"Haak!"
On top of a shaking cart. A ceiling covered with old cloth.
The stench of rotting straw stabbed my nose. All around were crates and piles of cloth that looked like supplies.
Why am I here? More importantly, where is this now?
When I scrambled up and looked around, a voice I knew sounded right beside me.
<You're in the middle of the 'Head to Puil' Story Quest right now. How's the sensitivity?>
This voice.
"Sensitivity?"
<Yep. I adjusted the sensitivity of the pain you can feel during the adventure. The higher the number, the more realistic it gets, and the lower, the duller it gets.>
Titania, who'd been sitting on my shoulder with her chin in her hands, grabbed my ears with both hands and pulled. I stopped right before reflexively blurting that it hurt. Whoa, shit. What is this?
"......It really doesn't hurt at all. I can feel the pull, though."
<Right? It doesn't hurt, does it? Shall I leave it at this level?>
"Uh, yeah."
That's scary. So you can remove pain in virtual reality. Amazed, I pinched my thigh several times before looking up.
"But this place."
<The King of Loegria is taking you with him to the capital.>
At Titania's gesture, a translucent window appeared again. A medieval-style map with a large island as its background.
The fairy fluttered up with a flit and flew all over the map.
<This entire huge island is called Brigantes. There are small countries inside it. The place we're in right now is a small kingdom called Loegria.>
A faintly glowing shadow went down to the southernmost tip of the map.
'Loegria' was written on one spot, and when I turned my gaze to it, the map gradually zoomed in around that part.
"Hey. I've got a question."
<Sure.>
"Isn't Loegria way too...... small? Is there some kind of error?"
Above Loegria, two kingdoms stood shoulder to shoulder, and those countries, named 'Duren' and 'Amiens' respectively, looked far bigger in land than Loegria no matter how I looked at them. About three or four times bigger.
Put nicely, a small kingdom. Put badly, a country the size of a booger.
At this point, didn't this go beyond a weird scale or severe map-projection distortion? I asked seriously with that in mind, but Titania's movement stopped dead over the map.
What's with her all of a sudden?
"Titania?"
<There's no error in the map.>
"......You're saying this is the real size of the country?"
<Yep.>
"And it's true we're in Loegria?"
<Yep. The location data is normal too.>
"......We. I mean, my starting point is this...... country called Loegria? This land buried between Duren and Amiens that you can't even see? That's where I start?"
<Looks that way, doesn't it?>
"Does everyone who plays this start in Loegria, or am I just unlucky?"
A moment of silence passed.
Titania turned her head away.
<Ahem, hrm, khm, hack! That's not what's important right now, Albion!>
"No, then what the fuck is important?!"
<What's really important is that the Chipping Market has opened for us. Let's go look together! Aren't you just dying to know what amazing items there might be?>
"No, I'm not! What even is that?!"
<Chipping Market, come on out!>
Has this crazy fairy lost it?!
But before I could say anything to Titania, a huge chest dropped with a THUD right in front of my eyes. Where the hell did that fall from? The lid rattled and flew wide open, and from inside, bright light and system windows came bursting up in a flurry.
「Brigantes Chronicle: Welcome to the Chipping Market!
---Current Funds: 50 Pennies---
---Current Level: Novice Adventurer (Archmage)---」
「▲Recommended
Har■onia's Necklace (S)
Grin■olet's Saddle (A)
Spring Water of Life (A)
......」
「More Recommended Products by Category」
Things I'd never seen in my life came pouring out.
On the second row, big letters flashed for attention.
「※Novice ?dventurer St art Pack!ge※
150 Pennies → 50 Pennies Discount! S?-Grade It ems at a Low Pri ce?!
Diluted ■ctar ×1
Golden Apple Slice ×1
■'s Feather Cloak Portal ×1」
"What is all this?"
<Amazing, right? Awesome, right? With the Pennies you get for completing quests, you can get divine devices to help you on your adventure, you know.>
Titania puffed up with pride.
<If you make good use of the Chipping Market, visible only to adventurers, it could be a big help on your adventure from here on!>
"What kind of help?"
<To start, how about the Novice Adventurer Start Package?>
Titania flew over and circled around the golden goblet included in the Start Package bundle.
