Who am I?
Where am I?
And where did these two insolent bastards come from?
Sarutobi Hiruzen had only just woken up, and his expression was completely blank, confusion clouding his aging eyes.
He vaguely remembered the alarm sounding at the village gates.
He had dispatched the ANBU to investigate, and then a wave of drowsiness had suddenly washed over him…
Drowsiness?!
A Kage-level shinobi like me actually fell asleep because I was tired?
Even a genin could force themselves to stay awake for days at a time, let alone someone of Kage level.
Genjutsu?
Hiruzen silently considered the possibility, narrowing his eyes as he stole a glance at Evan and Kaguya.
Are these two the intruders?
If even an old veteran like him had fallen victim to their genjutsu, there was little hope for anyone outside.
And who else but an intruder would barge into the Hokage Building and call him an old monkey?
Hiruzen quickly reached his conclusion.
No one in Konoha would dare disrespect him enough to address him that way.
“May I ask what brings the two of you to Konoha?”
Hiruzen straightened his stooped back, his expression turning solemn.
An imposing aura befitting a Kage rolled off him, causing his Hokage cloak to flutter despite the lack of wind.
I may not be as strong as you two, but don’t think the Third Hokage, Sarutobi Hiruzen, is someone you can push around!
“Old monkey, maybe you should wash your face first. I’m worried I won’t be able to keep myself from laughing.”
Evan kept his face rigid and deliberately stared into the middle distance.
A cold gleam flashed through Kaguya’s eyes.
Some insignificant clown actually dared posture in front of her.
Calling Hiruzen a clown wasn’t even much of an exaggeration at the moment.
Ink covered half his face, making him look as though he were wearing some bizarre black and white clown mask.
At Evan’s words, Hiruzen’s steadily rising aura abruptly stalled.
His stern expression collapsed as well.
Now that it had been pointed out, something really did feel wrong with his face.
It felt… wet.
His gaze drifted downward.
A large puddle of ink entered his sight.
Hiruzen’s vision nearly went black.
My dignity…
“Ahem. Let’s get down to business.”
Seeing the old monkey teetering on the edge of a breakdown, Evan decided against provoking him any further.
“I woke you up separately because there’s something I want to discuss with you.”
“What is it?” Hiruzen asked.
Since the other party was willing to talk, Hiruzen was more than happy to cooperate.
They had just knocked out the entire village.
People like this were definitely not to be messed with.
“I want to open a shop in Konoha.”
“…What?” Hiruzen froze.
His expression went blank again.
For a moment, he wondered whether old age had finally caught up with his hearing.
“Forget it.” Evan frowned, raised one hand, and flicked his finger.
A streak of light shot into Hiruzen’s mind.
In the span of a moment, Hiruzen’s expression cycled through an impressive range of emotions, shock, astonishment, disbelief, excitement…
“Incredible.”
Once he finally regained control of his expression, Hiruzen couldn’t help but sigh in amazement.
“I have absolutely no objection to Whitaker-san opening a shop in Konoha. In fact, you have my full support.”
His form of address had changed without the slightest hesitation.
“Good. Then prepare a storefront for me. Once I’m finished with my other business, I’ll come back and deal with the rest.”
They had already spent enough time here.
It was time to catch the next tailed beast.
Evan glanced toward Kaguya.
“Release the genjutsu.”
Kaguya dispelled it.
Evan opened a portal, and the two stepped through before vanishing from the Hokage’s office.
Hiruzen caught a glimpse of the scenery on the other side of the portal and muttered quietly to himself.
“Sunagakure? What kind of ingredients could they possibly find in a place that’s nothing but sand? Unless they’re after a tailed beast… No, surely not… Ha… ha?”
Wait.
That actually seemed entirely possible.
Hiruzen’s aged face stiffened.
He suddenly realized that opening a shop might not have been the only reason those two had come to Konoha.
“Lord Hokage, are you all right?”
At that moment, an ANBU shinobi who had awakened after the genjutsu was released rushed into the office.
He arrived just in time to see half of Hiruzen’s face stained pitch black.
