Sung-Il-Kook had always believed that if life gave you enough opportunities, one of them would eventually work out.
Unfortunately, life had given him plenty of opportunities.
He had simply ruined every single one.
At twenty-nine, Sung-Il was unemployed, broke, chronically unmotivated, and deeply committed to the philosophy that tomorrow was the perfect day to fix everything.
Tomorrow had been his favourite day for nearly eight years.
His rented room was barely large enough to qualify as a room. A mattress covered most of the floor. Empty instant-noodle containers were stacked beside the window like a miniature architectural project. Clothes lay across a chair, though calling it a chair was generous, since nobody had seen its surface in months.
A laptop sat on a cardboard box.
Its screen showed an online job application.
The application had been open for three days.
Why should we hire you?
Sung-Il had written exactly one sentence.
I am willing to learn.
He had stared at it for three days. He still hadn’t pressed submit.
"This is ridiculous," he told the screen.
Rain tapped against the window. The room smelled of instant noodles, old clothes, and the particular despair produced by an unpaid electricity bill.
Sung-Il looked at the application.
Then at the electricity bill.
Then at the ancient black book sitting on his table.
The book had arrived that afternoon. He had bought it from a strange old man running a tiny stall under a railway bridge, who claimed it contained instructions for contacting The Nameless One, an entity that existed before gods, before civilizations, and possibly before the universe itself.
It had cost the equivalent of twelve dollars.
He had not negotiated.
Apparently he had reached the point in his life where buying forbidden occult literature from strangers seemed like a reasonable financial decision.
He opened it. The pages were yellow and brittle. The writing wasn’t Korean, or English, or any language he recognized.
Yet somehow, when he looked at the symbols, he understood them.
The instructions were surprisingly simple. Draw the circle. Light six candles. Place the offerings inside. Call upon the entity. Ask for what you desire.
Sung-Il smiled.
"Finally. A job interview I can actually prepare for."
The Ritual
An hour later, the room looked completely different.
The curtains were closed. Six black candles surrounded a large circle drawn across the floor. It had taken him almost forty minutes to get the circle right. He had made it too small, then too large, then stepped on it, then had to start over.
Now he stood in the middle of it in an old black T-shirt and sweatpants, holding the book in both hands. His expression was solemn. If he was going to summon an ancient evil entity, he had decided, he should at least look serious.
Unfortunately, he looked like a man about to ask customer service for a refund.
"Okay." He took a deep breath. "I, Sung-Il-Kook, call upon the one who exists beyond the heavens."
Nothing happened.
He cleared his throat. "Lord of darkness."
The candles flickered.
His eyebrows rose. "Oh."
He grew bolder. "Ancient god of chaos."
The flames bent sideways, though there was no wind.
"Destroyer of worlds."
The room turned cold.
"Master of forbidden knowledge."
A deep vibration passed through the floor.
Sung-Il’s confidence vanished at once. "Okay. This is actually working."
He picked up the first offering, an envelope holding the last of his money. "I offer you wealth."
He set it in the circle.
Nothing. Five seconds. Ten. Thirty.
"...You don’t want money?"
No answer.
"Fine." He picked up his laptop. "I offer you technology. It’s pretty good."
The screen went black.
Sung-Il stared at it. "That was unnecessary."
The third offering was a photograph of himself several years younger. He looked healthier. His hair was better. He had friends. He had hope.
He looked at it for a moment, then placed it in the circle.
"I offer you my memories."
The temperature dropped. The flames turned blue. For the first time, Sung-Il felt genuine fear. The shadows around the room began to move.
Something was coming.
He clenched his fists and went through the rest in a rush. "My future. My lifespan. My soul." Silence. He frowned. "My dignity?"
Still nothing.
"...Seriously?"
The darkness did not respond.
Sung-Il lost his patience. "You’re an ancient cosmic entity. I’m offering you everything I have. You don’t want money. You don’t want my memories. You don’t want my soul." He threw up his hands. "Then what the hell do you want?"
Every candle went out.
The room dropped into darkness. A sound rose behind him. Not a voice, not breathing, but something much deeper. Like an enormous creature smiling.
Sung-Il slowly turned around.
Two eyes had opened in the dark. They weren’t human or even animal. They looked like holes punched through reality.
A shape stepped out of the black: tall, thin, wrapped in something like smoke. Its arms were too long. Its face never settled, shifting between old and young, male and female, human and monster, nothing and everything.
Sung-Il’s legs began to shake.
The voice came from everywhere at once.
What do you desire?
What do you offer?
He had prepared for this moment. He had written a list: infinite wealth, immortality, world domination, superpowers, maybe a girlfriend. He had even prepared a backup request involving good hair.
All of it left his head.
So he did what Sung-Il-Kook did best. He spoke without thinking.
"Bro."
