Chen Nian and Li Yixun did indeed have a child.
They were twenty-eight years old that year, had been dating for over five years, and had been living together in Chen Nian’s 90-square-meter apartment for nearly two years.
Both were of marriageable age, but they were both engrossed in their work and busy with their own lives. Their rare moments of free time were spent either dating, exploring new shops, or engaging in intimate activities that couples enjoy. They had never discussed future plans, let alone marriage.
Li Yixun hadn’t asked Chen Nian for his opinion, but she was quite content with their current situation. She didn’t have high expectations or demands for the relationship, nor did she hope for a “happy ending.”
Leaving aside the issue of their families’ social standing being mismatched, the gap between her and Chen Nian had widened significantly in the past few years. After graduation, Chen Nian moved his robotic vacuum cleaner company back to Shenzhen, and it experienced rapid growth in the following years, now considered a dark horse in the industry. Li Yixun worked diligently in Guanghai City for nearly three years after graduation, finally securing a junior manager position in a headquarters department through fierce internal competition. She then returned to Shenhai City, ending her long-distance relationship with Chen Nian.
If the position she won through internal competition hadn’t happened to be in Shenhai City, Li Yixun might have continued her long-distance relationship with Chen Nian until one of them couldn’t bear it anymore and broke up. The security that work and money brought her was something Chen Nian couldn’t provide, and arguably something no one else in the world could. Having truly experienced financial hardship, she had no intention of giving up her livelihood for a man.
Li Yixun was aware of the gap between herself and Chen Nian, and even more aware that Chen Nian wasn’t indispensable to her.
The reason they continued dating might be that Chen Nian was simply too busy with work to change girlfriends, or perhaps they were physically too compatible. She had tested this man so many times, but had never received a single word of love from him. If Chen Nian were to break up with her one day, she wouldn’t be surprised. Heartbreak and pain would be inevitable, after all, he was someone she had loved wholeheartedly for so many years. But time always heals all wounds; if it hasn’t, then it simply hasn’t been long enough.
But just then, fate dealt her a cruel blow to her otherwise contented life.
Her period, more than a month late, didn’t initially raise any red flags. Her menstrual cycle wasn’t particularly regular, occasionally disrupted by late nights or work stress. Of course, such a long delay was unprecedented. At the time, she simply attributed it to the unprecedented work pressure she was experiencing, causing her menstrual cycle to become unusually irregular. She didn’t consider the possibility of pregnancy because Chen Nian always proactively used contraception.
It was Chen Nian who raised the suspicion of pregnancy upon returning from his business trip.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and after showering, Chen Nian couldn’t resist embracing her, kissing and nuzzling her. He traced the fabric down her neck, gently biting the top button of Li Yixun’s pajamas with his teeth, skillfully and expertly unbuttoning it. After repeating this several times, he successfully tasted the sweetness already covered by his large hand.
Suddenly, a crucial thought snapped out of his daze. He groggily looked up, his eyes, already red with desire, barely holding a sliver of clarity. “I suddenly remembered, is this a bit inconvenient for you?”
Li Yixun, still lost in a tingling sensation, replied bewilderedly, “No, it seems my cycle is irregular. Last month I didn’t get my period at all, and this month it’s not due yet.”
She was about to pull him closer when Chen Nian suddenly froze, his voice heavy with concern, “Do you have any other discomfort?”
Li Yixun quickly understood his meaning. “No, it shouldn’t be, right? You always have…”
Chen Nian, however, released her with a serious expression and began buttoning her pajamas one by one. “That’s not foolproof. I’ll order some takeout and have it delivered.”
Li Yixun, of course, knew what he meant.
Hanging precariously over him like a Damocles’ sword, he huddled together, head to head, devoutly and intently reading the instructions, like a child huddled together observing a curious insect.
But twenty-eight-year-old Li Yixun had lost her childlike curiosity; she felt her eyes were so blurry she could barely read the words.
After confirming she understood how to use the pregnancy test, without Chen Nian’s prompting, Li Yixun went to the bathroom to use it herself. They couldn’t possibly wait until tomorrow morning.
When the pregnancy test clearly showed two red lines, Li Yixun and Chen Nian looked at each other, seeing in each other’s eyes the confusion, panic, and other emotions they themselves didn’t understand, all caught in the grip of the unknown.
“It’s over,” Li Yixun murmured, feeling utterly hopeless. Clearly, she wasn’t mentally prepared for the possibility of her carrying a child.
Chen Nian was also visibly stunned; his palms, holding hers, were sweating.
The young couple sat there, dumbfounded, facing the sudden, unexpected tragedy, each internally churning out this storm, neither uttering a word.
After what seemed like an eternity, Chen Nian finally broke the illusion of peace, “Let’s get married.”
“You’re crazy,” Li Yixun couldn’t help but retort.
