“Thank you.”
As soon as he sat up, Ling Xinlu bowed his head quietly in thanks, then wiped his body with the wet towel on the plate and dressed. As he brushed over the place where he had been sitting, a sharp sting lingered. He glanced indifferently at the scarred skin and began buttoning his clothes.
The old man sitting opposite Ling Xinlu said nothing. Even though several months had passed since the treatment began without any improvement, and although Ling Xinlu himself remained silent, it seemed the old man was concerned. Perhaps Ling Xinlu’s parents or relatives, unknown to him, were pressing the old man to hurry the recovery.
Ling Xinlu himself was not overly anxious or bothered.
It was not that he had a laid-back attitude or was waiting patiently. He had already somewhat given up hope about his eye.
There had been subtle suggestions asking if he would consider receiving someone else’s eye, but the very thought of mixing another’s body part with his own was unsettling enough that he refused without hesitation.
He could manage well enough with one eye. Though there were several inconveniences that he hadn’t imagined when he had both eyes, and by the end of the day, his one eye was strained enough that he felt more fatigued than before, aside from that, it wasn’t too hard.
Besides, it had already been months. Except for transplantation, every possible method had been tried, yet the condition of the eye had not improved. The difference between cream-colored and ivory-colored whiteness was laughable just to hear.
Rehabilitation, treatment, medicine—everything poured into his eye felt unreliable and like useless struggling.
However, when people continued to inquire about various methods, he did not bluntly refuse anymore. It was not out of hope. If it made no difference whether he did or didn’t try, he didn’t want to stubbornly refuse and reveal his twisted inner feelings.
After tidying his clothes, Ling Xinlu opened the door.
Normally, Yuri would have been sitting there upright, but now the seat was empty.
When Ling Xinlu first began treatment, Yuri had been there. Seeing the shadow cast on the floor, he recalled how Yuri would have been sitting straight, looking down on the courtyard.
But midway, someone seemed to pass by carrying a heavy load, and he heard a voice saying, “Let me help you.” The shadow disappeared and never returned.
Since quite some time had passed since he left, he wondered if Yuri had taken on some other tasks while helping.
“Well then, I will take my leave first. See you again next week.”
Ling Xinlu bowed to the old man and stood, then headed outside.
For a moment, he felt uncertain where to find him in this vast household. On the other hand, he also wondered if he really needed to seek him out. If he waited in that spot, he would return eventually.
Still, deciding to take a walk since he had nothing else to do, Ling Xinlu started moving.
Finding Yuri was not difficult even in this vast main house.
Just by being a foreigner, he stood out, so asking a few people was enough to hear where Yuri had been recently seen.
This time, since Yuri was near the stone wall by the seldom-used side gate, Ling Xinlu had to ask more people than usual. After hearing the answers and hurrying to check in case Yuri had moved, he found Yuri still there.
Seeing Yuri sitting neatly on a tree stump, recognizable just from his back, Ling Xinlu slowed his steps as he approached. An old woman sat beside Yuri.
The large jar by the stone wall had its lid open; it seemed the woman had brought a load to put inside. Probably Yuri had helped carry that heavy load.
Ling Xinlu quietly approached behind them and tilted his head.
The old woman sitting with Yuri had worked in Ringa even before Ling Xinlu was born. Born and raised in Xijiang, she had long since moved here, but her Xijiang accent remained strong, making it difficult for those not familiar with her to understand her speech. Even Ling Xinlu struggled, so it was impossible for Yuri, who only knew Mandarin well (and that only reasonably for a foreigner), to understand her.
Moreover, the old woman did not know Mandarin. She spoke only Xijiang dialect or local vernacular, sometimes unable to even watch TV without someone nearby translating.
Despite no possibility of meaningful conversation, Ling Xinlu nodded in understanding. Like with the hesitant old man, such things were not unusual. Even when people couldn’t understand each other’s words, Yuri somehow managed to exchange conversation as if truly communicating.
Just like now.
“So, after I was fifty, the old man finally died. That old man, always playing mahjong, going to war, just piling on debts and ruining himself, and then finally he died. Good riddance, that old man.”
