Tahani
Waiting by the door, I promptly open it before Rupali tries to hammer it down. Kimberly is already in bed, and I want to make sure she remains undisturbed. Rupali, of course, is not aware of and does not share this concern, which is why she instantly bellows a question at me before I can even get my catchphrase out.
“Hey Tahani, GUESS WHO STOLE MY MAN?”
“Hey, it’s—wait, Jeff did what?!”
Rupali is already storming in, but manages to register an expression of shock. “How did you know?”
“I just figured, ‘why waste a good villain turn?’”
I gently put my arms around Rupali’s shoulders and kick the door shut behind me, leading her to my room while rubbing her arms and making soft cooing noises. I’m wearing my fuzzy pink hoodie with the cat ears that I’ve had since we were teenagers—the texture is nice, and helps calm Rupali down whenever she’s going through it.
And girlie is
really
going through it right now.
“I’m not even mad about the fucking cheating, to be honest?” Rupali is rambling, agitated, insensate to my attempts to keep her quiet until we’re on my bed. “Like on some level I get it, right? Sure, fine, I thought we were just lucky and I was
clearly
mistaken, but I could at least be understanding, especially with the whole sexuality thing? Just—why did it have to be
Jeff
?”
“No social life and all the other options he lives with are women?” I suggest, half joking, half contemplating that I can’t comprehend the idea of Jeff having any desirable traits that aren’t entirely circumstantial. Maybe it’s different for manlikers?
While Rupali ponders whether or not I just called her ex a friendless loser, I’m able to finally get her to settle down on the bed that I was nice enough to put the sheets back on, in preparation for her arrival. I put her next to the old stuffy she gave me when she learned my mother and I were moving away, press a steaming cup of tea that I’d had the foresight to prepare into her hands, and fluff all the pillows I’d stolen from Sif and Bobbie’s bedrooms to encourage her to recline against them.
I wait for her to take a sip before I plop myself down in front of her and pat her thigh sympathetically. Supportive bestie role executed to
perfection,
because nothing less is good enough for her.
“Okay, babes: From the top. What’s going on?”
Rupali sips her tea again, taking a moment to gather her thoughts. “Okay. So you know how I’m in an arranged marriage?”
“The ancient, backwards, and utterly stultifying traditions of our misbegotten culture that continue well into the modern day like a millennia-old mind virus our people are still suffering in the grips of? I’m familiar!”
“Could have just said ‘yes’,” Rupali sighs. “Look, I’m with you, but I need you to understand that it wasn’t like that with Kaal, okay?”
“I believe you.”
I don’t believe her in the slightest, but clinging to that man-shaped security blanket was always easier for her than thinking any deeper about ‘Oh, I’m joining the GSA to support you, I want to help people be better allies!’, or ‘I mean, it’s okay to have female celebrity crushes, right?’ or ‘Omigosh Tahani you look so much better than me in this dress, I just can’t take my eyes off you, it was clearly always meant to be yours!’.
We can stick to one life-altering revelation at a time, though.
“It’s just—it was always so
easy
with Kaal,” Rupali sighs. “He was never pushy or rude or always spouting off the most unfunny misogynistic jokes from the family ThatsApp, you know? He was always a gentleman, a gentle soul, someone who actually listened to me and liked spending time with me and never belittled my interests or my hobbies. I used to paint our nails when we were younger, you know? Even though we’d have to wash it off before he went home, he’d still let me.”
Wow, sounds familiar. If only I’d met the guy more often, I could’ve pointed out the common ground between him and me ahead of time and saved us a lot of grief. Though frankly, fuck him for being a good little boy who follows his parents’ blackout orders. It’s not like he could have been ignorant that Rupali was still in touch with me.
“Of course, who wouldn’t want a husband who’s basically their gal pal?”
I cannot
believe
I managed to avoid rolling my eyes there.
“I guess that should have been a sign,” Rupali admits. “Fuck, yaar, I really just thought we were
lucky
.”
“I mean, you
were
, babes. It’s much better to be force-married to a gay guy than a straight one,” I point out.
Rupali’s palm meets her forehead. “Yeah, I guess I should still be counting my blessings. We’re still stuck with each other, but at least we can be honest now.”
“Oh, you’re not going to tell uncle and auntie their darling rajkumar is a queen?” I inquire, totally not facetiously. “Did the lovely couple who texted my mom that she was dead to them not become queer allies yet?”
“No, not exactly.” Rupali grumbles, putting the tea aside.
“Frankly, I’d still be thinking about telling them.” I give her a little ‘I’m mostly joking, don’t worry’-smirk.
“Tahani!”
“Fucking Jeffrey is a
crime
, Ru.”
“Well, not one that merits the disownment and death penalty!”
She sounded pretty sure, but we both noticed that she paused for a moment to consider it first.
“My stint amongst the men-loving-men was blessedly short, but I think Kaal will do well if he’s willing to overlook that kind of thing,” I muse, wrinkling my nose. “Brown guys kind of do have to settle for the fetishists, and it’s not like he can just wait around to be handed a perfect arranged
husband
.”
“Oh,
ew
.” Rupali’s head is in her hands. “I can’t believe Kaal, but I can believe Jeffrey
even less
.”
“Nah, I can believe Jeffrey. The trick is to just assume he’s going to do the most fucked up thing he can in any given situation.” I shrug. “It’s the best way to anticipate white queers’ moves around us.”
Pick up on the emphasis on
us
, Rupali—no, wait, fuck, we’re both brown. I need a different subtle thing.
