“You can’t eat that, spit it out now!”
Cuihu, the maid serving Yue Yiniang, cried out anxiously. Who knew if there was anything disgusting in the food this madwoman was eating?
“—Ptooey!”
Yue Yiniang immediately spat out whatever was in her mouth.
Lin Yu’er had been still thinking about the pig trotters under the table. She had planned to resume eating once she drove these people away, but that “ptooey” sound instantly enraged her.
She spun around, hopping mad with fury.
“What are you spitting for? Were you just spitting at me? How bold! How dare you provoke me!”
Fuming, she tried to snap her chopsticks in half to intimidate them, straining with effort—but they wouldn’t break.
Zhang Momo glanced at the chopsticks in her hand: pure silver, of course they wouldn’t break!
As far as she knew, not only were Lin Yu’er’s chopsticks pure silver, but so were her soup spoon and all her other utensils!
The Marquis seemed to be guarding against potential poisoning attempts—even her daily meals were repeatedly inspected by female physicians before being served…
Though Zhang Momo couldn’t understand why anyone would bother trying to harm a madwoman?!
After several failed attempts to snap the chopsticks, Lin Yu’er decided they must be valuable and tucked them into her waistband.
Then she lifted her head and spat right back, “Hah~ptooey~!”
Yue Yiniang shrieked and hid behind Cuihu.
“Madwoman! You absolute madwoman!!”
“Hah~ptooey~~!”
“Ahhhhhhh, what kind of main wife spits at a concubine like this! Lin Yu’er, you’re insane and deranged, constantly embarrassing the Marquis’ household! The Marquis will abandon you sooner or later! Just you wait!”
“Hah~ptooey~~!”
“If you won’t let me inside, you shouldn’t have taken my things! Give me back my hairpin! I’ll stay outside in the courtyard—just return it and I’ll leave…”
“Hah~ptooey~~!”
By now Yue Yiniang was so furious she lost her head, shrieking sharply: “Lin Yu’er!! Are you deaf? Can you hear me talking? Don’t think I won’t spit back at you too?!”
“Go ahead, try it! Come on!” This time Lin Yu’er responded.
She bounced wildly in place like a boxer, provocatively crooking her finger at the other woman.
“Ahhhhhhh I’m so angry!” Seeing Lin Yu’er’s condescending look, Yue Yiniang’s last thread of sanity snapped. She opened her mouth and retaliated with a “ptooey” of her own.
“Oh ho, you actually dared!”
How could Lin Yu’er—self-proclaimed strongest heir of the Demon Realm—back down?
She immediately called out to Du Du.
“Quick! She’s counterattacking! I can’t cover a wide area alone! Du Du, come here! Give it your all! Today I’m determined to drown her in spit!”
Hearing her name called, Du Du looked at Zhang Momo with dread.
What should she do?
Zhang Momo signaled with her eyes: “Do it! Otherwise the mistress will suspect you’re a spy, and it’ll be hard to regain her trust later! If you’re too embarrassed, just close your eyes and spit—whether you hit or not, just try your best! I see your efforts, and I’ll have the Marquis increase your monthly pay!”
“Understood, Zhang Momo!”
No sooner had Zhang Momo reassured Du Du than Lin Yu’er continued.
“Zhang Momo, you come help too.”
Zhang Momo: …
…
When He Jiulin arrived at Crabapple Courtyard, he witnessed a full-blown spit-flying battle.
It was an absolute deluge of saliva.
He could hardly believe this was the rear courtyard of Zhaoping Marquis’ household.
“Have I come to the wrong place?”
“Marquis, this is indeed Crabapple Courtyard.” The servant Chang An looked around, then rubbed his eyes in disbelief. “But am I seeing things? Is that… Yue Yiniang?”
Yue Yiniang, named Xie Xinyue, was the legitimate daughter of the third branch of the Xie family. Three years ago she had made a name for herself at the capital’s poetry gathering, gaining fame throughout the capital with her poem “Drunk Under the Shade of Flowers,” earning the title of talented lady.
But now this talented lady was vigorously spitting?
Her combat effectiveness was even fiercer than her maid’s, spitting while emitting explosive shrieks!
Clearly she had nearly lost all reason from anger.
“Marquis, should we call someone to pull them apart?”
