“So, Andrew,” Dad started, stabbing a spring roll with his fork. “How goes the swimming? Finally beat that Jaden guy?”
“Hayden,” Andrew corrected. “And no. Not yet. That dude is a torpedo disguised as a human.”
“You’re just not trying hard enough,” Dad countered. “You can do it, Andrew. You just—”
“Haven’t realised that you have it in you~” My brother and I said in unison.
Dad had a big toothy smile. “That’s the spirit!”
Mom had to turn my way to hide her snickering.
The smile didn’t last long as his sight shifted to me. “You’re gaining weight, son.”
I blinked twice, then looked at my stomach. “I’m sorry, what?”
“Your face has gotten rounder,” he explained. “It’s because you spend all of your time in that cave of yours, playing video games.”
“It’s not all day,” I clarified. “I also hang out with Ryan.”
“To do what?” He barked. “Play more video games in another cave.”
“Darling, I don’t think—”
“This is also your fault, Linda!” he interrupted. “You’re too soft on him.”
“That’s not—”
“Look at his hair, for fuck’s sake!” he shouted, pointing at me with an open hand. “Did he even get a cut? Before, he looked like a bum, but at least he looked like a man.”
The chills from the spell broke my paralysis. I immediately stood up and ran to my room.
Mom and Andrew began shouting. I couldn’t understand their words.
All I could hear as I climbed up the stairs was Dad.
“When is he going to stop acting like a fa—”
I slammed the door shut and dropped to the floor. Now all the voices were muffled and hard to understand.
My jaw clenched as I stood back up and walked to bed, not bothering to turn on the light. I let myself drop on top of it and reached out to the seal plushie that Ryan gave me.
Tears finally flowed freely as I clutched onto the seal. Snuggles. The name felt right. My grip only tightened as the chills came.
Several minutes passed before peace returned to the house. My crying became a quiet sobbing.
Incoming steps drew my attention to the hallway.
“Michael?” Mom called as she knocked on the door. “I brought you your dinner.”
I stayed quiet.
The door opened up, and I closed my eyes.
Mom placed the plate on my desk and sat down next to me. She removed my coil tie and gently brushed my hair with her fingers without saying a word.
“He hates me.”
“He loves you,” Mom corrected. “He loves both of you.”
“He loves himself!” I snapped. “We’re nothing but extensions of himself. And he hates that one of us is straying from the plan he designed for us.”
“Honey, that’s not true. I’ve told you. All he wants is for both of you to be successful and lead happy lives. He’s just confused about what that means. I was too.”
I finally turned around to face her. “Mom, can you tell me what my favourite colour is?”
“It’s blue, isn’t it?”
I snorted. “Blue hasn’t been my favourite for almost a decade. What about my favourite food? Or which video games do I play? Or the music I listen to? What do you know about me besides the curse or my grades?”
Mom’s lips quivered, and she shook her head.
“If you don’t know, then how can I expect him to? How can I expect him to know what’s best for me if he doesn’t even know me?”
Do I even know myself?
“I don’t know what to say,” Mom cried.
I sat up and hugged her. “You don’t need to say anything. I know you’re trying.” I laughed. “Hell, you’ve been my anchor during this whole mess.”
We quietly held each other. Mother and…
“Mom?”
“Yes?”
“Who am I?”
Mom slowly pulled away from the hug and smiled. “You are my child.”
I rolled my eyes. “You know what I mean.”
“I do, but the truth is that I don’t know any better than you do. What I do know is that I will support you, no matter what your choice ends up being.
“If you feel like you are happier being a boy, take the antidote, and we’ll figure out a way to reverse your changes. If it turns out that you’d rather be a girl, then we let it run its course.” She gave me a wry smile. “Even if you took the antidote and regretted it, we’d do it the old-fashioned way. And if you want to be both or neither, that’s okay, too. We’ll adapt.”
A wave of relief spread through my body, followed by a frown. “What do you mean both or neither?”
She chuckled. “To be honest, I have no idea. It’s something I saw online.”
“Online?” I echoed.
“It’s a long story. Would you like to eat your dinner while I tell you?”
My stomach responded for me. She smiled and stood up to get it.
I straightened myself and ate as I listened.
“When you told us you wanted to let your hair grow, the first thing we thought was that you were being lazy or that you wanted to look like some rockstar. I thought it was just a phase, and that you would get tired of it eventually. This, you already know.
