me."
"Uh-huh."
The two of them kept chatting away, giving me a headache. Why would anyone think to create two such insufferable NPCs?! I don't want that kind of realism in my video games! Ugh, I really should have tried harder to find a different party...
I tried to distract myself with something else and paid closer attention to the woods: overturned stones and broken branches became more frequent as we advanced.
"Guys..." I called out, but the two of them were too wrapped up in their own little world.
"...What even is a computer, anyway?"
"Imagine a cell phone."
"I can picture it."
"A PC is a big version of that."
"Wow! So what's a cell phone, then?"
Wait, are they players?! No, more importantly...
"Guys!" I called out again, and once more, I was ignored.
"Imagine a tiny little cell phone."
"I can picture it."
"A normal cell phone is a big version of that!"
"Wow!"
"GUYS!" I screamed, and the very next instant, the jaws of what could only be described as a horned dinosaur clamped down between the shoulder and neck of one of my party members.
"Aaargh! Scared the hell out of me!" the barbarian shouted as he was thrashed back and forth by the creature, which was the size of a camel. He quickly recovered, however, and began counterattacking the monster, repeatedly swinging his axe at its face. "RAARGH!"
"WAAARGH!" The second barbarian also charged at our enemy, brandishing his sword like a broom while roaring and drooling.
"Shit! Urgh!" I was struck by the monster's tail as it tried to fend off its attackers. "A-At least they're tough," I noted with relief, seeing my allies' health bars draining very slowly despite the creature's attacks. "Unlike me." It pained me to admit I was inferior to those two in any way, but it was a fact that I was more fragile than they were.
If it weren't for those enchanted rings I'd bought before enlisting as an adventurer, I might have actually died in a stupid way... I thought, grateful for the rings hidden beneath the thick leather gloves that matched my "engineer" uniform. Those trinkets had cost me a fortune, far more than my entire basic gear set, but they were worth it!
"Hmph!" One of the barbarians sighed, resting his axe on his shoulder; he was covered in pixelated blood, both his own and the slain monster's. He shot me a resentful look and said, "You really suck, you know that?"
"Uh-huh!" the barbarian with the Viking sword agreed.
"No help, no profit! We finished the quest on our own, so the money's all ours!"
"Uh-huh!"
"Woman, am I right?"
"Uh-huh, uh-huh!"
"...It really is a tragedy," I said, standing up with a sad expression.
"W-What? Are you gonna apologize? I-If you give me an apology hug, I might reconsider kicking you out of the party," the axe-wielding barbarian said, blushing.
"It's a tragedy that... both my party members died on this quest," I continued, leaving the men confused. "But I'll make sure everyone knows your sacrifice was noble!"
"Hey, lady! What are you talking about?"
"And I'll also make sure this completed mission strengthens my alibi before I head to the capital.
"Alibi? What does that word mean?"
"Oh, you don't need to worry about that" I promised, smiling and drawing my newest grappling weapon.
▲○X■
"Oh! Poor [Barbarians]!" I covered my face with my hands, feigning sobs. "Torn apart so brutally by a monster like that!" I wiped invisible tears onto the sleeves of the shirt I wore beneath my leather jumpsuit. "Anyway, at least they died for a good cause, ridding the neighborhood of that evil," I said, placing the monster's head on the adventurers' guild counter. "So, do I get all the money, or does their share just vanish into thin air?"
"Hmm... Well, it varies from contract to contract, but in your case, they agreed to split the reward among the survivors without needing an investigation," the attendant explained, avoiding eye contact.
In other words, the bastards believed there was a good chance I'd get killed by the monster...
After signing some papers and recounting how the mission unfolded into an old-fashioned audio recorder, I left the adventurers' guild with a record that would justify a trip to a larger city, plus a measly bit of pocket change as a bonus.
That is, until I spotted a group wearing the same outfits as the Rearguard crew members.
"Hmm, the bank said no one made a deposit of that amount, let alone an unspecified one, and there don't seem to be any reports of a feline-kin like Vinea out there," said none other than the hot [Medic] who'd treated me during the tutorial.
Wait, did she mention my name?!
"Do you plan to ask for information at the adventurers' guild, Legiano?" asked the smiling, freckled crew member, also from the tutorial.
