This wasn’t the first major conflict between the two.
Because he had always approached the relationship with a “let’s take it one step at a time” attitude, without expectations, there would be no disappointment, and Li Yixun rarely truly got angry with Chen Nian.
The last time Li Yixun felt this disappointed was during their senior year of college.
After that kiss in the car, they tacitly agreed to be a couple, but due to their busy schedules, their relationship, though based in the same city, felt like a long-distance one, seeing each other only once every ten days or two weeks.
Love wasn’t everything in life.
Approaching graduation, busy with familiarizing themselves with the rules of society, they didn’t prioritize love. Nevertheless, whenever they received a message or a call from the other, they couldn’t help but smile sweetly.
Their real conflict erupted in the second semester of their senior year. Li Yixun was almost overwhelmed by his graduation thesis, internship, and part-time jobs, and they couldn’t even guarantee seeing each other as often as they had before.
Chen Nian was also very busy. His company’s product, developed over a year, was about to be launched, and he had only just begun his graduation thesis. He worked until late every night.
He had no time for romance, nor did he need to, nor did he have the time to deal with a clingy girlfriend who was always around him.
But recently, the messages he sent in his spare time were always ignored, and his calls to his girlfriend went unanswered until the next day, when he received an apology message from her: “Sorry, I was too tired and fell asleep yesterday. I’ll call you back when I have a moment.”
However, this “snap time” was either something she forgot about because she was busy, or something he happened to be busywith when she called back.
Chen Nian’s patience finally snapped. He typed through gritted teeth, his facial muscles contorted from the effort: “Tomorrow afternoon, come to my apartment. Let’s meet.”
“If you don’t come, you’ll face the consequences.”
Li Yixun received this message just after finishing her Friday internship and was on her subway commute back to school.
It’s hard to describe how she felt when she received this message; perhaps a numb pessimism.
For someone with years of literary training, the meaning of “bearing the consequences” was easily understood. She even calmly considered that she simply didn’t have time for a relationship, and breaking up seemed like the right choice.
But why did just thinking about this possibility cause her heart to feel hollowed out, bleeding with pain?
“Reason” and “emotion” were like two little devils, constantly jumping and fighting in her mind.
Reason told her that she was so busy lately that she dreamt of work piling up on her, and simply didn’t have the time or energy for a relationship. Emotion, however, told her that everything she saw reminded her of him; even walking back to her dormitory bathed in the streetlights reminded her of scenes with him. How could she leave him?
Remembering his mischievous smile, his deep eyes, the uniquely pleasant scent of him when they hugged… Li Yixun knew that she didn’t want to break up.
If for the past twenty-odd years she had felt unloved by the world, then Chen Nian was perhaps the only exception the world had shown her, the only sweetness in her sea of bitterness.
She had loved someone for years, and after many twists and turns, finally won him over. With such an obsessive devotion, how could she willingly let go?
After sorting out her inner turmoil, Li Yixun still took out her phone and sent a message to her employer, using illness as an excuse to cancel the tutoring job she had originally agreed upon.
When Li Yixun arrived at Chen Nian’s apartment, he was sitting cross-legged in front of the floor-to-ceiling windows in the living room, seemingly lost in a boundless reverie.
“You’re here?” He didn’t turn around when he heard the sound, still resting his chin on his hand, lost in thought.
Li Yixun observed his profile, which was thinner than the last time she saw him, and slowly walked over and sat down beside him, casting a scrutinizing gaze directly at him.
His short hair was neatly styled, his chin was clean, and he wore a well-made shirt and trousers. Nearly two months had passed, and he still looked impeccably dressed, only the bloodshot eyes betraying his unhealthy lifestyle.
He’d been staying up late again, and probably hadn’t been eating properly, so he looked thinner than the last time they met. Li Yixun silently speculated, remaining silent.
Chen Nian broke the silence, asking the obvious question they both knew the answer to, “Have you been very busy lately?”
“As I told you before, I’m currently interning in the new media department, responsible for operating the official WeChat account of one of the company’s sub-brands. Every day, just writing articles and data analysis keeps me up very late, and then I have to take an hour and a half on the subway and then transfer to buses to commute back to the company,” Li Yixun answered honestly, counting on his fingers.
“My internship salary is 2,800 yuan a month. Lunch at the company downstairs isn’t cheap, and with the daily commute costs, I’m basically losing money on this internship.”
“So I have to continue working part-time on weekends, and occasionally I have to go back to the company to work overtime. Lately, I’ve been tutoring two families’ children regularly.”
