The sun had dipped low, casting long golden shadows across the village.
Paper lanterns swayed in the soft evening wind, and laughter echoed from all corners of the feast ground.
Tables were packed from edge to edge, villagers and guests elbow-deep in food, drink, and celebration.
At the center of it all, beneath the large decorated tent at the head of the field, sat the bride and groom.
Naruto sat stiffly, barely touching his chopsticks.
He didn’t feel real.
Everything felt like a painting, or a genjutsu.
Or a prank by Kami herself.
He glanced sideways.
Sasuke sat beside him, legs folded neatly beneath her pristine white kimono.
She was eating soba with complete indifference, like she’d done this a thousand times.
Like she hadn’t just married him to escape execution.
Each bite she took was methodical, elegant, and somehow extremely threatening.
Naruto swallowed hard—he hadn’t even eaten yet, and it already felt like something was stuck in his throat.
Inside his mindscape, Kurama was having a nervous breakdown.
“It’s over. It’s done. I’m ruined.”
Naruto barely blinked.
“What now…”
“You married an Uchiha. The Uchiha who trapped me with her eyes. Do you have any idea how humiliating that is? I’m the Nine-Tails! The Great Fox! I should be feared, not married into!”
“You’re not married into anything, she married me—” Naruto muttered under his breath.
“Semantics! You don’t understand! The way she looked at me once… I still get hives thinking about it!”
Naruto sighed, resisting the urge to slam his forehead into the table.
He hadn’t eaten.
His feet were sore.
His yukata was tight around the waist.
And Kurama was whining like a jilted cat.
From the crowd, Konohamaru continued filming, while several fangirls waved dreamily at Naruto from the back rows, sighing as if he’d broken their collective hearts.
None of it registered.
His mind was mush.
Why did she agree?
Why so easily?
And how was she so calm?
A gentle voice beside him drew him out of the haze.
“Hey.”
Sakura.
She stood to the side, tucking a lock of her pink hair behind her ear, a makeup brush in one hand, and an unsure smile on her lips.
“Mind if I check her face real quick?”
Naruto just nodded, grateful for the interruption.
Sakura leaned over and began dabbing lightly around Sasuke’s cheek, then her jaw.
“Your eyeliner’s perfect, by the way. Didn’t even smudge.”
Sasuke grunted in acknowledgment.
Naruto blinked slowly, like a man waking from a long nap.
“Sakura…”
“Yeah?”
“Is… is any of this real?”
Sakura paused, straightening.
“Yeah, it is.”
“I mean…” Naruto gestured vaguely at the feast, the kimono, the guests, Sasuke.
“This whole thing. It makes no sense. I proposed a fake marriage to save her life, and then she actually said yes. Then she kissed me. Then she drank the tea. Then she said ‘I do’ four times. And now we’re here. And I feel like I’m going to die.”
“You’re not going to die, Naruto.”
“No, really.
I might.
I haven’t eaten anything because if I eat, it’ll make it real.
And if it’s real, then I’m married.
And if I’m married, then I’m married to Sasuke.
And if I’m married to Sasuke then I—” he lowered his voice to a whisper, “—might die in my sleep.”
Kurama snorted.
“You will. I’m definitely dying. You’re next.”
Sakura bit her lip, stifling a chuckle.
“You’re malfunctioning,” she said plainly.
Naruto rubbed his hands over his face.
“I don’t know what’s happening anymore.”
Sakura looked between him and Sasuke, then said, “Well, you’re married. That happened.”
Naruto whimpered slightly.
Sakura leaned down and said softly, “It’s alright, Naruto. She’s not going to kill you. Right, Sasuke?”
They both turned to look at her.
Sasuke blinked once, slowly, while still chewing a bite of rice.
Silence.
Not even a grunt.
Sakura’s smile faltered.
“R-right?”
Sasuke picked up her tea and sipped.
More silence.
“…Right,” Sakura said, backing away.
“Well, that’s my cue.”
She quickly adjusted Naruto’s collar, brushed a nonexistent wrinkle from Sasuke’s sleeve, and gave a half-nervous smile.
“You’re doing great. Both of you. Just… breathe, Naruto. You’ve faced down gods. You’ll survive a wedding.”
Naruto looked up at her with glassy eyes.
“But I didn’t marry Kaguya.”
Sakura snorted and patted his shoulder.
“I’m heading back to the medic table. If you pass out from nerves, I’ll be nearby. Don’t let her intimidate you too much.”
“She already does.”
“Fair.”
Naruto exhaled heavily and looked around the feast.
People were laughing, celebrating, toasting.
Kids were running around.
Kiba was hitting on someone.
Ino was taking selfies with the Mizukage.
Temari was yelling at Kankuro to stop eating all the dumplings.
Life was moving on.
And here he sat, next to the girl who haunted his childhood, his dreams, and his battles.
Sasuke, without turning to him, finally said, “Eat.”
Naruto flinched.
“W-what?”
“You’re going to pass out.”
“I’m not hungry…”
“You’re lying.”
He looked down at the bowl of miso soup in front of him.
His stomach rumbled.
Traitor.
“…Fine,” he mumbled.
He picked up his chopsticks and took a bite of rice.
It tasted like anxiety.
Then he reached for the soup.
It helped.
Slightly.
Sasuke finished her plate with silent efficiency.
Kurama, in the background, was still sulking.
“I want to file a complaint to the Sage of Six Paths. This is clearly spiritual harassment.”
“Do you want me to feed you next?” Sasuke asked dryly.
Naruto nearly dropped his bowl.
“No! No, I’m good. I’m eating. Look. See? Chewing. Very happy man.”
Sasuke said nothing, but the corner of her mouth twitched slightly.
Maybe.
Maybe she was amused.
Or maybe plotting.
He honestly couldn’t tell.
And Naruto realized—
This was his life now.
A terrifyingly unreadable wife.
A sulking demon fox.
Half the world celebrating.
And a bowl of cold rice.
He took another bite.
Well… at least it wasn’t boring.