I snuck my way into the locker room the moment I saw there was no time for another game.
I didn’t shower.
Too risky.
Instead, I focused on wiping off the sweat as best as I could with my towel before changing back into my casual clothes.
Removing the sports bra was… an experience. Not because it was difficult, which it was, but because it was drenched. I was not a fan of how it felt against my skin.
Once ready, I stuffed the sweaty clothes in a separate compartment of the sports bag and took it to the gym.
I walked out of the locker rooms to find that Ryan was now alone against Adam and another guy. He managed to dodge one of the throws, but Adam took the chance to make his own play and got him out.
“Good game, everyone!” Coach Sievert shouted after blowing on his whistle. “Now gather round.”
I walked to the group, earning a few odd looks, but no mocking this time.
“I want to make something very clear from the start,” he said. “I do not tolerate harassment of any kind in my class. Anyone who breaks this rule will get detention and, depending on the severity, a visit to the principal, as well. Do I make myself clear?”
“Yes, Coach,” some voices replied.
“Louder!”
“YES, COACH!” we all shouted.
“Good,” he nodded. “Next, a reminder that we’ll do swimming on Fridays. Come prepared.”
Oh no…
“That will be all for now! Dismissed!”
I turned around and started walking to the exit.
“Lindgren,” the coach called, walking to me. “A word.”
“I imagine that this must be an uncomfortable topic for you, but we need to talk about your future in my class.”
“What do you mean?”
“Like I said before,” he explained. “I’ve been in your shoes, and I know how cruel teenagers can be. I promise you that I will not allow any bullying to happen in my class, but my influence only goes so far. I cannot stop what I can’t see, so I want you to promise me that you will report any harassment to me or any other teacher if and when it happens. Okay?”
I nodded. “Yeah, I promise.”
“Good,” he said with a smile. “One last thing. I’m also quite aware that you might feel very self-conscious about your chest, so I need to ask. Would you like to skip the swimming classes altogether?”
Yes!
“Is… would that be okay?”
“I’m obviously expecting you to do something else during that time,” he clarified. “This is not a free pass to skip the lessons. Of course, this offer also extends to the locker rooms. Would you prefer to change somewhere else?”
My vision blurred. “Yeah… I do.”
“Hey now,” Coach Sievert offered a sympathetic smile. “I’m just doing my job here.”
“Still,” I responded, wiping at my tears. “Thank you!”
“Of course.”
---<>----------<>----------<>---
“Vera?”
“Huh?” I lifted my head to see Andrew looming over me.
“What are you doing eating all alone?” he asked. “Is Ryan sick?”
“Oh!” I shook my head. “No, he’s probably still in the locker room. He should be here any moment now.”
“Surprised you didn’t wait for him,” my brother said, taking a seat next to me.
“I’d rather stay away from that place from now on,” I commented before biting on my sandwich.
My brother stopped eating at that moment. “Did someone bother you?”
“It’s okay, promise,” I replied.
“Vera,” he said sharply. “Who was it?”
“Adam Smith,” I muttered. “Seriously, though. Whatever you’re planning, stop. Coach Sievert already took care of it. Plus, most of what they said was true, anyway.”
Though he did call me Ryan’s…
I didn’t know what worried me the most. The idea itself or the fact that I wasn’t against it.
Do I like Ryan?
“Hey, Mike,” Sable said, walking to our table. “And you are?”
“Andrew,” my brother replied. “V-Mike’s older brother.”
“It’s nice to meet you!” Sable sat in front of us and placed her tray on the table. “Mike never mentioned having a brother.”
“You never asked,” I countered.
“He also never joins us at lunch,” Ryan added, sitting next to her.
Andrew shrugged. “Stella and the guys won’t miss me if I disappear for one day. I just felt like keeping my lonely-looking sibling some company while he-his friends arrived.”
Ryan raised an eyebrow. “You were together this morning, too. Did I miss something?”
“Coincidence,” I blurted out. “I just happened to wake up earlier than normal.”
Ryan hummed and continued eating in silence.
“By the way, Mike,” he said after a while. “If you don’t have any plans for today, I was wondering if you wanted to come over to my house. We still have plenty of banana bread left over, and I know you like it.”
I paused. “Uh, as in, just the two of us?”
“Yeah?” Ryan confirmed with a frown. “You know, like always.”
Right, yeah… Like always…
“What about…” I looked at Sable.
Noticing this, she waved both hands and said, “Oh! No, that’s okay. I have plans for today, but thanks.”
“Mike.” Ryan got back my attention.
“Oh, uh, yeah,” I gulped. “No, problem. I’m free today.”
Andrew simply watched. I wanted to slap the amusement out of his face.
---<>----------<>----------<>---
The final bell rang.
We both waved Sable goodbye and started walking to Ryan’s house. After we made some distance, Ryan spoke. “Are you doing okay, Mike?”
“Y-yeah,” I replied. “Never better!”
“Cool, cool.” Ryan muttered as we walked.
“Are… are you doing okay?” I asked back.
“You mean, besides the fact that you’re clearly hiding something from me?”