The ANBU froze.
I just witnessed Lord Hokage humiliating himself.
Is there still time to save my life?
A sudden sense of dread crept into his heart.
Images of senior ANBU who had been dispatched on impossibly dangerous missions and never returned began flashing through his mind one after another.
Hiruzen gave the rash shinobi a calm sidelong glance.
Then he picked up his Hokage hat from the desk and put it on, lowering the brim to conceal his face.
“Notify the Sealing Team. Have them inspect the seal on Naruto.”
His voice was perfectly even.
“Yes, sir.” The ANBU breathed a quiet sigh of relief.
Dodged that one.
He answered promptly, turned around, and began forming hand seals.
Just as he was about to leap away, the Third Hokage’s eerily calm voice drifted into his ears.
“What’s your shinobi registration number? Come back later. I have a mission for you.”
The ANBU’s heart turned to ice.
I’m dead.
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
Golden sand stretched endlessly beneath the sky, carried through the air by the howling wind.
“Whenever someone mentions the desert, I think of two famous dishes, Charcoal-Grilled Scorpion and Grilled Rattlesnake.”
“Never heard of them. Never eaten them,” Kaguya offered.
“Fair enough. Neither have I. I’ve only heard about them.” Evan shrugged.
“But now that we’re in a desert, I figured we might as well try.”
He turned toward Black Zetsu.
“Black Zetsu, go catch some scorpions and rattlesnakes. Grab some wood while you’re at it.”
“Right away.” Black Zetsu’s hoarse voice came from Kaguya’s shoulder.
Less than five minutes later, two White Zetsu rose from beneath the sand, holding two snakes and eight scorpions between them.
Evan’s clothes rippled.
In moments, they transformed into a chef’s uniform.
This was the reward he had received for completing the mission to serve ten customers—
Conceptual Armament: Garb.
It never collected dust or stains and could transform into different outfits at will.
A blessing straight from heaven for the lazy.
Evan took the snakes and scorpions.
His knife flashed.
In the blink of an eye, every ingredient had been cleaned and prepared.
One of the White Zetsu helpfully used Wood Release to produce a pile of firewood, and Kaguya casually tossed a ball of flame onto it.
The wood caught fire.
While shaving pieces of wood into skewers, Evan asked the White Zetsu, “How’s the ingredient collection going?”
“We’ve already collected most of the ordinary ingredients found throughout the shinobi world. We’ve also gathered some beasts and plants that contain chakra, though only a portion so far. As for summoned beasts, we haven’t obtained many yet, and most of the ones we have are ordinary specimens.”
White Zetsu gave an honest report.
“The Akatsuki has already dispatched all available personnel to capture high-level summoned beasts. There should be results soon.”
Evan nodded.
That was more or less within his expectations.
Most ordinary summoned beasts were simply exceptional animals that possessed chakra.
They weren’t particularly intelligent.
High-level summoned beasts, on the other hand, were capable of thought, analysis, and speech.
Some even lived in their own territories separate from the normal shinobi world.
“Tell Nagato to forget about the high-level summoned beasts. We don’t need them.”
If something could talk and think like a person, eating it felt a little too questionable.
“All right. Message delivered.”
“Good.”
Evan turned the skewers with his left hand, ensuring that the pieces of meat cooked evenly, while using his other hand to brush sauce across them.
The fragrance gradually thickened.
“Smells pretty good, doesn’t it?” Evan praised his own cooking without the slightest trace of modesty.
A few minutes later, he handed a portion to Kaguya.
“Try it.”
Kaguya accepted the grilled meat.
A flicker of hesitation crossed her eyes.
Then her desire to taste the delicious smelling food won out.
She bit down on a piece of grilled meat.
“Mmmmmm~”
Her right hand immediately rose to her cheek, and her normally expressionless face softened into something almost catlike as a pleased sound escaped her throat.
“Well, look at that. Perfect timing.”
Evan had just raised a skewer toward his mouth when he abruptly turned his head and looked off to the side, chuckling.
Under his gaze, a thin figure slowly emerged from the swirling sand.