As a gentleman, isn’t inviting a lady to the bathroom together only natural?
—Mir
Now sporting a red handprint on his face, Mir made it to the bathroom alone without incident.
As a puppet, Mir of course wasn’t there to do something as meaningless as relieving himself—being a puppet, he had no need to excrete at all; the things he ate seemed to all convert into energy to run his body.
Likewise, the little girl’s body apparently didn’t need to excrete either, on the principle that beautiful girls don’t poop.
(Heh.)
So what did the excretion-free Mir come to the bathroom to do?
Psi-Spirit Energy [Time Master: Acceleration].
That’s Mir’s Psi-Spirit Energy: he can speed up or slow down the flow of time on anything he touches, and he can also use it on himself to accelerate.
He can’t keep it running on a single person to make them age, and it can’t alter their mind or thoughts—which is why, back when he was practicing keeping his own mind up to speed with his body, he broke his legs more than a few times.
After a solid two and a half years of practice, he could finally accelerate his body to a certain degree and make small, detailed movements without crashing into things.
So the person using the toilet stall only saw a blur pass by, and then the toilet paper in the stall was gone.
That was Mir’s purpose in coming to the bathroom.
How could the genius Lord Mir stoop to some childish method of revenge against a dimwit officer like that—so he’d just flush all the toilet paper down the toilets instead.
Of course, the deranged Lord Mir didn’t only hit the men’s room.
As long as he was fast enough, no one could get a clear look at his face, and besides, he counted as half a girl himself—so the toilet paper in both the men’s and women’s restrooms of the station met a tragic end.
Mir returned from the bathroom refreshed, as if he’d just accomplished some great and glorious feat.
Meanwhile the Guard Captain sprawled in her chair had apparently given up on the idiotic notion of finding wrong characters in fifty thousand characters.
She lay on her side reading a novel.
Do all Guard Captains have this much free time?
Global warming in the Modern World must have something to do with her slacking off, Mir slandered her inwardly, cocking his head to read the novel’s title:
Calabash Brothers vs.
Transformers
Looks like a book from the Modern World.
Seems pretty interesting—maybe I should buy a copy to read when I get back?
“So, may I…” Just as Mir was about to ask whether he could leave, he suddenly felt his thigh start vibrating violently.
This feeling—could it be…
Mir pulled a smooth, flat, dark-red crystal out of his pants pocket.
There were images on the crystal; it looked a lot like a touchscreen phone.
This thing was called a Communication Crystal.
Though it looked like a touchscreen phone, its functions were a far cry from one—it could only make calls and send messages.
Mir frowned at the four-character contact note that read “Student Council President,” thought about it, and decided to hit answer.
“Hello, hello? Are you ‘Clueless Guy’?” An unfamiliar male voice with a bit of an accent came through.
“Huh? No, I’m not. Hanging up.” He checked the contact carefully—no mistake.
What kind of ridiculous note did that big-forehead woman set for me?
“Ah? Hey, kid, don’t hang up—seems I didn’t make myself clear. Do you know an elf woman named Asiya?” The other party’s tone grew urgent, though the slight accent still made him a bit hard to follow.
Better cast Translation Magic.
Mir channeled a bit of magic power to his ear—the most basic Translation Magic taught at the academy.
It could be placed in one’s mouth or in one’s ear; with a little fine-tuning, the other party’s words became the everyday Mandarin he’d used back in the Modern World.
Come to think of it, he’d been forced by that woman to master this world’s common tongue in a single year—he still doubted how he’d pulled it off.
Mir’s thoughts drifted, but he didn’t forget to answer:
“Asiya is our school’s Student Council President.
How’d you end up with her Communication Crystal?”
“Good, so you know her.
Kid, your council president’s been kidnapped by us!
You’ve got two days to get one million Mila (equivalent to RMB) and set it at the door of 204 Beit Street, or don’t blame us for showing this delicate flower no mercy!
Heh heh heh heh…” The killer part: this lousy magic actually translated it into accented Mandarin.
“I want to talk to her, or I’ll pretend I never took this call.” Mir’s voice turned serious, successfully drawing the attention of the goofing-off Guard Captain beside him.
“Tch, hey girlie, that kid wants to talk to you.
Don’t try anything!”
“Hello?
Is that the Princeling?
This lady’s been kidnapped, hurry—”
“Are we even that close?
Why are you calling ME when you get kidnapped?!” Before the council president could finish, Mir’s roar mercilessly cut her off.
The sudden shout startled the Guard Captain beside him so badly she fell right off her chair onto the floor, glaring at Mir—but wait, did he just say the word “kidnapped”?
“It’s, it’s, it’s mainly because this lady switched to a new Communication Crystal, and right now I’ve only saved your contact… n-no good?” The council president’s voice on the line came in fits and starts, as if she was a bit embarrassed.
Don’t tell me it’s because she’s got no friends that she saved me first?
This thought popped into Mir’s head—but would Mir, with his self-proclaimed top-tier EQ, actually say something like that out loud?
“Don’t tell me it’s because you’ve got no friends that you saved me first?” Regrettably, Mir’s EQ was also only top-tier by his own estimation.
“H-how is that even possible?! How could I, the Student Council President, possibly have no friends?!” Asiya shrieked in furious embarrassment.
“Damn brat, letting you two talk wasn’t an invitation to chitchat!
Listen up, kid—if we don’t see one million Mila within two days, get ready to say your final farewell to your dear council president!”
“‘Us’?
How many of you are there?” By her elf instincts, Asiya shouldn’t have been so easy to catch—unless the other side was strong.
But honestly, a small-fry with that kind of intelligence didn’t seem like a strong one, so did that mean there were a lot of them?
If it was numbers, he wasn’t sure that big-forehead girl could get away.
“Ha?
Kid, are you doubting my intelligence?
You think I’d tell you it’s just the three of us?”
“Idiot, you already told him!” One of his accomplices seemed to lean in and bellow:
“Kid, don’t even think about calling the cops or pulling any tricks, or we’ll off the hostage, got it?” And then the call cut off.
“…” Why are you yelling so loud?
The cop sitting right next to me heard everything.
“Is it a kidnapping? How many are on the other end? Can we pin down the location?” The Guard Captain wore a serious expression that didn’t match her intelligence.
“They said to leave the money at the door of 204 Beit Street…” Mir recalled, then added: “And they claimed there are ninety-three of them.
Doesn’t sound like they’re lying.”
“Haah?!”