"Uh, Yuki?" I asked my cute arctic kitsune headmate. "Don't you think we should maybe listen to the job offer before we accept it?"
Her tails all twitched as she shook her head and made a dismissive gesture with her hand, "Nope! For one thing we're talking about Gaia here, right? Mother Nature herself? Any job she has to offer has got to be a good one Aster. Think about it."
"And while you're thinking about that, don't forget what we were already planning to do this afternoon," she added. "Do you really want to spend hours searching online for a new job, when you know there's a ninety-percent chance we're just going to end up in retail? Or on another assembly line somewhere."
I grimaced as my tails and ears drooped, "Yeah ok that's a good point. A lot of good points actually."
Then Gaia spoke up, "While I appreciate your enthusiasm Yuki, along with your trust, I was actually going to suggest the same thing as Aster? Maybe all three of you should listen to my offer before you accept it."
"I certainly haven't agreed to anything yet," Cara pointed out from where she was perched on the back of the sofa.
Yuki remained unswayed even after all that, "I still think we should take the job regardless. But we'll need to know what it is sooner or later, so I guess we may as well get the details now."
The teenage Earth Mother smiled, although a moment later that became more of a grimace. "So first off I don't have a great deal of time to go into all the details with you right now, and I'm sorry about that. I have a lot of other folks I need to meet with today, and I'm on a bit of a deadline."
Before any of us could question that Gaia added, "Having said that, I was only expecting one trio per mountain, at least to begin with. And the original Cairngorms group was actually a Scottish wildcat and his two Aberdonian catboy friends."
"Those must be the catboys the bus driver told us about," Yuki interjected. "He mentioned them when we were getting off at Grantown-On-Spey."
I nodded, "Right, I remember that. He thought we'd all been attending a convention or something, because of the ears and tails."
Gaia smiled, "Quite. But moving on, I'm planning a rather big announcement tonight and although it's going to be a bit late I do encourage the three of you to watch it. It'll be on TV, as well as your phones and elsewhere. I'm going to be mentioning some details relating to the sort of opportunity I'm offering other mountain candidates, but I actually have something a little different in mind for you girls."
Her tone and expression both became much more serious as she continued, "Primarily I'm looking to hire a number of diplomats, folks I can rely on to represent me in any upcoming negotiations with the various human countries and organizations."
"Ugh," Yuki whispered to me. "I don't think I can do that."
I responded internally, "Me neither. Having to deal with a bunch of stuck-up political types would be even more tedious than factory work."
The little arctic kitsune agreed, "I'll bet most of those official embassy types would be way too full of themselves to even listen to us anyways."
That's when I realized that Mother Earth had paused her speech, which in turn reminded both of us that she could hear our internal communication. I blushed as I apologized, "Sorry. Yuki and I were just comparing notes on the idea..."
"It's fine Aster," our teenage guest replied with another smile. "As I was saying, although I'm offering that sort of opportunity to most of my mountain candidates, it's not what I wanted to discuss with you three. What I have in mind for you is much more... hands on."
Her expression became serious once more as she explained, "While I'd like to believe that the humans and I would be able to reconcile our differences through peaceful negotiation I'm not so naive to expect it will be anywhere near that simple or straightforward."
"I've been watching humanity very closely for the past century or so," she added with a sigh, "I've even prompted them with numerous warnings over the last several decades. While some people seem willing to listen and learn, the majority appear to be more than willing to ignore my warnings and fight me at every opportunity, rather than cooperate or change their ways."
I frowned, "Surely there's nothing they can do to you though, right? You're Mother Nature, how could they possibly do anything to you?"
"They've already hurt me plenty," she replied sadly. "I suffer whenever another species goes extinct so some executive can add another digit to his income. It brings me pain every time another ecosystem is destroyed because it got in the way of some corporation's quest to increase their bottom line."
By that point Cara was pacing back and forth along the back of the sofa. She sniffed and ruffled her feathers then asked, "Surely you can put a stop to that sort of thing yourself? Why would you need our help?"
"I work in broad strokes," Gaia replied. "You'll hear the details in my announcement tonight, but suffice to say I lack the precision to address troublesome individuals one-on-one. To put it another way, it'd be easier for me to wipe the British Isles clean of all humanity than it would for me to single out one or even a handful of corrupt politicians and greedy corporate directors and CEOs."
It took me a few seconds to process that, and I found myself staring at the young Mother Nature in surprise as it slowly sank in. From how casually she mentioned wiping the UK clean of humans to the implication of what she might want us to do to those corrupt and greedy individuals.
Yuki recovered from our shock first. Her ears were folded back and all nine tails twitched uneasily as she asked, "That's what you want to hire us for? To 'deal with' politicians and business people who try and fight you?"
"And um, how exactly would you want us to 'deal with' them?" I added softly.
The Earth Mother gave us a serious but compassionate look as she replied, "In most cases I'd leave that to your discretion. The bottom line though is I've already chosen my diplomats, so I'm offering the three of you jobs as, shall we say, troubleshooters."
"You will be under my protection," she added. "Should you accept my offer, I'll ensure that human aggressions cannot harm you. I'll take care of your other needs as well of course. Money, food, shelter, security. If you agree to work for me I'll make sure the three of you are very well rewarded for your services."
I asked, "Can you elaborate on any of that? Like what kind of pay? And what would we have to do, apart from the um, 'troubleshooting' stuff?"
