<Zuri>
Pregnant.
Zuri was pregnant.
Staring down at his stomach, Zuri lost himself in thought. He imagined his belly swollen to the point of bursting. He imagined his modest chest growing slightly in size. He imagined all the possible changes that could occur due to pregnancy and shuddered. Pregnancy was a notoriously difficult thing to go through. Even in the most ideal of circumstances, it was still a hard process to pass. And, to make it worse, was the sheer duration of the ordeal: this was no quick affliction but a long, drawn-out problem that lasted months at the minimum.
A smile drew on Zuri’s face.
It wasn’t one of happiness but utter incredulity.
The absurdness he was currently experiencing now wasn’t something he could’ve predicted fate had in store for him. Not in his last life or this one. Despite being female, the thought had never seriously crossed his mind. But now, not only did it occupy his mind, it was a reality he couldn’t escape from lest he was prepared to face the consequences alone.
Tracing his finger across the bed, Zuri sighed.
Wealth, power and influence.
In his last life, those were things he yearned for the most, especially the wealth. He spent a good chunk of that life grinding, stumbling and battling to get that which he so yearned for. Desire was born from that struggle, and it manifested itself as greed. An all-consuming greed that ceased to be sated. Put simply, Zuri couldn’t do without. He couldn’t do without his title, wealth, and privilege. The likely consequences he would incur should he seriously step out of line in this marriage… in this pregnancy.
Zuri laughed.
The situation was truly absurd.
If his past self, that young boy, could see how he was behaving now, he would mock him.
When did he become so pitiful?
Where did that boy, who was the embodiment of a hardened warrior, disappear off to?
Zuri’s laugh transformed into a rueful grin.
That young boy had been a survivor. A capable survivor able to adapt no matter the situation.
As it stood, Zuri had no wish to give up what he currently has and adapt. He loved his family despite their betrayal and marrying him off. He loved the wealth innate in being a part of their family had entitled him to. He loved the respect and awe given by others just for existing with his title. He was no longer that young boy who could adapt to any situation. That boy was buried, and he had been for a long time. Longer than he has been welcomed in his new life.
‘Still!’
Zuri lightly gripped his sheets.
Though heavily buried and suppressed by comfort, the spirit of that buried boy lived within him. The initial desire that was born from struggle was still present. It was still present in the form of a caging greed, but its presence alone was enough to calm Zuri’s heart. He wasn’t the same as he was before, but he didn’t need to be. As long as that desire was there, he was still able to shape his fate. And although he couldn’t see what shape that fate would take yet, Zuri was confident it would work out.
Zuri released his grip on the sheets.
A small, genuine smile took his face.
The desire that caused him to adapt and thrive was still present.
It may not be what it once was, but it was still there.
Knock Knock
Zuri let out a sharp breath.
It was time he seriously tried to shape his fate.
The door to the bedroom opened.
He turned and tried to meet the gaze of the person who entered but… failed to do so.
“I have brought some breakfast….” (C)
A soft, mousy voice called to him.
Cleodora stood at the doorway holding a tray of food, her downcast eyes unable to return Zuri’s gaze.
“May I come in?” (C)
Wordlessly, Zuri observed Cleodora’s form.
If the downcast eyes and docile voice weren’t enough, then the depressing aura around certainly was.
… Clearly, there was something wrong with her.
With an even voice, Zuri called to her.
“Come in.” (Z)
She flinched.
‘Ah?’
Zuri blinked.
The same had happened yesterday, but given how unsteady he had been, he had later dismissed it as nothing.
It appeared it wasn’t nothing.
Cleodora walked over to him in slow, careful steps.
Never directly meeting his gaze or attempting to speed up.
When she finally neared, Zuri attempted once again to meet her eyes, causing her to, again, flinch and almost drop the tray.
“… What’s wrong with you?” (Z)
“N-Nothing…!” (C)
Cleodora gave a nervous laugh before swiftly putting the tray on his lap.
She then made a slow march back to the door.
“I—cough—I will be back soon! Going to work!!” (C)
Before she could dash off, Zuri called out her name.
Finally managing to catch her eye.
“Cleodora.” (Z)
He gestured to the bed.
“Stay.” (Z)
Seeing her hesitate, Zuri added.
“We need to talk.” (Z)
Seeing her hesitate more, Zuri added again.
“Can’t spare a conversation for your wife?” (Z)
“R-Right!” (C)
“Not uncomfortable?” (Z)
Staring at the fool sitting cross-legged on the ground, Zuri frowned.
“I-I’m good!” (C)
‘Whatever’
He let out a soft sigh.
It didn’t really matter at the end of the day.
“So! What did you want to talk about?” (C)
Ignoring the fake cheer in the voice, Zuri lost himself in thought.
She had asked a very important question.
There was so much to talk about, yet he found himself struggling for words.
He looked at Cleodora, who sat awkwardly on the floor.
Given her current demeanour, it was almost safe to say the guilt Zuri had sensed yesterday had grown. Of course, that was merely speculation, but seeing as her weird behaviour started after their latest time together, it wasn’t far-fetched to believe. Zuri didn’t know what happened to suddenly worsen those feelings of hers, but he hoped whatever it was, it was here to stay. This talk would only be productive if Cleodora engaged. Zuri couldn’t shape his fate if she wouldn’t be willing to really listen.
