I pulled my armor out with the intent of seeing if there was a way to wash it in order to help with the mess left over from the previous battles. Honestly, I was a little worried about it staining since it was mostly white, but to my surprise, when I pulled my battle fuku out I found that it had been restored to a pristine condition as if it had never been soiled. I pointed this out to Lynn and Mary and, upon reequipping their gear, found theirs to also be pristine, as if freshly laundered.
Once we were all dressed, we blew our hair dry and I shared the brush with them that I had procured from Beatrice’s belongings. Lynn helped me get my hair put back up properly in its twin tails, and then we walked out where we found the guys and Marv waiting for us. Matt and Aaron were wearing their still bloody gear which made me pause.
I stared at Matt, then Aaron, then back at Matt.
“Why the fuck are you two still covered in blood?” I asked. “You just bathed.”
“Because blood doesn't magically disappear when you take a bath?” Matt said with an eye roll.
I looked down at my spotless white battle fuku, then at Lynn’s and Mary’s which were equally clean.
“Apparently it does,” I said, purposefully keeping my expression and voice as flat as possible.
Matt and Aaron looked me and the girls up and down, seeing how clean our clothes were.
“What the fuck?” Matt muttered, his expression irritated.
“Be happy I convinced him that it would be rude to take everything into the bath with us to clean it because it would just dirty the water,” Aaron pointed out.
“Even dirt and blood can’t stand to sully my fair maiden’s radiant visage,” Marv remarked, with pride creeping into the space his emotions occupied in my head, not just his voice.
“Bullshit,” Matt blurted out. “How did you do it?”
“Easy. I unequipped it before we bathed and once I pulled it out of my inventory afterward, it was clean,” I said, still using that flat affect with him. “Let me guess, you two actually forgot that you have an inventory and stuffed your nasty shit into a locker, then put it all back on defeating the purpose of bathing in the first place… right?”
Aaron scratched his head with his remaining hand and Matt’s brow furrowed as if he were about to supply an irritated retort.
“Oy, yeh gonna come an’ eet or jus sit around with yer thumbs up yer arses cluckin’ lik’a buncha hens?” Sal’s gruff voice called, interrupting whatever Matt had been about to say.
We all sat at the table we had sat at earlier, and not a moment later, Sal appeared carrying several dishes. For Aaron it was a huge T-bone, cooked to perfection, and the largest baked potato I had ever seen, smothered in sour cream, melted cheddar, chives and real chunks of bacon. Mary had a bowl of delicious looking gumbo placed in front of her and, if it weren’t for my shellfish allergies, I would have been tempted to take a bite. In front of Matt, Sal unceremoniously dropped a heavy bowl of what looked like a dark grey congealed slime.
“What is this?” Matt asked, staring dubiously at the bowl in front of him.
Sal paused in his dish distribution and just glared at Matt as if daring him to complain.
I sighed, knowing that Matt was one second away from getting his ass forcibly removed.
“Sal? Might I trouble you to ask what this interesting dish you placed in front of my idiot friend is?” I asked, putting on a friendly smile.
“Err, it’s Bopca Surprise, just like meh mum used to make,” he said, looking down at his feet, as if unwilling to meet my gaze.
“Really?” I asked lightheartedly.
“It won’t kill’em, iffin that’s what yer wond’rin,” he replied gruffly.
“The thought didn’t even cross my mind,” I replied. “Thank you, Sal.”
“It certainly crossed mine,” Matt mumbled, only to receive a pop on the back of his head from Mary.
“As I said before, he is an idiot. Please excuse him,” I cooed gently in hopes of soothing Sal’s temper before it could flare.
Sal simply glared at him and then shook his head.
“I’ll git the rest o’yeh food,” he mumbled and wandered off behind the bar.
A few moments later he reemerged with several more dishes, the first of which he sat in front of Lynn. It was perhaps the most perfect recreation of a Five Guys cheeseburger and fries I think anyone outside of that chain had ever created. The cheeseburger itself was squished and greasy, having clearly sat tightly wrapped in its foil wrapper a while before being delivered to Lynn. Beside her plate sat a greasy paper bag that was straining under the weight of the 6 potatoes worth of fries that came in a small order. Sal had even managed to procure what appeared to be an actual Five Guys cup and bag to complete the look.
Then he set the most perfect looking bowl of Kimchi Fried Rice down in front of me. The chicken, sitting on top of the melting cheese, had been fried to a golden brown and tossed in a sauce I didn’t recognize before being lovingly cut and placed with care on top. To the side, also on top of the rice and cheese, sat the two fried eggs with the yolk still jiggly as they waited for me to pop the membrane so that its runny contents could flow out and mingle with the rice. I was salivating just looking at it, and my stomach, clearly ready for me to get on with it, rumbled loudly. Next to the bowl of rice, he set a huge stein filled with what I assumed to be my Peach Mellow Yellow and a medium-sized plate containing a log of high-calorie golden-fried goodness.
With my food served, he moved on to Marv. Sal placed a large platter in front of Marv containing a steak that looked as though the most cooking it had seen was being in the same room as an oven. It was large, almost the size of a fifty-gallon drum lid, several inches thick, and still had blood oozing out of it. Honestly, it was a little nauseating to see, especially after having seen what remained of Derrik. Then, beside the steak, Sal set down a plate with a large heart, likely from a cow based on the size.
“I didn’t order that, my good man,” Marv said, eyeing Sal.
