Third time’s the charm. A groan escaped my lips as I lazily turned over to reach for my phone. I felt like I was dying.
Finally opening my eyes, I lazily traced the usual pattern with my thumb, failing a few times before unlocking the screen. Two more alarms were awaiting their turn. I wished I’d forgotten to set up any of them in the first place. I was not looking forward to this.
Maybe I should pretend to be sick.
One more day would be nice.
“Michael! Breakfast’s ready!” Mom yelled from downstairs.
Alas, I knew I’d just be prolonging the inevitable.
Let’s get this over with.
“Be right there!”
With another groan, I finally got up and dragged my feet to my closet, scanning my options as I opened it. I say options, but the only real choice I needed to make was the colour of my t-shirt. They were all the same thing. Bought them in bulk. As cheap and plain as I could find them. No patterns nor prints to be seen either. Truly, the only reason they weren’t all black was because I didn’t want people to think that I had the one single piece that I wore everyday.
My eyes landed on the pink one, hanging far back against the wall in wait for the day that I’d finally wear it. I lingered briefly on it.
Don’t even know why I got it, in the first place.
I kept telling Mom that it was a matter of consistency. I grabbed every other colour available so, obviously, I needed the full set. Plus, it’s not like men can’t wear this colour, right? Yet, that’s exactly what I saw it as.
Forbidden.
I was sure Dad would make a fuss about it, too. Good thing he didn’t pay attention to what I bought.
“Michael? Are you ready yet?”
Does she really need to use my name every time?
It hasn’t even been that long.
“The food’s getting cold!” Mom added.
“Just a minute!” I shouted.
My sight shifted back to the task at hand. I yawned, finally deciding on the grey one, for today. I was sure it had been at least a week since I used it. Not that it mattered. I didn’t leave the house much this summer. Satisfied, I completed the set with some jeans and fresh boxers.
Once changed, I sauntered my way down to find a plate with scrambled eggs and bacon waiting for me at the table. I took a seat and glanced at the two empty spots. The one plate with leftovers likely belonged to Dad.
It didn’t take long for me to hear him yelling over by the living room; most likely an early call from work. Those were never good for his mood.
I sat next to Mom and took the first bite of my food, frowning at the texture.
“Should’ve been here sooner,” Mom teased as I picked at it with my fork. Her smile faded the moment she took a closer look at me. “Michael, are you feeling okay? Did you get enough sleep?”
“I’m fine.”
Mom stared at me for a moment, gritting her teeth. She didn’t push; not anymore. She knew that my answer wouldn’t change. A white lie. One neither of us actually believed.
She was worried about me; about my lifestyle. I couldn’t be mad at her for caring. That said, it wasn’t like my grades were bad, and I rarely got sick. Why did it matter if I stayed in my room most of the time?
It wasn’t like I had friends waiting for me in the outside world.
There’s Ryan, I guess.
Having just finished his call, Dad walked into the kitchen. He put his phone away and sat down. Only then did he look at me. More precisely, at my hair. I huffed in anticipation.
“You should really do something about that hair, son.”
I rolled my eyes at his predictable words. It wasn’t the first time, nor would it be the last. Ever since I stopped going to the barber, he committed himself to let me know how displeased he was with my decision every so often.
“I told you, I like it this way.”
“I don’t see why you bother,” he countered, pointing at it with his fork. “It looks terrible, and you’ll have to cut it eventually, anyway.”
I shot him a glare, which he failed to notice.
“Nobody will hire you if you look like a bum,” he added.
It was always the same with him. All Dad cared about were my grades and my future job. I couldn’t remember the last time he showed any interest in me as a person, rather than my achievements at school. He probably didn’t even know what my favourite food was.
“I’m saying this for your own good, Michael. Have you thought about which engineering path you’ll take?”
Yes, he was kind enough to pick my career for me, since I didn’t really care for it.
