Emotions are one of the most uncontrollable things in the world.
Chen Nian, who always believed in human agency, seemed to have lost control of his emotions. He began to re-examine his feelings, experiencing the bittersweet taste of longing and love.
After their reunion at the bar, Chen Nian thought that letting himself see Li Yixun again would bring him satisfaction.
However, human nature is inherently greedy; restrained love, once unleashed, only grows a hundredfold. The demons within him drove him to kiss her forehead, even knowing she had a boyfriend, and utter such frivolous words.
Afterwards, Chen Nian was horrified by his own reaction. He hated third parties the most; how could he have done something so horrible?
Thankfully, she firmly rejected him; otherwise, he couldn’t imagine what would have happened.
To avoid making a grave mistake, Chen Nian decided to distract himself. He accepted an invitation from a computer science classmate to start a business together—a robotic vacuum cleaner company.
Starting a business wasn’t as easy as they imagined. Technological barriers were the core of their products, and Chen Nian invested a great deal of time and money to build a suitable R&D team, dedicating himself entirely to overcoming the technical challenges. His only consolation was the support from his mother and grandfather, ensuring he didn’t face cash flow problems.
Besides the sense of accomplishment from the gradual progress of his business, Chen Nian was so exhausted every day that he had no energy left to think about Li Yixun. He was extremely satisfied with his entrepreneurial endeavor.
But just when Chen Nian thought his feelings would, like before, subside with time, the gears of fate turned mercilessly once more.
Sitting as a guest at the wedding, Chen Nian watched Li Yixun, dressed in a sheer gown, being “proposed to” by a stranger. His suppressed emotions erupted once more.
Chen Nian’s hands clenched into fists involuntarily, his nails digging so hard they almost pierced his palms.
He seemed to foresee the near future: Li Yixun, as the bride, standing on the stage, facing another man, exchanging vows of lifelong commitment.
She might be as helpless yet blushing as she is now; she might be so happy she cries tears of joy; she might be flashing a generous and cheerful smile… Chen Nian was horrified to discover that he could perfectly recall every subtle expression of hers.
But these adorable yet infuriating little expressions of Li Yixun would no longer be directed at him, but rather perceived by a stranger.
Would he treat her badly? Would he be fickle like his father?
Would she be hurt? Would she become as extreme as her mother, willing to sacrifice her entire life to cling to a man?
Jealousy, anger, sadness, heartache—Chen Nian was almost overwhelmed by these suffocating emotions.
Even amidst the most joyous and lively wedding banquet, he felt as if he were in the ocean depths devoid of oxygen, feeling only coldness and pain.
Why? Why couldn’t this person be him?
Like a person parched in the desert finally finding water, Chen Nian quickly grasped the thread in his mind, untangling his jumbled thoughts.
He could be the person beside Li Yixun. He would take good care of her as before; he could even promise never to betray her.
Love would eventually fade like a dream. As long as they didn’t talk about love, there would be no day of emotional breakdown and pain. They could be like those who marry through arranged marriages, not talking about love, only about conditions, living a stable and peaceful life.
Thinking about arranged marriages and conditions, Chen Nian became even more certain of his idea.
They had known each other since childhood, knew each other inside and out. He had the material means, understood her well enough, and would try his best to tolerate her little temper tantrums. How could he not be more suitable than others or even arranged marriage partners?
Chen Nian’s mind was occupied by a stubborn, awkward, yet logically consistent idea, subconsciously ignoring the possibility that she was blessed by Cupid and could live a happy life with someone who loved her. He also overlooked the possibility that if Li Yixun loved her back, but didn’t receive the same reciprocation, he might become disheartened.
After clarifying his own thoughts, Chen Nian, like a swift jaguar, swiftly pounced to capture Li Yixun, this little lamb.
It was only much later that Chen Nian realized he had no real romantic experience at the time; everything was just wishful thinking. In reality, the complexities of love and marriage far exceeded his imagination.
But at that time, Chen Nian was driven by primal desire, wanting to completely possess her. He made up flimsy excuses for himself to get close to her, to feel entitled to stand beside her. He was selfish, insecure, and still remembered the painful lessons of his parents’ love life. Therefore, he held her hand tightly but was unwilling to surrender his heart and soul for her.
Li Yixun was clearly different from Chen Nian. Although she was broken by her family of origin, she still believed in love, believed that parents would unconditionally love their children, and believed in and longed for love.
She was passionate and brave, never hesitant to express her love, never stingy with telling him she liked him and loved him.