“You used to play mahjong with your grandfather and get along so well?”
“I married the old man when I was eighteen, so that’s about forty years of paying off debts until my back bent. When I was a young girl, everyone said I was pretty, but I suffered because I married the wrong old man. After he finally died, I grew old all of a sudden.”
“Even after marriage, the old man treated you kindly until he got old.”
“My old man looked a bit like a bachelor, with gentle eyes. He was followed by many women but never cheated. …So what? That old man suddenly fell and died by hitting his head on a stone while walking. Well, it was good he died.”
“Is that so. He passed away.”
Ling Xinlu stopped walking and crossed his arms, watching their backs.
This was typical.
From afar, it looked like they were chatting amicably, but up close, it was quite a spectacle. Because they couldn’t understand the language, sometimes they guessed the meaning by catching a familiar word here and there.
Sometimes it was pure comedy.
Ling Xinlu snorted and sat on the low stone wall, ready to listen and be amused.
The old woman went on complaining for a long time. Whether Yuri understood or not, she seemed to just want to talk to someone. Having worked in Ringa for so long, Ling Xinlu knew something of her story.
She had endured hardship.
Married to a much older husband, she left her hometown and traveled far away. Because her husband was addicted to gambling and kept accumulating debts, she worked tirelessly day and night. As her body grew thin, so did her heart, and she cursed her husband daily. The weak-willed husband would hesitate, sneak out, and go back to the gambling table, repeating those days.
One day, without any warning, her husband suddenly died after tripping over a stone on the road and hitting his head. They had no children.
That was the end of their marriage. More than ten years ago.
“They say enemies in a past life become spouses in this life, but that old man really was an enemy. Oh, damn… if only he’d died when I was younger, I could have lived with a new man. Because of that old man, what is this… damn old man…”
The old woman lamented until she ran out of words, then spat curses while looking at the yellow sunlit stone wall.
Yuri, sitting silently beside her, suddenly spoke softly.
“You must miss the old man.”
The old woman fell silent as if she understood, though she did not really comprehend the words. Immersed in past memories, she momentarily lost speech and muttered only, “That old man caused so much suffering… oh, damn…”
Yuri gently held the old woman’s hand. The woman, unaware of who held her wrinkled hand, shed tears on her equally wrinkled face, muttering again and again, “Damn old man… damn old man…”
Ling Xinlu watched silently, then stood. He had intended to smile but couldn’t.
He did not sympathize with the old woman’s feelings—though he thought life was foolish—but he did not feel good either. It was a different feeling than disgust or aversion, more like a weight settling in his chest.
Only later did he realize the weight was not because of the old woman, but because of Yuri.
He found the answer only after thinking longer.
Yuri was truly communicating.
Even if the story was nonsensical, he was clearly exchanging words with the old woman, listening beneath the surface of her speech.
—You must miss him.
It was as if, since their first meeting, he had been fully aware of Ling Xinlu’s heart.
Sometimes, he knew others’ hearts better than they did themselves, and yet spoke with them.
“Are you comfortable?”
The hot towel, lowered almost to his eyelids, stopped just before touching. Only after confirming Ling Xinlu’s answer did Yuri cover his eyes with the towel at just the right temperature. Though she must have already tested the temperature with her own hands, Yuri always asked him first. Then she gently placed her hand atop it.
The hand that added weight to the warm towel always stayed still for a moment, then slowly began stroking his eyelids. The sensation was more pleasant than expected.
Not just the eyes, but the relaxing and warm feeling that relieved fatigue throughout his whole body was welcome. It had been a long time since Ling Xinlu started immediately resting on Yuri’s legs after a shower. His hands were rough and calloused but the touch around his eyes was gentle and earnest.
It seemed to perfectly reveal the true nature of the man called Yuri Gabe.
Beneath his indifferent and blunt face lay subtle, calm, and gentle emotions like water.
“Did you have a fun date with Grandma Mei?”