“Aye, but I read up on unicorn dietary needs since I couldn’t accommodate yeh in the baths,” Sal explained before continuing, “an’ while I weren’t able to git yeh no virginal hearts, I did manage to procure one from a cow. My apologies for the poor accommodations, Master Marv, I hope this makes up fer it.”
“Um, Sal?” I asked. “Where did you manage to find a cow heart?”
“Er, don’t yeh worry yer pretty little head about that,” he said, throwing a wink to Marv.
I looked at the bloody heart and steak, then back to Sal, and decided some questions really don’t need to be answered.
I turned my attention to the delightful dish in front of me and as I was about to dig in, it hit me how quiet things were. I looked up and everyone was staring at Marv and his meal. Matt was even a green around the gills, as they say. The only ones not looking on with some form of disgust in their eyes were Aaron, who instead looked interested, and Lynn who was already munching on her cheeseburger. Thinking back, I remembered that Aaron had once told a waiter to serve him a ribeye as rare as they legally could, so the look in his eyes made sense.
“Y’all, it’s just a steak…” I said calmly.
“And a heart that is still practically mooing,” Matt added before I could continue.
I sighed.
“And a heart. Y’all have seen Aaron eat beef in similar states of… rawness,” I continued. “Sure, this one has literal blood congealing on it and it looks about as fresh as fresh can get outside of still standing on its own four legs, but if that is how Marv likes it, who are we to judge… After all, I have a fucking deep-fried pickle stuffed with a snickers bar and I think that is higher up in the weirdness category. So, focus on your own food if you don’t like the look of his, okay?”
At this, Matt and Mary turned their attention to their own food, looking a little ashamed for the way they had stared.
“Hey, Marv?” Aaron asked. “I’ll trade you a bite of mine for a bite of yours.”
“Hmph,” Marv snorted, then followed up with a curt, “no thank you.”
About halfway through our meal, Lynn, who had already finished her cheeseburger and had been happily munching on fries for a few minutes, paused in eating and stared straight at Matt.
“Mooooo,” she mooed softly, watching to see if he would react. When he didn’t, she repeated the moo, this time a little louder.
“Lynn, please. It’s not that funny,” I said.
“Please, I’m fucking hilarious,” she replied, falling into a conversation we had had before on the subject of her humor. “It’s not my fault none of you can see that.”
I stared at her for a moment longer until she went back to munching her fries, while mumbling just loud enough for me to hear about how she wished I could grow a sense of humor as quickly as I grew a pair of breasts.
I rolled my eyes at her and continued to devour my food. It took a few more minutes for everyone to lighten up a bit after that but soon we were all participating in the stupid and nonsensical conversations we tended to favor while dining together, primarily regarding bad movies, anime, and comic books. At some point, Sal brought out a pitcher of an extremely stout looking beer that everyone enjoyed, with the exception being Marv and myself. I could understand the desire to drink yourself into oblivion, I had done that plenty of times in the past, but Marv was staying sober, so I decided to join him.
Can a unicorn have alcohol? I know horses can have a little beer now and then, but hard liquor is a no-no.
“How are you holding up, Marv?” I asked, more to make conversation than anything, but I did have a genuine interest in how he was doing. When I asked I could only get a neutral reading off of him, though a moment afterward, I felt his disposition brighten considerably.
“I am ok, My Lady. You need not worry on my behalf,” he said, inclining his head slightly. “However, I would be remiss if I failed to mention that I am a little worried about you. I can tell the burden that you have placed upon your shoulders, but you alone are not responsible. They made their decision to come into the dungeon. I just want you to remember that.”
“Logically, I know that, but logic and emotion don’t always work in tandem, Marv,” I said, shaking my head. “I’m sorry.”
He pulled his head back a little at that and stared at me.
“For what, My Lady?” he asked after a moment’s examination.
“For having to deal with this,” I answered, patting my chest over my heart. “I’m an emotional mess, despite how I try to present myself for the benefit of everyone else. Thank you though, for being there to share the burden that is myself. It means a lot.”
Marv gently headbutted me on the shoulder.
“You will never be a burden to me, Lady Clay,” Marv replied, then nipped at my hair with a mischievous look in his eyes. “You look tired and should maybe get some rest. We want to be awake when the premiere episode of Dungeon Crawler World airs.”
“That’s not a bad idea, Marv,” I said as I stood to address my friends. “Alright you guys, let’s start winding it down so we can get some rest, okay?”
Their conversation died down to a level that could be described as malcontent grumblings as I called Sal over.
“Aye, how may I help yeh, Lady Clay?” he asked in his rumbly voice.
“We need lodging, Sal, my friend. Yon board says there are fifteen rooms for rent. Since the cost is no gold, what do we need to do?” I asked.
“Er, well, that’s easy. Yeh jus have to sign the ledger an’ a room’ll be assigned to yeh. Everyone what wants to enter a private room needs to sign. Which room they enter after that ain’t none o’ my business,” Sal explained. “Rooms are customized to the primary occupant so even Master Marv will have lodging appropriate fer ‘em.”
“Primary occupant?” I asked.
“The first person to open the door,” he replied.
“Ah, I see. Thank you very much, Sal,” I said with a smile. “Can we go ahead and sign the ledger now?”
He waved a hand and a heavy book appeared above the table before falling with a heavy thunk. With another wave, it flipped open to the first page which was blank. Apparently, we were his first guests.
“Just touch it and think about signing, it’ll do the rest,” he said.
I reached out and touched the book.
So, I just think about signing it?
As the question entered my head, a large quill appeared and began to write. For a moment I was pleased that it had worked, then I noticed what exactly it had signed for my name…
Her Radiance, the Lady Clay