“Little Sister Chujiu.” Standing beside a corridor pillar about ten feet away from Nian Chujiu, Li Zhe cupped his hands and bowed deeply.
Nian Chujiu stopped walking and returned the courtesy. “Brother Suyan.”
She knew he had something to say, so she turned slightly and softly instructed Mingyue and Yunduo: “Go on ahead and wait for me.”
Li Zhe felt deeply grateful for her consideration. The anxiety and frustration brought on by her rejection were gently soothed. He looked up.
The young woman’s slender figure stood beneath the lantern’s dim golden glow, her delicate face so beautiful that it made his chest tighten. Perhaps this was his last chance. Someone had already informed him that Sister Chujiu had declined his offer. He couldn’t understand it.
Gu Ergou’s true colors had already been exposed so clearly. Why would she still refuse him? Did she really intend to hang herself on a single tree? Was there something he didn’t know? Or was she carrying some hidden burden? Even if he was destined to give up, he had to hear the truth from her in person.
Suppressing the burning urge to pour out his feelings, Li Zhe deliberately kept his voice calm. “Sister Chujiu, did I do something wrong? Just tell me. I’ll change it.” He paused, afraid of overstepping. “I only want to help you through your current predicament.”
Even a fake marriage would be fine with him. He couldn’t bear the thought of the authorities randomly assigning Chujiu a husband.
After a brief silence, Nian Chujiu looked up at the sparse patches of moonlit shadow beyond the corridor. Her voice was gentle. “Brother Suyan, when you first came to the Nian family at the age of seven, I had just turned six. Do you remember the first thing I said when I saw you?”
Li Zhe froze. Memories surged up within him. He was about to answer when she spoke first. The corners of her lips curved into a nearly tender smile as she answered her own question. “I tugged on Grandmother’s sleeve and said, ‘I really like this older brother.'”
Of course he remembered. That spring, during the most strained period between the Li and Nian families, his granduncle Li Chunshan had managed to secure a single place for a descendant of the Li family to study at the Nian clan academy.
Old Madam Nian had made her position clear. If the child they sent proved inadequate, the Li family should never raise the matter again.
Among his generation, Li Zhe was considered the family’s best prospect. Carrying all of his family’s hopes, along with fear and insecurity, he stepped into the Nian household. And there was this adorable little girl, smiling up at him as she said in a clear, bright voice, “I really like this older brother.”
Those words had been like a ray of light shining into his sensitive, self-conscious heart. Whenever he remembered them, the slightly hunched shoulders he carried in shame would gradually straighten. Eventually, he forgot that he was merely a dependent living under another family’s roof.
The light in Li Zhe’s eyes trembled. “Then why…”
“Brother Suyan.” Nian Chujiu cut him off and met his gaze directly. Her eyes were clear and sincere. “I like you.”
His heart lurched violently. But she wasn’t finished. “I like you the same way I like Eldest Brother, Second Brother, Third Brother, Fourth Brother, Fifth Brother, and Sixth Brother. There is no difference. You’re a good person. In the future, being yourself is enough. You don’t need to change for anyone.”
Li Zhe: “…”
Every speech he had prepared. Every ounce of courage he had gathered over the years. All of it shattered in an instant. His fist clenched at his side, fingertips digging deeply into his palm. The sharp pain was undeniable.
He opened his mouth, intending to say something. In the end, he merely pressed his lips together and could not utter a single word.
“This younger sister appreciates Brother Suyan’s kindness.” Nian Chujiu’s voice remained calm. “But my road is one I must walk myself.”
Once again, she performed a formal farewell bow. “It’s late. Brother Suyan should retire early as well.” With that, she turned and walked away into the night breeze.
After only two steps, however, she stopped. She turned slightly and glanced back over her shoulder. The lantern light illuminated half her face. “Back then, if I hadn’t said those words, given my grandmother’s temperament, she would never have allowed a child sent by the Li family to stay.” She said those words only to ensure he could stay.