“No, but I genuinely cannot believe how shameless this guy is!” Rupali stands up and starts pacing. “Did you know that he was one of the dipshits Chirping out stuff like, ‘It’s always sad when straight allies decide it’s time to stop caring about queer issues’ after I told the GSA I’m out?! I wanna know whether he Chirped that
before
or
after
fucking my fiance!”
“
Wow
.” I really needed to kill this guy, and maybe fix his fucking gaydar. “As far as I’m concerned, straight women in arranged marriages with gay guys are part of the umbrella. I’m inclu as fuck.”
“The sheer
gall
!” Rupali snarls, already doing the thing where she tunes out everything due to fury. “Nothing we do matters! All the work we do, all the fucking blood, sweat, and tears, and then the second we dare to have any concerns with the way the org is running things, the
second
we start acting like we deserve to have an equal say, we’re ‘fair-weather allies’ and ‘disruptive’ and treated like we’re fucking outsiders!”
“Yeah, Jeffrey is not one to be slinging around weather-based pejoratives,” I snicker. “I wonder if he’s just going to get
more
racist. It’s worked out really well for him so far.”
“You know, I was worried about Kaal just
living with him
,” Rupali cries, “but now they’re maybe
dating
? Kaal sounded like a fucking hostage on the texts, and like he was expecting me to tear into him but I’m just concerned, you know?”
“I’d be concerned for
white
people dating Jeffrey, frankly.”
“Why didn’t I see it?” Rupali deposits herself back on the bed, heavily. “I mean, I should have, I’m in the fucking GSA, there were clearly
signs
, weren’t there? I didn’t because I was just deluding myself, because I just wanted to cling to him and hold him back and use him to keep me safe, and the whole time he was
miserable
and I
didn’t fucking see it
because
I didn’t want to see it
, what is
wrong
with me?”
Uh oh. “Ru, look, it’s not your responsibility to interpret tea leaves, when someone’s hiding—”
“I knew with
you
,” Rupali insists, unable to be dissuaded from making herself the one in the wrong despite
being cheated on
. “You were always my sister.”
“That’s
different
, Ru, I was always myself with you!” And asking for her birth control pills while I was on blockers was a pretty obvious sign!
“I could tell you were always my sister,” Rupali reiterates. “I should have been able to tell when the man I love …”
She trails off. Rupali turns to look at me.
“I never told him,” she whispers.
“Ru, I’m so sorry.”
“I thought it was kind of. Implicit. We never said it to each other because we both
knew
, right?”
I throw my arms around her and bury her face in my chest.
“I should have seen it!” She’s sobbing now. “I should have known how trapped he was, but instead I was
happy
being his warden because it made my life easier!”
“Ru,
he’s not your responsibility
.”
“I thought he would be! I thought he’d—but he doesn’t want to be with me, he never wanted to be with me, he never …”
Rupali loses the ability to form words, her whole body shaking. I rub her back and let her weep into my tits.
Katherine
It is occurring to me that Nichole might be frustrated. Angry, even.
I am noticing this based on how–as we progress through our routine of clearing dungeons after the weekly reset of Realms of Conflict–she is behaving in a manner which I find to be rash and irritable.
Also, she is currently taking on the role of damage dealer as opposed to her usual tanking.
As her Verdant Knight’s glaive fells yet more foes in a suitably grandiose display of nature’s fury, I am struggling to keep up, the barriers of my Abyssal Cleric barely withstanding the onslaught of foes whose ire she has attracted, and whom I must now defend our party from.
“Nichole, could we slow down? You are being–”
“Nah. Pop cooldowns more proactively,” she responds as the tempest of her furious advance persists. This of course is a complete failure to understand the mechanics of the Abyssal Cleric, which
cannot
simply request defenses in advance–unlike the Verdant Knight’s barkskin defenses–as it relies on a manipulating the opposing forces of light and dark, represented by damage and healing respectively, to feed its armor wrought from the impenetrable barrier between—
Oh, never mind. Our foes are slain. Nichole is demonstrating a mastery of dealing damage in stark contrast with my struggles at mitigating it. It is putting my usual performance as the damage dealer to shame.
The dungeon proceeds with its unskippable storytelling sequence, in the leadup to the final boss. A particularly dramatic turn of the expansion’s storyline, as Grand Inquisitor Katherine (no relation) delivers a rousing speech:
“Push forwards, champions, the fall of the deceiver goddess is imminent! You must steel yourselves, for we cannot waver at this crucial juncture! It is your sworn duty to stand tall in the face of the terrors ahead!”
She is so cool, I love her so much, she’s the best and prettiest and most wise—Nichole keeps jumping across my screen and over Katherine impatiently, and to be honest, it is undermining the gravitas of the moment somewhat.
“Blah blah blah blah,” she is saying in voice chat. “Why is this unskippable again? Can we just finish up?”
“Nichole, please. Complaining will not make it finish faster, but it will ruin the moment for—”
“Oh, you know a lot about ruining moments now? Interesting.”
She is interrupting me? She doesn’t usually do that.
Our healer speaks up in the voice chat. A mutual friend of ours, from our guild. We only know him by his character, Yrria the sea elf Tinkerer. As Yrria’s slight, feminine avatar lays down the healing turrets to patch us up in preparation, he interjects:
“You two doing all right? I’m picking up a bit of a weird vibe today.”
“We’re fine!” Nichole exclaims in a rather unconvincing lie. “I just want the farm run to be done already, so I can go do something else!”