Clearly, both of them knew perfectly well that neither of them was ready to welcome this child.
Chen Nian’s topic veered off course: “Do you love me?”
“Yes!” Li Yixun answered without hesitation, raising an eyebrow and asking, “So? Is there any cause and effect?”
“That’s enough. Isn’t love enough in a marriage?” Chen Nian tried to sound relaxed, his tone light and easygoing. “We’re indeed not ready, but we’ll both try our best to be responsible parents, won’t we?”
“I don’t want to have a child, but I can’t bear to abort… It’s so frustrating.”
Li Yixun wasn’t easily convinced by Chen Nian; she felt her brain was completely overwhelmed.
“Childbirth isn’t fair to men and women; women generally bear more of the burden. So I think the choice should be left to you.”
“If you really don’t want to have the baby, I think that’s normal. It’s definitely an unexpected event that will disrupt your life for a long time to come, even your life plans.”
“If you’ve thought it through, I’ll go with you to have the surgery.”
“But if you resist the surgery, then we’ll get married and have the baby.”
“Whatever you choose, I’ll respect your decision. This is the consequence of our actions together, and I’ll face it with you.”
Chen Nian tried his best to state his views rationally and objectively, completely handing over the choice to her.
Li Yixun has always suffered from decision-making difficulties. You could say she’s cautious but not decisive enough. She even agonizes over ordering takeout, let alone facing such a life-altering decision.
Chen Nian saw through her hesitation and offered an absurd yet reasonable suggestion, “How about flipping a coin? Maybe you’ll already have the answer the moment you toss it.”
“Okay,” Li Yixun was quite satisfied with this answer. Leaving the choice to fate was another way for the timid to escape from difficulties.
Chen Nian quickly found a one-yuan coin at home and held it out to her.
Li Yixun shook her head, indicating that she shouldn’t flip it. “You try. Heads, if it’s heads, we’ll get married; if it’s tails, we’ll…”
Chen Nian glanced down at her, feeling a slight sweat on his palm again.
“Then I’ll flip it, okay?”
“Okay.”
A coin was tossed up by the force of her fingertips, spinning in the air before landing vertically in Chen Nian’s palm.
Two serious gazes fell on the coin that would decide their fate.
The one-yuan denomination was clearly visible.
Both of them breathed a barely perceptible sigh of relief and said in unison, “Let’s get married.”
And so, their engagement was made, absurd yet perfectly logical.
What happened afterward was a blur for Li Yixun.
The next day, Chen Nian accompanied her to visit her parents, agreeing without batting an eye to the exorbitant dowry. The Chen family, however, clearly still had reservations about the marriage, but, unable to resist their only child’s insistence, reluctantly agreed.
The two quickly obtained their household registration books and completed the marriage registration procedures, becoming legally married.
But the gears of fate did not stop turning. A sudden change occurred: Li Yixun’s pregnancy test revealed a problem.
“The embryo is not developing properly; termination of pregnancy is necessary.” Receiving the ultrasound report, Li Yixun felt dizzy; her world seemed to be collapsing.
After registering her marriage because of this child, she was going to lose it!
Although she wasn’t particularly looking forward to the child, it wasn’t like a game she was halfway through, suddenly crashing and reverting to the beginning.
Chen Nian had accompanied her to her prenatal checkup that day and learned the devastating news with her.
He supported her, silently processing his emotions for a while. “Let’s go see the doctor. The necessary surgery needs to be done. Delaying it won’t be good for your health.”
Li Yixun covered her face, remaining silent, her thin shoulders trembling uncontrollably.
“Did it know I didn’t really want it, so it chose to leave us?”
Chen Nian changed his support to a hug, letting Li Yixun lean on him, and softly said, “No, just like how we used fate to choose whether it stayed or left, it also used fate to decide whether to stay with us.”
“People and things need a bit of fate. We must believe that things can be accomplished by human effort, but we must also believe that fate has run its course. Don’t blame yourself; everything was predetermined.”
Later, Li Yixun repeatedly recalled Chen Nian’s words. She finally accepted that she and this child were not destined to be together, but at the same time, she didn’t understand whether she and Chen Nian had a destined bond. When would this shallow bond disappear?
She hadn’t forgotten that when they discussed marriage, Chen Nian asked if she loved him. After receiving an affirmative answer, he didn’t offer his own answer to that question.
Human joys and sorrows are never shared. During that time, Li Yixun was seriously considering the necessity and possibility of continuing her marriage, while both sets of parents mistakenly believed she was simply grieving the loss of her child and continued to happily prepare for the wedding.
She was trapped in repeated self-doubt and painful struggles, constantly asking Chen Nian in her dreams if he loved her, never receiving a definite answer, and repeatedly fleeing the wedding in her dreams.