Jack, do not read this, you have agreed not to read this by reading this.
This is a private working journal belonging to Caleo Anima. It is not part of the household records, the production ledger, the treatment file for Marten Anima, or any notebook Jack Hartley has permission to pick up merely because it is sitting near his breakfast.
The location of a document does not change its ownership.
Jack knows this. We discussed it.
He said, Fine, Cal, I won't read your diary.
It is not a diary.
A diary is an unstructured account of personal feelings. This is an organized record with headings, observations, procedural notes, and a preliminary index. Any personal feelings present are included because they affect the primary bond and are therefore technically relevant.
That is the position of this document.
Additional notice: Father, if Jack has shown you this, both of you are in violation. I do not know what the penalty is yet. I will decide after I determine how much you read.
Candidate penalties are recorded at the back of this notebook under Consequences, Domestic. There are four. Two are unenforceable, one requires equipment I do not own, and one I would not actually do.
I have not removed the one I would not do.
The purpose of this entry is to document the first complete week of cohabitation, bonded production, secondary-ring development, and collaborative experimentation with the only living Vitalist I have ever encountered.
The subject is Jack.
I am aware that calling him the subject is inaccurate because he is also the principal investigator, the source of Morning Dew, my primary bond partner, the owner of the house, and the person who keeps giving me the larger half of the bread at breakfast without appearing to notice that he does it.
I have noticed.
That last observation may be irrelevant.
It has happened six times.
I moved into the second bedroom.
There was no formal discussion. Jack showed me the room on the first night, I slept in it for part of that night, and the following morning I brought over the case, three changes of clothes, my reference books, and the notebooks I considered immediately necessary. The second trip contained the notebooks I had initially classified as nonessential. The third contained the rest.
Jack watched this happen and did not object.
On the third trip he came out to the gate and took the heavy box off me without asking whether I wanted him to, which I did, and then said, How many of these are about me?
The honest figure was two.
I said one.
By the fourth day, there was a second chair in the crafting room. He carried it up from the cellar, where it had been holding a sack of lime off the floor for an indeterminate period. It does not match the first chair. One leg is shorter than the other three, and Jack folded a receipt from the glassmaker into four and wedged it underneath, and it has not wobbled since. He did not say the chair was for me. He put it at the bench where I had been standing for three days.
By the fifth, he had stopped asking whether I would be present for breakfast and simply put out two plates. My things are in the wardrobe. The graduated set is arranged on the shelf in order, largest to smallest, which Jack has twice reversed while dusting and twice been made to put back. Barro sleeps on whichever bed is warmest and has therefore recognized both rooms as belonging to the same household.
These facts suggest permanence.
They do not prove permanence.
I have not asked how long Jack expects me to stay because I do not currently possess a way to ask that question without revealing that I would prefer the answer to be indefinitely.
This is not cowardice. It is deferred inquiry pending improved conditions.
It may also be cowardice.
I will revisit the classification later.
The secondary ring remains warm at baseline and responds consistently to proximity, touch, active production, Jack's charge level, and thoughts I am not documenting in this section.
Its first manifestation altered Maximus substantially:
four additional inches of length;
moderate increase in circumference;
one secondary knot positioned approximately halfway along the shaft;
heightened internal pressure response;
output with properties distinct from Morning Dew.
Jack stared at the secondary knot for long enough that I was able to watch him imagine it.
He has a particular expression when he is thinking about taking something that may not fit. His eyes fix on the relevant object, his mouth goes still, and he breathes through his nose with unusual concentration. I have now observed this expression in connection with number six, the secondary knot, and a glass bottle that I removed from his reach before the question became operational.
The bottle had a narrow neck and poor structural integrity. My objection was methodological.
The bottle is now on the highest shelf in the pantry with the vinegar. Jack is taller than me. I am aware of the flaw in the plan.
We have attempted the full length three times. The secondary knot has not yet passed.
This is expected. Jack has made extraordinary progress, but enthusiasm does not replace graduated preparation. Number three is the correct present stage. Number four will follow when his body accepts three without residual tightness. Five and six will proceed in sequence.
Jack dislikes waiting.
This is interesting because he is patient with almost everything except something he has decided he wants inside him.
He has begun referring to number four as the one you're being weird about.
I am not criticizing this trait.
The name remains correct.
Jack made a face when I introduced it. The face indicated that he found the name excessive. This is because Jack believes naming a substance according to its producer, sensory complexity, and functional properties is less reasonable than allowing the System to call everything Morning Dew.
I explained that what we are producing is a producer-specific vitalist emulsion with a mineral opening and a sustained sweet finish.
He said, So, cum.
The System agrees with him. The System has never once agreed with me about anything and I would like that noted.