The inquisitor’s grand speech reaches its most dramatic moment, as I attempt to cover for Nichole’s sour mood.
“We have been dealing with some, uh, complications in the apartment of late, is all. Our roommate Kaalappan has voiced some grievances over the division of domestic labour, and, well, he has a legitimate cause for irritation—”
“Oh my fucking god Katherine shut up already!” Nichole exclaims.
“...I don’t think yelling at the NPC is going to help,” Yrria helpfully explains.
“Now, fight! Fight so the true heir may claim her throne!”
The other Katherine concludes her dialogue. Nichole has already initiated hostilities with Magnificus the Insurmountable, and it falls on me to draw his attention, raise my barriers and withstand as many of his attacks as I can manage.
… Or Nichole can choose to imbibe multiple expensive potions, unleash every cooldown ability she has, and strike down the Insurmountable in mere seconds.
“Great job, Nichole!” Yrria helpfully exclaims. “Let’s see, there’s nothing for me here, so how about you and your girlfriend decide how you want to distribute the loot?”
I–It’s genuinely jarring every time someone just presumes that.
“I mean, you two are girlfriends, right? I’m sorry to pry, but it’s just, the vibes I’ve been getting ever since you two transitioned you both have this tension, and—”
“I don’t know,
are
we girlfriends, Katherine?”
Er. Why am I being put on the spot all of a sudden? Can we not simply focus on loot distribution? What, precisely, is the correct answer here?
“I, um, uh, well, it’s, ah …”
Great work, Katherine. Really demonstrating your oratory acumen there.
“Aw, she’s flustered. Don’t worry, I’ll leave you two to it.”
He
leaves
the voice chat, which somehow makes me feel as though I am worse off for being alone with Nichole.
“So um. The loot?”
“Whatever. Figure out how to fuck that up yourself.”
Nichole also leaves. I am left with multiple crafting materials which, I suspect, are best used by her.
Why is she acting like this? She has been distant at best and overtly
hostile
ever since yesterday, when we–No, Katherine. You know precisely why she is acting like this. It was that absolutely horrendous intercourse last night.
A complete and utter disaster, inconceivably horrific in every possible way. I have ruminated upon it, at length, and come to a few pertinent conclusions:
Despite initial signs that I had indeed caused distress in Nichole through the choice of positions and sexual dynamics, I clearly have not caused her to experience gender dysphoria. She has not come to any realization about wishing to affirm her male gender identity, and remains insistent on continuing her participation, as well as the stratagem of femininity.
Instead of its intended outcome, our copulation has caused an emotional response in Nichole which is, in fact, of an interpersonal nature. It appears that my behaviour did, in fact, upset her.
In all likelihood, there is a chance that it is, perhaps, possible that I have … completely fucked up. Tremendously so, in fact. I failed to account for the very real possibility that Nichole would assign emotional significance to the act and its execution, because …
Yes, Katherine, why
was
the notion of Nichole having feelings about this such an
impossible
thing to consider, precisely? Was it truly
so
inconceivable that she would be hurt if this went poorly?
…
Are
we girlfriends?
Well ... No? I do not believe that to be the case? We are merely, to my knowledge, a trans woman and her lifelong best friend, who is a man currently pretending to be a trans woman. We have attempted intercourse and engaged in some occasional light petting, which primarily occurred in the interest of proving rhetorical points.
… Unless I have misjudged the motivation behind such actions, because she is after all my dearest, most important friend, and without her my life would be hollow, rendered without purpose and joy. My
best friend
. With whom I attempted to have sex last night.
I must conclude that it makes perfect sense for Nichole to have expected a more conclusive answer on my part. As for the matter as it stands, however, if we were romantically involved, we ought to have kissed at some point, ought we not?
I … think I would like to kiss her, actually.
But surely she does not want to do the same. Not after that disaster. Not ever, if I am being honest. I will be lucky if she deigns to allow our friendship to continue, now that she has attained capital on the social ladder of Ranked Competitive Breast Growth.
Yes, Katherine. It is true. You cannot assume that anyone with options will choose to be friends with you.
Unless …
Unless I
manipulate them into wishing to be around me
by
adapting my behavior to be more likeable and attentive to the needs of others!
It is the perfect scheme. I must deploy it at once, in the common room. At this hour, Jeffrey and Kaalappan should have emerged from their dwellings, providing a perfect arena for social engagement. Indeed, as I exit my sanctum, I observe them upon the couch, Jeffrey appearing radiant, overjoyed even.
Kaalappan, in Jeffrey’s arms, appears to carry a heavy weight upon his chest, by which I do not mean his breasts as they remain behind mine in their development, if only barely.
They are positioned in a choice arrangement of platonic bro-cuddles, which I must presume to mean that they have succeeded in forming a bond of friendship. Has Jeffrey renounced his evil ways and learned the utterly basic, simple art of behaving oneself in the presence of racialized people?
“Good morning, Kathy!” Jeffrey beams, as Kaalappan stares into the distance. “Guess what? We’re
dating!
”
Ah.
Well then.
Wait, given information I acquired yesterday—from Kaalappan’s
fiancée
in fact—this is an absolute outrage! How could Kaalappan sink this low, commit an act this foul? I can overlook the infidelity, certainly, but dating
Jeffrey
?
Katherine. The infidelity is also an issue. Why are you willing to overlook that part, precisely? Curious, we ought to ruminate on this issue when convenient. What matters far more is: Of all people to go for, why
Jeffrey!?