“I haven’t decided whether to pursue a master’s degree… Although I signed with this company during the fall recruitment season, I feel like the academic requirements are getting increasingly stringent, especially since I’m a liberal arts student. So, I might end up working and studying for the master’s entrance exam while graduating… And with graduation in a few months, I’ll have to start paying off my student loans. Rent, living expenses, loan repayments—everything costs money.”
Li Yixun frankly discussed her predicament with Chen Nian, hoping he could understand her helplessness and that she wasn’t deliberately making excuses about being busy.
Chen Nian took out his phone and fiddled with something.
“I know you’re currently in a helpless financial situation… I mentioned it to you before, and I don’t want you to be working so hard.”
Li Yixun had a bad feeling. She checked her phone and sure enough, there was a pending payment on WeChat. Chen Nian had just transferred 100,000 yuan to her right in front of her.
“What do you mean?” Li Yixun stiffened, her face instantly turning cold.
Chen Nian sensed her tension and explained, “I didn’t mean anything by it… I just hope you don’t have to work so hard. You can save it for your postgraduate entrance exam or to pay off your student loans, it’s up to you… If it’s not enough, you can tell me, or I can transfer a fixed amount to you every month.”
Li Yixun, however, felt her sore spot was touched and couldn’t help but sneer, “A fixed transfer every month, doesn’t that sound like some kind of financial relationship?”
Chen Nian frowned, not quite understanding Li Yixun’s sudden outburst, “I already said I didn’t mean that. If you really mind, you can pay me back in a couple of years.”
“I’m not objectifying women, I just feel sorry for my girlfriend. I can’t give you the time I need to spend with you, but I have money, which you desperately need, so I’m willing to give it to you… With this money, at least you won’t have to do your weekend part-time job.”
“If you feel tired, I’ll rent you an apartment near your company, so you won’t have to commute so long.”
Chen Nian tried to take her hand, but she pulled away.
“Chen Nian, let me ask you this: if we break up, should I return the money to you?”
Li Yixun had always been bothered by the financial disparity between her and Chen Nian. Subconsciously, she kept money and their relationship completely separate; refusing his money was a way of preserving her remaining self-respect.
Who would complain about having too much money?
But if their relationship ended, should she return the money or not?
It wasn’t a small amount, at least not for Li Yixun. Not returning it would be like objectifying the relationship, taking it for granted that he was wealthy and therefore obligated to provide financial support.
Besides, she had no reason to accept the money. After the college entrance exam, her family all opposed her going to university. She had endured countless hardships and tears while applying for student loans and securing living expenses. She had survived those difficult times; now, it was just a matter of working a few extra jobs, which she could easily handle.
“Of course not,” Chen Nian answered without hesitation. He didn’t care about the money at all.
“I know you won’t, but I’ll feel indebted to you, and I won’t be able to feel at peace with myself. But if I pay you back, my financial burden might be even greater than it is now.”
“Li Yixun, you’re ungrateful!” Chen Nian clearly couldn’t understand Li Yixun’s thinking; he even immediately realized that she was constantly looking for a way out, considering how to extricate herself from this relationship cleanly, without owing him anything.
He stared incredulously at her tear-streaked face.
He was too angry to notice her tears. Tormented by the uncontrollable fear of their relationship ending, even his eyes were red. “All you ever think about is how to avoid owing me anything, right?”
“If you gave me an expensive gift, I’d happily accept it, but that’s not the same as you giving me money.”
“If I were your spouse now, the law stipulates shared property, and I’d accept it without hesitation. I’d also be willing to share mine with you. But right now, I’m just your girlfriend, and your money is even what your parents earned.”
“Why can’t you understand me? I just want a little… pitiful self-respect.”
Li Yixun was sobbing uncontrollably by the end, her eyes blurred with tears, making it difficult to even see his face.
“Yes, you’re so dramatic, needing self-respect. Nobody else has self-respect.”
“I just wanted to give you what you need right now. I just felt sorry for you, so tired every day that you didn’t even want to talk, and you rejected me like this. What did I do wrong?” Chen Nian’s bad temper flared up too, and he coldly watched her cry, arms crossed.
“Chen Nian, when giving gifts, you need to consider what the recipient actually needs. You’re clearly imposing your own needs on me, which is why neither of us is happy.” Li Yixun gradually regained her composure, wiping away her tears as she tried to reason with Chen Nian.
Chen Nian, however, wouldn’t listen. He stood up and walked towards the room. “I’m sorry to have kept you from earning money all afternoon. I have other things to do. Please make yourself at home.”
“Chen Nian?! Can’t you speak properly?”
The only response to Li Yixun’s outburst was a loud bang on the bedroom door, much like the sudden outburst of emotion from its owner.