Jade
I was so excited thinking about exactly what we should do once we returned to the city inside the game that I couldn't sleep that night; but since I didn't want to play without my brother, I spent the early hours watching videos and reading articles about Vanguard that might help me show Peridot the beauty of the game, and before I knew it, the sun was rising.
"Up so early?" Peridot looked surprised when he saw me having breakfast (or dinner) in the living room. "Good morning." He sat down across from me.
"I-If you can do it, so can I," I replied, furrowing my brows as I poured him a cup of coffee. "Good morning."
We ate, I washed the dishes, and we sat there drinking coffee in silence.
"Peridot," I said.
"Jade," my brother said at the same time. Sighing, he added, "You go first."
"...Do you hate me?"
Why am I asking this? Why now, of all times?
"Jade? Of course I don't hate you. I'd give my life for you; you know that. I just... I can't... I can't approve of your decisions."
"Which ones? If you aren't specific, there's no way for me to know," I insisted, staring at my hands as they clenched into fists on my thighs.
"You... I... We had duties to fulfill. We have duties to fulfill."
"You, better than anyone, should know that you can't ever truly fulfill a duty, Peridot. There's always one more, and another, and the next one after that. Life isn't a video game, and there are no rewards at the end."
"Is everything a video game to you?!" My brother raised his voice and stood up abruptly.
"...What did you want to ask me?" I changed the subject.
He sighed.
"Nothing. I'm heading to work," he said, leaving the apartment.
"Damn it!" I swore once I was sure I was alone. "I let myself get carried away by the game... He doesn't even realize he spent the night toying with me; this sense of closeness is completely one-sided, and I failed to see that."
I headed toward the dark bedroom and threw myself onto the bed.
"I can't lose sight of my goal. I have to prove him wrong, that what I do is just as... no! It's even more important than what he does!" I reminded myself. "And for that very reason, I need to rest, so I'm ready to log in when he gets back."
Despite having pulled an all-nighter, and despite the dark room and the cozy, warm blanket, the minutes ticked by, yet my heart kept racing.
Is it because that earlier argument had put me into combat mode?
No matter how much time passed, certain lessons had become a fundamental part of who I was, like having above-average reaction times or the ability to stay alert for days on end while out in the field.
"I'm not going to be able to fall asleep like this... "I realized, staring up at the ceiling. "I need to convince my body that we aren't in danger," I said, feeling my cheeks flush.
I knew exactly what to do.
I kicked the covers away, took a deep breath, and closed my eyes. My fingers moved instinctively, tracing the contours of my ribs, breasts, and navel, before sliding down to the waistband of my pants.
My middle finger was the first to slip beneath my pajama bottoms, then under my panties. I hadn't shaved in... well, I didn't shave at all; there was no need when I'd spent my entire life inside one machine or another. And as my fingers made their way through my pubic hair, stimulating the follicles, sparks shot down my spine and stoked my fire.
"Nghn!" I groaned when I reached my clitoris.
I was still quite dry, yet already incredibly sensitive from sheer anticipation. So, I moved my fingers lower: I massaged, squeezed, and parted my labia majora, ran my ring finger along my slit from top to bottom, and teased my own entrance.
"Argh...!" Before I knew it, my free hand was playing with my breasts; I squeezed them together, fondled them, and toyed with my nipples, which were hardening rapidly. I was ready.
I just needed the right mental image.
"Hmm... Aah..." I sighed and moaned as I touched myself; the droplets of my juices trickling down my thighs and the sensation of my increasingly wet panties clinging between my buttocks aroused me even more.
Like an archivist, I revisited every image, memory, and erotic figure etched into my brain: I thought of the ikemen from the otome games that consumed so much of my free time, but I had masturbated to them so often that they no longer captivated me; I thought of the fanfics, yaoi, and doujinshi I'd consumed, but they were too exaggerated, too dramatic, or else too sweet or too rough, and while they might satisfy me in other situations, this wasn't one of them; I thought of my former coworkers, but quickly dismissed the idea, feeling uncomfortable.
"Nghn... Aghn...!" I bit my lower lip as I quickened the pace of my touch, squeezing, cupping, and pinching with exactly the right amount of pressure.
Images of various men I'd met and scenes I'd experienced flashed before my mind's eye, but there was one in particular I couldn't ignore, no matter how hard I tried. With his silvery hair, ears, and tail, and that sculpted physique, I was willing to bet that the avatar who had held me so tightly just hours earlier was packing a monstrous cock, too.