To him, Andrew and I were nothing but his second chances at life. A way to relive his achievements while also avoiding his mistakes. My older brother certainly lived to his expectations, so I couldn’t understand why I needed to do the same.
I gave out a long yawn before giving my response. “Nope.”
He grunted at my lack of enthusiasm. “Time is ticking, son.”
Why bother, just pick for me again.
“Your father’s right about one thing, dear,” Mom commented, finally getting involved in our exchange. “This?” She took my hair in her hand, inspecting it, then running her fingers through it. “This is awful!”
I felt the urge to brush her away. Mom was also very vocal about not being a fan of my long hair, at first. She’d been quiet about it for months, so I thought she got used to it. I closed my eyes, as if to keep her voice out. The moment she said anything else, I’d grab my backpack and leave. Even school was better than this torture.
“I mean, just look at all this damage! It’s as if you are growing hay instead of hair. You should take better care of it.”
My eyes opened wide, and I slowly turned to look at her. “W-what?”
She nodded, still raking her fingers through said hay. “I understand wanting it to get long fast, but it’s not good to skip maintenance. I can’t let you keep doing this to yourself. You need a proper trim.”
“He’s a man, Linda,” Dad intervened. “He doesn’t care for that stuff. He’s just being lazy.”
A crumpled napkin quickly found his face and bounced off it.
“Shush, you. You said your piece already.”
He raised an eyebrow at her, then shrugged, choosing his food over an argument.
Mom had my attention now, though I tried to hide it as best as I could. Couldn’t let them know that I was interested; that I was actually listening. Especially not Dad.
I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out. She smiled at me and removed her hand. Some of its warmth lingered.
“Say, would you like me to get you an appointment at the salon? Get a nice trim. Style it a bit, maybe?”
Dad snorted at that, though we both ignored him.
Tying my hair all the time was definitely getting old. Not that I could think of any style that would suit me. The few of them that I had tried from references online looked great on those guys, but not on me. Perhaps a professional could fix this.
Why now, though?
Why after all the opposition?
I bit my lip as I considered her offer. This had to be a trick to lower my guard. To convince me to go there, expecting to get a trim, then turn it into an actual cut. She probably thought I wouldn’t make a scene in public.
“I promise they won’t cut more than necessary,” she added, as if reading my thoughts. “Just fix the damage.”
I took a deep breath to calm myself and my thoughts. I had no real reason to refuse her offer. In fact, I wanted it.
“Okay, let’s do that,” I finally said, trying my best to keep a smile from showing.
Done with what was left of my breakfast, I finished getting ready so I could head out for school. Today was my first day as a high school freshman. Such an exciting new stage of my life!
Except it wasn’t.
Sometimes, I wished I could just study from home. I got the grades, so why did it matter? The social aspect? I socialized more with the randos online than the people in my class.
I missed the time when things were simpler. When I could still feel like I belonged. Before I knew it, everyone just found a group.
I couldn’t.
Somewhere along the way, my classmates started to feel less like friends and more like mere acquaintances.
“Hey Mike! Did you miss me?”
And then, there was Ryan. What this guy saw in me, I couldn’t understand, but I appreciated his company. I turned around and looked up to see my one remaining friend’s smiling face. He had a new tan from his summer vacation.
Will he ever stop growing?
He was already as tall as my father and brother. Perhaps I was the weird one for staying the same as last year.
Dad would often tell me not to worry. He said that I’d get my growth spurt soon enough; that men stop growing at twenty-two, or something like that. I could swear he kept pushing that age further and further. At some point, it felt like his words weren’t meant for me.
“Oh, hi, Ryan.” Another big yawn followed right after.
His smile vanished as he got closer. “Hey, is everything okay?”
“Uh… yeah, why wouldn’t it be?”
“Why? You look like a corpse! Did you sleep properly?”
“Define properly.”
He brought a hand to his forehead and sighed. “How many hours?”
“I dunno,” I shrugged. “Maybe three?”
