Standing up with my tray, I scanned my friends and smiled apologetically. “Guys, I’m going to head back to the workshop. I have some ideas for gear, and some stuff to test. I’ll catch up with you all when it’s time to sleep?”
Finn frowned, and moved to stand with me. “Oh, need help?”
Oh dear. If he followed me, I wasn’t going to get anything done. I felt very… nervous, with him — good nervous, though.
“Uh, no need… unless you know how to use a hammer for more than just breaking doors down,” I teased, smiling.
He laughed. “Okay, I get it. Fair.”
My friends looked pretty much universally confused by what was happening, and I quickly hurried away before they could ask about the… was it flirting? Did I flirt with Finn?
It hit me, suddenly, that Finn told me he was gay specifically. What would he think if he found out I could turn into an incredibly tall woman? Ah, geez. That was a complication… one that could wait until later, because I had work to do.
When I stepped outside, the wind immediately attacked the warmth I’d gathered while I was inside the cafeteria. Hunching into my shitty summer coat, I sprinted across the plaza and around towards the workshop. When I arrived, only Charles, April, and Dan were there. Dan was carving out more candleholders in the back, and April was messing around with the forge while Charles looked on.
“Back so soon, huh kid?” Charles asked, then squinted at me. “I thought something was off earlier, but you had work to do. I gotta ask. What’s up wit’ your face?”
“Huh? What do you mean?”
Wait, oh no, so he did see the changes? Oh shit.
His gaze got more intense. “You look like… like one of them sissy gay boys.”
My brain stutter-stepped. A sissy what? Was he… that was…
I looked to April for help as my face began to heat. What the fuck did I even say to that? Where was this coming from? I had a little less body hair than before, but…
“Would it be bad if he was?” April asked calmly, putting down her tongs.
Charles folded his arms, turning his hard stare onto April for a moment before it fell back on me. “Let me tell you something, Kai. Even before all this magic crap, the world was hard. It needs tough, competent men to get things done, or it all falls apart — like it was before the apocalypse. You must’a seen the news. Crime is higher than ever, wars everywhere — jobs vanishing. It’s soft people making soft decisions when what we really needed was someone to come in and do the hard thing — the right thing. You think this world is gonna let you be soft? You think the monsters and snow are gonna let you call a time-out for your feelings?”
My heartbeat was going hard in my ears. I could feel it pounding, reminding me of each second that passed while I stood there, stunned. I didn’t know what to say. What did I say to that? I mean, it was stupid, but… should I even try to argue with him? He controlled the workshop…
April rolled her eyes and twirled the hammer in her hand. The move wasn’t exactly threatening, but also… sorta reminding everyone around that she was holding it. “Where do I fall in that little soft-hard spectrum you’re on about?”
Charles glanced at her, frowning. “Huh?”
She jabbed her chest lightly with the hammer. “Well, I’m a woman, so that probably puts me automatically in the ‘soft’ category — according to you, anyway. I’m a damn good welder, though, and I’ve been running around helping you in this workshop all day as your second in command. Am I an honorary big hard man? I can swing a hammer with more force than most dudes, that’s for sure. Still, for another point in the ‘soft’ column, I kinda like having a feelings break every now and then. So, what do you think? Where do I rate?”
Feelings breaks. It was so stupid, but… I had been doing that. I’d been fighting myself, dealing with whatever the hell was happening with my gender. I was being soft.
Charles opened his mouth to reply, but he closed it, and his frown deepened. He was quiet for a second or two, and April stared him down the whole time, just… waiting. Finally, he cleared his throat. “You’re different, girl. You know what I mean, it’s… you’re different.”
April snorted and rolled her eyes, giving him a look like she was disappointed and disgusted by him.
Charles’ expression turned dark. “Look here, April. The Captain put me in charge of this workshop, so—”
“You know what’s fucking stupid, Charles?” April snapped, her eyes sparking. “Kai, in the morning, was out arranging for Silver to get all of this…” she gestured to the forge, then the nearby stacked metal stock. “Then, he was in here until sunset, working, working, working — same as everyone else. In fact, he made this smart little bellows contraption. Then, he made a bunch of candleholders and other random crap, and he never once complained. Let me ask you — did you see him take a ‘feelings break,’ whatever the fuck that even means?”
“Well, I—” Charles said, eyes widening.
April looked… kinda scary. “Oh, and let’s not forget that Silver is a woman, too. You know what I heard she did to get the gear we’re using now? She fought a metal boar that was the size of a car — with that witch girl helping. Then, she healed one of the firefighters that got hurt in the fight. So, thanks to three women and Kai, we have the gear to make actual, real weapons. That’s a lot of competent, ‘soft’ people.”
I felt a tiny smile pull at my lips when she mentioned Silver — me. I had actually done a shitload today. It was hard, too. The fact that I had to share some of the glory with Chloe was… annoying. I still didn’t appreciate the knife being pulled on me, even if she did apologise. Of course, then April went and said ‘three women and Kai’ and… shit. I didn’t know what to do with that. It was true. I wasn’t a woman, at least not as Kai, so… yeah.