Could he secretly possess some incomprehensible allure only perceptible to Kaalappan? Is there some secret good hidden underneath his obnoxious exterior and the first few layers of despicable interior? Does Jeffrey possess a rich inner world of poetic beauty, somehow?
Alternatively, is Kaalappan simply
into
the humiliation of having settled for the human equivalent of a weathervane in a place where the wind howls racial slurs, presumably due to some incredibly odd geological formations in the area whose acoustics, due to an absolutely incredible coincidence, or perhaps even deliberate engineering—are
completely extraneous
and unnecessary for a perfectly serviceable metaphor. The point is that Jeffrey sucks.
Speaking of said guy and his suckitude, he is waiting expectantly. I look at Kaalappan, to see if he might be mouthing ‘please save me’, or perhaps blinking out an S.O.S. in morse code.
“I’ll be in the bathroom,” he spits out as he gets up, rapidly exiting the common area.
Jeff
I feel complete, in a way I never have before.
Oh, Kyle. My beloved, charming, handsome, dashing, debonair Kyle! He is truly everything I’ve
ever
wanted in a man, and
more
.
He is just so, so
yummy
. He is coming out of his shell now, coaxed out by my soft touch and guidance. Really, I am his savior, rescuing him from a horrible fate, a waste of such an incredible hunk on some belligerent, nagging harpy who’ll never appreciate him half as much I will.
I’ll have a light lunch today. Some eggs, maybe, or finishing off yesterday’s leftovers? Perhaps I’ll even try to get
adventurous
about it, in line with my new
zest
for life and how much
hotter
and
spicier
it’s becoming! So why not go ahead and try some of my man’s fancy spices? I do wonder what ‘ore gano’ tastes like.
Why, if it wasn’t for this
one
, singular, clueless, irritating, aggravating issue, I would be in perfect bliss.
Said issue is currently staring at me, as my prince charming makes his journey to the bathroom.
“So it has come to this,” she says, doing that stupid thing with her hand.
“I know, isn’t it just
the best
?”
She should be happy for us, and yet, she’s looking at me with …
disgust
?
“The best at what, precisely? Homewrecking? I do believe in common parlance, that is something one ought to be
worst
at, rather than best.”
Wow okay first of all, how
dare
she?
“My poor Kyle was trapped in a stifling arranged marriage. I am
rescuing
him from the demands of his homophobic society, showing him that he’s free to love who he wants, not just who he’s
allowed
to. It’s queer liberation, as and someone familiar with the
appalling
treatment of gay men in South Asia—”
She cuts me off by clicking her tongue in disapproval? Excuse me, what
is
that sound?
“Was it not
you
praising that very same society and its purported enlightenment with regards to its alleged trinary sex-classification schema a mere week ago? How convenient that you have decided to play a different tune so …
suddenly
.”
I’m getting
really
annoyed with her tone at this point. Why can’t she just be happy for us?
“I don’t expect you to understand what it feels like to find Mr. Right.” If she is going to do this, then I will stand up for what I believe in, for my love, and also stop biting my tongue regarding her
numerous
indiscretions. “After all,
you’re
not even brave enough to admit you want a man, so you just play-act with Nichole!”
Oh, I
definitely
got her there. She’s clearly taken aback by being called out like this.
“Well,” the ridiculous caricature of a girl says, “at least
my
man was not already taken by my friend, she instead
is
my friend. Also we have a less possessive, more liberated approach wherein—”
No, I am not listening to her pseudo-lesbian polyam-whatever debauchery. I cut her off.
“At least I can call my man a
he
.”
“At least
we
have realized that the femme strat is more viable as an explanation for
taking estrogen
, as you might recall that you are both doing.”
Oh, that does it.
“Some of us recognize that this shameful display you’re putting on is making the entire trans community look bad! You are making a mockery of the suffering of
real
trans people by pretending to be—I mean, you are
basically
acting exactly like cross-dressing fetishists!”
There. Now she’ll—Why is she smirking?
“Ah, so you have studied the work of sexologists as carefully as you have anthropologists, then. Which is to say, with the naivete I would
expect
of one who fails to stand for trans women of colour in his activism, and would
dispose
of friendship with racialized women merely for the sake of pursuing a blatantly ill-fated romance!”
A blatantly
what,
BITCH!?
“Oh, we’re
fated
for a happily-ever-after, you off-brand dyke. Kyle is
mine
.”
“Ha! Just like the colonizers of old, you lay claim to territory whose name you cannot even pronounce.”
FUCK. YOU.
“As if
you
can, you’re as white as I am!”
“Kaalappan.”
Well it’s—it’s
inappropriate
for her to pronounce it like that. She shouldn’t be appropriating the accents of another culture.
“How
dare
you—”
“Kaalappan.”
She is
gleeful
, the cunt.
“Keep his name out of your mouth!”
“Why, because it’s the only part of him you can’t put in yours?
Kaalappan.
”
That
does it
. I am done being nice to her, I am done letting her treat me like this. After all the support I’ve shown both her
and
Nichole, doesn’t she owe me some solidarity back? How can she be so ungrateful and
intolerant
? She’s not even technically queer herself! Does she have any idea what actual trans people think of pornbrained circus-acts like her and her gooner sissy boyfriend?! The two of them have the
gall
to traipse around
publicly
in women’s clothes, not even bothering to keep their perversions private, expecting the entire apartment—hell, the
entire world
to indulge their delusional erotic fantasies!