An explanation window popped up automatically.
「Diluted ■ctar (S):
The divine liquor the ancient gods were said to enjoy. Restores some Health of a player or NPC.」
「Golden Apple Slice (S):
A slice of the golden apple only the most beautiful may earn the right to eat. Greatly raises an NPC's Affection.」
「■'s Feather Cloak Portal (S):
A must-have for the trickster god. Moves you to a desired location on the map once.」
"Look at the state of these letters...... NPC health and moving me where I want are fine, I guess, but why would I need Affection?"
<Affection is a very important stat. It lets you persuade others or change people's minds without using force.>
What? Is this one of those dating sims I've only heard about?
Is what I'm playing a massive-scale medieval dating sim? I started a dating sim as the first game of my life?
I somehow felt a little unsettled. Even if they were NPCs, manipulating their hearts was a bit.
"I don't want to do that."
<Typically, appearance, status, and fame are the factors with the biggest influence on Affection. Depending on the person, gender and age have an effect too.>
"You're not listening to me at all. Besides, if it's Affection swayed by that kind of thing, I don't really need it, do I?"
<Well, maybe so. Still, the Start Package is a steady seller we basically recommend to all novice adventurers. Or do you want to see other items?>
Titania urged me on, but I had no money with which to enjoy online shopping right now. More than anything, I didn't have the energy to weigh all this stuff one by one and be a wise consumer.
"Buy whatever the hell you want."
<Good choice!>
Titania pressed down on the bundle that read 'Novice Adventurer Start Package' for me. Then with a clunk, somewhere on my body grew heavier.
From the inner pocket of my clothes, which were closer to rags, came a small apple slice and a tiny stoppered golden bottle. And a silvery brown feather as well. At least the delivery here is fast.
Even if not the golden apple, the diluted drink or the feather cloak might come in handy. I was putting the items back inside my clothes with that thought when it happened.
-THUD!
"Hey, His Majesty is calling for you."
At some point the cart had stopped shaking. I'd been so caught up buying things at the market that I hadn't even noticed.
The cloth at the end of the cart lifted. A soldier with a sullen look jerked his chin at me.
I got up awkwardly and looked at Titania, who flew back and sat on my shoulder. Emboldened by that small weight, I followed the soldier.
A carriage in the middle of the procession. The largest and most splendid one, with purple curtains hung inside.
The bandit-like man I'd seen during the Story Quest sat inside. A position in contrast to the soldiers walking around under the scorching sun.
The soldier pressed my head down hard, so I bowed by accident.
"I've brought the child, Your Majesty."
As I kept my head bowed blankly, not knowing what was going on, the sound of tongue-clicking came clearly from inside the carriage.
"You know nothing of manners, I see. What is your name, you wretch?"
"Seo— No, Albion."
"Albion. How a commoner such as you came to discover such a thing, I do not know, but as you informed me that there are dragons beneath the city, I take you to Puil as reward for that service. Therefore, upon reaching Puil, you shall duly praise my mercy."
"What?"
"As it happens, the royal castle is short of servants to clear away filth, so you shall take on that work."
Titania whispered in my ear.
<Here, the toilets are holes cut into the walls or towers, so when they're used, it all drops into the moat below. In other words, it means clearing away 'that' when it falls into the moat or ditches.>
"......?"
My brain stopped.
So the people of the castle, shit from up in the air, and I'm supposed to clean it up.
And while I do, I'm to praise the mercy the king has shown me. Praise his generosity in a place filled with all kinds of filth?
I looked at Titania for a moment. Titania looked at me too. When the fairy calmly nodded, I smoothly took out the Golden Apple Slice.
"I cannot express my gratitude for Your Majesty's more than generous treatment. As it happens, I have something I wish to present to Your Majesty. Would you accept it?"
"A wretch like you?"
"Yes."
Calhog sneered.
"Is it a pearl or something? How laughable."
"It's beyond comparison with pearls."
I forced up my head, which the soldier had been holding down.
"It's a fruit that's really good for men."
"......."
"How it's so good, exactly...... ah, it's really good for men. It's really good. I just can't explain it to you."
It's really good. For men. There's just no way to put it to you. Ah. It's so good. Ah. How do I put this to you? Ah.