“Wait a moment. The mistress seems to be enjoying herself…” He Jiulin watched the posturing Lin Yu’er, a smile in his eyes.
After a good while, he finally spoke.
“Now go! Tell the matrons to be careful not to hurt the mistress.”
“Yes.”
Chang An summoned several sturdy matrons who promptly restrained Yue Yiniang and Cuihu, while also stopping the fiercely spitting Du Du.
Zhang Momo was the first to spot He Jiulin and quickly pulled Lin Yu’er back. “Mistress, your husband is here!!”
Lin Yu’er snorted coldly.
Dismissive.
“What kind of thing is a husband?”She, Niohuru·Bulalar·Pikachu·Lin Yu’er, the dignified heir of the Demon Realm, had no husband—only male consorts!”
“He Jiulin is a big shot in this realm! His status is extremely high, his methods numerous. He could easily see through our disguise, mistress. We must, we must…” Zhang Momo watched the approaching household head, suddenly at a loss for how to continue fabricating.
Lin Yu’er’s eyes rolled around before showing sudden understanding.
“I get it! You’re right to worry! Repairing the Teleportation Array takes time! But if I have more contact with the big shot, I can steal energy from him to speed up the array repairs, right?!”
Zhang Momo hurriedly nodded. “Ah, yes, exactly, that’s right.”
Du Du, who had just returned to their side: ?
What did I miss?
What method did Zhang Momo use? She even got the mistress to continue the story!
Before anyone present could react, they saw Lin Yu’er’s hair ribbon flutter as she dashed out, embraced He Jiulin, and rubbed her head against his firm chest.
She paused, then rubbed again.
He Jiulin immediately froze in place.
“First steal a bit to test the effect.” Lin Yu’er sneakily released him, grinning like a thief who’d scored good loot, then happily climbed onto a nearby stone table to sit cross-legged in meditation.
“Marquis, are you alright?” Chang An asked.
“Fine.”
When Yue Yiniang noticed the Marquis had returned, she plopped to her knees before him.
“Marquis, the mistress has gone mad again! She insulted me and spat at me!”
He Jiulin was exceptionally handsome, but his eyes held an extremely pale hue that seemed somewhat aloof.
Yet his lips always carried a faint, elusive smile, making those eyes resemble gems beneath lake water, creating a shimmering ripple effect that was utterly captivating.
Standing there like a jade tree, he made Yue Yiniang gaze at him with infatuation.
He Jiulin chuckled lightly. “Oh? It looked to me like you were having quite fun with the mistress!”
“I wasn’t, I…”
Yue Yiniang felt somewhat guilty, embarrassed just thinking about how she had been hopping around furiously earlier.
Uncertain how long He Jiulin had been watching, she changed the subject.
“It’s all because the mistress stole my hairpin!”
“That hairpin was a gift from you, Marquis. I couldn’t bear to lose it. Please help me get it back.”
He Jiulin frowned, remaining silent.
Chang An spoke up beside him. “Marquis, on the evening the concubines entered the household, you had me pick some random jewelry from the main treasury as rewards…”
He Jiulin recalled the incident. “What good items could possibly be in the main treasury? Chang An, later go select some things from my private treasury to bring to the mistress.”
Chang An replied respectfully, “Yes.”
Thinking the items would compensate her, Yue Yiniang instead discovered they weren’t for her. Furious, she clenched her handkerchief tightly.
At that moment, Zhang Momo stepped forward and bowed.
“Marquis, this servant has something to report.”
He Jiulin nodded. “Speak.”
Zhang Momo said, “Before Yue Yiniang came to Crabapple Courtyard, the mistress was very well-behaved. She took an afternoon nap without wandering around, and ate her meal without being picky. But Yue Yiniang arrived empty-handed and upset the mistress. The mistress tried to send her away, yet Yue Yiniang stubbornly refused to leave!”
He Jiulin’s cold, fierce gaze swept toward Yue Yiniang.
“Yue Yiniang gave the hairpin to the mistress herself, and the mistress invited Yue Yiniang to eat. But then she turned around and disliked that the food was bad, spitting it out! The mistress can’t stand wastefulness—that’s why she became angry!Yue Yiniang stared dumbfounded at Zhang Momo: (Д)ノ!!!
What a glib tongue full of nonsense!