"Right now all I ask is that the three of you keep your employment with me a secret," Gaia replied, "For the sake of others like you, it's best that the humans don't learn of your involvement with me until everyone is ready. That, and keep doing what you're doing. Continue practicing your magic every day. You're already doing quite well, but I know you can do better. Keep training, keep pushing yourselves, and I'll get back to you when I require your services. In the meantime you'll be paid handsomely for your time. As for the actual numbers..."
Her voice trailed off, then she grimaced. "I'll be honest I really wasn't expecting anyone to actually sign up on the spot, so I'm not quite prepared in terms of things like numbers and logistics. In general terms though, I'll ensure you're safe, I can provide you with food, and I'll see that you receive more appropriate accommodations. You really need somewhere much nicer and more natural to call home, you can't exist in a little concrete box like this."
"In the meantime I can provide something for you right now," she added, "Since I expect it will take me some time to work out all those other details. I believe it's called a 'signing bonus'? Does a thousand pounds sound fair? Actually let's make it two thousand, incase it has to last a whole week."
My eyebrows shot up while my jaw dropped open, and my three tails started wagging behind me. Just an hour ago we were talking about how soon we'd run out of money while we worried about rent. Now we were being offered more than what we earned in a month, and from the sound of it she was treating it like a week's worth of pay.
I gulped, "You're going to give us two thousand pounds just to sign on, incase it takes you a week to work out the other details?"
"That's right," she nodded. "In cash, ten and twenty pound notes if that works for you? Oh and that's two thousand pounds each, of course. I wouldn't exclude either Yuki or Cara from this, nor would I expect either of them to work for me for free."
Just like that my mind was reeling again. Instead of a month's worth we were being offered two months' pay. Three months if you included Cara's share. And in cash. It almost seemed too good to be true.
"We'll take it!" my favourite arctic kitsune announced for the second time today. "We'll take the job! It's perfect for us!"
I nodded slowly, "Yeah. I'm in. Yuki's right, it sounds perfect."
That just left our raven friend, and we all turned to look at her.
"I don't work," Cara stated. She added with a sniff, "Frankly I'm much too important to be expected to toil, at least not personally. I will accept your offer though, as I have my trusty support fox to handle the unpleasant laborious aspects of the arrangement."
I rolled my eyes, but once again decided not to bother arguing with the bird. I already knew that she'd just double-down, or twist my words around on me again.
"Excuse me young lady," Gaia suddenly spoke up as she fixed her attention on our raven. In a slightly firmer tone than usual she asked, "Did Aster actually agree to be your support fox?"
Instead of answering Cara turned so her back was to the Earth Mother.
Our guest's voice was even firmer as she added, "Did you even ask her if it was ok to treat her like that?"
The bird huffed and ruffled her feathers, but she still refused to answer.
"I see," Gaia stated. "In that case I think it's time you stopped treating Aster as you servant. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt Cara and assume it was meant to be a joke, but I do believe it has run its course."
Our raven continued to look away for another second or two, before her wings slumped. She sighed and slowly turned to face me. Then to my surprise she actually apologized.
"I'm sorry Aster," Cara told me, with a lot more humility than I'd have believed she was capable of. "I appreciate all you've done for me over the past week. And I thank you for playing along with my little jest. I apologize for taking advantage of your good nature."
It took me a second or two to get over my shock, then another couple seconds to process what she said. I finally nodded, "Thanks Cara. I appreciate the apology."
"I'm sorry too Aster," Yuki added. "I went along with it because it was kind of funny, but maybe I got too carried away? I hope I didn't hurt your feelings or anything."
I smiled and shook my head, "It's alright Yuki, I understand. And I forgive both you and Cara."
The little arctic kitsune still looked sad though, with her ears and tails all drooping down. So I quickly stepped inside and pulled her into a tight hug, to let her know everything was ok and I wasn't upset with her.
Then after I stepped back out into the body I admitted, "To be honest it was kind of funny at first? Like with that shopkeeper in Scotland? And it actually wasn't a bad idea, for getting Cara into stores or other places where she normally couldn't go."
"It was definitely a great way to confuse folks," I added with a little smile. "The talking raven routine, claiming I'm her service fox and everything... I guess what I'm saying is maybe I wouldn't mind pretending to be your support fox again. Not all the time, but now and then, when we need a distraction or want to confuse someone."
Despite not having lips I somehow got the impression Cara was smiling. Her tail twitched behind her and she stood up straight and proud once more. She seemed like she was about to say something, but Yuki cut her off at the last moment.
"I think if or when we use that again in the future," the arctic kitsune suggested, "It's important that Aster's in on the joke instead of being the subject of it. We can use it to confuse and mess with humans, but let's not mess with each other anymore. Ok?"
Our raven's tail twitched once more then she nodded, "Agreed. And well put, Yuki."
"Aster," she added as she looked to me, "Thank you for your forgiveness."
With that Gaia gave the three of us a smile, "I'm very happy to have that little matter resolved. And now I'm afraid I must be on my way, I need to be in central Africa in a few minutes. Then I've got a few appointments in Canada and the USA to attend to."
"Aster, Yuki, Cara, it was wonderful to meet you all," she added. "I'm sure we'll be in touch again shortly. In the meantime, keep up the good work!"
Just like that the teenage Mother Nature was gone, vanished before any of us even had a chance to say goodbye. Or to thank her for the job opportunity.
Speaking of which, my eyes widened again a moment later when I spotted the three stacks of cash on our living-room table. True to her word she'd left us with six thousand pounds, in crisp new ten and twenty pound notes.