The soldier looked down at me. Calhog was looking at me too. At last, Calhog opened his mouth.
"......Hand it over, then. Let us see."
And 4 minutes later.
I received orders from Calhog, in a good mood after eating the Golden Apple Slice, for a startling promotion to court attendant instead of filth-cleaner.
Long live the golden apple, you NPC wretches.
***
Day 15 in game time.
At last we could enter Puil, the capital of Loegria.
Most of the buildings were typical European medieval style made of earth and stone with some timber, and even the commoner NPCs' clothes had a certain realism.
Past the villages and guilds and the areas where commoners lived, the royal castle came into view up above, against the backdrop of the blue sky.
Loegria's royal castle was surrounded by the outermost moat along with three sturdy layers of walls.
Along with the shouts of soldiers recognizing the king's return, the three castle gates slowly opened. The gates shutting right after the last cart entered felt somehow chilling.
The procession had only just entered the castle's inner court.
Someone pointedly stepped into the king's path, voice raised.
"To return so early, Your Majesty always knows how to please me!"
A woman's piercing voice.
A woman in an open-front tunic reaching down to her ankles with a surcot and cotte over it, and a girdle of flashing jewels hanging down.
An attendant rushed over and opened the carriage door. Calhog slowly stepped down from the carriage and answered the woman blocking the procession curtly.
"You must have hoped I'd be crushed to death under the walls. What a pity I came back safe."
"Those walls were obviously going to collapse! I have no idea how long you'll keep obsessing over that damned coastal city. Leaving the castle empty for so long! Besides, as I see it."
The woman's sharp gaze swept over the small carriages following behind the king's.
Among them, besides the dignified carriages courtiers used, were carriages with flamboyant patterns and curtains of gold let down.
At a glance, these were no ordinary vassal's carriages. The woman clenched her teeth and spat with blazing eyes.
"......It seems you didn't go only to build walls?"
There can't be many people who could talk to a king like that. As I watched suspiciously, Titania whispered.
<That's Calhog's wife, Cadwin. The Queen of Loegria.>
Ah. Now I get it. Why Cadwin was picking a fight with Calhog the moment he returned.
It was infuriating enough that Calhog kept leaving the castle empty on the pretext of building a coastal city, and on top of that, he'd gone and brought his concubines along.
Calhog roared.
"You always try to control Us! We are the king! There is nowhere in Loegria We cannot go!"
"When have I ever objected to Your Majesty leaving the castle? I'm saying you didn't have to bring those unsightly things riding in those carriages! From where did you find such vulgar, cheap creatures of unknown birth—"
"Perhaps it's better to give you, with all your time for nagging, some other task. Ho there! Bring Albion!"
Fuck! What is this?!
Why are you calling for me here right now?! Why the hell would I be needed in a brawl like that?!
But the soldier's hand was merciless. A hand thrust into the cart dragged me out by force, and in the end I had to go out before the deadly Calhog and Cadwin.
Cadwin's sharp gaze swept me from head to toe.
"Who is this child?"
"He is called Albion. I brought him specially with Erman in mind. It would be good for there to be a child in the royal castle he can talk to."
"What family is this child from?"
"Ahem."
Calhog cleared his throat. The corners of Cadwin's eyes rose sharply.
"Surely you don't intend to bring another thing of unknown birth into the castle?"
"To treat the people of Loegria fairly is a virtue of the royal house."
"Your Majesty! How could you, such an insult to me! A commoner, no less?"
"Enough! Wash this child and take him to Erman. Let them get acquainted ahead of time."
The king waved his hand. Two attendants standing nearby quickly dragged me away. Behind me, shrieks grew more and more distant.
"The one damaging the royal dignity is none other than Your Majesty, and this is no different from insulting me and my family!"
"That damned family, family! I will not deny I received help from your family when I took the throne. But your father and relatives have already, in the royal castle......"
Just before we entered the castle's inner courtyard, one of the attendants taking me away quietly tipped me off.
"You'd best not show your face to Queen Cadwin from now on."
Ah, damn it.
At the attendant's advice, I silently rubbed a hand down my face.
What kind of game makes me start in a country that's crumbling apart like bean flour?