“Now listen here, missy,” I growl, completely fed up. “I’ve been
nothing
but polite to you and your equally-homophobic boytoy while y’all gallivant around in perma-drag without the decency to only keep the wigs on between the sheets. You think you’re too good to be faggots like the rest of us, that you two can achieve some kind of
pure
and
superior
‘lesbian love’ with rainbow farts and sparkly princess kisses? You two need to grow the fuck up, buy some lube and poppers, and join the rest of us in reality with a speck of fucking decorum so we don’t have to suppress the urge to puke every time you hold hands and titter like the high school girls you’re
clearly
fantasizing about being, you fucking dege—”
“Oh hey Kaalappan, back so soon?”
I swear, one day I’m going to slap this bitch so hard, she’ll be
incapable
of making that obnoxious fucking expression
ever again
.
“Ohmigosh, sweetie, I missed you!” I croon, spinning on my heel with a big smile.
My honeymuffin looks disturbed, clearly just as put off by this shrew’s amorous excesses as I am. It’s not really ladylike to talk about politics with your man, but I just know he and I are hoping the queer community will be able to rid ourselves of these perverts who’ve forcibly allied themselves with us. I skip over to him and take his hand, leading him to my bedroom, and flash Kathy a look packed with as much smugness and rage as I can simultaneously muster.
… And the bitch is mouthing ‘Kaalappan’ at me, STILL.
Note to self: Research poisons,
for totally unrelated reasons.
Nichole
I have so many fucking Accord notifications.
It’s already been a month since quarter 3 kicked off. First of all, holy shit, time is going so fast. Second, this has meant an influx of new users. With the early drama of new quarters having mostly settled down–nobody weird enough to call a tribunal on someone who hasn’t even started, this time–the server’s status quo is settling in.
Except now I’m not the fresh meat anymore. Instead, I’m one of the “notable” people on the server, apparently.
A really bizarre quirk of the culture here is that with the rankings posted the way they are, and with the implied hierarchy of the competition, whoever happens to have the biggest breasts in a given quarter ends up being someone people want to talk to.
That’s one of the ways it’s really different from spaces for women, cis or trans. A weird mirror universe where popularity falls on whoever happens to have big boobs.
As a consequence of this, since the spotlight turned to me two months ago I’ve had an enormous influx of messages from ostensibly grown ostensible men, many of them seemingly convinced that C cups are a substitute for qualifications as a therapist.
And with Q3, that’s only increased.
StopTomboyErasureJusticeForBradleigh
I’m just saying how do I even
know
for sure that I’m a man? What if I’m just pretending to be growing breasts competitively for attention?
Nickname
I mean, are you going around telling people you’re competing?
StopTomboyErasureJusticeForBradleigh
No, I haven’t told anyone outside the server about it. I’m planning to run trans-RLC so I’ll be hiding it entirely.
Nickname
Then whose attention would you be doing it
for
? Everyone will just think you’re transitioning.
StopTomboyErasureJusticeForBradleigh
Yeah ok but how do I know I’m not a trans girl who’s tricked herself into transitioning
for real
by pretending to be doing Ranked Competitive Breast Growth?
Nickname
I mean. Do you
want
to be a girl?
StopTomboyErasureJusticeForBradleigh
No I want to win the competition.
Nickname
There you go then?
StopTomboyErasureJusticeForBradleigh
Ok but how do I know for sure that I’m doing femme strats for the right reason and not just conforming to patriarchal gender norms for estrogenized men?
We’re on the tenth round of this. Trouble is, I can’t just tell her that she
is
faking being a man, because then she’ll accuse me of manipulating her to put her on a tribunal. I’ll let her try to figure out the ‘gender norms for estrogenized men’ bit herself.
Fuck, I envy regular trans women sometimes. At least they don’t have to endure a culture where you’re never allowed to tell even the most obvious trans women—who are practically
begging
for confirmation or permission from you—that they’re trans.
I can let Tomboy Erasure wait a bit. Someone else has been messaging me multiple times in the last hour.
WizardsBigNaturals
It’s so fucking over man, tell me your secrets please?
This one is… Q1 2024?
Nickname
Test levels, eat healthy and exercise?
WizardsBigNaturals
Bro I’m doing all of that but it’s
entirely
going to my ass!!
Nickname
…Less squats?
WizardsBigNaturals
I’m so fucked dude I’ve only got A cups and it’s been over a year and a half man.
Don’t get annoyed by the gendering don’t get annoyed by the gendering do NOT it might be a stupid fucking RCBG mindgame.
Nickname
I’m not sure what you’re expecting here. It’s not like I’m taking titty vitamins or anything?
WizardsBigNaturals
Is there a ranked competitive butt growth I can transfer to?
Nickname
… ExcluFans?
WizardsBigNaturals
I’m already there bro my ass is making fat stacks of cash.
Nickname
Good for you! See, there’s a silver lining.
WizardsBigNaturals
Wanna see it? It’s almost as fat as the stacks.
Nickname
No.
Some
boundaries have to be enforced here, even if I’ve been really lax about letting every single user on the server dump their problems on me.
Next notification, and it’s …
Katherine
Nichole, please respond, I wish to mend the rift between us that I have torn.
She
can be left on read. Next.
Apprentice of the Sheath
Hey do you mind if I ask you some questions about Laura the Impenetrable’s theory of spiritual penetration?
I do not know Laura the Impenetrable’s theory of spiritual penetration. It has completely failed to penetrate into my mind every time I’ve tried to understand what the
fuck
she’s talking about. I can say the words in order, I can understand the chain of arguments presented by her, and crucially, I
cannot comprehend
how it’s supposed to make sense.
