“Pick up Kaihui after work tonight. He’s been working all day and is exhausted. You two go together. I finally managed to book an appointment with the specialist. You’d better get pregnant soon, and if you dare…”
Chen Man converted the long string of voice messages her mother-in-law had sent into text and skimmed through them—just the same old worn-out nagging.
In the past, when her mother-in-law said these things, she had wanted to retort: How am I supposed to get pregnant all by myself? But after three years, that spark of defiance had long been worn away, leaving nothing but endurance.
Because she wanted a child too.
She didn’t listen to the rest of the voice messages. She turned off her phone and placed it face-down on the desk.
She glanced at the time—it was only five o’clock, still a long way from the end of the workday.
“Chen Man, organize these documents and send them to me before you leave work. The higher-ups are doing inspections these days.”
A stack of documents was dropped onto her phone, stirring up stale dust and debris that made her sneeze.
Chen Man pinched her nose and quickly answered, “Okay, I’ll get right on it.”
The Director’s voice faded into the distance. “If you have a cold, take some medicine quickly. Don’t infect your coworkers. This awful weather—it’s raining again.”
A coworker nearby looked up from her computer for a moment, her voice full of disdain: “Aren’t you quitting soon? Why are you still so eager? Who are you trying to impress by working this fast? It’s useless!”
There was schadenfreude[1]Pleasure or satisfaction derived from someone else’s misfortune jQuery('#footnote_plugin_tooltip_3698959_1_1').tooltip({ tip: '#footnote_plugin_tooltip_text_3698959_1_1', tipClass: 'footnote_tooltip', effect: 'fade', predelay: 0, fadeInSpeed: 200, delay: 400, fadeOutSpeed: 200, position: 'top center', relative: true, offset: [-7, 0], }); in her voice.
Chen Man didn’t even lift her head. She pulled out the first document, her fingers already moving across the keyboard. “It’s fine.”
The coworker curled her lip, her face full of contempt, and sent a message to the coworker across from her: “Serves her right. Work her to death.”
The other one sent back a snickering emoji.
Ten minutes before the end of the workday, Chen Man sent the organized documents to the Director and told her she was leaving twenty minutes early.
Outside, the rain was already pouring down in sheets, as if heaven and earth had been turned upside down.
As soon as Chen Man rode her electric scooter out of the garage, the rain soaked her face as though she had washed it with water.
She rode carefully all the way to the building where Zhong Kaihui’s company was located. She had just parked when she slipped on the wet road and fell.
The vegetables she had bought that morning tumbled out of the scooter and scattered across the ground. Chen Man righted the scooter and hurried to pick them up. Just then, she heard hearty laughter as someone passed by.
“Impressive! I never would have guessed you could cook. An outstanding girl like you shouldn’t be tied to the kitchen stove.”
It was her husband Zhong Kaihui’s voice.
Chen Man suddenly remembered that Zhong Kaihui had once said: What’s the point of a woman working? She should just stay home and enjoy life.
A pair of beautifully manicured hands picked up an onion and handed it to Chen Man, who was still bent over, her head down. A gentle voice asked, “The road is slippery in the rain. Are you okay?”
Chen Man shook her head. As she reached out to take the onion, she saw how black and dirty her own fingers were.
Zhong Kaihui’s leather shoes were right in front of her eyes. Just that morning, she had personally polished them with shoe polish and handed them to him to put on. Back then, he had said he hated men who got caught in the rain, yet now he seemed to be in a good mood.
Zhong Kaihui added another compliment in a tender voice: “And you’re so kind.”
The woman laughed. “Oh my, you’re such a smooth talker. Whoever marries you will surely be happy. No need to see me off, I’m driving.”
“Why be so polite with me? It’s on my way anyway.”
The voices were swallowed up by the heavy rain and faded away.
Back then, Chen Man had gotten together with Zhong Kaihui precisely because of his thoughtfulness and gentleness. Looking at it now, he treated all women this way.
She was his wife, the person closest to him. Losing that sense of being special to him left her with nothing but exhaustion.
Chen Man finished cleaning up and called Zhong Kaihui. When the call connected, she heard a subway station announcement through the receiver.
Zhong Kaihui’s tone was mild and indifferent, as if he’d forgotten the message Chen Man had sent him when she set out, saying she’d come pick him up so they could go to the hospital together. “It’s so cold today, I almost got soaked. Anyway, the subway was packed!”
Chen Man gripped her phone tightly, rain washing into her eyes, stinging and cold. “Did you not see the message I sent you?”
Zhong Kaihui said, “Oh right, you didn’t forget to buy the braised fish, did you? I’m starving. Can’t wait to eat your cooking. Hurry home too!”
Before Chen Man could say anything, the call was cut off.
