June 7, 2024. Friday. 4:35 AM. I am sixteen years old.
A dim ceiling. The window lets in the pale blue light of dawn. I wake up from the usual nightmare. Even at this age, I still can’t stop sucking my thumb.
Ever since that day, I've been having this dream. I look at the clock. It's 4:30 in the morning. I take my thumb out of my mouth, put on my short-sleeved summer school shirt, attach a ribbon to my chest, and tie my hair in a half-up style.
My usual look. Then, I sit at my study desk and open my math textbook.
…My name is Nagisa Arahama. I'm a second-year high school student attending a public high school in Minami-Osawa, Tama New Town, in the mountains of western Tokyo. I am interested in fashion.
I wanted a boyfriend, too. I think this half-up style suits me quite well, and I try to keep my skirt as short as possible. But every day feels gray. I couldn't feel any sense of being alive.
Yesterday, I finally got a boyfriend. He's a year younger, a promising newcomer on the soccer team, Riku Morita… Rik-kun. He suddenly confessed to me yesterday. I was surprised, but he was fresh and very handsome… so I accepted his confession. On that day, I felt color return to my gray life.
Today, we promised to walk home together. We're meeting at the school gate.
“Sorry to keep you waiting.”
“No, I just got here too.”
He smiled, showing his white teeth.
……..
“Why did you ask someone like me out?”
The bus roared as it accelerated. The dark blue Keio bus. I asked him while we were riding home together.
My face is ordinary. My grades are below average. I'm not in any clubs. I don't match the soccer team ace at all.
“I saw you in your classroom.”
On the blue double seats, Rik-kun looked embarrassed and glanced at the school bag on his lap. It had a badge of the Yatagarasu, the symbol of the Japanese national team. …You want to make it to the national team, right? I support you.
“You looked like you were about to fall… I couldn’t just leave you alone.”
“That window, right? Yeah. I was thinking of jumping.”
“Eh?”
He turned to me with an innocent look. I was wearing my usual smile, so he didn't notice.
“What?”
“No, it’s nothing.”
“Minami-Osawa Station, Minami-Osawa Station, last stop.”
The driver's announcement interrupted my words. We got off the bus and passed through the always-crowded ticket gate at Minami-Osawa.
“Goodbye.”
I said briefly and got on the escalator towards Shinjuku, opposite to the direction Rik-kun was heading, as if being sucked in.