Charles looked pretty pissed now, though. He was getting angry instead of listening, which wasn’t exactly ideal.
Until now, I felt sort of like a piece of furniture in the conversation, but now I carefully cleared my throat. “Um… maybe… I mean, everything April is saying is true, but maybe it’s more of a matter of redefining what ‘hard’ means? I think having feelings and looking soft is not really the same thing as being brave, or making difficult decisions, you know? What I mean, I guess, is that I think you’re right, Charles, sir. We do need brave people, tough people… I just think… yeah. Brave and tough, or ‘hard’ — it might look a little different than you think.”
I didn’t say that I thought that the whole idea of throwing people into ‘soft’ and ‘hard’ categories was stupid. One battle at a time.
I think April realised she’d gotten a bit angry, because she took a deep breath and nodded. “Yeah. Sorry. That’s… that’s kinda what I meant. Kai is great, Charles. Give the dude some slack, let him look a little soft. He’s getting the work done.”
Charles grunted, still angry and defensive, but less so that before I said anything. Grudgingly, he nodded. “You’re right. Both of you have done damned well today. Gotta acknowledge that. Neither of you is… soft. Just don’t do any of that touchy-feely homo shit where I can see it, okay?”
“Um… sure,” I said. Touchy-feely homo shit? What did that even mean?
Nodding like everything had been settled, Charles flicked us both a look, then turned towards Dan, who was doing a terrible job at looking innocent while he eavesdropped. Grunting again, Charles wordlessly headed in his direction.
Phew. That was… tense. What was I even going to do when I got to— Oh!
I hurried after Charles, calling, “Oh, uh, sir, hold on…”
He paused, posture very much uncomfortable, and turned with a quiet, “Yeah?”
Clearing my throat, I blurted, “I was wondering if you’d give the okay for me to start working on proper gear for our folks. We have this forge now, and I heard that one of my friends got hurt… so I want to make some armour and better tools for them.”
He made a show of seriously considering my request, like he wanted to remind everyone who was in charge. I could tell he was going to say yes, though, purely so he could get the hell away from April and me. “Aye, sure. That sounds good. So long as you’re getting work done.”
Then he was gone, hurrying away with his shoulders hunched.
I turned and raised an eyebrow at April, who was staring at the back of Charles’ head thoughtfully. “What the heck was that?”
“Sorry about getting angry there, I just had to step in. Old man was being a shitbag, and he knows better,” she groaned, shaking her head.
Smiling, I patted her awkwardly on the arm. “Nah, thanks for stepping in. That was… kinda frightening, honestly.”
“Then I take it back, I’m not sorry, and you should be grateful,” she said with a wry wink.
I raised an eyebrow. “You think I’m not grateful?”
“Nah, nah, I’m joking… let’s get to work,” she chuckled, tapping the anvil with her hammer.
Enthusiastically, I nodded. “Oh, yeah! Does that get hot enough to melt iron, or can it only let us work the metal?”
Smiling, April glanced at the forge. “I’ll be real, I think actually melting iron is a very tall order. Don’t get your hopes up. In saying that, though… magic is a thing, so who knows what’ll happen. The biggest limiting factor we’re gonna have to tackle is our charcoal supply. We don’t have much.”
“We can get more,” I said excitedly. “Let’s test it.”
"Okay, say goodbye to the art department's entire supply of high quality drawing charcoal," she snorted. "We'll need to cut it with normal wood anyway. What did you want to make?"
"A simple dagger blade, to start off with," I said. "Simple shape but hard to get right."
"Alright. My crucible is here, so I’ll heat the tooth in there and we’ll see what happens. We will need a mold, though…" she said, giving me a pointed look.
“Right! That sounds like a me job. I think we have some plywood boxes we can use,” I said, hurrying off towards the storage room.
I’d hoped that by the time I was pressing the whittled knife blank into the casting sand, April would have some molten metal for us to use. That, I realised, was quite optimistic.
“Sorry,” April said, looking up from watching the forge fire burn. “I warned you it probably wouldn’t melt.”
I looked down at the mold box in my hands, then up at the crucible, where I could see the top of a squiron armour plate sticking out. It was glowing a vibrant yellow.
Trying not to be too disappointed, I set the mold to the side and sat down beside April. “At least the fire is warm.”
She laughed. “Yeah. I might take it out now, though, and try working it. It’ll take a hell of a lot more effort, but worked iron is better for tools than cast iron anyway.”
“Can we wait a little longer? I just… maybe some magic will kick in?” I pleaded. I was not very hopeful, anymore, but an excuse to sit by the fire and just rest was too good to pass up. So long as we were waiting for the iron to melt, we had an excuse if Charles came to give us shit. All I needed was a rest, then I could get back to making gear for my friends.