Nickname
I mean. I’m not Laura, but I guess?
Apprentice of the Sheath
Ok thank you I mean I don’t dare to ask Laura myself but you’re a lot more approachable.
Nickname
So … what did you want to ask me about?
Apprentice of the Sheath
How does it work, just. Generally?
Nickname
I’m going to need some more to go off here. Like. Did you read the guides she wrote, or…?
Apprentice of the Sheath
I mean I did but I don’t think I’m smart enough to understand because it’s all really confusing to me? I don’t think “manhood so powerful that even when I appear to be penetrated, it is actually me doing the penetration” makes sense, on a fundamental level?
Shit.
This is what happens when you get notable in a place where someone who’s just spouting
abject nonsense
through a mangled understanding of gender theory is a pillar of the community, whose views you’ve inadvertently ended up aligning with.
Again
I’m cursing that the server just can’t be normal. Normal trans girls don’t have to deal with abusers of queer studies defining the social dynamics of their spaces!
Nickname
Well, so ... queer formations of masculinity are inherently non-hegemonic, and so taking the lens that penetrability must inform their positionality in the gender hierarchy is, at best, cissexist, and at worst reinscribing the contours of the heterosexual regime into homonormative spaces. At least that's the gist I get from her.
Apprentice of the Sheath
Yes ok thanks, me too, sorry to bother you.
I don’t think it matters that I
definitely
got the details wrong there. I’m not above taking advantage of the server users’ proclivity for pretending to understand ideas they don’t.
Paladin of Penetration
My liege, the Laurachads call for your aid in the selfie channel.
Right. This girl. She’s from the 2024 summer quarter, and yet ever since Discursive Combat she’s been going around pledging her undying loyalty to anyone with “femme strats” and an NTBV score in the top 3 of a given year. Laura being something like an actual deity to her, she’s …
settling
… for serving someone lower in a feudal hierarchy she’s made up in its entirety.
Nickname
Aid how?
Paladin of Penetration
The favor of the Princess of Q2-25 would serve to increase morale amongst the laurachads, to affirm the superiority of our femme strats.
Nickname
?
Paladin of Penetration
If you were to make an appearance, show your approval with the right reactions, gas up ours while ignoring the treacherous trickster truthers, it would be a blessing upon our cause.
Nickname
Ok, on it
Paladin of Penetration
Your radiance is a boon to our noble cause, my princess.
She’s weird about it but I don’t mind complimenting attractive women who’ve convinced themselves they’re men pretending to be women competitively. It’s probably good for their collective self image.
Selfies channel. Scroll down to today, and…
Wow, there are so many pretty women and men who look indistinguishable from women here, I’m so fucking bisexual.
Yeah, there’s Paladin of Penetration. Posing in her underwear with the actual medieval war hammer she owns. I’ll give her heart eyes and the “OPTIMAL” reaction that’s standard in this channel.
Paladin of Penetration
Feeling ready to fight for the Laurachad cause ;)
Templar of Tatas
By the Impenetrable…
Knight of Knockers
Truly an exemplar of alternative masculinity!
These three seem to move as a unit on the server, but the Knight and the Templar rarely act first. They’re quick to drop their own selfies, both of them in various states of undress and, yup, those are swords. One of them posing with her greatsword’s blade threaded through her bra in a manner that makes me desperately hope the edges are blunted. Can’t deny it’s hot, though.
Also, I certainly can’t say they’re lacking in commitment to the bit, that’s for sure. I throw in some reactions.
It’s a bit hard to be sure if I should
say
something. I’m trying to break it to them, gently, that I don’t want a trio of “retainers” going around “protecting my honor” on the server, but I’ve been noncommittally condoning it for a while because I didn’t realize they were being serious about it, and now it’s been long enough that I just
know
it’s going to be a whole awkward thing if I suddenly seem to have soured on the concept, so if I compliment their very hot selfies I think that might read as encouraging them?
I keep scrolling. Only In This For The Money Tbh is showing off his beard and very flat chest, which frankly does absolutely nothing for me. Far as I can tell, he is unaffiliated with any factions. Melvin, who looks like the protagonist of one of Katherine’s cute girl anime shows, gets a fire reaction.
And then there’s the pro-Trickster faction.
Jormungandr In My Pants
Unlike you Lauracels,
I
understand that boymoding is the way to go. “Femme strats” are an embarrassment. There’s literally no reason to pretend to be a woman when you can easily pass as a man even two and a half years on estrogen.
The attached picture is a girl in an open zip-up hoodie, with cleavage showing through the tank top. I guess Jormungandr must be hiding behind her?
That was sarcasm. I am perfectly aware that I am looking at Jormungandr, and I am genuinely wondering whether he doesn’t realize what others see when they look at him, or if this is a ploy to make people point out that he looks like a woman without leaving any openings for an identity challenge.
Frankly, I fucking hate that I even had that thought—I am clearly spending way too much time in here.
Odinspattar
Ideal male form bro
Eg Har Jævlig Store Puppar Fyfaen
Hell yeah dude
For my own sake, I have to assume that these guys are genuinely men and this is helping them cope with the effects of estrogen.
Odinspattar
@Templar of Tatas
this is fucking embarrassing dude how do you think you’ll ever pass as a trans woman with
that
jawline?
