It's a beautiful Sunday morning, the sun is shining, the birds are singing, and I'm screaming into my pillow.
Seriously, I had a very simple job: Go to the hotel, get my pussy licked, and swallow some cum.
But no, instead I'm there, legs spread wide and eagerly getting plowed like a God damn field. Fucking slut brain.
She doesn't respond, she is in a coma of happiness. Useless skank.
Okay. Okay, I can salvage this. A blowjob is when his penis passes my lips, so by that logic this was a blowjob too. It simply passed a different set of lips.
That works, right? Right. And the Nile is just a river in Egypt.
I scream into my pillow again. Poor thing, it really doesn't deserve it. It's a good pillow and has served me faithfully. I flop onto my back and let out a sigh.
I guess my dream of finding a nice girl to get in a happy relationship with where we scissor each other into oblivion is dead. Well, more dead than it was before.
Easy enough to pretend to be a lesbian in denial when you're just sucking cock every now and then, but when you have sex with a man and actually like it, that ship has clearly sailed. Doesn't help that I never actually found women attractive at all.
I let out another sigh. Time to face the facts: I'm straight, and I want to touch them and kiss them, and I want them to do the same to me. I guess I can't entirely blame slut brain. I do like it, I just feel like I don't have much control over how my body reacts.
At least I had the mental presence to actually remember condoms last night. Sure, STDs aren't a thing in this world, but that doesn't mean I want to risk getting pregnant. Whatever else may have changed, that will not change. No buns shall be allowed in this oven.
With a final sigh I get up, go through my morning routine, and throw on some casual clothes, before I make my way downstairs. I know what I must do, but the thought of this conversation fills me with horror.
"Morning mom, where's dad?"
"He's in the garden. Breakfast is in 10 minutes, I'll call him in then," she says from the couch while she flips through a magazine.
I sit down next to her, and she looks at me with a raised brow.
"Mom, I kind of need to have an important conversation," I say hesitantly.
Thankfully she immediately picks up on it, puts down her magazine on the table, and gives me her full attention. I could do without the raised eyebrow though.
"I was wondering if you could help me get on the pill? Uh, you know, birth control," I tell myself to not fidget over and over, as I know she can smell my terror.
I'm not sure how I feel about having sex with a man at this point, but I am certain how it'll all turn out. I know it's not a question of if but when I have sex with someone again, and a condom can break. Even with the pill I do plan to keep using condoms though.
"Oh my little baby is growing up so fast," she grabs me in a quick hug, then takes a good look at me with unshed tears in the corner of her eyes, "did you go out with a boy yesterday?"
"Yeah mom," I respond automatically, still a little baffled at her reaction, so I default to honesty.
"You know you don't have to say yes to anything you're not comfortable with," she fixes me with a serious look.
"I know, it's just as an insurance, you know?" I somehow manage to get out while ignoring the sanity damage I'm taking.
She studies me intently for almost a full minute, and I can't help but squirm a little. I wonder if she can somehow sniff out that I'm not a virgin anymore?
"You know you can talk to me about anything. Even boys and sex."
I want to die a little. You don't want to hear a parent say the s-word.
"Thanks mom. I'm fine though, everything is fine. I promise," I'm ready to sell my soul for this conversation to end.
I take it as a sign of divine redemption that it works.
"After breakfast, you and I will go to the doctor, okay?"
"Thanks mom," I smile and give her a hug.
Breakfast is soon served. Mom tells dad that me and her are going on an errand, and he thankfully doesn't dig further when mom tells him it's a girls only thing.
It's bad enough that my mom suspects I had sex, dad knowing would be even more awkward. I don't think he'd be the type to want to swear eternal vengeance on whatever male specimen even dares to think about touching me, or would want me to be a forty year old virgin, but the talk with mom was bad enough already. I really don't need them to team up on me. Follow the newest chapters on novelping(.)com.
After breakfast is over me and mom get in the car.
Birth control pills thankfully turn out to be a quick affair, and far less mortifying than I thought it would be. It's just a quick standard appointment with the doctor to make sure there aren't any issues, and then we're good. Once we're done, pills have been acquired, and an alarm set, mom doesn't turn the car towards home though.
"Mom?"
"We just have one more stop. I'm not ready to be a grandmother just yet, so you'll need some more insurance, okay?" a feeling of dread spreads through my stomach.
Mom stops at a store, and the next ten minutes is something I will spend the rest of my life violently suppressing. Knowing your mom suspects you got laid yesterday after you went on a date? Very not good. Your mom dragging you into a store to buy condoms together? Trauma.
I appreciate that I won't have to spend my own money on this, but of everything that happened to me this week, this is the thing I want to reject from my reality the most.