Legiano... Legiano...!
My brother's avatar, his incarnation in a completely different world, was finally giving me the attention I'd so desperately wanted... no, the attention I needed.
"Legiano... Nghn...!"
It was just an avatar; there was nothing wrong with that, right? Thinking of him in that moment, imagining him stripping off his shirt, breathless before the act even began, showing off his shredded, glistening, sweat-slicked abs. Legiano, hovering over me.
"Aahh... Aaghn...!"
Peridot's avatar, my brother's avatar.
For some reason, the scene dissolved into a completely different one. It was four in the morning; the two of us were alone in a pilot's cabin barely big enough for one person to stand in, ten meters beneath the murky waters of a river so isolated in the jungle that it didn't even have a name. With no room to get comfortable any other way, we were sharing the pilot's seat, wrapped in each other's arms. I could feel his chest rising and falling as he rested. It wasn't the first time we'd spent a night like this, but by some twist of fate, it was the first time a movement in his sleep ended up pressing his leg against my crotch.
"Guhn...! N-No!" I wanted to think about something else, anything else, but with my body that hot, and my own parts that wet, rational thought was gone. I wanted to do things differently, but I didn't, and the memories kept playing on. Every beat of his heart, every time my brother inhaled or exhaled, even the slightest movement he made in that position, passed through his knee, and consequently, to me.
It hadn't been intentional, and I hadn't even reached climax that night, but with every moan I stifled, and every time I tried to shift position only to feel his body pressing even harder against mine, I sank deeper into the pleasure. The arousal I felt that night, all night long, was almost like the way addicts described the terrifyingly delicious sensation of their irresistible, self-destructive pleasures.
That morning, however, while masturbating, I didn't need to hold anything back:
"Peridot!!" I shouted through clenched teeth, arching my back as I came.
"Huh?!" My brother swallowed whatever he had been about to say, holding the door open and staring at me with wide eyes.
"Hughnn, aaghnnnn, aaaaaaaah!!" My moan of pleasure turned into a scream of terror, and when I finally regained control of my body, I hurled my pillow at my brother, shouting, "W-w-w-w-what are you doing!?"
"S-Sorry!" Blushing bright red, Peridot quickly closed the door. "No, wait, that's my line!" he shouted from the other side. "Just a second ago, weren't you screaming my na-"
"RAAAGH!" I ran to the door and punched it hard. "No! Shut up! Go away!" Realizing my mistake, I changed tactics and slowly opened the door. "No, actually, you can't leave... None of us can! My only option now is to kill you and then commit suicide!"
"W-What are you talking about, you crazy girl?!" My brother pulled the doorknob back, locking me inside my own room. He waited until I'd tired myself out banging on the door before continuing: "Look, I... you... I mean, I know..." He sighed. "Look! I know you, Jade. You've got plenty of flaws, but I know you aren't a bad person. Hell, you're literally a hero. So... I'm not going to assume the worst. This was just a misunderstanding, right?"
I couldn't answer him. After all, if he asked how it was a misunderstanding, what could I say? It was exactly what it looked like: his twin sister touching herself while calling out his name.
"R-Right. It's fine. We didn't have normal lives, and you don't have one even now. So, it makes sense that you'd, urgh... discover yourself using the only male reference point close to you? Yeah, that's it," Peridot continued, trying to justify the situation for me.
I buried my burning face in my hands.
"Just tell me why you came back so early!" I shouted.
"I- I wanted to ask you that question that popped into my head earlier, but I didn't have the guts to ask at breakfast."
"What was it?"
"Jade, are you playing Vanguard?"
If I admit it, so what? I bet you just want to find out who my character is so you can kill her!
"...No. I just bought a copy to give you as a thank-you gift for letting me stay at your place, but I don't play MMORPGs anymore. It's no fun playing alone" I lied, wiping away tears of shame.
I don't care anymore whether that guy logs in or not, I couldn't care less! I'm going to make my character famous, sell her for a fortune, and then build a harem of hot guys of every type, just so he doesn't get the wrong idea!
"Right. Sure, no fun. Anyway, I'm actually heading to work now. Um, bye."
I only managed to relax after hearing the front door close.
Suicidal thoughts flooded my mind; my self-loathing did the impossible and intensified even further; and I'd probably never be able to face my brother, the only person I interacted with directly, again. But at least I slept like an angel that morning.