The entity went silent.
Sung-Il pointed at it. "What do you actually want, asshole?!"
The entity tilted its head.
Asshole.
Its mouth curved upward. It was a very unnatural smile.
Deal.
Sung-Il froze. "...Deal?"
The entity raised one hand. The ritual circle exploded with black light.
"WAIT."
The floor vanished. Gravity went with it. His body was dragged backward.
"What does ’deal’ mean?!"
The entity kept smiling.
Then something enormous and entirely unnatural struck him from behind.
His eyes bulged. His mouth opened. His last coherent thought was:
I should have just applied for the damn job.
Everything went black.
Welcome to Elysara
Sung-Il woke because something was licking his face.
He opened one eye. Green grass. Blue sky. White clouds. A tiny yellow creature stood on his chest, looking very much like a rabbit, except that it had six ears.
It licked his nose.
"GET OFF!"
The creature hopped away. Sung-Il sat up, breathing hard. This wasn’t his room. There were no dirty walls, no unpaid bills, no dead laptop. He was lying in the middle of a vast golden meadow.
Above the silver-barked trees on the horizon, enormous islands floated in the sky, actual chunks of land hanging among the clouds. Water poured from one of them in a waterfall that vanished into the mist.
And several kilometers away stood a city.
It was gigantic, ringed by stone walls, its towers linked by bridges. Airships drifted between them, some built of wood and canvas, others of metal and glowing crystal. A translucent barrier arched over the whole thing like a dome of glass.
Sung-Il’s mouth fell open. "...Where am I?"
A blue window appeared in front of his eyes.
[WORLD TRANSFER COMPLETE.]
He froze.
[WELCOME TO ELYSARA.]
[CURRENT ERA: THE AGE OF CHAOS.]
[SPECIES: HUMAN.]
[AGE: 29.]
"I’m still twenty-nine?" The system didn’t answer. "Could’ve at least made me twenty-five."
[UNIQUE ABILITY DETECTED.]
Sung-Il’s eyes widened. A grin spread across his face.
"Finally." He stood and flung his arms toward the sky. "I’ve been given another chance!"
A dramatic wind swept through the grass. His hair moved beautifully. Somewhere in the distance, a bird cried.
Sung-Il looked magnificent.
For about three seconds.
Then he noticed his clothes. Same stained sweatpants. Same old T-shirt.
"...The god couldn’t even give me new clothes." He sighed. "Cheap bastard."
[ABILITY REGISTRATION COMPLETE.]
He leaned forward eagerly. "Show me."
The screen expanded.
UNIQUE ABILITY: RECTUM ANALYSIS
Classification: Irregular Rarity: Unknown Growth Potential: Unknown
Analyzes biological compatibility.
Sung-Il slowly lowered his head.
"...Rectum Analysis?"
Silence.
"That’s my unique ability? Of all possible abilities?" He stabbed a finger at the screen. "I could have gotten fire magic. Teleportation. Time manipulation. Immortality. Why is my superpower called RECTUM ANALYSIS?"
[Name assigned by system.]
"Can I rename it?"
[NO.]
"...Why?"
[NO.]
"You didn’t even explain!"
[NO.]
Sung-Il covered his face. "I’ve been in this world for five minutes. And I’m already the weird guy."
He tried to look on the bright side. He raised one finger.
"At least it’s not called Ass Analysis."
The window flickered.
[Ability Name: Rectum Analysis.]
Sung-Il narrowed his eyes. "You thought about it, didn’t you?"
No response.
"I know you did."
A heavy horn sounded from the distant city. The gates opened, and a column of mounted warriors rode out in silver armor. Their horses had glowing blue horns. At the center rode a woman in white armor.
Even from several kilometers away, Sung-Il could tell she was different. A blue aura clung to her like light.
[Powerful Individual Detected.]
His eyes widened.
[Analysis unavailable. Target outside current analysis range.]
He looked at the distant knight. Then at his Level 1 status. Then at his ridiculous ability.
For the first time since arriving, he smiled.
Maybe this world wasn’t going to be so bad.
He picked up a stick and held it like a sword. Behind him, the six-eared rabbit shook itself and trotted after him. With no plan and no idea what he was doing, Sung-Il began walking toward the city.
He knew only that he was alive again, that the sky had islands in it, and that he had been given the strangest ability in the world.
He looked at the floating window one last time.
LEVEL 1 — SUNG-IL-KOOK Unique Ability: RECTUM ANALYSIS
"Fine," he muttered, tightening his grip on the stick. He looked toward the magnificent city. "If this is the hand I’ve been dealt... then I’ll somehow become the strongest asshole in this world."
The system produced one final notification.
[Achievement Unlocked]
FIRST ASSHOLE OF ELYSARA
Sung-Il stopped walking.
"...You have got to be kidding me."