"Me and Noburo sort of kind of in a way maybe definitely had sex Saturday," I say with great reluctance.
Jun stares at me in bafflement, and I contemplate if I should throw something at him.
"If I knew friendly dates were like that, I'd go on far more friendly dates," he teases and I glare at him.
He doesn't pick up on it however, and instead continues.
"I think the norm is, since you are a girl, that I should ask if he pressured you into it, and if I need to tell him off, but in your case I think it's Noburo I need to find and comfort."
This time I do throw something at him. He simply ducks and laughs.
"Your so called bestie just underwent a major milestone, and you have not a single positive thing to say?" I grumble.
I look up in the sky and consider the white clouds passing by as we hang out on the roof. It's Monday, and I've had a whole day more to come to terms with things. At this point I've more or less come to terms with it. I don't really dread the thought of it happening again either, and mentally I've just cataloged it as 'nice' and swiftly moved on.
"We almost had this conversation before, remember? I guess I can ask if you enjoyed yourself?" he asks after a few moments of thought.
"Do you really want to know that though?"
"It's borderline, I think? Sounds like you did though. So, congratulations," he thinks for a few moments, "is that what you are supposed to say in this situation?"
"That's honestly a good question," I take a bit to really turn it around in my head, "it's not entirely inappropriate at least. I think."
"How did it even happen?"
He gives me a few minutes to think before I finally settle on something.
"I sort of planned to do something, I guess, though not that far. Doing things here at school, even after practice when the school is almost empty means we have to be quick about it, right? At the end of the date I just sort of invited him to a love hotel, figuring it would be nice we could take our time," I half shrug, "I'm not really sure how, but it just sort of happened."
It's mostly true. When we were alone in that room, I just got excited, and before I knew it I had already wrapped him in a condom. Truthfully I always had a bit of a fascination with condoms, and I wanted to try putting one on for a guy. Perhaps it could have still been saved at that point, but then I felt him touching me lightly with his finger. That soft touch at my entrance, and I just wanted more; it pushed me over the edge. I doubt Jun would want to me to tell him I got fingered a little and as a result went dick crazy.
"Did you at least have the talk with him?"
"Yeah, I think I managed to get through to him. If not, well it's the last week before summer break, so that'll give him time to think things through. What about you and Rin?"
"We went out Saturday as well, and it went really, really well," he says smugly.
"Congratulations," I pause for a moment, "it does feel a little weird to say, doesn't it? Anyway, I'm just glad you stopped being such a mess over taking her on dates."
"This right there is why I say your heart is made of razor blades and barbed wire."
We eat in comfortable silence for a little, before I decide to, reluctantly, unpack my trauma and share it with him.
"My mom traumatized me by the way."
"Then I am very proud of your mother."
"Your support truly warms my heart," I drawl sarcastically as he laughs at my misery.
"What did your mom do to you?"
"She took me out to buy condoms."
He grimaces in sympathy.
"Your mom found out?"
"Not exactly, but I asked her about getting on the pill, so I kind of sold myself out."
"Hopefully one day a shrink can fix the damage," he commiserates.
"If I can afford one good enough," I snort.
Noburo tracks me down Wednesday and I follow him to an empty classroom. I mentally reassure myself I do have condoms with me. Not that I expected to have sex at school, but thanks to my paranoia I've vowed to always have some with me wherever I go.
He didn't track me down for anything sexual, though I suspect him of having a fantasy of doing it in a classroom. Why else would he constantly drag me to classrooms?
"Do you want to go out again this weekend?" he asks, looking slightly flustered.
"On a date?" I ask, feeling slightly uneasy.
"Yeah, on a date," he nods.
"Are you asking me for a date or sex?" I carefully study him, trying to figure out just what he is thinking.
"Uh, both, I think?"
"Are you sure about that?"
"I, yes?"
I release a huff of breath.
"You don't seem so sure of that. We agreed on keeping things casual, remember?"
"Yeah, of course I remember."
"I'm not sure you do," I shake my head, "I'll be away for the first few weeks of the summer vacation. Think about things carefully while I'm gone, then we'll see about things when I get back, okay?"
My eyes linger on his face as he goes through several expressions, until finally he nods, and I pick up my things and leave.
"Have a nice summer," I call out on my way out the door.
The rest of the school days pass without incidence. Summer homework is assigned, and coach assigns me a training plan for summer. I don't mind, it's a good idea to stay in proper shape. He also gives me all the necessary information for the tournament.
It is with a feeling of great relief I leave the school after the last day. School is not something I enjoy at all, and I'm looking forward to the day where school is over for good.
I need some time to just unwind, these past few weeks have been a lot. I'm also just really looking forward to the beach vacation.