Amal’s PoV
―I offer my prayers.
I trip over the stone floor of the chapel. For a moment, my eyes narrow at the inorganic coldness, and I hide it by exhaling.
Pretending to be devout yet hollow, I raise both hands. I look up to God, receive communion, and show submission.
I mechanically perform these actions that are repeated every day. Neither my will nor emotions are involved in this.
People fear something invisible to the eye as a monster.
People worship something invisible to the eye as a god.
Where exactly is the difference?
I repeatedly ask and answer myself. No… from the start, I’m not seeking an answer.
Whether it’s a monster or a god, it will never become my only one.
The one I truly respect, adore, and offer my prayers to is only that person.
My one and only. My light. My lord. My… beloved Andy-sama.
The light of the trembling candles, rather, made this place even more gloomy.
The darkness squirmed, staring at me.
I merge with the darkness, melting into it.
I close my eyes and call out Andy-sama’s name.
＊＊＊
Once the worship was over, I immediately headed to Andy-sama’s room. Thinking that he is ahead makes the world, which was covered in mud and ash-grey, seem to be filled with vibrant colors and sparkling light.
I just walk straight down the long corridor.
This monastery is like a maze, intertwined except for the places where priests come and go. Dead-end corridors, doors that won’t open, rooms without entrances. …It’s not like a maze, it probably is a maze.
―Ah, it’s utterly ridiculous.
I spat out in my heart.
That’s why you guys made a mistake.
I quickly went through the corridor and arrived at Andy-sama’s room. My heart was pounding. The feeling of anticipation made me sigh.
With a feeling like touching a holy relic, I put my hand on the door and open it.
The light coming in from the window made me involuntarily narrow my eyes. After a beat, when I got used to it, I look around the room.
Immediately I found Andy-sama sitting on the bed, smiling gently. Amal, he called my name. Just that alone made my stomach flutter.
Originally, my name wasn’t a name at all.
Amalthea… is a word that represents “sin.”
Yes, if I dare say, it’s like a symbol. Just as livestock are categorized by numbers, we were called that way. So, this is not a name. It’s nothing more than a testament to the abominable sin.
Andy-sama has given me the name “Amal Hope.” He recognized me as me. How happy I was. How saved I was. Andy-sama probably doesn’t know. But that’s okay. That’s good enough. Only I know that fact. It’s my sweet secret that I won’t give to anyone else.
I clung to Andy-sama as if leaping at him.
Andy-sama laughed and held me. Held by his sturdy chest, I smiled ecstatically. My heart quickened, as if it would burst.
“Amal is like a puppy.”
“Yes. In front of Andy-sama, I become a dog. Please tell me anything. I’ll do anything. But, when I can do that, please praise me a lot, okay?”
“Haha, you’re more and more like a puppy.”
Andy-sama gently stroked my head.
I’m happy, I’m happy. I love you, I love you a lot. I’ll do anything. So please always do that.
I looked up at Andy-sama’s face.
The world, once muddied and ash-grey, now appeared vibrant and sparkling.
I casually pull on Andy-sama’s clothes.
A hand stroked my cheek and lips were dropped onto my forehead.
It’s not enough. Andy-sama is mean. He should know. I puffed my cheeks in annoyance. I pulled his clothes harder.
A laughing voice could be heard.
Then a hand was placed on my chin, and my face was turned upwards in a quick motion. The manly action almost made me ascend to heaven.
Forehead, cheeks, earlobe, nose, lips were lightly kissed in order, and finally reached my lips. Unable to hold back, I puckered my lips and shared a deep kiss.
My lower parts has been fluttering since just now. My body is longing for Andy-sama.
I want to be held.
I want to be connected forever.
If I can have a child, I wonder if I can tie Andy-sama down here. Oh, I want a wedge or a child as soon as possible.
Every night, I’m being held by him.
Perhaps, I’m already pregnant.
…I hope that’s the case.
I feel a tinge of guilt for treating my child as a chain to bind Andy-sama. But my love for Andy-sama is more than that.
I’ll do anything to stay with Andy-sama. Yes, I’ll even use my own child. I can’t stop myself, even though I find it disgusting and revolting.
…I’m sorry.
Was the softly muttered word an apology to Andy-sama? Or was it a confession to the yet unseen child who might be born? Or was it a word of parting to us?
―I still don’t know where the answer lies.
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