23
Starting life as a couple anew—what would that entail?
Would he remain as he was, and I as myself?
Or would we begin to truly get to know each other from scratch, which was it?
While I had not given an immediate answer to Toop’s proposal, I found myself quietly watching him act out the final scene of the day.
It was already evening, yet everyone remained hard at work, including him.
I alternated between watching him on the monitor nearby and stealing glimpses of him with my own eyes.
“Thank you, Mr. An,”
whispered his manager, who was sitting beside me, grinning from ear to ear.
I had been brought here as Toop Pasutha’s person.
Though some crew members seemed curious about my presence, Toop—his makeup hiding the puffiness around his eyes—smiled just enough to dispel their questions.
They did not push further, and I even received a relatively warm welcome.
The one most burdened by my presence, however, seemed to be the manager.
From the moment he saw me, he had practically rushed to grab my hand, only for Toop to block him with a blank face.
Nevertheless, the manager expressed overwhelming joy and made it his mission to ensure my comfort, despite my repeated assurances that I was fine.
“I didn’t do anything, manager.
You saw that I’ve just been sitting here.”
“But Toop hasn’t shown any symptoms.
I don’t know if it’s just a coincidence or if our theory is correct, but I’m truly grateful to you, Mr. An.
And I apologize for interrupting your rest time.”
I shook my head and smiled at the manager, who seemed to have a surprisingly sentimental side now that we had spoken more.
“Being here counts as rest for me too.
Though now, I think I might be a bit hungry.”
“Oh.
In that case, let me find something tasty for you to snack on.”
“No need, manager,”
I quickly declined, glancing around to ensure the crew did not notice the manager’s startled reaction.
“Mr. Toop already bought food just in case. I think I’ll head back to the car and eat there while waiting for him. He should be done shooting soon, right?”
The manager nodded enthusiastically.
“Yes.
Once he delivers the last few lines of dialogue, today’s shoot will be wrapped up.”
“In that case, I’ll leave him in your care.
I’ll wait in the car.”
“Let me escort you to the car, Mr. An.”
“Oh, Manager.”
Unable to dissuade him, I eventually allowed him to accompany me to the car.
Before leaving, though, I made sure to wai the crew members I had spoken with during the day.
Whether I would be back tomorrow or any other day was uncertain.
However, since I came here with Toop, it would not be right to act aloof or unconcerned—it would reflect poorly on both of us.
That said, visiting the set today had been enjoyable.
“Maybe in my next comic, I’ll make the protagonist work in the entertainment industry. I bet the fans would love that,”
I mumbled to myself as I sat in the car, typing out plot ideas with one hand while munching on sliced guava with the other.
Despite telling the manager I was hungry, I had not particularly wanted anything to eat after seeing all the food Toop had bought.
Oddly, I did not feel as if I missed Toop as much today.
Looking down at the ring on my left hand, I reflected on my feelings while continuing to snack on fruit.
“Is it because I was in your line of sight today that you seemed fine?”
And if I were to ask him this as he walked toward the car—wai and smiling at the crew members along the way—would he respond with another cold, annoyance?
Or was this the start of the new beginning he mentioned?
“Thank you for your hard work, Mr. Toop.”
Just before he got into the car, as he opened the door and met my gaze, I instinctively sat up straight, holding the fruit in my hand.
A crew member approached him with a warm smile.
“Same to you.”
“Alright, see you tomorrow, Mr. Toop. And, um—”
The crew member glanced my way.
I hesitated briefly before smiling and offering a polite wai.
“Safe travels home.”
“Thank you. See you again, Mr. An.”
She smiled at me and then at Toop, who returned her smile before getting into the car.
As the door shut and the cool air from the AC enveloped us, I exhaled a sigh of relief.
“Were you nervous or something?”
His question startled me slightly, and I nodded before lowering my gaze to nibble on the guava slice in my hand.
“She’s easy to talk to. Nothing to worry about.”
I nodded again, sitting up straighter before holding out a piece of guava to him, without meeting his eyes.
“Do you- want some?”
“I haven’t washed my hands yet.”
Once again, in less than a minute, Mr. Toop left me fumbling.
As I turned to look for a bottle of water for him to rinse his hands, he instead leaned forward and took a bite of the fruit directly from my hand.
“Mr. Toop.”
“Well, since you offered it like that.
Didn’t you feed me just the other day?”
“But that was the other day,”
I muttered weakly, unsure how to counter him.
Usually, he would respond with a scowl, and after our spat this morning, I had expected him to bare his teeth at me.
But Toop, who had not even gagged once today, simply looked at me steadily.
“Are you still in a bad mood?”
