Back home, Jiang Li unpacked every last grocery bag and lined the contents up on the counter.
Then he beckoned Witch Miss to the bathroom.
"This is a toothbrush. Squeeze on some toothpaste, then scrub back and forth inside your mouth. That's all."
He demonstrated once, slow and deliberate.
Kakayan's processor often stuttered, but only because modern common sense was missing from her database. Once Jiang Li explained something, she usually mastered it in minutes.
Except chopsticks.
"Like this?" Kakayan squeezed a coil of white paste onto the soft bristles.
"Right. Now brush," Jiang Li said.
"Ouch!"
The instant the brush crossed her gums, Kakayan yelped.
Was this paste poisonous? Her tongue burned, and a weird chemical taste flooded her mouth.
Was that scoundrel Jiang Li trying to poison her?
Yet when she peeked at him, he was brushing his own teeth with the same stuff—no sign of distress.
She wanted to spit everything out.
"You'll get used to it. All toothpaste stings at first. Want the kids' version instead?"
Jiang Li folded his arms, enjoying the show.
"Huh?"
The word children made Kakayan frown. Pride won over nausea; she forced herself to keep brushing.
Foam spilled between her teeth, thick as instant-noodle broth. A spicy note crept up into her sinuses.
"That's enough—spit," Jiang Li ordered.
Kakayan grabbed the rinse cup, swished and spat.
"Ptoo, ptoo, ptoo..."
Five rinses later the minty burn finally faded.
Oddly, the ordeal left her mouth feeling crisp. A cool breeze seemed to slide between her teeth, carrying a faint grassy scent.
She bared her teeth at the mirror.
Even rows, perfectly sized, dazzling white—her canines sharper than any human's.
Jiang Li studied the gleaming enamel, then glanced at the bite marks on his forearm.
"So... if you never brush, how are your teeth this perfect?"
"Hmph—pretty, right?" Kakayan lifted her chin. "A witch's body freezes at about twenty. After that, barring bizarre diseases, we stay perfect until death."
"Mm." Jiang Li nodded. "Still, brush twice a day—morning and before bed."
"Why?" Kakayan protested. "You saw—they're flawless."
"You're not used to modern food yet; that's why they're fine. Wait until you've eaten more—then you'll meet the cavity."
"What does that mean...?" Kakayan stared at Jiang Li's reflection.
"Why do you think all that stuff tastes so good?"
"Because humans are great cooks?" Kakayan tilted her head. Food was simply tasty or not; did humans sprinkle magic on it?
"Because it's all unhealthy." Jiang Li grinned.
"..." Kakayan swallowed.
Remembering the instant noodles, she suddenly found them less appetizing.
"Relax, it won't kill you." Jiang Li laughed. "You'll just..."
He had only wanted her to adopt a modern habit, but the silly woman was overreacting.
Clearly, she loved food far too much.
"Just what?" Kakayan slapped the sink.
"A chance of some annoying minor illnesses—cavities, weight gain, pimples, stomach trouble. Nothing fatal, just uncomfortable."
Kakayan's pretty face froze. Her view of modern society cracked; for the first time she sensed its darker side.
"But the food is so good," she murmured, half-closing her eyes.
Seeing her weigh taste against health, Jiang Li waved a hand.
"Don't stress—look at me. Twenty-plus years and I'm fine."
"Only twenty years, of course you can't tell!" Kakayan spun around, serious.
Jiang Li blinked.
What was wrong with what he'd said?
Then he remembered—Kakayan was a witch; human standards didn't apply. Twenty years was a blink to her.
"If you're that worried, eat blander food."
"Blander... does it taste good?"
"What do you think?" Jiang Li raised an eyebrow. "Happiness always has a price. Eat happily, pay with health."
"If I'm paying with health, do I still pay money?"
The odd question caught Jiang Li off-guard; he froze for a second, almost derailed.
"Money's just the entry fee," he said, scratching his cheek. "It only decides whether you can reach the thing you want."
"I get the theory." Kakayan nodded. After a moment she batted her lashes at him.
"I'm thirsty now. Got any unhealthy water?"
Nice—after a few days in the modern world she could already draw analogies.
Hearing this, Jiang Li felt thirsty himself.
He'd just bought some soda; he turned to the fridge.
Kakayan followed like a shadow, eyes locked on the fridge door.
"Grab a glass from the kitchen," Jiang Li said without looking back.
He opened the fridge and pulled out a can.
He felt a pinch of regret—once upon a time he'd drink half a can and toss the rest when it went flat. Now one soda had to serve two.
Kakayan set a cup on the table.
The can hissed, bubbles fizzing away. Jiang Li poured half into the glass.
Kakayan stared at the murky liquid, violet eyes trembling.
He was right—it looked like poison. She glanced at Jiang Li; he tipped his head back and drained the rest of the can in one go, then exhaled with satisfied bliss.
"What's this called?" she asked, still wary.
"Happy Water," Jiang Li answered.
"What's happy about it?"
"Take a sip and find out."
Kakayan bent low, studying the black brew. Bubbles rose like a witch's cauldron. After a fierce internal struggle she raised the cup and drank.