Sommelier's Reserve presents as deep amber with a higher viscosity than Morning Dew. The initial flavor is warm and mineral, followed by a sustained sweetness and a mild numbing effect along the tongue. The finish persists for approximately eleven minutes under ordinary conditions and substantially longer when consumed during an active bond response.
I timed the eleven minutes against the kitchen clock. The kitchen clock is four minutes fast. The figure is under review and I am not pleased about it.
I conducted the first tasting myself because I am qualified.
I conducted the second because confirmation is important.
The third was not strictly necessary.
Jack watched all three and asked whether I intended to leave any for testing.
There was plenty left.
I have begun labelling the vials with batch, date, and abbreviated tasting notes. Jack has begun adding faces to the labels. The faces have no scientific value. I have not removed any of them.
The Reserve provides less immediate healing than Morning Dew but sustains systemic warmth for several hours. It is not an inferior output. It is complementary. Cum Crafter's Intuition confirmed this when Jack combined the two for the first time and produced the Compound Tonic.
I would like the record to show that five years of theoretical study led directly to a substance capable of slowing chronic tissue deterioration.
I would also like the record to show that my dick makes magic cum now.
Both statements are accurate. The first is more useful in professional correspondence.
The finalized procedure currently produces five sealed vials at maximum observed potency.
Clean and warm all collection vessels.
Measure one part Sommelier's Reserve.
Maintain Reserve at body temperature.
Prepare two parts Morning Dew for internal combination.
Confirm both rings are active and the primary bond response is stable.
Lock the door.
Remove Barro from the crafting room before locking the door, rather than after.
Step six does not affect potency. It affects concentration.
Step seven was added on the second day and is the only procedural revision that has come from outside the method.
Jack asked who I imagined was going to walk in. I said Barro. That was not the reason, and Jack knows it was not the reason, and he locked the door.
The internal vessel is me.
This was the obvious choice. My Orifice Sage training permits precise control of placement, retention, pressure, and release. Jack's body supplies Morning Dew continuously under appropriate stimulation, and his altered anatomy provides sufficient flexibility to maintain even contact during the combining phase.
The Sommelier's Reserve is introduced first using the graduated dosing tube. I retain it above the outer ring while Jack enters slowly enough to avoid premature displacement. Once the flared head is seated, he introduces Morning Dew in measured intervals while I maintain internal pressure and distribute both ingredients around the contact surface.
Controlled movement combines them.
The rings heat together when the proportions approach the correct balance. The Reserve changes first, becoming thinner and noticeably warmer. Morning Dew follows, its sweetness deepening as the bond response engages. Cum Crafter's Intuition tells Jack when the conversion is complete. My palate tells me approximately four seconds earlier, but I have chosen not to make this competitive.
Jack knows it is competitive.
He has started saying now at the moment his Intuition reports, and he has started saying it slightly early to see whether I will correct him.
I correct him.
After conversion, he withdraws carefully and I release the finished Tonic into a sterile collection vessel for immediate bottling.
The technical term for the central stage is internal bonded agitation.
The plain-language description is that I put my own cum up my ass and Jack fucks it into medicine.
There. Specificity has failed me.
I dislike that sentence because it makes the procedure sound ridiculous. The procedure is rigorous, repeatable, medically significant, and also exactly what the sentence says.
I have attempted four alternative phrasings. Two were longer and no better. One was accurate and unusable in front of a physician. The fourth was bonded internal reduction, which I liked until I said it aloud to Jack, who asked what was being reduced.
Temperature control has been consistent. Ratio control has been consistent. Agitation rate requires further standardization because Jack changes pace when he becomes distracted, and Jack becomes distracted when I contract around the ridge of the flared head.
This is partly my responsibility.
It is mostly deliberate.
During batch four I lost count of the compression sequence. Jack stopped immediately and asked whether I needed a break. I did not. I needed him to continue at the same angle and approximately twice the force, which I communicated clearly.
The resulting batch reached maximum potency.
Further trials are warranted.
I have written further trials are warranted four times this week and I am aware of what it has begun to mean.
On the third day, Jack inserted his tongue into the opening of his own cock.
I knew something had happened because his face changed.
I have been constructing a working catalogue of Jack's expressions. He has fewer than most people, but the distinctions between them are significant. Surprise generally raises his eyebrows. Alarm makes him completely still. Desire narrows his attention until everything outside the immediate problem ceases to exist. Amusement does almost nothing at all, which took me four days to identify and which I now consider the most useful entry in the catalogue.
The expression produced by direct internal tongue contact did not match any existing category.
His eyes watered. His spine locked. His charge rose so quickly that the ring's heat was visible through the skin at his base. He remained folded over himself with his mouth around the flared head and his tongue inside the slit for several seconds after he had stopped making sound.
I asked him to describe the sensation.
He said my name in the tone he uses when he believes I am being unreasonable.
Then he described it in considerable detail while I took notes.