I wanted to say, ‘huh’ but his softened tone left me only furrowing my brows.
“Well?”
he pressed.
“Do I look like I’m in a bad mood?”
He went quiet for a moment, exhaling as he leaned back against the car seat.
“I just felt like you might be.”
“Well, I’m just being myself.
Why would you feel anything?”
“Maybe because I’m worried about you.”
“Huh?”
“Why?”
He turned his head slightly to glance at me, still resting it against the seat.
“If your husband says outright that he’s worried about you, is that so strange?”
“Are you really letting me say this?”
Toop nodded, though he rolled his eyes briefly.
“Yes, you’re very strange.”
Instead of snapping back, Toop merely shrugged.
“If you agree to start over with me, I might surprise you even more.”
“Are you trying to lure me in with your oddities?”
On any other day, I might have laughed at that, but not today.
If I truly were the fool he often claimed, then he, with his excess of flair, sharp tongue, and capricious nature, was strange as well.
“And what’s your answer?”
“What do you mean?”
“Why do you suddenly have such selective memory? I just said we should start over.”
I immediately clamped my mouth shut, not expecting him to repeat himself.
But since he asked again,
“It- will be better this time, right?”
My voice softened, and I lowered my gaze after meeting his eyes.
“I don’t know, Anshan,”
he replied honestly.
“But I hope things will improve between us if we start talking to each other properly.”
Not like the confusion of getting married out of nowhere, starting off seemingly fine, and then fumbling through life together without clear direction like we had so far, right?
That was what I thought.
But even as I lifted my gaze back to him, I could not bring myself to say anything.
“What’s in it for me if we start over?”
He smiled, making my heart skip in a way that made me want to scold myself.
Why did his smile still make me feel flustered, even when I was supposed to be upset?
“You might get everything you’ve ever wanted. You know your husband isn’t just good-looking—he’s rich too.”
I wanted to click my tongue in response.
Since when had he become this confident?
Even if what he said was true.
Yet…
there was an inexplicably light and relaxed atmosphere between us at that moment.
It felt good… really good.
“So, what do you want from your husband, my dear wife?
Just say the word, and we can start fresh.”
“I-”
I wanted you to love me, even just a little.
But instead, I said:
“I don’t want anything.”
I chose to keep that wish to myself.
“I agree to start over with you.”
That was what I said, choosing to give it a try instead of asking for anything from him.
Toop’s expression changed immediately—he seemed genuinely pleased, without hiding it.
Even though I wanted him to say that he loved me, but if it did not come from his heart.
Maybe, if we started over, he might come to love me someday.
“Then let today be the first day of our new beginning.”
I nodded, allowing myself a small smile.
After a day spent with others where I could only manage a smile here and there, this was my first genuine smile of the day—because when Toop said the word ’our,’ it always made me feel good deep down.
“You’re in a better mood now, aren’t you?”
he teased.
I shrugged playfully, but my stomach growled loudly, making me frown.
“Why let yourself get hungry?
Didn’t the manager say you came to the car to eat something?”
“I did eat,”
I replied softly, lowering my head to nibble on the fruit he had previously bitten into.
“Eating just fruit? What about the food I bought?”
He complained as he reached for the paper bags, but I shook my head quickly.
“I just don’t feel like eating that.”
“You’re-”
“What happened to your fresh start? Is this the tone you’re using for it?”
I was not upset when I said it, but now that I was in a slightly better mood, I could not help but feel wistful.
Toop, seemingly out of counterarguments, sighed and asked.
“Fine.
What do you want to eat?”
“Yum woon sen.”
“That’s too spicy.”
“Tell the shop to tone it down.
I really want it, Mr. Toop.
It’ll be tangy and refreshing.”
“Didn’t you say to tell the shop to tone it down?”
“Well-”
I faltered, my eyes darting as guilt set in.
I did plan to ask for a less spicy version, but just imagining the tangy, spicy flavor of the dish made my mouth water.
“Fine, yum woon sen it is.”
I smiled again but furrowed my brows as I noticed his behavior.
“Why did you just swallow like that?”
“Is it so strange for me to swallow?”
“Not if it were like usual, no. But just now, you gulped so noticeably that I couldn’t help but notice. Or could it be that you want yum woon sen too?”
He froze momentarily before shifting the car into gear and pulling away.
“Yes.”
“You admitted that so easily?”
“Why would I be evasive? I already told you we’re starting over.”
Now it was my turn to sit quietly, observing him as he alternated between glancing at me briefly when we talked and focusing on the road.
A smile crept onto my face.
Could starting over with him truly be a good thing?
I was not sure what this fresh start would entail, but right now, I felt better—so much better.