Jormungandr In My Pants
bro hasn’t even mastered finding the right shade of foundation and thinks he’s doing a successful “femme strat” lmaoooooo cope
Eg Har Jævlig Store Puppar Fyfaen
Haha gottem, genuinely embarrassing that Lauracels think their femme strats work!
Oh. Here we go.
The conflict over competing RLC strategies has led to a weird, catty atmosphere ever since the factions solidified. The running theme of every conflict in the channel is a fixation on overly-scrutinizing others’ appearances, maintaining an exacting and frankly unrealistic idea of what “passing” entails, which …
It genuinely makes me question whether these people look at women outside in real life, is the thing. Anyone who doesn’t look like a heroin chic supermodel or is over 5’2” is decried as simply “unable to pull off the femmestrats”, an attitude revealing just how warped this server’s idea of ‘womanhood’ is, likely owing to a hypersexualized culture and genuinely unachievable beauty standards.
Consequently, unlike regular transfems, this server of estrogenized men
has
to turn feminine presentation into an absurd competition judged by those ridiculous criteria that no one could possibly meet! It’s enough to make a girl scream in frustration. Not to mention that the Tricksters’ behavior truly cements for me that they are, indeed, men, because no trans woman would ever degrade a fellow trans woman over her appearance like this—especially not by invoking these reactionary tropes in a way that would make even a dedicated transmisogynist blush!
Eurgh. Pursing my lips, I scroll past and—
eurgh
, Katherine. I’m looking at her picture and I can
hear
her squeaking out “SCISSOR TIME” in my head. Sure, she looks incredible, but I can
not
get over her behavior. Scroll away as fast as you can to get away from the voices, Nichole, just don’t even look at her, look at chat—
Jormungandr In My Pants
We can’t even call her
Boymoder
Sephiroth anymore, she’s just Girlfailure Sephiroth now lmao
Nickname
LOL
Oops, fingers typed that one by themselves. Admittedly, it
was
pretty funny—Kathy has
massive
girlfailure energy, and these dorks don’t even know
how much
, unlike me.
Well, even my simple ‘LOL’ is starting to rack up reactions from my entourage, which makes me worry they’re going to be made fools of—the Truthers had learned the word ‘simp’ recently and weren’t afraid to use it. Better add something more substantive for my retainers to sink their teeth into.
Nickname
At least Sephiroth knew how to use a sword …
Holy—the chat is
erupting
with replies to me, like it’s the funniest possible thing anyone could have said:
Paladin of Penetration
Holy shit
Paladin of Penetration
That is to say, well remarked, my lady!
Knight of Knockers
LMAO
Jormungandr In My Pants
Loooooooooool
Katherine
Nichole..?
Templar of Tatas
Fucking
owned
, my liege
Eg Har Jævlig Sore Puppar Fyfaen
HAH
Melvin
Heh. Sword joke. Classic. I get what you mean by that
Odinspattar
Absolutely destroyed
Jormungandr In My Pants
Messiest way to drop a divorce announcement I begrudgingly gotta hand the Lauracel this one
kyle.
Hey wtf nichole
Bench Press Meta 2025
(Trickster was right)
Lauracels confirmed shit in bed lmao
Jormungandr In My Pants
femme-strating your way to whisky dick
Only In This For The Money TBH
So I’m setting up a betting pool: Do we think they’re going to stay divorced or get back together in a week y/n?
WizardsBigNaturals
Broooooooo fuck yeah
Manliest Valkyrie Alive
This is absolute confirmation that Q4-24 is a complete meme quarter. Most notable competitor is only notable for the meme personality.
BigTittyFemboy
Oh yeah they’ve got like, the lowest NTBV average of all time for their HRT timeline. Even their top ranked guy is basically flat, rofl
Heir of Breast
Hey wtf don’t associate me with Boymoder Sephiroth’s shenanigans just cause we’re late bloomers!
Knight of Knockers
Their hearts are in the right place … but there’s not much fat over those hearts, sadly.
Nickname
The rest of them maybe, but Girlfailure Sephiroth’s heart is on incel forums learning shitty pickup lines
Oh, wow. The chat
really
liked that. My notifications are absolutely losing it. I’ve got DMs from people I’ve never even spoken to before, and some mod or the other has near-instantly changed Katherine’s label to ‘Girlfailure Sephiroth’. I feel so fucking
VINDICATED
right now, like I’m getting to air out everything iffy about Katherine’s behavior over the last few weeks, and having it confirmed to me that yes, she’s been acting like a piece of shit. This server is full of people with nothing but praise and admiration for me, where even those who are ideologically opposed to me have to concede the sharpness of my wit. So where exactly does fucking
Katherine
get off using me like a cheap sex toy who she couldn’t even deign to
kiss
?!
Bench Press Meta 2025
(Trickster was right)
Can the princess call a tribunal for this somehow. Discursive Combat? Please I just
need
to know what the fucking pick-up lines are so bad
Manliest Valkyrie Alive
legit the best day on the server since Trickster got knocked out
Nickname
Tempted by the DC idea because then you lot can understand that
she just talks like this IRL
… even in bed.
BigTittyFemboy
NOOOOOO WDYM EVEN IN BED
Knight of Knockers
Princess please I’m losing it
Nickname
Princess Protips: Calling out sex moves like they’re anime techniques? Not hot.
Templar of Tatas
WHAAAAAAAAAAT
Isaacahedron
Nichole, answer my DMs.
Manliest Valkyrie Alive
Holy fucking shitfuck
BigTittyFemboy
Sex moves
!? Lmfao does she go like “DEEPTHROAT” or something?
