Will it end this time?
Suddenly, that question resounded in my head. I - Harusawa Ren - was lying on a soft bed, gently embracing my body, and it felt very comfortable.
In the window beside me, warm light from the east filled this quiet, untainted room. The smell of filtered air entering my nose was clean, but it felt bland and didn't make my lungs filled with joy.
My hands twitched, trying to move my body to see the beauty of the world behind the transparent glass. Unfortunately, the strength in my body slipped away.
The sound of my heartbeat on the monitor ran normally, until gradually the thumping slowed down, a sign that it had given up.
I wasn't surprised;
After all, during my critical years, the thing was the one that constantly resisted death. It stubbornly sent blood to my veins and up to the brain, as if encouraging me to keep living.
'However, I'm sorry. I feel an immense gratitude to you, sincerely, from the bottom of my heart.'
Thanks to you, dude, I was able to survive this long in a place called a hospital. No, it was a quiet and sterile prison.
All of a sudden, I felt my vision turning blurry, even my breath began to feel tight, like something was pressing against my chest.
‘Finally.’
I exhaled in relief.
For years, I had been living in this white cage, and was only able to watch the beauty of the world from behind the glass. That though, sank me further into the pit of abyss.
But all of that was about to vanish... forever.
I was about to meet death.
What kind of creature would pick me up?
Would it be a grim reaper, an angel, or a valkyrie from Valhalla?
That wouldn't be possible. Stop dreaming!
And if it really happened, I would want to at least be welcomed and escorted by a beautiful woman with a sexy body, spoiling me rotten before entering heaven.
Wait! Will I go to heaven, or hell?
Oh well, I think it's time.
Right as I said that, the monitor started ringing loudly, but unfortunately the world felt silent to me.
My eyelids felt heavier, then closed, and in my last fading consciousness, I whispered.
‘I want to have s-!’
***
That's how it was. I died in the hospital after struggling against a rare disease that slowly weakened my body every day.
Darkness stretched before me; this dark silence somehow felt comfortable, even if a bit cold.
My slumbering consciousness was stirred awake by the sound of rushing water, as if spilling from a container.
The senses in my body slowly began to work again.
My eyelids fluttered open, seeing a floor surface flooded with water.
What brought me to my full consciousness was; when I saw a limp hand stretching out, and from that palm, I faintly saw a red liquid.
The tangy smell of iron pierced my nose, causing both my eyes to widen and my body to jolt awake from its slumber.
“!?”
I looked around, then down, seeing a smooth, pale flesh mound that looked like a perfect fit in my hand. At the summit of that medium size mountain, healthy pink tips looked listless from lack of stimulation.
‘Wait, why're there boobs here—!?’
Before my mind could comprehend what was happening, my manly instinct started to kick in.
Both of my hands moved on their own. As if pulled by an inescapable gravitational force, I began to hold that lump of fat.
‘Wow, so soft!’ I whispered while closing my eyes.
I squeezed it a little, and instantly felt an electric current flowing from my spine to my brain nerves, giving an unbearable and addictive ticklish sensation.
I added more strength, and this time a surge of heat began to rise from my chest, then spread throughout my whole body alongside the intense beating of my heart.
My body temperature rose; every squeeze I made turned my breathing heavy, and I couldn't even help letting out a soft, sexy moan.
“Ah.. hm.. it feels so good...?”
At that moment, I paused when I heard a distinctly feminine voice coming out of my mouth.
I opened my eyes, and then my breath hitched as I saw blood covering my left breast.
“What the hell is this?”
I shouted in shock and stood up, causing the water in the bathtub to overflow onto the bathroom floor.
From that blood-stained hand, I saw a cut wound on the wrist. Clearly, this must have been a suicide attempt.
However, I could see the wound slowly closing on its own, like watching time play in reverse. It looked disgusting, but also confusing.
Looking closer, my hand was skinny from malnourishment, smooth pale skin that appeared untouched, so pure yet tantalizing.
My eyes looked down—boobs, then a slender waist with healthy hips, good enough for giving birth.
“You're kidding, right?”
I swallowed hard, as if in disbelief. My bird that was supposed to perch on my groin was gone, replaced by a steep valley that wasn't too lush and felt a bit breezy.
My hand moved to my cheek, pinching it hard, sending a sharp sting that bit into the nerves.
“Ouch, this isn't a dream!?”
I lifted my feet out of the water, the splashing sound echoing in that damp, cramped room every time I took a step.
I stood in front of the mirror attached to the wall. There stood a girl in her early twenties.
Her face was quite slender and unkempt. You could tell by the numerous acne scars, and her short black hair was dry even though it had been submerged in water.
“I became a freaking girl?”
Just as I realized that, suddenly a dull aching sensation struck my skull. I clutched my throbbing head, feeling like it was about to split open.
A groan escaped my mouth. I saw a clear picture of someone else's life, from the moment she became aware of her surroundings to her current depressed state, choosing to end her life.
That agonizing pain subsided, finally disappearing a few seconds later.
I gasped, never in my life having felt that excruciating pain that boiled my brain like that.
If I had to choose, I'd rather lie on that hospital bed, watching sexy nurses take care of my body.
Unfortunately back then, my body was too weak for my penis to get erect.
“Huh, you impotent fool... no, no. I'd rather choose neither.”
I shook my head, discarding those masochistic thoughts. Choosing sickness over pain, I shudder on my own thought capabilities.
My legs trembled, unable to support my upper body any longer from sheer shock. I collapsed to the floor, flopping my butt onto the wet floor.
I let out a long sigh; I had spent my entire life lying on that hospital bed, and my only dream as a man was to feel the bliss of a woman's body.
Even at the end of my life, I wanted to experience sex for the first and last time. Unfortunately, I lost consciousness before waking up in this new body.
However, who would have thought I'd be reborn as a woman? Does the world enjoy seeing me suffer, or a God perhaps?
As if it wasn’t enough; from the memories I saw from the girl's body, the world treated her unfairly too.
Her heart was shattered long ago from the bullying, money problem as she couldn't pay her college tuition, and worse yet, this girl had no one to ask for help, including family members.
Both her parents had died in an accident a few years ago. Then, their inheritance was stolen by her greedy uncle and aunt.
I even remembered their disgusting, smirking faces.
My sight began to tear up; I covered my face with my palms, taking a long breath while trying not to cry.
I buried my face into my knees, pulled close to my body. I could feel my breasts pressing against my thighs. But, that’s not the point.
“If it's like this, I'd rather just die altogether. Why on earth did I have to reincarnate into someone's body... a gender swap at that. Give me a penis one more time, I was proud to have that!”
‘Although, I never used it. But still..’ My whisper seemed to make my heart ache more.
The sound of rushing water washed away the curses leaving my mouth. I had no urge to move, so I just sat in that bathroom, drowning in despair.
I didn't know how many seconds I held on, but a chilling sensation began crawling down my back, making my body shiver.
When I raised my face, I blinked several times. Making sure it wasn’t a hallucination or anything, because I saw a floating panel.
[Succubus System, requesting permission to install!]
“What!?”