‘Will you let me come to the set with you again tomorrow?’
He paused, his hand lingering on my abdomen, and met my gaze before asking.
‘Do you feel up to it?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘The weather outside has been scorching.
Even if you stay in the resting area, you keep going in and out.
Do you think you’ll manage if I let you come along until my condition improves?’
‘So you’re admitting that your condition is related to me?’
Toop nodded, and I could not suppress my smile.
‘What?
Are you that happy I admitted it?’
‘Did I make it that obvious?’
‘Anshan, do you want me to apply the oil like I did that one night?’
I quickly shook my head, but his demeanor suggested he was fully prepared to adjust his technique.
‘Can’t I just be in a good mood?’
‘When did I say you couldn’t?’
‘Well, if I can, are you planning to get intimate with me?’
‘You silly thing.
If I were going to get intimate with you, it wouldn’t be because I was upset.’
‘H-How would I know?’
‘Can you stop making that face?’
Toop, having finished applying the coconut oil, frowned as he looked at me.
‘What face am I making?’
‘It’s like- you’re trying to smile but look like you’re about to cry.’
‘It’s because of you.’
‘Blaming your husband again.’
I scrunched my nose at him before sitting cross-legged on the bed.
‘Fine, I’ll smile then.’
I forced a grin, which made him burst into laughter.
‘What’s so funny!’
‘What kind of silly face is that?’
‘I’m smiling, okay?
So you can stop looking like you’re about to cry and puff up your eyes again.’
‘This is good, right?’
‘What?’
‘Starting over with each other—this is a good thing, isn’t it?’
‘M-Maybe?
I guess we’ll have to wait and see how we both behave.’
He nodded.
’Do whatever feels right, but just be yourself—no more beating around the bush.’
’You too.
Stop being so pretentious already.’
He shrugged.
’I’m just being me.’
‘Tch.
Go wash your hands and come to bed already.
Don’t you have a shoot tomorrow?’
’You too.
And don’t take that ring off again.’
He glanced at the ring on my finger before heading to the bathroom to wash his hands.
When he returned, he lay beside me, and the next morning was another where I woke up with the chance to look at his face while he slept soundly.
His shoot was not until the afternoon.
“This time, I won’t take it off again,”
I murmured to myself as I lay on my side, watching him.
A smile welcomed the new day, so unlike the previous morning.
“From any angle, you’re really handsome.”
I was not just flattering my husband; I was stating the truth while poking his cheek with my finger.
From any angle, he looked flawless.
But if we were talking about his big mouth and pretentious tendencies—well, those might not show on camera.
Still, Toop had his good sides.
He might not be perfect, but he was pretty great.
“From now on, I’ll try not to mope so much. Maybe that way, you won’t cry so often.”
At this point, I had fully convinced myself that his strange behaviors were partly because of me and the little one in my belly—half him, half me.
Maybe he was not experiencing sympathetic pregnancy symptoms but rather anxiety, which made him overly sensitive.
From what I had read and what the doctor had said, it should improve with time.
“But starting over, what do I have to do?”
I kept pondering the idea until I decided it did not matter.
As long as we did not fight, it was enough.
“Ah. Mr. Toop, mmph!”
My eyes widened as thoughts of how to start anew tumbled aside.
Just as I was about to get out of bed, the supposedly soundly sleeping man grabbed me.
I stumbled forward, my face and body close to his.
I barely had time to call his name before he cupped my cheek and pressed a loud kiss to it.
Today his sharp eyes were not puffy anymore.
“What are you doing?”
“Starting fresh.”
“Mmph, Mr. Toop!”
I shut my eyes tightly, trying to move away from his arm that was now wrapped around my waist, pinning me against his chest.
Before I could retreat, he planted another big kiss on my cheek.
“Since we got married, have I ever done this in the morning?”
he asked, straight-faced.
“No!”
“Then from now on, know that I will.”
“Huh?! Hey, Mr. Toop—!”
Suddenly, he flipped me onto the soft bed, leaning over me so I could not escape.
“Your husband just gave you a morning kiss. Aren’t you going to start getting used to it?”
His face was serious, but his eyes sparkled mischievously, a look I rarely saw.
“Well, Anshan?
Didn’t we agree to start fresh?”
“S-starting fresh is one thing, but what does that have to do with you smothering me first thing in the morning?”
“I’m building our bond as husband and wife, of course.
And also…”
His gaze dropped lower.
“As the father of our baby. Good morning, baby,”
he mentioned our other relation, shifting to address the little one in my belly with a smile, his hand resting gently there.
“You—”
“What is it, Anshan?”
His smile lingered as he lifted his head to look at me.
“Will you give your husband a morning kiss now?”