Ling Xinlu asked softly with a faint smile amid the soothing sensation. The hand massaging his eyes paused briefly but resumed its pleasant motion with a short “Yes.”
After finishing lamenting, the old woman carried her empty jar and started back the way she came, with Yuri following. Ling Xinlu, unable to find a proper moment to join the conversation, leisurely trailed behind at a slight distance.
Yuri noticed Ling Xinlu following and looked back, but when Ling Xinlu lightly gestured for her to continue, she silently carried the old woman’s jar all the way. The old woman kept talking, and Yuri occasionally gave absurd responses. Their mismatched conversation was sometimes like a comedy, causing Ling Xinlu to chuckle quietly behind them. The old woman paid no attention, and Yuri only occasionally turned back with a slightly embarrassed expression.
“Did you understand even half of what Grandma Mei said?”
Ling Xinlu asked but received no answer. He snorted.
“Grandma Mei and her husband had a large age gap and a not-so-great relationship. Her husband was always out playing mahjong and piling up debts, so Grandma Mei was busy paying them off. Because of that, every night the house was filled with Grandma Mei crying and shouting about how hard life was…”
Though very young, Ling Xinlu once heard her wailing. The voice was like a ghost’s scream, causing him to open his eyes wide.
“Then the old man died. On his way back from a funeral, he tripped on a stone and died suddenly. Since he was healthy before, everyone was confused and rushed the funeral, but no one was truly sad or mournful.”
“.........”
“Not because he was a bad person, but because he was very old. There was nearly a twenty-year age gap between him and Grandma Mei, so he was already over seventy then.”
“Nowadays seventy is young, but it wasn’t back then,” Ling Xinlu added.
He had not attended the funeral himself. An employee’s husband had died, so someone was sent in his place to give a generous condolence, but no Ringa person went directly. However, the gossip of employees afterwards reached his ears. Everyone had expected the old man to go soon, so when it happened, Grandma Mei cried like that.
“…Even though he caused a lifetime of pain and trouble, did she still miss him?”
Ling Xinlu asked with a slight smile.
Yuri recalled Yuri’s soft words, “You must miss him.”
After a moment of silence, Yuri replied, “Yes.”
“Grandpa, grandpa,” she said. “She kept saying that, so I thought she missed him. No matter what she said, talking about that man was a way of saying she was curious and wanted to see him.”
Ling Xinlu said nothing. Yuri rubbed his eyes gently and continued softly.
“Living with such an older person, every moment would have been precious and regrettable, so perhaps that is why she spoke so much. It was sad not to have truly enjoyed that time, resenting her husband for wandering elsewhere and lamenting herself for wasting it.”
But it was all in the past. Everything had flowed away. That was her life.
For a while, silence hung. Suddenly Ling Xinlu wondered what expression the man behind the towel might have.
Yet at the same time, he felt like he already knew.
With his usual calm, closed expression, but with eyes lowered and mouth gently pressed, filled with melancholy for Grandma Mei, he must have been wearing his usual face.
Then suddenly.
Without any sign or reason, just suddenly.
Ah, yes. This is that man. That feeling.
The realization came rushing.
It was a surprisingly fresh sensation.
Ling Xinlu already knew what kind of person Yuri Gabe was. He knew he was not the blunt man he appeared to be, but in fact a warm and sensitive person. And yet, despite already knowing this, at that moment it felt like a tangible new realization.
Somehow it was a painful pang in his heart.
“Wait a moment.”
The towel seemed to have cooled.
Yuri removed the towel from Ling Xinlu’s eyes, dipped it again in the warm water, and reheated it. As expected, Ling Xinlu looked up at her calmly and expressionlessly while she wrung the water from the towel.
“Come to think of it… Gabe, you’re a few years older than me, aren’t you?”
A question popped up that he’d never thought about.
Yuri folded the towel neatly and shrugged as if it didn’t matter much.
“Twelve? Thirteen? Somewhere around there.”
“Since the moment Ling Xinlu was born, I was already older than him.”
Yuri said evenly, covering Ling Xinlu’s eyes again. The blackness blocked his vision. The usually comforting feeling was strangely tense at this moment.