Beep—beep—
The busy tone sounded again and again, like a dull knife slicing through flesh.
Zhong Kaihui was very good at avoiding things.
Chen Man stood in the rain, clutching her phone, water streaming down from the ends of her hair and into her eyes. She blinked but didn’t raise a hand to wipe them away. It was pointless anyway—the rain wouldn’t stop anytime soon, and she still had to keep walking.
Her shoes were already soaked through, water squelching out with every step. Her trouser legs were speckled with mud, splashed when she’d dodged a car earlier. Her coat clung to her body, cold and heavy, like wearing a layer of ice.
It shouldn’t have been this way.
In weather like this, she could have taken a taxi. Or the subway.
But her mother-in-law had pushed that secondhand electric scooter back on her, telling her to save on commuting costs and put the money toward raising a child someday.
And there were the groceries. Her mother-in-law said she passed the market on her way to work, so she should get up early and buy food along the way. But going by the market meant a forty-minute detour.
Chen Man had pushed back.
Her mother-in-law didn’t listen.
Zhong Kaihui said nothing either.
She and Zhong Kaihui got together in their senior year of college, married after graduation, and had been together for five full years now.
She suddenly wanted to ask herself: what role did Zhong Kaihui actually play in this marriage?
Chen Man felt utterly drained. Trying to follow her grandmother’s advice and build a perfect family was so hard.
By the time she reached the hospital, she no longer looked disheveled, though she was still somewhat damp.
Her phone rang again.
It was a voice message from her mother-in-law: “Where are you? I asked you to pick someone up and you can’t even do that right—my son’s clothes got splashed with rain! If you don’t want to see the doctor, come home and cook. Don’t let my son go hungry!”
Chen Man looked at the queue outside the consultation room and suddenly felt no hurry. She found a seat and sat down.
Soon, it was her turn. Chen Man showed the doctor her previous examination records. The doctor said, “There’s nothing wrong with you physically. How about we do a more detailed examination?”
Chen Man pressed her lips together, the hesitation in her eyes hardening into resolve. “We’ve been married for three years, and we’ve had sex fewer than five times. Each time, he didn’t even last ten seconds, and he never actually entered me. He always says he’s tired, or not in the mood…”
She suspected Zhong Kaihui was gay.
But today he’d been so attentive to that female colleague—it didn’t seem like it.
Only now had she worked up the courage to raise the question she’d kept buried for so long.
“Oh, no wonder,” the doctor said. “Erectile dysfunction is something I can treat too. From your description, it sounds quite serious. It’ll be hard to have a child. Find time to bring your husband in.”
Chen Man froze.
The weight that had been hanging over her heart finally lifted.
After a long while, she heard her own voice: “Could you write up a diagnosis, or prescribe some medication or something?”
The doctor gave her a second look. “Yes.”
Holding the doctor’s diagnosis, Chen Man didn’t feel relieved.
Even though it could shut her mother-in-law’s mouth when necessary, having a child was probably hopeless now. Zhong Kaihui cared far too much about face—he would never come in for treatment.
Chen Man clutched her bag and headed for the exit, lost in thought, when she suddenly bumped into a man hurrying past.
“Sorry…” Chen Man apologized instinctively. The person turned around—someone she recognized. “Assistant Yang.”
Yang Jun recognized her too. “I remember—you’re from the Business Development Department, Director Wan’s team?”
Chen Man nodded.
Yang Jun said, “Then I have a favor to ask. My stomach hurts badly. This is stomach medicine for President Liang—please help me take him home!”
With that, Yang Jun pressed the keys to the luxury car into Chen Man’s hand.
Chen Man was at a loss. Over the years, the daily grind of making ends meet had worn away whatever spark of liveliness she’d once had.
Yang Jun kept looking back as he walked away. “You can drive, right?”
“I can…”
Chen Man gripped the keys tightly.
For many people, this might have been a golden opportunity to get noticed by the new big boss, but for Chen Man, it was simply awkward.
Still, thinking of her mother-in-law’s relentless phone calls urging her home, she walked toward the luxury car at the hospital entrance.
The window was half-open. A man in an impeccably tailored suit extended his arm, a slender cigarette held between his long fingers.
The ash was long—he had lit it just to keep himself alert.
Amid the curling smoke, Chen Man’s eyes met Liang Jinfeng’s. He glanced at the keys in her hand and withdrew his arm.
A deep voice, hoarse from drink, drifted out. “You’re three minutes and ten seconds late.”
This was the first time Chen Man had been this close to the big boss. Her conclusion: not easy to get along with.
Liang Jinfeng’s eyes were clouded by alcohol, dark and dangerous as an abyss. His voice was low. “Get in.”
Chen Man hesitated, suddenly afraid she might be walking into a trap.
References[+]