“It was the first time in years that you showed a strong interest in anything. I could tell you wanted to take care of it. I even noticed how my shampoo and conditioner would sometimes be out of place or last less than usual.”
She laughed at my expression. “Oh yes, I noticed.”
“And then,” she continued. “I thought ‘what if this isn’t the first time?’ I remember this particular time, for example, when I walked into your room and caught you trimming your arm hair with some scissors. You said that you felt like a gorilla.”
I nodded. “You took the scissors away and told me that girls didn’t like boys who shaved their body.”
Her eyes widened. “Is that how it went? I thought I told you that you would hurt yourself.”
I simply shook my head and took another bite.
“I’m sorry. For that, and for all the times we scolded you for… Well, for doing something— something we considered girly.”
“It’s okay,” I said, mouth half full.
“No, it’s not,” she corrected. “I know that now. Searching for clues online, I came across the word ‘transgender’. I read about it and learned that some people don’t feel comfortable with the body they’re born with. People whose gender identity doesn’t match the sex they were assigned at birth.”
“And you thought I could be one of them?” I asked.
“I had my suspicions, but no real way to tell for sure. Most of the sites I visited strongly advised against asking you directly. The only thing I could do was to show you that I was open to the idea.”
“Is that why you—”
She nodded. “Had I known about the curse, I would’ve toned it down a little.”
“But you didn’t know,” I commented. “And uh… I guess I’m kinda glad that you did what you did.”
She blinked at me for a moment. “You are?”
“If you hadn’t, we probably wouldn’t be having this conversation. Also… Well, there have been moments when I’ve wondered if this curse is really that bad.”
Mom hesitated. “So you… Do you like what it’s doing to your body?”
“Sometimes,” I responded, then shook my head. “Most times.” I smiled as I recalled Ruby’s questioning. “When I’m not panicking about keeping it secret or when my chest doesn’t hurt.” Now, I knew what she meant by it. I paused. “Mom?”
“Yes, honey?”
“Could you…” I looked away and fidgeted. “When we’re alone, I mean… I…” I sighed. “Can I… be your daughter?”
Mom smiled gently. “Of course, sweetie.”
And for the first time, I welcomed the magic.
---<>----------<>----------<>---
I woke up without an alarm again. Snuggles was still in my embrace. His tail caught between both of my legs. My hand reached for my phone to discover that I still had an hour before it rang.
The good news was that I didn’t roll over this time, so no pain interrupted my sleep.
“Thanks, Snuggles,” I muttered.
Sitting up, I looked at the bags next to my closet. I sighed and patted my friend on the head before getting up and grabbing some of the clothes in them. The grey v-neck t-shirt and flannel jacket caught my attention.
Maybe I should wear these today.
I set those two apart and started hanging or folding everything else. First came all the clothes Mom picked for me. Then, the bras, and finally the hoodies.
“Hm?”
After hanging a few of the latter, I noticed a different material below the repetitive pile of clothes. My hand dug through the hoodies and pulled out a familiar blue blouse.
A smile spread across my face as I held it.
Thanks, Mom.
I examined the top again and wondered how I’d look in it. I had no way to tell. Taking it with me to the bathroom was too risky.
Pity I don’t have a mirror.
Unless…
I exited my room and walked to Andrew’s, hoping I hadn’t just woken him up as I knocked.
Andrew opened up right away. To my relief, he was already dressed for the day, though I could tell he was not fully awake yet.
“Mike?” he asked. “What are you doing up so early?”
“I was wondering if I could borrow your mirror for a bit.”
He smiled weakly at me. “Yeah, sure. Come in and take it. I don’t really use that thing, anyway. Just don’t break it, okay?”
I walked into his room and grabbed the full length mirror. It was much heavier than I expected, though not enough to be a problem.
“Thanks,” I said as I carried it past him.
Andrew ruffled my hair. “Yeah, no problem, lil’ bro.”
I winced at the nickname. Something told me that things would get harder in that department from here on.
Walking into my room, I locked the door and placed the mirror next to my closet. I then took off my PJ’s top and closed my eyes before slipping into the blouse. It felt nice. It was unlike any clothes I wore before. Smooth, instead of rough like my t-shirts.
The sleeves were the weirdest part. I kept trying to pull at them despite knowing they weren’t supposed to cover my whole arms. The flare was also such an alien feeling.