"No. The reason we're here is much simpler: we're out of money," replied a handsome feline-kin with red eyes and white hair and fur. "We need funds to continue our pursuit."
"Huh? Can't you just ask your superiors for more money?" Asked none other than the little nun I'd met in that village, back after I killed Carcará.
"Hmm, since this is a delicate matter involving the Air Force's honor, the [Captain] prefers not to draw further attention by allocating us more resources," the [Medic] explained, while the hunk studied the mission board. "If we fail here, I wouldn't be surprised if any mention of Vinea's involvement in the mutiny were erased to avoid further embarrassment."
They're totally after me! No doubt about it! I thought, turning my back on the group. Well, the good news is that they seem to be at the end of their rope; if they don't get results soon, they'll likely drop the pursuit. I could just go my own way, and before long, players and NPCs alike would forget I was ever a wanted woman.
I was just about to leave the building when the handsome guy spoke up:
"I'm not giving up. I can't give up on finding her."
Hm? Did the chaos I caused on the ship result in the death of his last avatar, and now he wants revenge?
"Why do you say that?" the nun asked. "Don't get me wrong, but your obsession almost makes it sound like you have personal reasons for hunting her down."
"I'm hunting her because... her irresponsibility bothers me, and I want to teach her a lesson."
No. That's not something just any player would say.
He... that man is...
"Having trouble deciding which mission to pick?" I asked the guy, the one called "Legiano", flashing the most genuine smile I'd ever shown during my time in the game. "You guys look strong; if it's money you need, why not tackle a dungeon? They're the most dangerous missions, sure, but they pay the best, too," I explained, clasping my hands behind my back.
"...That doesn't sound like a bad idea." He seemed to be considering my offer.
"Well, there's just one tiny problem," said the freckled NPC with a sheepish grin. "As military personnel, we can't work as adventurers."
"Ah. Right, that makes sense," said "Legiano," furrowing his brows.
"Hmm. Well, it's not like our resources have completely run dry just yet. We could stay here and continue the investigation while you guys, since you aren't official army members, explore the dungeon and raise some funds," suggested the hot [Medic].
The handsome guy was just about to agree, he was already nodding, when the little nun cut in:
"Wait!" she said, squinting her left eye as she glared at me. I noticed the flail strapped to her back featured an eyeless skull that seemed to stare right back at me uncomfortably. "I'm not so sure about this."
I don't know why, but whenever I look at this girl...
"...And what exactly is bothering you?" I asked, doing my best to maintain a smile that was becoming increasingly difficult to hold.
"For starters, sure, we're strong. But what about you? Who are you, anyway? Can we know your [Level], [Class], and experience with this sort of thing?"
Ugh, I just want to smash your tiny head in, you nosy little bitch. For starters, who creates an avatar that looks like a damn loli?! You've gotta be some sick creep taking advantage of it!
"Of course. Where are my manners? Maybe that's why I haven't managed to join a party yet, haha. Here, why don't you check my [Status] for yourselves?" I suggested, selecting the option to share information in a window.
[Name: Anelise
Class: Engineer
Titles: Bronze Adventurer
HP: 100/100
SP: 100/100
MP: 021/300
Hunger: 16/100
Thirst: 33/100
Attributes:
Level: 26
Strength: 40
Stamina: 40
Dexterity: 40
Vitality: 1
Mana: 11
Spirit: 9
The devs of this game really thought of everything. In a world with absolute information, it would be boring for players who prefer to play the villains if they didn't have a way to hide their status somehow... like a certain disguise magazine sold by a certain group of criminals that no longer exists, I thought, almost laughing as the [Nun] read and reread my information.
"Any problem?" I asked the evidently frustrated nun.
"Your [Class]. What is your real specialty?" Legiano asked, suddenly staring at me seriously.
Of course he would react like that.
"Machines and stuff. You know, I'm a rideshare driver in the real world- I mean, in the Strange World. So, I decided to work with what I'm most familiar with here too" noticing that he didn't seem 100% convinced, I added with a shrug: "It's like they say, right? If you have a skill, you also have a duty to use it."
"Truly" as expected, he quickly agreed at the mention of the magic word.