“Three! Mike, what the hell!? Have you been doing this the entire summer?”
My eyes widened at the accusation. “No! Of course not! It was only last night, I swear!”
“Seriously, you’re supposed to be the responsible one.” He raised an eyebrow. “Was the game good, at least? Must’ve been, if you barely slept before the first day of class.”
Yeah, of course the first thing he thought of was a game. He was only partially wrong. Gaming was involved. It was the symptom, not the cause. Should I say it, though. That was the question.
I felt like I needed to be honest with him. He deserved that much.
“No, that wasn’t it,” I finally said.
“Then?”
“I… Well, I guess I just didn’t want today to come. You know, new school and all. I didn’t want the vacation to end.”
“Okay, I’m actually worried now.”
I snorted at that. “Is it that weird to hate school?”
“Yeah, it is when it’s you. I mean, it’s not like you have anything to worry about. You are always at the top of the class.” Ryan paused for a second, then put both hands on my shoulders. “Did someone bother you while I was gone?”
“Huh?”
“It was Josh, wasn’t it?”
Why would Josh bother me, in the first place?
He rarely ever spoke to me or Ryan. Plus, it wasn’t like we’d see him at our new school, anyway. Same with the rest of our classmates.
Rosewood High was not the most affordable choice out there, after all. Had it not been for their scholarship programs, it would’ve been out of reach for my family.
“Ugh! I can’t believe it, even after I told him to stay away from—”
“You did what!?” I yelled, pushing him away.
Ryan went quiet, covering his mouth.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“T-tell you what?” he asked, avoiding eye contact. As if he could feign ignorance at this point.
“Were things really that bad that you had to protect me behind my back? What did he say? What did you do? Was it the same with everyone? Did they all hate me?”
“Woah there! Calm down. It wasn’t like that.”
“Then?” I asked, arms crossed.
Defeated, he took a deep breath. “Nobody hated you, Mike. It’s just, well… you know, some people are assholes. They don’t understand those who are different.”
“How am I different, Ryan?” I felt guilty, cornering him like this. However, I needed to know just what it was that I did wrong. “Is it my height? My grades? My clothes? Is it something I can control or not?”
Silence. I saw the conflict on his face. He was probably debating on the right answer.
I huffed and turned my back on him. “Whatever, keep it to yourself. I don’t care. I’m going to school now.”
I ran ahead, only looking back once I’d made enough distance. Ryan didn’t follow. Instead, he just stood in place, looking at the floor. My guilt only increased seeing this.
How could I be mad at him? He simply did what he thought best. If anything, it was my fault that he had to go out of his way to keep me safe, even if I didn’t really know why I was hated in the first place.
I’ll apologise next time I see him.
---<>----------<>----------<>---
Classes went by quickly. As expected of the first week, it was mostly introductions and stuff. No homeroom, either. Just getting to know our schedule, recommended books, which websites to avoid for research and then some time to relax.
I didn’t speak to anyone. I just slept. I’m glad to report no pranks were played on me while I did.
Did Ryan protect me again?
No idea. He kept his distance the entire day. It was only during lunch time that he finally approached.
“I’m sorry,” he said after an uncomfortable silence.
“It’s fine,” I replied, giving a reconciliatory smile. “I was a bit grumpy, I guess. Just tired, you know. I’m sorry for being a jerk earlier.”
At this, his own smile returned, at least a little.
“Well, don’t just stand there. Take a seat and give my neck a break. Tall people, I swear.”
He chuckled and sat down. “You’re uh… Looking better now.”
“I did sleep a lot.”
“Yeah… I’m glad.”
We ate in silence for a while. He still avoided eye contact for the most part, choosing to pay more attention to the sandwich he was biting into.
“Trust me, Ryan. I’m not angry anymore,” I started. “It’s just. Well, if I did something wrong, I would like to know what it was. This is a new school. A fresh start. I don’t want to repeat the same mistake here.”