But I liked it.
The spell activated the moment I saw my reflection.
Staring back at me was a girl. She looked awful, having just woken up from a very long night, and she still had a lot of Mike to her face, but she was kind of pretty.
It still feels weird to think that of myself.
I continued to stare at her for a while before I decided that it was enough and took off the blouse. Even without the top, I saw her. The image wasn’t as clear as before, but it was undeniably her, and she was me.
I carefully stored the blouse in my closet and grabbed my fresh clothes, including some boxers, socks, and one of the bralettes. I also picked up the bag with hair products before exiting my room. My steps were quiet as I slowly made my way to the bathroom and locked the door behind me.
Feeling safe, I searched through the bag and pulled out a bunch of strange products. I would need to give Kate’s note a proper read before using many of these, but I figured I could at least get started with the shampoo and conditioner. At the very least, I knew how to use those. The rest, I stored in one of the cabinets.
Showering went rather smoothly. I had a couple of painful moments, but nothing compared to when I hit myself. The shampoo and conditioner smelled amazing too, and my hair felt so silky when I used them. Sadly, the feeling faded a lot after I rinsed them off.
Once dry, I inspected my face and confirmed that no facial hair had grown yet. The spell had likely taken care of it.
Good riddance.
When the time to get dressed came, I stared at the bralette for a solid minute.
Am I really doing this?
I sighed and chose to get it over with quickly. I grabbed the offending piece of clothing and closed my eyes before putting it on as fast as I could.
Nothing.
I opened my eyes and looked down. It was on, but there were no chills or any other sign of the spell. It didn’t activate. In fact, it hadn’t activated after the one time trying on the blouse.
Not when I stripped off my clothes, not when using the new products, and not when I put on the bra. The most surprising part was that the only thing I felt from the discovery was disappointment.
Then I looked at my reflection, and the magic finally triggered.
What is going on?
“Michael, is that you?” Mom called as she knocked.
“Yeah!” I replied. “Why?”
“I’m getting breakfast started. Don’t stay too long in there.”
“Okay!” I shouted.
My questions would need to wait. I continued getting dressed and dried my hair with the blow-dryer. After finishing, I picked up the hair tie and stared at it.
I could just not wear it today.
I shook my head out of that thought and tied up my hair as usual.
I gave my reflection a final look and saw, not the girl, but not Michael either. It felt like I was a completely different person. It wasn’t bad. I liked it.
The bralette had also done a good job at hiding my chest. It didn’t compress anything. It didn’t need to, yet. They were still small. It just acted like a shield, smoothing out everything at first glance.
The flannel jacket was the final key component. It was amazing at hiding both the outline of the bralette, and any signs of volume that remained. I felt safe in this outfit.
Walking down the stairs, I saw that my family was already there. Andrew looked more awake, and Mom was busy cooking. Dad… half of his face had a tinge of red to it.
As I got closer to the table, Andrew lifted his head and smiled, “Hey there, lil’ bro. Looking good in that new outfit.”
There’s that nickname again.
Hearing this, Dad lifted his face to look at me. “It suits you.”
“Thanks,” I said, sitting down.
Breakfast was awkward. It was quiet. Too quiet. Mom and Andrew kept stealing glances at each other. Eventually Mom cleared her throat.
On cue, Dad looked at me once more and said, “About what I said last night…”
I stayed silent.
“I was a bit heated—”
Mom cleared her throat again.
“Okay, I was very heated up after work, and I took it out on you. I shouldn’t have said what I said. I know you’re not a—”
“And if I were?”
He was stunned.
They all were.
“Would it be okay to call me names, then?"
He turned to Mom and Andrew as if to seek an answer I wasn’t giving him.
“Michael, you’re my son,” he finally said. “You know I love you, right? I just want what is best for you."
I clicked my tongue.
Son.
“Does that make it right to criticise everything I do? Is my happiness irrelevant as long as I’m successful?”
“I’m sorry that you feel that way, son.”
“Cool.” I picked up my plate and stood up. “I’m eating in my room.”
“Michael?” Mom chased after me. “Sweetie, please.”
I looked down the stairs and smiled. “I’m fi—” I chuckled. “It’s alright. I just need some more time alone. Promise.”
Without waiting for her reply, I kept walking. I really need some time to myself, whoever that was.