"Here comes trouble," I muttered, adjusting my grip.
First came a hoof the size of a coffee table, followed by a thick, matted leg.
The creature that emerged was a new one to me, and I was suddenly starting to feel nostalgic for trolls and their lovely regeneration.
Standing ten feet tall and built like a shack, the thing was part bull, part gorilla, part other thing that I had obviously never encountered before.
It had matted fur covering rippling muscles, backward-bending legs, and horns that looked like they could make mincemeat out of me, even considering the armor.
Smaller spikes jutted from its shoulders and spine, which didn’t do much to make the thing seem more approachable.
"Holy mother of—" I breathed, suddenly feeling like I’d brought a butter knife to a gunfight.
"A Highland Behemoth!" Elsa called out, sounding inconsiderately excited. "Quite rare! Their horns fetch a king’s ransom in alchemical circles! The royal apothecary once offered me an entire wing of his tower for just one!"
"Noted," I grunted.
The behemoth announced its presence with a roar that I felt in my bones, then lowered its head and charged at me like a train—slow at first, but rapidly gaining speed.
Unlike a train, though, it was much better at adjusting its trajectory as I made moves to get out of its way.
My enhanced reflexes barely got me to safety after several attempts to weave and get it off my path.
The beast thundered past. Its momentum carried it deep into the dead cornfield, leaving a trench in its wake.
"The hamstrings!" Elsa shouted from her safe perch. "Its torso is basically armored, but the leg tendons are vulnerable!"
"See, that’s useful! Good to know!" I called back, circling to keep the massive barn I’d been meaning to repair between us.
The structure was huge, but it was little more than a rundown relic from when this was a working farm.
The behemoth charged again, and this time I was ready. As it passed, I swung with everything I had at the back of its leg.
My blade bit deep, drawing a spray of black blood that thankfully was more pleasant than troll blood, if only by comparison.
The creature howled but stayed upright, spinning with agility it really shouldn’t have to smack me across the field.
I hit the ground like a stone, bouncing twice before skidding to a stop.
"Now that’s some fucking health reduction," I coughed, spitting dirt. "This is gonna be a shitty night."
"You’re doing splendidly!" Elsa cheered from somewhere off to the side. "You are very dashing! Victory shall be yours!"
"Shut up!" I shouted back, rolling away from another charge.
This time I wasn’t quite fast enough. One massive horn caught the edge of my armor, tearing through metal and scraping ribs. Another three percent gone.
At this rate, I’d be monster chow before Elsa got off her perky ass to help.
Then I spotted the old dairy barn and had what alcoholics call a moment of clarity.
The structure, old as it was, was built like a fortress, with massive wooden beams that had weathered decades of Wisconsin winters.
"Hey, ugly!" I shouted, backing toward the barn’s entrance. "Come and get me!"
Sure enough, the behemoth pawed the ground and gathered itself for another charge.
I positioned myself in the wide doorway, waited for the perfect moment, then dove sideways at the last second.
The beast couldn’t stop. It slammed into the reinforced door frame with a loud, reverberating crash.
The entire barn shuddered, and I heard the crack of massive timbers giving way.
The behemoth’s horns had punched straight through, embedding deep in the ancient support beams. Perfect.
While it thrashed and roared, trying to pull free, I scrambled onto a hay bale, then leaped onto its back.
My sword found the gap between its shoulder blades, sinking deep.
The creature bucked like a raging bronco in the springtime of its youth, but with its head trapped in the barn’s frame, it couldn’t shake me loose.
I drew my hunting knife and went to work on its skull, searching for weak spots.
The first four stabs just scraped off armored plates, but the fifth found purchase. The blade slipped between natural armor segments, and suddenly the behemoth’s legs went wobbly.
It dropped to its knees with a sound like thunder, still trapped in the barn doorway.
I kept stabbing until it stopped twitching, then slid off and retrieved my sword with a wet sound I’d be hearing more of in my nightmares for sure.
For good measure, I circled around and opened its throat, turning the ground into a Jackson Pollock painting in shades of black.
"Magnificent!" Elsa cheered, practically dancing over to me. "Using this hideous old structure was inspired!"
"Thanks," I panted, leaning on my sword and looking at the partially collapsed barn entrance. "I’ve been meaning to renovate anyway."
The familiar blue window materialized:
VICTORY!
XP Gained! Level Up! Level 16 achieved.
You have one new skill point and one new attribute point. Would you like to allocate them now? YES / NO
"Yes," I muttered under my breath.
ALLOCATE YOUR SKILL POINT:
• Lightning Reflexes: (Your attempts to dodge will be smoother, more graceful, and more likely to succeed in the heat of battle)
• Journeyman Fishing I: (Enables the option to catch magical fish that, once eaten, provide temporary stat boosts)
ALLOCATE YOUR ATTRIBUTE POINT:
"Lightning Reflexes," I said immediately. After tonight’s close calls, dodging seemed smart. "And Constitution."
Warmth rippled quickly through me as the System worked its magic. My breathing normalized almost instantly.
Elsa circled the corpse like an art critic, tapping her chin appraisingly before lifting her gaze to meet mine with a smug, bratty little smirk. "You see? This is precisely why you’re my destined champion—you can handle all the messy combat while I provide rigorous strategic guidance from afar. A match made in the stars, indeed!"
"Lucky me," I said, sheathing my sword. "I’ll just keep risking life and limb while you critique my technique."
"Exactly!" she agreed, either missing the sarcasm or embracing it. Then, without missing a beat, she raised her arms expectantly. "Now carry me home, brave warrior. I’m utterly exhausted from all this intense observation. Up! Up!"
I scooped her up and once again begrudgingly enjoyed how perfectly she fit in my arms. It was becoming concerningly natural.
"What about those valuable horns?" I asked.
"They’ll keep until morning," she said, waving her elegant hand dismissively. "Behemoths are wonderfully slow to decompose. Very considerate of them, really." She punctuated that statement with a giggle.
She clearly had way too much fun watching me do all the work.
Halfway home, though, I noticed she’d gone suspiciously quiet. Her breathing had slowed, and her head nestled against my shoulder in a tell-tale way.
I looked down at her, smirking despite myself. In the moonlight, she looked almost ethereally beautiful.
I couldn’t decide if I was lucky to have her, or kind of cursed to be burdened with her.
Who was I kidding? Most men would kill to be in my shoes.
With that thought in my head, I carried her up to the guest room and began the now-familiar process of removing her armor.
Each piece came off a bit more easily than it had the night before, and soon she was back in her pajamas.
I tucked her in and suppressed an urge to kiss her forehead, feeling a bit creepy for having the impulse—but come on.
Though, as I turned to leave, her voice rang out to stop me.
"I see. So you’re abandoning me in this lonely chamber at this early hour?"