“When Ling Xinlu grows very old, please tell him stories about me sometimes.”
With a fleeting smile, Yuri said lightly. Probably just a meaningless joke, soon erased by her question, “Is it hot?” Maybe a few days later, if Ling Xinlu mentioned it again, he might say, “Did I say that?”
—When Ling Xinlu grows very old.
He probably wouldn’t be in this world anymore.
—Please tell him stories about me sometimes.
Talking about that person means being curious and wanting to see them.
“.......”
Ling Xinlu pursed his lips tightly.
His heart grew cold.
The feeling that had risen fiercely suddenly froze. What should it be called? It was like—
“There’s no order to people leaving this world.”
The voice burst out suddenly, rough and surly even to his own ears. Yuri’s hand massaging his eyes faltered briefly, but a calm rebuttal followed.
“Still, it’s better to go in order. That’s the natural way.”
“Nonsense. Just tell Gabe and me lots of stories later.”
Suddenly he hated his own age. The many years still left—at least a decade more than Yuri—made him anxious. Seeing Ling Xinlu’s suddenly sullen face, Yuri wondered why he got upset when he seemed fine just a moment ago.
“...Is it very hot?”
“No, it’s not.”
“Does it hurt? Am I pressing too hard?”
“No, just right.”
Looking down at the grumbling Ling Xinlu, who sounded like he was about to die of heat or pain, Yuri showed a bit of a puzzled look but said nothing. She seemed to think something she said must have touched a painful memory Ling Xinlu was unaware of.
Ling Xinlu, resting his eyes beneath her hands, suddenly asked again.
“Gabe, do you like younger people?”
“Me?”
Surprised, Yuri questioned back. But true to himself, even with an absurd question, he thought seriously before answering.
“I’ve never thought about it, but thinking about the present, it’s not wrong.”
Though not exactly his preference, Yuri added.
Hearing that, Ling Xinlu calmed his mood a little but still felt uneasy, anxious, and even a bit nauseated.
“...I like someone who stays by my side for a long time.”
The words slipped out without Ling Xinlu’s conscious intent, like a half-dream murmur. After a short pause, Yuri responded softly.
“Is that so?”
They fell silent again.
He seemed to be thinking of someone. Someone Ling Xinlu wished would stay by his side for a long time but couldn’t. And at last, Ling Xinlu’s thoughts reached the person Yuri was thinking of.
No.
At least at this moment, it wasn’t that person.
It even seemed that Yuri thought about that man more often than Ling Xinlu.
Ling Xinlu opened his mouth to deny, but stopped halfway.
If not, what else could he say?
"......."
Ling Xinlu closed his mouth again. Yuri gently stroked him. The hand massaging his eyes also occasionally toyed with a few strands of his hair.
That touch was not unpleasant. The light tickle of hair was usually pleasant.
But now even that feeling was strangely anxious. She wanted to grasp the hand that lightly touched and withdrew from her hair.
“I like someone who stays for a long time.”
Ling Xinlu murmured again. It was more like speaking to himself than to Yuri.
Long ago, he had buried deep inside his heart the unstable heartbeat caused by giving up on someone who had become another’s. The uneasy emotion seemed to creep unconsciously toward his surface. Ling Xinlu took a deep breath, filling his lungs deeply to suppress the unstable feeling rising inside.
Slowly, slowly, he exhaled, and the fluttering heartbeat seemed to calm.
“Are you comfortable?”
The soft voice came from beyond the towel covering his eyes. Calm yet tinged with concern. Though not overtly expressed, Yuri must have noticed that brief insecurity.
The caring voice came from right beside him.
His legs beneath her head and the hand covering his eyes—they were there.
Ling Xinlu exhaled quietly. “I’m fine,” he muttered. Yuri carefully sensed his presence, then resumed the gentle touch. Ling Xinlu, feeling that warm and tender caress, fell silent for a while before whispering in a low breath:
“Yes, I like someone who stays for a long time. …If I like someone who isn’t that, I won’t let them go.”