Morning crept gently over the forest floor, painting the clearing in soft, shifting hues of gold and green. Dew sparkled on every blade of grass like tiny shards of glass scattered across the yard, catching the sunlight in brilliant flashes.
It was peaceful. Idyllic, even.
Meanwhile, I was here, quietly mourning my slowly dwindling wallet.
[Reincarnated as a Castle — Day 21]
[Points Remaining: 24]
I really should have had far more Points by Day 21.
But those animals were just too cute and too much fun to watch! I’d ended up spending a few Points here and there just to keep them fed. The main reason was that I figured if they could always find plenty of food here, perhaps they would stick around my castle longer instead of eventually wandering off.
Or, in other words, I was literally bribing them to stay and be my friends.
It was an expense I genuinely couldn’t afford, yet one I couldn’t bring myself to regret no matter how hard I tried.
But then, all of a sudden, my external vision caught something strange moving at the very edge of the forest.
Oh?
Oh!!
I froze internally.
Are those two... what I think they are?
In the distance, two figures emerged from the dense forest, pushing past low-hanging branches before stepping boldly into the open clearing.
They were humanoid creatures with green skin and small bodies roughly the size of 6 or 7 years old human children. Their faces were rather ugly, featuring big, crooked noses and long, sharply pointed ears that stuck out awkwardly from the sides of their heads. They wore nothing but ragged, filthy strips of animal hide that barely covered their private parts, and each carried a crude wooden club that looked as though it had been chewed on by wild dogs for weeks.
These characteristics were far too easy for me to recognize after years of reading isekai novels.
Goblins.
Well, damn!
So this world really does have goblins!
That means there must be other magical creatures and races too!
Orcs? Dragons? Elves?
For a fleeting moment, my inner fantasy enthusiast practically vibrated with excitement at the thought.
This was real.
This was the kind of adventure I’d read about in countless webnovels, the moment when the protagonist finally encounters their first monsters.
But the excitement didn’t last long.
Reality quickly set in.
The pair of goblins skidded to an abrupt halt the instant their eyes landed on me.
Well, how could they not?
I was a massive stone castle sitting right there in the middle of an open clearing, practically screaming "Loot me!" with every brick and turret.
For one breathless heartbeat, the entire world seemed to hold perfectly still.
The birds stopped singing mid-note. Even the wind seemed to hold its breath. The only sound was the faint rustling of leaves as the goblins shifted nervously on their feet.
Then...
"GAAAAAAAAARRRR!"
A blood-curdling roar ripped from their throats, raw and feral, thundering across the clearing like a war cry!
Panicked birds erupted from the grass in a sudden explosion of flapping wings and alarmed chirps. The deer bolted instantly into the underbrush, while the rabbits vanished down their burrows in a blur of white tails.
The goblins then barreled straight toward me at full speed, clubs raised high above their heads, their faces twisted with wild aggression. Their screams grew louder and closer, vibrating harshly against my stone walls.
And for one icy, gut-wrenching second, I was genuinely terrified.
Because these weren’t just harmless animals scurrying around my yard.
These were actual monsters.
And me?
I was just a castle.
I had no hands to wield a sword. No weapons to fire back. No way to fight at all.
If those little green psychos reached my walls and started hammering away at them with those crude clubs, I’d be in serious trouble!
Would it hurt?
Would pieces of me crumble away?
Would I actually die again?
No time to panic.
I had to react immediately.
Instinct took over.
CLANG!!!
With a single focused thought, the massive iron portcullis crashed down, sealing my front gate with a deafening roar of metal slamming against stone. The heavy vibration shuddered through my entire foundation, kicking up small clouds of dust in the entryway.
At the very least, I needed to keep those goblins out.
I had to protect my precious racoons living inside!
*****
But then... twenty minutes later...
I was still standing tall, utterly unscathed.
Thwack!
Thwack—thwack!
Haha! That tickles!
I laughed silently to myself. The vibrations from their frantic blows felt like nothing more than gentle taps against my thick stone walls.
The idiots were pounding away at my walls with every ounce of their pathetic strength, but it didn’t even register as damage.
Not a single scratch.
Not a single chip of stone flaked off.
These goblins were laughably weak!
At last, the initial tension drained away completely, replaced by a long mental sigh of pure relief.
Haha! I can’t believe I was actually afraid of these worthless little pests!
Still, the pair stubbornly refused to quit.
They leaped futilely at my walls, clawed desperately at the stone with their blunt, dirty nails, and even tried to scale the surface like drunken spiders on a bad day.
At one point, one goblin hoisted the other onto its shoulders in a wobbling, ridiculous human pyramid, their arms flailing wildly as they struggled to reach higher.
Of course, even doubled up, they were nowhere near tall enough to crest my three-meter-high walls.
I was invincible!
Watching them now felt less like witnessing a serious battle and more like observing a pair of green ants performing strange little tricks to entertain a bored god.
It was almost endearing, in a pathetic sort of way.
But then, the mood shifted dramatically for the worse.
One goblin shuffled closer to my wall, thrust its hips forward shamelessly, and...
A stream of yellow liquid splashed noisily against my stone.
Seriously?
Is this fucker really pissing on my walls!!?? Oh come on!
Seeing that, the other goblin immediately joined in with gleeful enthusiasm.
Now both were peeing on me!
This is so unacceptable!
And as if that wasn’t bad enough, after they finished shaking off, they reached into their ragged loincloths and pulled out what looked like chunks of white chalk or soft limestone. With cackles that sounded like braindead hyenas, they began scribbling and drawing dicks all over my castle walls.
"AAA !!!"
"DAMN IT! YOU GOBLINS!"
"HOW DARE YOU NOT ONLY PISS ON ME BUT GRAFFITI ON ME TOO??!"
"YOU ARE COURTING DEATH!"
Since these morons couldn’t climb my walls anyway, they clearly thought they were perfectly safe. They thought I was just an ordinary, defenseless building.
Well, let’s see how brave they are when the building actually fights back!
A deliciously wicked idea sparked brightly in my mind. If they wanted inside so badly, who was I to deny them?
How about... I teach them a proper lesson they’ll never forget?
So, I focused my will firmly on the gatehouse.
"Open gate!" I commanded.
At my command, the heavy iron portcullis groaned loudly and began to rise once more.