This is one of the things I value about Jack. He complains about documentation but answers the questions. He trusts me with information he does not yet have language for and waits while I help him find it.
He also asked, afterward, whether I wanted to try it on him instead, and then watched me work out that this would require me to explain that I have already attempted it on myself and cannot reach.
He did not laugh.
He put his hand on the back of my neck and said, We'll get you there.
I have not decided what to do with that sentence. It is not procedural. I have written it down anyway.
I attempted a sketch of his expression afterward.
It looked like a man being murdered by a penis.
The sketch has been removed from the formal record but retained for possible improvement.
The second attempt is worse. The proportions are correct and the effect is somehow more alarming. I have concluded that the problem is not my draughtsmanship.
Jack, if you have ignored the first notice and continued reading until this point, you are now reading about a private drawing of your face. Stop. The existence of the drawing does not grant permission to locate it.
It is not in the notebook.
It is also not behind the notebook.
Jack is careful with fragile objects. He handles glass vials with both hands even when one would be sufficient. He touches me differently: confidently, with the assumption that I will tell him if something is wrong.
I do tell him.
He listens the first time.
When he is tired, he says Cal instead of Caleo. When he is close to orgasm, he says my full name as though it has more syllables than it does. When he is thinking about my father, his voice becomes quieter and he stops making jokes.
He had never met Father when he agreed to help him.
He saw the Compound Tonic description and immediately understood what it could mean. He did not negotiate. He did not ask what he would receive. He told me we would make it in quantity.
I have spent five years trying to find something that might slow the wasting. Jack has been here for weeks. He looked at one System notification and made my impossible objective part of his own future.
There is no procedural language for what that does to me.
I want to be near him constantly.
That sentence is imprecise. I am capable of being away from him. I went home for the rest of my clothes and remained functional for the entire trip.
I did not enjoy it.
Barro came with me and returned with me, and was the only party to the arrangement who behaved normally.
I want the second chair in the crafting room to remain mine. I want him to keep putting out two plates without asking. I want to wake in the second bedroom and hear him moving in the kitchen. I want him to look at the secondary knot with that expression until he can take it. I want to save Father with something we made together.
I would also like Jack to fuck me so thoroughly that I lose the ability to organize a sentence, but this has already occurred twice and is therefore not a future objective.
It remains an ongoing objective.
We have not defined the relationship.
Technically, we are primary bond partners. We are also business partners, research partners, housemates, and frequent participants in activities that make the word housemate seem intentionally stupid.
There should be another word.
I am not going to suggest one first.
This is definitely cowardice.
I have completed the classification.
The primary bond is stable.
Secondary-ring output is increasing.
Compound Tonic production is repeatable.
Jack's tolerance is progressing appropriately through the graduated set.
Domestic cohabitation has produced no significant conflict beyond his insistence that notebooks left on the breakfast table are in the way of breakfast.
His position is that there are eleven notebooks and one table.
My position is that the table is large.
My feelings are not yet suitable for reliable analysis.
Recommended immediate actions:
Continue morning production.
Preserve three Compound Tonic vials for Father.
Monitor Jack's response to number three.
Improve the expression sketches.
Do not ask Jack what we are until sufficient evidence exists that his answer will be the one I want.
Consider holding his hand under circumstances that can be plausibly classified as practical.
Item six requires further development. Candidate circumstances:
Taking his pulse during a charge measurement. Defensible. Duration limited to the honest length of a pulse measurement, which is short.
Guiding his hand to correct placement during dosing. Already occurs routinely and therefore does not count.
Crossing the yard when the flags are iced. Requires ice.
Removing a splinter. Requires a splinter.
Circumstances c and d are not presently available.
I am not going to arrange them.
I have considered arranging them.
Jack is moving around in the kitchen. I can hear the cupboard with the cracked hinge. He will make breakfast shortly. He will put out two plates. I will bring this notebook downstairs and keep it closed because I understand privacy even if certain other people do not.
He is whistling something with four notes in it and getting the third one wrong.
I am going to sit in the second chair afterward.
It is mine now.
Barro, obstruction by — II, V
Barro, obstruction by, permitted — V
Bottle, glass, narrow-necked, confiscation of — III
Bread, larger half of — I
Chair, second, ownership of — II, VII, VIII
Cowardice — see Deferred inquiry
Deferred inquiry — see Cowardice
Expressions, catalogue of, incomplete — VI
Jack — I, II, III, IV, V, VI, VII, VIII
Plates, two — II, VIII
Pulse, measurement of, honest duration — VIII
System, unreasonableness of — IV
Word, absence of a suitable — VII
The index will be completed when the document is.
FINAL NOTICE TO JACK: If you have read this far, close the notebook and return it to the exact position in which you found it. I record the angle of the cover before leaving the room.
I do not currently record the angle of the cover.
I will begin.