“Again, you didn’t do anything wrong, Mike. Really.”
“Then what did Josh do that he deserved to be threatened by you?”
Ryan was a big guy. Always the tallest in class, and with a frame that made him look far from lanky, though not exactly muscular, either. I knew he’d have no problem intimidating someone like Josh. However, his heart was just as big. He would never do that to anyone without a proper reason, and I needed to know what that was.
“He called you a f—” He sighed through his nose and took a moment to relax.
Ah, that one.
Well, I’m used to it.
Dad has called me that a few times when angry.
“I hardly believe that’s the whole reason.”
“He was planning something. Something to…” He made air quotes with his fingers. “Make a man out of you or whatever. When Claire found out, she reached out to me. We tried bringing it up to the teachers, but, as expected, they weren’t of any help because he hadn’t done anything. Not having much of a choice left, I cornered Josh when I had the chance. Told him that if he wanted to get to you, he’d need to deal with me first. Cliché, I know, but it worked.”
“Wow, that’s… that’s not what I expected.” It was hard to imagine that the same Josh, who would flee at the sight of either of us, was that terrible.
I guess I now know why he was like that.
“Make me manlier, huh…” I said out loud without realising.
“Don’t worry about it.” Ryan waved it off. “He was probably just jealous that the girls in class preferred to hang out with you over him.”
“Jealous?” I snorted. “They didn’t even see me as a man!”
“Of course they saw you as a man, Mike.”
“Ryan, they got changed right next to me if I was the only guy around. At most they’d tell me not to look. It wasn’t just once either.”
“And you never peeked?” Ryan asked, arms crossed.
“Of course not! Why would I? I’m not… I mean…” I faked a cough. “A-anyway, thank you… for protecting me.”
Ryan stared in silence briefly, and then shook his head. “Uh, yeah, of course…” He paused again and took a deep breath before giving me a reassuring smile. “You’re my friend, Mike. That’s what friends do. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything until now. I swear I meant to tell you. It’s just… I couldn’t find the words. I didn’t want to hurt you. It only became harder with time. Eventually, it was easier to pretend nothing was wrong.”
There was another moment of silence before Ryan spoke again. “Hey, how about visiting the arcade today after class? I’ve missed our outings together while away. Plus, I hear they’ve got a new game that you may like.”
“And I guess it would be too much to ask you to tell me which one, right?”
“Oh, yes,” he nodded. “Where’s the fun in that?”
Classes ended soon enough, and after sending Mom a text, telling her I’d be home later, Ryan and I headed to Oak Plaza, where the arcade was located.
This mall was particularly big, and with a park aesthetic, featuring trees and an artificial river in the middle that ran along the entire place’s base floor. Aside from the actual stores, only the corridors were roofed, mostly for when it rained. It was not only a pretty view; it was also relatively close to our homes.
There were a total of three full floors, with the top being a dedicated recreational area where you could find the cinema, dozens of hobbyist stores, and the arcade. Reaching said floor, we continued walking as we made comments on the things we saw at the windows of each place. A weird fish at the pet store, the poster of an upcoming video game, or the hundredth or so reskin of the same family-breaking board game.
As we were about to reach our destination, the faint smell of incense invaded our nostrils. We both stopped in our tracks to look at the source. A new store with an esoteric, moody atmosphere now stood where a stamp collector’s club once did.
“The House of Miracles,” Ryan read out loud. “Someone’s full of themselves, huh.”
I didn’t respond. I simply continued to stare. My eyes kept scanning the place, or at least that which was visible from the outside.
“Mike?”
I got this strange feeling, like I was being drawn to something inside.
“Hey, are you okay?”
A hand suddenly grasped my shoulder. “Mike!”
“Huh?”
I turned around to look at him.
“You good?” he asked.
My eyes wandered to the store again, then back to my friend. “Uh, yeah. I’m good.”