The first time Chen Nian heard her say she loved him was when he accompanied Li Yixun to an amusement park for her birthday. On the ten-loop roller coaster, as they held hands and listened to the frenzied screams around them, Li Yixun turned her head and said something to him. Chen Nian didn’t hear it clearly, only felt her movement, and remembered it after getting off the ride, so he asked her.
At that moment, their hearts were still racing from the thrill. Li Yixun looked at him triumphantly, her smiling eyes filled with his reflection: “Didn’t you hear me?”
“Then I’ll repeat it again!”
“I love you!”
Chen Nian was stunned, feeling his heart pounding back to the rhythm of the roller coaster.
He was terrified that the relationship was developing beyond his initial expectations, terrified that he couldn’t reciprocate such feelings, yet this unwavering love smoothed out all the unease and unease in his heart.
From then on, Chen Nian couldn’t help but repeatedly ask, “Do you love me?”
He found a sense of security in Li Yixun’s firm reply.
But Chen Nian remained anxious. His initial plan for the relationship was a stable, respectful life, devoid of love. An overwhelming amount of affection only reminded him of his parents’ broken relationship.
However, he was already deeply entangled in the web of love, becoming a little bird struggling helplessly, content to be loved yet filled with unease, fearfully worrying about the day the love would fade and they would betray each other.
Chen Nian seemed to be torn in two: one half still loudly proclaiming his love for her while mired in the mud, the other half struggling to save itself, hiding its fragile, unwilling heart.
Chen Nian’s unease about this relationship was confirmed at the wedding.
During that time, Li Yixun was constantly distracted, even neglecting wedding preparations. He assumed she was still grieving the loss of her child, so he pretended to be busy with her, leaving the wedding arrangements to his mother and the wedding planning company.
But Chen Nian couldn’t resist, always casually inquiring about the progress when he called his mother privately.
Qi Hui, being so intelligent, instantly understood Chen Nian’s intentions. From the moment he insisted on marrying Li Yixun despite her objections, Qi Hui knew he had already fallen for her, but he was just stubbornly refusing to admit it.
She mocked him, yet still kept him updated on the progress. In the back-and-forth, he always offered his opinions.
In the end, the wedding theme, style, wedding dress, background music, etc., were all chosen by Chen Nian according to his understanding of what she would like. He wasn’t sure if she would like it, yet he couldn’t help but hope she would.
The wedding rings were custom-made by a designer from a niche brand that Chen Nian had commissioned. He commissioned the brand well in advance when he decided to get married, but the design and production were too time-consuming, and he didn’t receive the ring until close to the wedding. He was extremely satisfied with the finished product; the ring was understated yet luxurious and unique, with their names engraved on the inner band, perfect for everyday wear.
Chen Nian was satisfied with everything about the wedding, and on his wedding day, he could barely contain his smile.
But life always seems to have a knack for throwing cold water on someone at their most triumphant moment.
Chen Nian soon realized that he was the only one who seemed happy; Li Yixun’s mood was off, even though she never stopped smiling.
Soon, just before the wedding vows were about to begin, Li Yixun threw that bowl of water at him.
She met his gaze and cruelly proposed running away from the wedding.
He was shocked, confused, and in pain, yet felt it was only natural; love that was too easily obtained was destined to be returned.
But why? Why? He didn’t want to lose her at all.
But he was utterly helpless; he couldn’t think of a single solution. She wouldn’t even share her vows with him, and he couldn’t possibly force his wife at their wedding.
Chen Nian found his hands trembling. He tried desperately to control them, gently squeezing her palm, attempting to make his defeat look somewhat respectable, and smilingly agreed.
But Li Yixun quickly changed her mind and abandoned the idea.
Chen Nian didn’t know what Li Yixun was thinking, but he was inwardly relieved that she had changed her mind at the last minute. Otherwise, he couldn’t imagine what astonishing things he might do after she ran away from the wedding.
When Chen Nian was with Li Yixun, he always lost his composure and ease, transforming from a shrewd businessman into a capricious child acting entirely on instinct.
Chen Nian didn’t know how pathetic his smile had been at that wedding. He never wanted to relive any memories related to the wedding, but the wedding ring that Li Yixun had personally placed on his finger constantly reminded him of it. Chen Nian no longer wanted to recall that pathetic, clownish version of himself. After the wedding, he removed the ring and kept it hidden away.
Chen Nian didn’t even dare to ask her why she ran away from the wedding afterward. He was terrified she would remember why she wanted to leave and bring up leaving him again.
Chen Nian fell into a deeper state of anxiety and insecurity, repeatedly asking her questions—in vain but as a way of seeking reassurance—trying to hear a definite confirmation of her love from her.
Even after the wedding, he was no longer as certain that she loved him as before.