Funny how quickly things can change.
An hour ago my world was a single table.
Now I stand on the sidewalk as a door is dead-bolted behind me.
An hour ago I was surrounded by library bookshelves.
Now I’m surrounded by nearby houses, dark shadows against the sunset sky.
An hour ago Fujimura was here.
Now she’s nowhere to be seen.
Shit.
Fujimura…
The way she said my name.
The look on her face.
My stomach turns, and I scrub a hand through my hair.
Okay…
No.
Fuck no.
I’m not doing this.
Not here.
I reach into my pocket and pull out my phone.
Conversation with: Sakuragi Naoko.
I type out a text.
“Could you pick me up?” Send.
The reply ‘ping’ comes faster than I expected. “Sorry, kiddo.” Ping. “Hip still hurting.”
Right. Of course it is, with everything that happened yesterday.
Use your fucking brain, Sakuragi.
Ping. “You okay?”
I give a wry chuckle at that.
I’m always okay.
“Yeah.” Send. “Just stuck at the library.”
Ping. “The library?”
“Yeah.” Send. “Long story.” Send.
Ping. “Take a taxi.” Ping. “Least I can do.” She ends her messages with an old-school smiling face.
She knows how to use emojis, she’s just being stubborn.
The smile it gives me fades quickly. Not in a smiling mood, I guess.
“Bus is fine,” I send. “I’m not in a rush.” Send.
I’m putting my phone back in my pocket when I hear it ‘ping’ again.
Mom again.
“Taxi would be faster.”
I can practically hear her voice in my head when I read that.
I sigh.
“Bus is cheaper.” Send.
She’s typing, typing, typing.
Ping. “Suit yourself.”
I smirk. We’ve had this conversation many times now—she knows she can’t win.
I shove the phone back into my pocket before she can add anything else.
The bus stop is a few blocks away.
I pick my bag of books up off the sidewalk.
Left foot, right foot.
The bus is half-empty when it arrives.
I grab a seat near the back and lean my head against the window as we pull away from the curb.
Streetlights slide past the glass one after another, each one briefly lighting up the inside of the bus before fading again.
I keep thinking about the conversation in the library, reliving it against my will.
Fujimura looking up at me.
Fujimura asking, pleading for help.
Fujimura’s look of resignation.
Fujimura—
I look away from the window.
I can’t keep…
Stupid.
This is stupid.
It’s over.
We each said what we said, and that’s the end of it.
The only reason I’m even still thinking about it is…
That I don’t want anything getting back to me.
Like she said.
That’s all it is.
…probably.
Ugh.
Whatever.
It doesn’t matter.
It doesn’t.
Fucking.
Matter.
I can’t change the past, only the future.
Tomorrow is Monday.
School day.
I’ll hang out with the guys, see Hina-chan.
I just need to make it through today, and everything will be back to normal.
That’s the plan.
I count the passing lights outside the window again.
One.
Two.
Three.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Our apartment smells like green tea.
I close the door behind me, exchange my shoes for slippers, walk to the main room…
…and sure enough—Mom is there, taking a sip from her favorite teacup.
“I’m home,” I announce.
“Welcome home,” she greets as she sets the cup back down on the table.
She’s sitting on our modest sofa—the sole island of modernity in our otherwise traditional main room—and I feel grateful again that I got her to buy it.
Her cane leans against the armrest and a heating pad is lodged between her hip and the couch cushion.
She starts reaching for her cane, but I wave her off.
“No need to get up,” I say.
She smiles gratefully. “Bus treat you well tonight?”
“It was fine.”
She eyes me for a second.
“You look tired.”
“You look tired,” I quip.
“Like mother, like son,” she says, and we grin at each other.
“Have you eaten?” she asks.
“Not since breakfast, actually,” I say as I lean into the fridge.
“Wow. Busy with homework?”
“Uh… yeah. Something like that.” Not a lie. Technically.
Shit, now that person got in my head.
“There’s still some curry in there!” she calls, jolting me back to the present.
“Ah, I see it.” I grab it from the fridge.
Right myself.
Grab a bowl from the cupboard.
“…You’re welcome.”
I laugh. “Thanks, Mom.”
“Mhmm,” she deadpans. “So is it ‘something like that’ in the sense that you got your homework done for tomorrow?”
“No, not yet. Still some to do tonight.” I spoon some curry into my bowl and pop it into the microwave.
“Ah.”
“Yep.” I grab a glass from the cupboard and fill it with water.
There’s a second pause and I know instinctively that pleasantries time is over.
“So,” she fails to say casually, “how were the Fujimuras?”
I take a long gulp from my water before answering.
“…Fine.”
“…‘Fine’?” she repeats.
“Yeah.”
She tilts her head slightly, watching me as I lean in the kitchen doorway.
“What’d you all talk about?”
“Not much.”
“And Fujimura-kun is doing well?”
“Uh… yep. Seemed to be when I left.”
“Left… to the library.”
“Mhmm.”
The silence stretches for a second.
I don’t meet her eyes.
“…Come here,” she says eventually.
“Huh?”
“Just come here, please.”
Oh no.
I walk toward her.
The microwave goes off behind me as I walk.
I ignore it.
Finally, I reach the couch.
She grabs her cane and pulls herself to her feet.
I know not to object, but it doesn’t mean I don’t want to.
Finally, she’s standing.
And before I can ask what she’s doing…
…she wraps her arms round me.
“Hey,” she says quietly.
For a moment I just stand there, my shoulders and my body frozen.
Then my shoulders loosen a little despite myself.
“I’m okay,” I mutter.
“I know,” she says.
Which is a weird answer.
Because it doesn’t sound like she actually believes that.
She just… says it anyway.
Her grip tightens slightly for a second before she finally lets go.
“There,” she says.
“Better?”
“It’s… Yes. Thank you. I’m okay,” I repeat.
She smiles a little.
“Good.”
I hover awkwardly near the couch for a second, not sure what I’m supposed to do next.
When it’s clear she’s not gonna say anything else, I break the silence myself.
“Is it okay if I eat in my room?” I ask. “Like I said, I’ve still got a lot of homework to do.”
She nods and sinks back onto the sofa, which I take as my cue.
I grab my food from the microwave and grab utensils before making a beeline for my room.
“Toji.” Mom calls out as I’m almost there.
I pause.
Turn my head to meet her eyes.
“You sure you’re okay?” she asks.
I give a slight smile.
“Of course,” I respond before backing into my room and letting my smile drop.
I’m okay.
I’m always okay.
[3/23/26 Edit: Added chapter name.]
[4/10/2026 Edit: reformatted name]