“I didn’t know you were interested in this witchcraft stuff,” he laughed awkwardly. “You, uh… You wanna check it out?”
I merely nodded.
“Okay then,” he said, opening the door for me.
We walked around the store eyeing the products. Crystals, candles, incense, books, charms, and even the famous tarot cards. Some of the stuff was kinda cool, I won’t deny.
“You won’t find what you are looking for there, young one,” a gravelly voice said from behind the counter.
We turned around to see an old woman smiling at us. She was dressed like a stereotypical fortune teller, only lacking the crystal ball.
“Oh, we’re not looking for anything,” I clarified. “Just browsing, thank you.”
“Are you sure?” she asked. “I believe I’ve got just the thing you need.”
Ryan and I looked at each other.
“I’m afraid I don’t have any money on me,” I insisted. Not exactly a lie. I only carried some emergency cash for food in case of an outing like this.
“Oh, don’t worry about that, young one,” she waved it off. “This is on the house; to celebrate our opening. Come, follow me.”
I looked at my friend again, and we both shrugged. We followed her through a door behind the counter. It led to a dark room, illuminated only by a faded indigo light and a small chandelier standing on top of a round table at the centre. The lady sat on one end, motioning for us to sit opposite of her.
“I sense a negative energy within you, child,” she said.
Ryan snorted in response. “Yeah, I mean, the first day of class isn’t the most exciting thing out there.”
“Nothing as superficial as that, no. This is personal.” Her smile felt creepy. She looked at me and held out her open palm, “Your hand, if you please.”
I did so without thinking, and she took it on both of hers before I could pull away. She closed her eyes and hummed for a while. Her lips curled further. “Ah~! There it is. Yes, yes. I can feel your inner conflict. I sense an internal dispute.”
“Dispute?” I asked. “I mean, I’m definitely stressed over my dad’s constant nagging.”
She shook her head slowly. “It goes deeper than that. Chaos, present both in mind and body. Worry not, though. I’ve got just the thing for you.”
The lady stood up and went behind a curtain. After a minute or so, she emerged, carrying a small bottle with her. It contained some sort of lime green liquid. “Here you go, sweetling,” she said, handing me the bottle.
“Potion of Harmony,” Ryan read on the label.
I turned and examined it further. “Carbonated water, melon flavoured syrup, corn syrup, citric acid and yellow and blue food colourings… This is just melon soda!”
Both Ryan and I laughed at it. The lady didn’t seem to mind, still smiling as she explained, “It’s easier on the palate that way. Drink this, and you will find your balance.”
Ryan raised an eyebrow. “What kind of balance?”
“This is not for me to say. You’ll find out soon enough,” was all she said.
I unscrewed the cap and smelled the ‘potion’. As expected, the pleasant smell of fake melon filled my nose. I took a sip first, then downed it all once I confirmed the sweet flavour.
“Well?” Ryan asked. “Do you feel the harmony?”
“I… yes, I think I feel something…” I lifted one finger, giving him a concerned look, which he copied. I took a deep breath, then released a loud burp, caused by the carbonated drink.
This brought another fit of laughter from us, though the lady just grimaced at it this time.
“Hey, can-hehe, can I have one too?” Ryan managed to ask, still in laughter.
The lady rolled her eyes and stood up, going behind the curtain briefly before coming out with another bottle, which she handed over to him.
“Thanks,” he said, accepting it. He looked at his phone, then at me. “We better get moving.”
I handed over the empty bottle to the lady, and she guided us outside.
Ryan was already walking away, but I waved the lady goodbye before leaving.
She waved back at me, and I continued walking to the exit.
“It was a fun gimmick at least,” Ryan said, holding the door open.
As I crossed the frame, my whole body tingled. I looked behind me, but the lady was gone. Another, much younger, woman was now standing in her place.
“You good?” Ryan asked.
“Huh?” I whipped my head to look at him. “Oh, uh, yeah. I’m fine, let’s go.”