“I’m… pregnant, you know?” (Z)
Contrary to the explosive excitement of last time, Cleodora nodded silently.
Pushing past the embarrassment, Zuri forced words to exit his mouth.
“T-There’s going to be three of them, okay?” (Z)
Unlike before, when she had managed to maintain a calm poker face, Cleodora’s expression immediately shifted. Quickly from shock to joy and then finally to a solemn expression. The depressing heavy atmosphere that had momentarily disappeared re-emerged. This time with a reckoning like no other.
Zuri didn’t utter a word as she sulked in silence.
Instead, he took the time to recover and calm down his rapidly beating heart.
… He had actually managed to say the words.
The quiet that descended between the two of them stretched on. It went well past the point of being normal, but neither of them endeavoured to change that fact. They both marinated in the quiet, soaking it up for everything that it was worth and more. The quiet served as the best and only refuge from this conversation of hell. A perfect refuge from all the troubles they were to face in the war of words.
But.
Like all good things, it never lasts.
“Zuri…” (C)
A whisper was spoken.
If not for the quiet that existed and died, it would’ve been nothing more than words in the wind.
“Do… Do you hate me?” (C)
Cleodora didn’t meet Zuri’s gaze.
In grand cowardly fashion, she stared at the ground, conveniently becoming mute.
Zuri stared at her.
After a moment of silence, he responded candidly.
“No.” (Z)
Cleodora’s head shot up in a flash.
Hope danced in her eyes, and that was the moment Zuri continued.
Breaking eye contact and looking forward.
“But I don’t like you. I don’t like you one bit.” (Z)
With the same energy in which her head rose, Cleodora’s head fell.
Zuri licked his lips.
If they had met in his last life and she did what she did, he would’ve undoubtedly hated her.
Like he hated his last family, the people who mocked him and his hand at life.
But, in all his years, he had come to learn one thing about hate.
It was such a tiresome, useless emotion.
It took precious time away from one’s enjoyment of self and focused it on worthless crap. After achieving all he desired in his last life, Zuri had spent precious time and energy hating. Hating on all those who had wronged him before. It had gotten so bad at one point, he sought revenge. Taking his prized car to the filthy old streets where his addict family resided. It was only after he stepping into the sorry thing they called a home, did he have an epiphany. The pathetic animals lying on the same dirty, unclean couch he left them in weren’t worth a thought.
It was truly an eye-opening revelation.
Hate, just like revenge, was a fool’s errand.
Zuri turned to Cleodora.
Immediately, he froze.
Countless, silent tears streamed down her face, and despite her best attempts to look down and hide, Zuri could still see the devastated, twisted expression she wore. Her lips were pressed firmly together, and an empty look was held in her eyes.
Zuri, on instinct, reached out a hand but managed to stop himself before touching her.
This scene… it was quite a nostalgic scene.
Back in the day, when they first met, Cleodora would cry like this all the time.
Whether the issue was small or big, she would always end up in tears, and Zuri, being the cause a fair amount of the time, used to comfort her. Patting her head until she calmed down.
… It was a good thing they were no longer kids.
Zuri sat in silence as Cleodora cried.
Waiting and waiting until she finally calmed down.
When done, Cleodora wore a wide smile. A jovial atmosphere took her as she let out a light laugh and rubbed the back of her head.
“I-I see! My sincerest apologies!!” (C)
She looked up at him.
Her hands were trembling, and her eyes were still very much watery.
‘…Still such a crybaby, huh?’
Zuri beckoned Cleodora forward.
“O-Oh, you want me to leave? Okay!” (C)
And she misunderstood.
He gestured to his lap and uttered a single word.
“Come.” (Z)
It wasn’t ideal to have her on his lap, but the situation called for it.
Cleodora hesitated for a long, good while until finally giving in.
She rested her head on his lap.
Zuri lightly stroked her hair, allowing time to pass while deliberating on what to say.
It was an arduous thing to do, but certain things must be said.
“Cleodora. I am pregnant.” (Z)
That was a fact.
“I am pregnant with your children… our children.” (Z)
Zuri paused.
Taking a deep breath, he continued.
“I… I would rather not go through this pregnancy alone. I need help… I need your help.” (Z)
Cleodora reined her breathing into control as Zuri continued to speak.
Zuri bit his lip.
He then placed an extremely dangerous proposition.
“My parents married us, yes. But I don’t like you much less trust you. I don’t want to rely on someone who I don’t trust. I don’t want to live with someone I don’t trust… Cleodora, if you want us to be more than just married in name, you need to first become a trustworthy person. You need to become my friend… again.” (Z)
Zuri went quiet, letting his words hang in the air.
The implication of his words weren’t lost on him.
“I-I understand.” (C)
And it seemed they weren’t lost on her either.
Cleodora shuffled in his lap and mumbled out a thanks along with a long stream of apologies.
“…Thank you.” (C)
“Yeah, yeah.” (Z)
It wasn’t like Zuri was doing it for her alone; he was doing it for himself. Otherwise, how could he be the wielder of his fate?
As Cleodora's breathing slowed, Zuri stared down at her.
Memories of the past gradually flooding in.
She looked just like she did back then.