Nickname
Quick poll, chat: How many of you think the word ‘Sodomize’ is appropriate to bring up during intercourse?
Isaacahedron
NICHOLE.
Only In This For The Money TBH
Odds for the bet have been updated to reflect new info lmao
Jormungandr In My Pants
Ok so
@Q3-25
this is a teaching moment for all of you: Dating other competitors can go really fucking wrong lmao
I’m about to clarify that we’re not even dating when the Accord call ringtone blasts into my headphones. It’s Emmy. Why’s she calling me right now? I pick up, but keep an eye on the fun in chat.
“What the
fuck
is your problem, Nichole? What exactly do you think you’re doing, here?”
I realize now that it’s a video call, because I can see Emmy and she looks
furious
. Her hair is frizzy and she’s wearing a sports bra, so she must have called me in a hurry for some reason.
“I’m—I’m making fun of Katherine. What about it?” I let the flow of affirmation from the chat shield me from her scrutiny. “We make fun of Katherine all the time!”
“In
private
, yes.”
Her words are like knives digging into me. Okay, so maybe telling everyone about Kathy’s subpar performance isn’t quite the same as tittering with Emmy about her obnoxious style of argumentation, or misplaced confidence in victory, but it’s not like she doesn’t deserve it!
“What you’re doing right now is humiliating her in front of the whole fucking server,” Emmy continues. “Do you understand that!?”
“Well maybe she deserves that, with how she’s been acting?” I have to defend myself—I mean, everyone in the chat is counting on me here, right?
“Deserves to have the entire server learn about your sexual encounter because of private issues you could’ve resolved by just
fucking talking to each other
? Are you serious right now?”
Uuuugh, why is she being like this!
“Oh yeah, talking to Katherine. Never tried that one before. Is this a new strat you’re trying to get me to pilot, or—”
“
NICHOLE.”
“
EMMY.
”
“... Why are you the one yelling?”
“I don’t know, why are
you
?” I snap, gritting my teeth. “Sorry, Emmy, but were
you
the one who had to listen to her yell SCISSOR TIME at you with your clothes off?”
“... Did she actually say that during sex—Wait,
NO.
I don’t care what she did, this is still not okay!”
“Why
not
?!”
I feel a bit like a toddler stamping her feet, but I don’t really care. Emmy doesn’t
understand
, Emmy’s not the one who’s put up with Katherine her whole life, Emmy isn’t the one who finally, finally plucked up the nerve to just say what we’ve both known for a while now and then get treated like dirt!
“
She
humiliated
me
!” I’m yelling, I realize. “It’s easy for you to fucking grandstand when you didn’t have to fucking lie there and pretend to have an orgasm
just so it could be over
. You think I wanted that, Emmy? You think that’s what I wanted our first time to be … after all this …”
My throat’s closing up. My vision is swimming. I bury my face in my hands, but Emmy still hears me sob.
“... Nichole.”
“Shut
up
!”
“
Nichole
.”
I look up, sniffling loudly, unable to wipe all the tears away.
“You’re not dealing with this well.” Emmy’s voice is much gentler now. “Okay, she hurt you. I get it, okay? I understand.”
“Yeah, she really fucking did.”
“So, you’re going to hurt her back? You’re going to hurt her
worse
?”
I say nothing.
“You don’t actually want that,” Emmy points out, correct as fucking always. “Whatever it is you want, you’re not going to get it by putting her on blast in the server. I hope you realize that.”
“... Fine.”
“What are you going to do instead, Nichole?”
“Stop acting like you’re our fucking parent,” I hiss.
“I kind of have to be the adult in this situation right now, don’t I?”
“Ugh. Okay. Whatever.” I can’t bring myself to actually look at Emmy. “I’ll go talk to Katherine.”
“Good lass.”
The call ends. I sit silently for a little while. No one said anything about talking to her
right away
, right?
Yeah, I’ll just sit here and stew and ignore the deluge of Accord notifications that I’m still getting for telling everyone my best friend yells out “Sodomize!” during sex. The incessant pings are a reminder of exactly how badly I’ve fucked this up.
“Goddamnit, what the
hell
was I thinking?” I mutter, getting to my feet.
Kyle’s in the kitchen, frying up an egg that he carefully transfers onto what looks like a plate of leftover flatbread topped with curry. He’s studiously avoiding my gaze in a manner that tells me yep, he heard exactly what I yelled at Emmy earlier. I guess I’m just incapable of keeping all my dirty laundry un-aired.
Whatever. It’s not the worst thing I’ve done today. I walk to Katherine’s door silently and knock.
No response. Right.
I knock again.
Still no response.
“Katherine,
please
.”
Nothing.
I hear Kyle put on another egg to fry. I guess I just do
everything
with an audience now.
“Kathy, I’m
sorry
, okay?”
Her door finally opens, but not all the way. The room’s dark. I can see that she’s in that old pink cat hoodie that she retreats into when she’s miserable, and my heart almost stops.
“I am sorry too, Nichole.”
“No, don’t, just let me—”
“Nichole. I sincerely apologize for my behavior towards you. It is not befitting of someone who has known you for all her life, who claims to be your best friend, or who wishes to woo you. I wanted to tell you that I realized how badly I erred, and that I would have very much liked to hold your hand and kiss you.”
My brain is blue-screening. I want to be elated, I think I
am
elated, but it’s buried under a deep pain that’s cutting me to ribbons because of Kathy’s tone of voice.
“But,” she concludes, “I don’t anymore.”
She closes the door in my face.