Healing Deadpool wasn't as easy as Sebastian had expected. He'd thought Divine Restoration alone would be enough. But all it did was remove the cancer. Wade's healing factor was defective.
Six hours into the treatment, Sebastian hit a wall. Wade had already had cancer when he received his healing factor, so the power had adapted to a diseased body. It had become accustomed to regenerating cancerous cells. That was why his skin looked like absolute shit, and why the cancer kept coming back no matter how many times Sebastian removed it.
He had to use Divine Enhancement to improve and stabilize Deadpool's healing factor.
It was far better now, and it no longer brought the damn cancer back every other hour.
'If only I could use my abilities on myself,' Sebastian thought sadly. He'd only managed to copy an inferior version of Deadpool's regeneration. He couldn't copy the new, improved one. That was another limitation of Divine Copy: he couldn't copy a version of a power he'd enhanced himself.
At least the version he had obtained was free of the cellular instability caused by the cancer.
"Hey, Sebby, could you put a little cancer back in my dick?" asked a newly restored Wade Wilson. He'd spent several minutes admiring himself in the mirror.
"Why?"
"Vanessa likes the texture."
'That's fucking disgusting,' Sebastian thought.
"Wait... Why did you cut off your arm?" Sebastian asked him.
"Wanted to see how long it'd take to grow back."
"You got blood all over my fucking carpet, Wade! It's white!"
"Red looks better anyway." Wade shrugged.
Sebastian could only shake his head. He'd been stuck with Wade for more than twelve hours now. That was far too long. Don't get him wrong, he liked the guy, but twelve hours? Enough was enough. Sebastian went to get a large kitchen knife. Perfectly sharpened.
"You can do this… It's just a test," he told himself, placing the blade against his skin. "I think I need a drink."
Watching someone else hurt themselves was one thing. Mutilating yourself was something else entirely. It was against any survival instict.
"Need a hand?" Deadpool pressed against the knife with his leg. "Ooh, nice edge." He picked it up to inspect it.
"There, there. Don't be such a baby. It'll grow back."
And Wade was right. His hand took fifteen minutes to regrow. That was fucking insane. Now he had three hands. If he really wanted to, he could cosplay as Shigaraki. Wade's arm, meanwhile, had grown back in an impressive five minutes, three times faster than his old healing factor.
"Holy shit, look at this." Sebastian was still staring, mesmerized, at his hand. He had a new one now, but the old one had been with him for twenty-two years. Saying goodbye wasn't easy. Maybe he could keep it like some sort of precious keepsake.
'It'll rot.'
"Can I keep it? Pretty please, pretty please?" Wade wiggled his fingers.
"Whatever." Sebastian handed it over. Wade pressed it against his face.
"I'm gonna feel myself up tonight."
"No, no, no! Wade, give it back!"
After chasing Wade all over the house, Sebastian finally had his precious hand safely back in his possession.
'Wait.' Sebastian suddenly went pale. His powers resided in his hands. If one was severed and a new one grew in its place, would he still have his powers? He hurried over and grabbed Deadpool's face.
"Ooh, a kiss? Yes, please!"
"Good. They still work." Sebastian wiped the sweat off his forehead. "You're a real bastard, you know that? Cutting my hand off like that…"
"Well, you've gotta get used to pain. Not the pain of Natalia the Abandoner, I mean physical pain. Bones breaking, being skinned alive, burns, your girlfriend smashing your balls with a hammer…" Wade brought a hand to his crotch. "Ouch." A phantom pain shot through him.
Sebastian sat down and leaned his head against the back of his chair. Deep down, Wade had a point. The guy had never hurt him before, so Sebastian knew he hadn't done it entirely to screw him over.
'This lunatic. Does he even know why he did it?'
* * *
Monday arrived, bringing another day full of customers looking for ammunition. Most people came in just for that now. They weren't even interested in buying guns anymore. Frank stopped by constantly for more rounds for his M16. He'd probably spent more on ammunition by now than he'd paid for the rifle itself.
"Mhm!" Frank had none. That grunt was the closest thing to praise Sebastian was ever going to get out of him.
Life was so boring for Sebastian. There was nothing new on television. Tony Stark was still missing somewhere out there. Spider-Man had already started making appearances, but very few images of him had surfaced.
And just like that, it was closing time.
Sebastian had a ritual he followed before going to sleep. One he'd neglected for two days thanks to a Black Widow who wanted to devour him, then put off again to drink with Deadpool.
His new healing factor had robbed him of the ability to get drunk. A sad day indeed.
He usually spent that time sketching and creating weapons and other products. The weapons from the system were good, sure, but they weren't his. They were somebody else's designs. He hadn't studied weapons engineering for nothing.
Right now, he was designing a concealed pistol. It would be worn like a band around the wrist, firing a bullet with a gesture similar to the one Spider-Man used to shoot his webs.
The biggest problems were hiding the mechanism and making sure the heat didn't melt the wearer's hand. In his previous life, he probably never could have finished a weapon like this. In this one, he could.
The system supplied materials for making weapons, materials with whatever properties he wanted. It could also manufacture the components he designed. This was what he'd enjoyed most since his reincarnation.
"And I only just got back to this," Sebastian complained aloud. Someone was trying to get inside.
It was nearly midnight. Who was sneaking around this time? He took out his phone and checked the shop's security cameras. There was a black cat on the screen. A particularly mischievous one.
'Fuck it. I'm bored,' he thought, allowing her to enter.
The dagger was still on display for the public to see. Plenty of customers looked at it and asked about it, but nobody bought it. To them, it was more of a curiosity than something they actually intended to purchase.
Black Cat moved without making a sound. Too bad the shop detected every living thing and alerted Sebastian to its presence. Otherwise, she might have gotten away with the dagger. He could see her green eyes gleaming as she examined the display case for traps.
The moment she reached for the dagger, a pair of chains shot out and pinned her against the counter. She panicked. Sebastian headed for the shop, wondering whether he ought to leave her there all night.
"Well, what do we have here?" Sebastian stepped into the intruder's view. Her green eyes held nothing but panic.
Thank you for all the support!