“I’m no—”
“Stop!” he shouted. “If you don’t want to tell me, that’s fine. I won’t pry anymore. Just stop lying!” He sighed. “I’m just worried, okay?”
“Ryan, there’s nothing to worry about.”
“No? Do you want the full list?” he scoffed. “You’ve been acting weird for days, Mike. First, you don’t sleep, then you tell me about these… chills, and I thought ‘oh, maybe it’s just the lack of sleep’. Then, out of nowhere, you decide to change your appearance, and it’s not just clothes or a haircut; your face looks different, too! How does that even happen?”
“I wish that was all,” he continued. “But what happened in the locker rooms, and then at the gym? Mike, no matter how hard Adam threw that ball, there’s no way it hurt enough to make you scream like that. And then the coach called you over, and you suddenly skipped the rest of the class?”
He stopped walking and faced me. “Please, tell me it’s just my imagination. Tell me that I’m going crazy!”
I pressed my lips together and took a deep breath. “It’s… you’re not crazy, Ryan,” I finally said. “You may want to sit for this.”
Ryan guided me to a nearby playground, and we each sat on one of the swings. I gripped both chains with my hands and swayed back and forth with my feet.
“Before I start, I need you to promise that you won’t interrupt, no matter how crazy the story gets, okay?”
My friend nodded.
“The potion of harmony,” I started. “Do you remember that?”
“The melon soda,” Ryan acknowledged with a frown.
“That one,” I nodded. “Well, it’s hard to believe, but it was real. The magic, I mean.”
I looked at him, but he stayed silent. Listening.
“After I took it, I started feeling those weird chills I mentioned. It felt random at first, but then I saw the pattern… or at least I thought so. It seems to react every time I feel like a girl.”
“Yeah, that was me trying to stop it. I was confused. Scared. I didn’t know why it was happening to me, but the potion was slowly turning me into a girl against my will.”
“We need to go back,” Ryan said suddenly. “She needs to change you—”
“Ryan.”
He sat back and went silent, biting lip.
“I did go back,” I explained. “They told me how the magic works. This potion acts on desire. Still, I begged them for a cure. A way to revert the changes. They gave me an antidote. It wouldn’t reverse anything, but it would stop the magic.”
“So you…”
I raised my hand. “I… thought I wanted that. The truth is that I was lying to myself. I was scared, yes. I still am. But not of the changes. I was scared of people finding out.”
I looked at my feet and smiled. “I have decided to let the spell run its course.”
A droplet fell on the floor.
I lifted my head to see Ryan crying.
“Hey, it’s alright,” I cooed, rising from my seat. I placed a hand on his back and rubbed it back and forth. “I know I have changed a lot, but I’m still me.”
“I knew,” Ryan said between sobs. “I’ve known for a very long time.”
My hand froze. “You did?”
"You weren't really subtle," he explained with half a smile.
"So, all this time..."
"I knew." He nodded. “And yet, I kept hoping to be wrong.”
I felt my heart skip a bit.
“Do you… hate that I’m a girl?” I asked, my own tears forming.
He shook his head. “I told you, I’ve known for a while. How could I hate you for being who you are.”
“But then, why—”
“I’m really happy for you; I really am!” He sniffed and wiped his face with one arm. “This doesn’t change our friendship. You’re still my best friend!” He buried his head in his hands. “But I wanted to be more!”
The world froze for a moment, then a sudden wail escaped my lips, and I hugged him tightly.
No words came after.
We cried for a future that never was.
---<>----------<>----------<>---
“So… you really never felt anything?” I asked as we walked. Our eyes were still puffy from before. “No chills or warmth. Nothing out of place?”
Ryan shook his head. “Do you think she gave me a fake one?”
I brought a hand to my chin. “I don’t know. Maybe? They told me that it shouldn’t do anything at the worst… Maybe the magic couldn’t find something to fix.”
“I find it hard to believe that there’s nothing wrong with me.”
“You’re already perfect to me,” I said with a shrug.
Ryan looked at me and gave me a wistful smile. “You can’t just say that, M—” He blinked a few times. “I don’t think Mike fits you anymore, does it.”
“I go by Vera,” I replied, taking in the warmth that came with it. “At least for now.”
“Vera,” he echoed. “I like it. Quite fitting.”
I gave him a puzzled look.
“It means truth, right?”
“To be honest, I just chose it because that was my grandma’s name,” I admitted, rubbing my arm.
Ryan laughed. “I should’ve known.”
Ryan’s home eventually popped into view. It was big. Not mansion big, but large enough that two families could probably share it. Despite the intimidating size, it always brought warm memories.
“Before we go in,” Ryan started. “How do you want my family to address you?”
I bit my lip in response. The idea was to keep it a secret for longer, but for some reason, I wanted to tell them. It was hard to describe. There was a certain thrill to it, and it grew with each person that learned about it. Especially with Ryan.
“Do you think they’ll be okay with it?”
Ryan gave me a reassuring smile. “I know they’ll be.”
I smiled and nodded.
“Yeah, I’d like that.”