Jean opened the door to his apartment, and the silence of the night hit him like a slap in the face.
He was exhausted.
And it wasn't the kind of physical exhaustion that came from running a marathon or carrying boxes full of paperwork around at work all day. It was something else entirely, a much harder kind of exhaustion to explain.
The kind that appeared after spending too many hours thinking about the same things over and over again, until your brain became a weird emotional washing machine.
He took a few steps down the hallway and kicked off his shoes, leaving them next to the entryway. He took off his watch and left his keys on the table as he made his way toward his bedroom.
Halfway there, he started unbuttoning his shirt.
Once it was off, he simply let it fall to the floor without bothering to pick it up.
His pants ended up in the same place.
"Help..."
A few steps later, he reached his bedroom and collapsed face-first onto the bed, wearing nothing but his T-shirt and underwear.
"Ugh..."
His face disappeared into the pillow.
He didn't move.
For a couple of minutes, he simply enjoyed the feeling of the cool sheets against his body and the silence of his apartment.
Just him and his thoughts.
Eventually, Jean rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling in the dim light.
"Am I doing the right thing...?"
He ran a hand over his face.
"What if I'm just being an idiot for getting my hopes up again, only for the same thing to happen?"
He sighed.
The ceiling didn't answer.
It really never did.
Jean continued staring at it for a few seconds.
Then he closed his eyes.
How is it possible that someone like her would be interested in someone like me?
He opened his eyes again.
There has to be something I'm still not understanding.
He thought about it.
Has she seen me before? Have I seen her before?
Ever since Tesia had appeared in his life, that question had almost become part of his routine.
Jean would come home after spending time with her, throw himself onto his bed, leave the TV playing in the background, and eventually end up staring at the ceiling while trying to make sense of everything.
Why did it seem like someone like her genuinely liked him?
Why him?
And, more importantly...
What was he supposed to do with the feelings he had for her?
At least I can finally relax a little... All this pretending...
Ah, yes.
The noble art of pretending to be an idiot.
Or, as Jean had privately dubbed it, the BAI.
Jean was a skeptical person. His own eyes could be showing him something as clear as water, and yet, whenever Tesia subtly flirted with him or his friend asked him about her, he would still pretend he had no idea what was happening.
Because, come on.
Nobody could be that blind.
But it was impossible not to become suspicious when a girl offered to be your boyfriend on the very day you met her.
It was impossible not to become suspicious when that same girl sent you pictures of herself in pajamas every single day with a message that said 'Fan service'.
Although she kinda stopped being a suspect when she ended up sitting on your lap, clinging to you and trembling in fear because of a cockroach while you could practically feel her heart pounding against your chest.
At that moment, he was left almost completely convinced. She really felt something for him.
Jean paused.
"Something real…"
And we didn't even need to mention what had happened outside her mansion.
When she grabbed him by the shirt, leaned close to his ear, and told him, with all the confidence she could muster, that she was serious when she said she wanted to be more than friends,
Then she kissed him on the cheek—and ran away.
Jean covered his eyes with his forearm.
"It's pretty damn obvious... I'm definitely not that much of an idiot..."
He stayed like that for a moment.
Then he smiled slightly.
Tesia really was in love with him.
Deep down, Jean knew the problem had never been a lack of evidence.
The problem was that he was terrified of accepting it.
Because accepting that Tesia genuinely had feelings for him also meant accepting that he might be capable of having feelings for someone again.
Pretending not to hear, keeping a poker face, and desperately hiding behind the phrase "We're just friends" hadn't been some strategy to mess with Tesia.
It had been a defense mechanism.
A kind of invisible shield his mind had built after getting hurt.
Because with Jess, it had started in a very similar way.
The excitement.
The laughter.
The endless conversations that never seemed to run out.
That stupid, wonderful feeling that maybe you'd finally found someone you could be comfortable with.
And then that promise that had once seemed so obvious.
Forever.
Jean remembered the fireworks.
He remembered Jess's smile.
He remembered thinking that maybe, just maybe, this time it could actually work.
And then he remembered the door to that apartment.
Jess's serious expression.
Her voice.
"This isn't going to work, Jean..."
Jean's smile disappeared.
For a few seconds, he said nothing.
That sentence still had an impressive ability to leave an empty space in his chest.
After that, he had decided that being alone was much easier and the best option.
If he didn't trust anyone too much, nobody could take anything away from him.
If he didn't expect anything, nothing could disappoint him.
It was a pretty sad way of thinking.
Until Tesia appeared.
A blonde vampire who had saved him from falling off the roof of the building.
A vampire who had asked him to be her boyfriend on the very first day they met.
A vampire who was terrified of cockroaches.
A vampire who could go from intimidating to completely adorable in a matter of seconds.
His brain had tried to protect him in every way it could.
She's too good to be true.
She's probably playing around.
Someone like her would never be interested in an ordinary thirty-five-year-old guy.
We're just friends.
Jean let out a small laugh.
"But she really does love me..."
He stared at the ceiling.
"Her feelings are genuine. There's no way she's that good of an actress and has been faking all of that... Why would she? So then... why the hell me?! Why me? Why would that beautiful extraordinary girl choose someone completely ordinary like me?!"
Jean rolled around in bed, still struggling to believe that something this good could actually be true.
But this time, he couldn't keep pretending he didn't believe it.
If he still had even one percent of doubt about Tesia's feelings, that moment had finally destroyed it.
He remembered the park.
He remembered taking a deep breath before saying it.
How, for the first time, he had stopped hiding behind friendship.
Jean had hesitated before taking that step, terrified of putting himself in a position where he could get hurt again.
But this time, he hadn't suggested another casual outing.
He hadn't said, "Let's go for a walk."
He hadn't pretended it would just be another afternoon between "friends" with no real direction.
He had asked her on a date.
A real date.
With romantic intentions.
And Tesia's response had been...
Jean raised an eyebrow.
"Passing out."
A laugh escaped him.
"She actually passed out."
She had woken up completely red, admitted that she liked him, and, as if that weren't enough, had flown away into the night sky.
Jean remembered the phone call.
The conversation.
The message.
His heart beating wildly.
He reached for his phone on the nightstand and opened his chat with Tesia.
Her last message was still there.
"I probably would have run away."
Jean smiled.
He had reacted to it with a heart.
He stared at the screen for a few seconds.
"I can't keep being on the defensive anymore... She’s doing her best, why can't I?"
After a long time, his heart beat again at a new and unfamiliar rhythm.
It wasn't fear.
Well...
It was definitely fear.
But there was something else, too.
"I guess it's time..."
The date was set.
An amusement park.
Tesia and him.
And this time, he didn't want to hide behind friendship or pretend he didn't see the signs.
He didn't want to keep living in fear because of what had happened with Jess, either.
He didn't know whether things would work out, or whether he was making the biggest mistake of his life.
Still... I want to try.
Jean smiled as he settled deeper beneath the blankets.
And if it goes horribly wrong, at least I'll have an online novel to write about how a vampire ended up falling in love with me.