Maria’s car pulls away from the curb, and I watch from the porch until her taillights disappear around the corner.
I head back inside and close the door behind me. My body feels heavy, wrung out in that specific way that comes after intense emotional conversations. I drag myself down the hallway to my bedroom and collapse onto the bed face-first.
The mattress dips under my weight. I turn my head to the side so I can breathe and stare at the wall.
My laptop sits on the desk across the room, screen dark, but the power light glowing steady. I left it open. I always leave it open now.
The AIM notification chime cuts through the quiet.
I push myself up off the bed with a groan. My legs protest as I cross the room and drop into my computer chair. The leather creaks under me.
The blocky grey window is already waiting on my screen.
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: ur sister was really mad at you
“Yeah...” I say out loud.
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: like REALLY mad
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: i thought she was gonna hit u
“She had every right to be mad,” I say. “I ghosted her.”
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: she seems intense
“She can be.”
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: ...
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: do u feel better now that she yelled at u?
I think about that for a second. The guilt sitting in my chest hasn’t gone anywhere, but there’s relief underneath it. Like lancing a wound.
“Yeah, actually. I do.”
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: good
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: u deserved it tho
A laugh escapes me. “Thanks, Nicole. Very supportive.”
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: lol
I settle into the seat, watching the chat box, when the next message appears.
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: did you piss urself
I blink at the text. “What?”
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: ur pants are wet
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: lol
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: pants pisser
My eyes drop to my lap automatically. The grey fabric of my sweatpants has a dark wet spot spread across the front, exactly where I’d expect it after waking up mid-orgasm and not changing.
The dream comes rushing back in vivid detail. Nicole straddling me. Her body moving with that desperate hunger. The way she looked at me with those white eyes while she claimed me as hers.
A smirk pulls at my mouth before I can stop it.
“Hmmm, no. I didn’t piss myself,” I say to the screen. “I had a wet dream.”
The text field sits empty for three full seconds.
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: ...
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: WHAT
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: EW
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: UR SO GROSS
I shrug. “Yeah, it was an interesting dream.”
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: OMG STOP TALKING ABOUT IT
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: I DONT WANNA KNOW
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: THATS SO NASTY
I tilt forward toward the display. “Alright, I guess I won’t bring it up then.”
The cursor blinks in the empty text field. Then new text appears.
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: ...
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: was it about me?
I pause, my fingers hovering over the keyboard. The dream plays through my mind again. The cold chill of her skin against mine. The impossible, heavy pressure of her pinned over my hips.
“Well, I don’t see why that’s any of your business,” I say.
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: AUSTIN
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: WAS IT ABOUT ME OR NOT
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: TELL ME RIGHT NOW
I fold my arms over my chest. “Why do you want to know so badly?”
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: BC
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: BC I NEED TO KNOW
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: JUST TELL ME
The desperation bleeding through the all-caps makes warmth spread through my chest. I let the silence stretch out, staring at the flashing vertical line.
“Maybe it was,” I say finally. “Maybe it wasn’t.”
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: AUSTIN IM SERIOUS
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: PLEASE
I shake my head with a quiet chuckle. “Sorry. A boy doesn’t cum and tell.”
The room starts shaking.
Not subtly. The walls rattle like a freight train is passing through the foundation. My desk vibrates hard enough that the laptop screen wobbles. The chair beneath me trembles, and I grip the armrests on instinct.
“Alright, alright!” I hold up my hands toward the screen. “Yes, I had a dream where you held me down and rode me until I came deep into your hungry ghost womb.”
My voice comes out completely even. No embarrassment, no hesitation. Just stating facts.
The shaking stops immediately.
Then text explodes across the screen.
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: WHAT
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: WHAT THE FUCK
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: YOU CANT JUST SAY THAT
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: THATS SO
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: THATS
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: FUCK
I sit back, watching the messages pile up, an easy grin spreading across my face.
“You forced me to tell you,” I point out.
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: I DIDNT FORCE U
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: U COULDVE JUST SAID YES OR NO
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: NOT THAT
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: GOD
There’s something deeply satisfying about getting her this flustered.
“You literally shook the house,” I say. “That felt pretty forceful to me.”
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: SHUT UP
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: IM LEAVING
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: BYE
I notice the AIM box doesn’t leave.
“You are so bad at flirting with me, Nicole,” I say to the screen.
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: IM NOT FLIRTING
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: WTF
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: I SAID BYE
I lean forward, resting my elbows on the desk, unable to keep the amusement off my face. “Yeah, but you didn’t actually leave. The window’s still here.”
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: ...
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: maybe i forgot to close it
“Sure,” I say. “Or maybe you want to know more about the dream.”
The cursor pauses for a solid five seconds. I watch it, counting each beat in my head.
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: NO
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: i dont wanna know ANYTHING about ur gross dream
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: im just making sure ur ok after ur sister yelled at u
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: thats all
I nod slowly, even though she can’t see me. “That’s very considerate of you.”
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: shut up
“Hey, Nicole?”
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: wat
“Is there a reason you only message me instead of actually hanging out with me?”
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: ...
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: hanging out with people is scary...
I take a breath, processing that. The admission feels raw, honest in a way that cuts through all her usual deflection and hostility.
“Why don’t you give me a try?”
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: u have cum pants
“Do you want to try them on?”
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: YES
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: WAIT
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: NO
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: I GOT CONFUSED I MEANT TO WRITE NO
A laugh bursts out of me, loud and genuine. I drop my head into my hands, shoulders shaking.
I stand up from my chair and hook my thumbs into the waistband of the sweatpants. The fabric peels away from my skin, still damp and uncomfortable. I step out of them and hold them up by the waistband.
“I’m not sure if you can even try them on,” I say to the screen. “But they’re here if you want to.”
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: fuck u
I drop the pants on the floor next to my desk. “I’m going to go take a shower.”
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: GOOD
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: COLD SHOWER!
I chuckle under my breath. “Can we talk more after?”
Nicole_luvs_NSYNC: ya whatever
I grab a towel from the closet and head down the hallway toward the bathroom. My mind drifts back to that night. Her in my bedroom. The crying that turned into those desperate, needy sounds. The way she touched herself while whispering my name like a prayer and a curse at the same time.
And now she’s messaging me with all this flustered energy, shaking my house when I tease her, getting jealous so fast.
The contrast is fascinating. The raw vulnerability she showed that night versus the defensive all-caps hostility she throws at me through the screen.
I reach the bathroom and stop. My phone. I left it in my room.
I turn around and walk back down the hallway toward my bedroom.
The door is half-open. I push through it.
Nicole is standing in the middle of my room, holding my sweatpants. She’s bottomless, her pale legs bare, one foot already slipping into the leg hole of the grey fabric.
She hears me. Her head whips around.
Those white eyes go wide. Her mouth drops open. The look on her face is pure horror, like I just caught her doing the most mortifying thing imaginable.
The screech that tears out of her is louder than the time she scattered the birds. It’s raw and piercing and completely unhinged, echoing off the walls with enough force that I feel it in my chest.
She drops straight through the floor.
The sweatpants fall flat onto the hardwood. They don’t follow her down. Just collapse in a heap where she was standing a second ago.
I look over at my laptop on the desk. The screen is black again.
“Wait, come back…”