Li Zhe froze. His throat suddenly felt dry.
Nian Chujiu continued calmly: “But I wanted you to stay and study. Learning isn’t only for earning official rank. It’s to understand principles, distinguish right from wrong, know when to advance and when to retreat, and remain true to yourself.”
Her gaze was steady. “Brother Suyan, you were born to be a scholar who understands reason. That was true then, and it should remain true now.”
When she finished speaking, Nian Chujiu turned and disappeared into the darkness beneath the corridor. This time, she did not look back. Everything that needed to be said had been said. She had offered all the kindness she could years ago. There had never been even the slightest romantic ambiguity between them. Her boundaries had always been clear. Nor did she wish for him to hand over the rest of his life simply out of gratitude.
She only hoped he could let go. Only then would her childhood words, “I really like this older brother,” retain their proper meaning.
Li Zhe stood frozen in place, as though his soul had been nailed to the ground. So that was the truth. He stayed in the corridor for a long time before finally walking back. For some reason, he suddenly started laughing. The night wind picked up as he tilted his head toward the sky.
He remembered how, before the age of seven, he had never once eaten a full meal in the Li household. Even a bowl of thin porridge had to be split into two meals. After arriving at the Nian family, he had enough food and warm clothes. Hot water warmed the rooms in winter, and ice cooled them in summer. There were bright lamps for studying at night. Brushes, ink, paper, and inkstones were never in short supply.
The Nian brothers laughed, joked, and teased one another. Though they occasionally played harmless pranks, none of them had ever looked down on him for being a dependent. Over the years, he had followed the Nian family’s rules, learned their way of conducting themselves, and long since come to regard himself as one of them. It was true that he wanted to repay their kindness. It was also true that he liked Sister Chujiu.
But if those feelings became a burden to her, then they would no longer deserve her words: “You were born to be a scholar who understands reason.”
He decided he would be a reasonable man. Unfortunately, his younger sister Li Yu’er was not nearly so reasonable.
Li Yu’er believed her brother was handsome, talented, and exceptionally qualified. At such a critical moment, his willingness to become a live-in son-in-law was clearly a tremendous favor to the Nian family.
Besides, Li Yu’er had her own schemes. She thought that if her brother helped by marrying Nian Chujiu, then Nian Chujiu’s Sixth Brother helping marry her would only be fair. Even if it were merely a fake marriage. Anything was better than being arbitrarily matched by government marriage brokers to some desperately poor household and condemned to endless hardship.
Li Yu’er truly feared poverty. Especially after years of traveling across the country with the Nian family during wartime, she realized those had actually been the most comfortable years of her life. So how could such a sure thing suddenly fall apart? Growing increasingly anxious as she waited beneath the corridor, she finally spotted her brother strolling back in the distance. His leisurely pace made it seem obvious that everything had gone smoothly.
Delighted, she lifted her skirts and ran toward him. “Brother! You’re finally back!”
Li Zhe frowned immediately.
Li Yu’er spoke in an excited rush, her voice louder than she meant to. “Brother, did you find out why Miss Nian refused? Did you make it clear to her? You don’t even have to consummate the marriage. A fake marriage would work too!”
Li Zhe’s expression darkened. “Could you lower your voice? Miss Nian refusing was perfectly reasonable. My affairs are my own concern. Why are you so worked up?”
“You’re my brother! Of course I’m worried!” Li Yu’er’s face reddened with grievance. “Everything I’m doing is for your sake!”
Li Zhe stared at his biological sister, his gaze growing stern. “Is it really for my sake?”
He continued coldly: “Don’t think I don’t know what’s going on in that head of yours. I understand that you want to marry into a good family, and I’ve already considered suitable candidates for you.”
His expression hardened further. “But if you try any dirty tricks on the Nian family, don’t blame me for throwing you out. At that point, whether you live or die will be none of my concern.”