No doubt about it, he's that blockhead!
"If there are no more complaints, I think we could join forces."
"Well, I have one more complaint!" The damn [Nun] stepped in front of me, staring at me.
"Hm?! Love triangle?!" Whispered the hot [Doctor], and her freckled companion covered his mouth, surprised.
[Warning! Your stress level is too high] I was suddenly notified. [Unless your heart rate and hormones return to an acceptable level within three minutes, you will be automatically disconnected from the game.]
Breathe, Jade... Breathe!
"And what would your complaint be, partner?" I asked.
"You have a surprisingly high [Level], I admit. But if that's the case, why don't you have a party yet?" Pointing to the other players and NPCs with one hand while the other held her waist, she added: "Why is everyone here looking at you strangely, huh?"
"It's because her last party died entirely, and when she came back, it was clear she didn't care" said a random player. When I slowly turned to face him he quickly added: "W-What's wrong, huh? You want to fight?"
"Ha! I knew it. You killed your entire party, didn't you!" The nun pointed an accusing finger at me, and suddenly the atmosphere in the guild turned serious. Even with my agility, I wouldn't be able to escape from the middle of so many adventurers if they became hostile. "And you planned to do the same to us."
"...I understand. So that's why nobody wanted to get involved with me" finally, I let my smile fade. "It's true, I couldn't care less that those two died" I admitted, crossing my arms.
"So...!"
The [Nun] reached for the handle of her flail, but I interrupted her:
"But I didn't kill them."
"Oh, please! You aren't fooling anyone with that talk!" The little nun narrowed one eye in anger.
"You wouldn't say that if you'd met them. For starters, they were both Barbarians; they didn't care a bit about build variety or balance. Besides, anyone hearing them talk would know they were complete idiots. Right?" I asked the player from before.
"Well..." He looked away. "Even so! They were relatively experienced, and the target was just a [Level: 15]? monster."
I smiled again.
"True. And maybe in any other situation, they would have survived... if they hadn't both been trying so hard to impress me," I replied. "In a way, I guess you're right, I really am the reason they died. But is it my fault that neither of them had ever spoken to a woman before?" I glanced around, noticing that everyone present, even the clerk from earlier, was buying the story.
The little nun backed away nervously.
"Let's form a party," Legiano said. His voice was full of conviction now, and he stared at me with the icy eyes of a killer. "Anyway, I'm not someone who's easy to kill, and I can't continue my mission without more money," he concluded, sending me a party invitation.
What is it? Curious about me, are you? Good.
"Of course! It'll be a pleasure, friend!" I agreed, accepting the invitation.
Oh, yes, it would be. An enormous pleasure.
Game Over ☠
Peridot
"Hey, everything turned out fine in the end!" Silas smiled.
I wasn't so sure about that. VRMMORPGs were full of weirdos, and I was certain that this particular game was being played by the biggest weirdo of them all. But I decided to agree, if only to avoid stressing the soldier out right before we parted ways:
"It seems so. But what about you guys? Do you have a place to stay tonight?"
"Hmm, don't worry about that. Even without money, we can pull rank to get a bunk at the local barracks," Mira explained with a smile. I couldn't say I was thrilled by that idea, but it wasn't as if I could afford to pay for a hotel room for them, either. "Besides, there's something I want to investigate in this city before we take our next step."
"What would that be?"
"Legiano!" "Anelise" called out from behind me. "If we don't leave now, we won't get there in time!"
"Hmm, don't worry about that, just focus on the task at hand, okay?"
"But..."
"Hey, hey, if you and Norma keep doing everything on your own, we'll look bad as your seniors, you know?" Silas said, punching me lightly on the shoulder. "Go on, we've got this covered."
I sighed.
"Alright. See you guys in a few days."
I turned my back on the NPCs and their investigation, heading toward Anelise and Norma. Shortly after, we set off for the nearest dungeon.
When the real-world clock struck 2:00 AM, and just before I logged off, we reached the entrance to the place in question: an old cemetery featuring colonial architecture, abandoned and reclaimed by nature, with trees growing straight out of the graves, fused with skeletons and sacred symbols sinking into the muddy ground, trampled by patrols of the undead.