11 — After Dinner
Daelus sat waiting in Johnathan’s small but lush apartment. The place had been recently decorated to mark the arrival of the seasonal holidays. They had heard earlier that the first snow of winter could happen that night, so the drapes were all pulled wide in anticipation. Who would be the first to glimpse a snowflake?
It likely wouldn’t be Jonathan, as the host was presently standing on the far side of the room, having a moment of focus with his entourage. The projection had returned with a dense missive collected from one of Johnathan's various dead drops. He was rifling through the pages, groaning dramatically in frustration every few paragraphs.
Johnathan never spoke aloud to his entourage so it wasn't exactly clear what was happening, but from the timing of the intel delivery — and the fact that Johnathan said he would
not
be busy that night — Daelus felt the missive was unexpected.
Daelus took a small sip of his wine. They had just finished dinner, and Daelus had declined the stronger digestive. He
did
accept the wine.
Johnathan secured the folded papers in his desk, and focused for a moment, giving the entourage its next instructions. He then traipsed across the room and collapsed into his chaise lounge with a groan, as if he was being
terribly
inconvenienced by things
entirely
within his control.
“Problem?” Daelus asked with a light smile.
“Always!” Johnathan proclaimed. “I'm supposed to be master of knowledge! Ear to the ground! If it's worth knowing about, I find out, and make it available to our lovely community. Instead I'm acting as a go-between in a pointless
spat
.”
Daelus lifted himself off of his chair and sat down on the floor next to the chaise lounge, as was often his way. He said it was so Johnathan didn't feel compelled to shout across the room. Really he just knew it had a calming effect on the emotional, eccentric man. Johnathan always took on a softer demeanor when Daelus was close. Daelus pretended not to notice.
“How terrible for you,” Daelus said, his tone half teasing. “I suppose it's
completely
out of your power to end this situation.” Jonathan was Daelus’ senior by seven years, but the younger man often took on the role of the elder of the pair.
Johnathan added drama to the way he languished on the long asymmetrical couch. “Impossible to solve! I'm helpless as a
kitten!”
Daelus knew better than to try to help or workshop a solution. Johnathan just wanted to whine. He also knew better to ask further. Even if it was just a petty quarrel, any information Johnathan traded in was
official
delegate business, and Daelus didn't want to think about that.
These days Daelus spent less and less time thinking about his delegated duties. He spent less and less time thinking about the delegation and the Benefactors. He still enjoyed his work, in his own way. He loved the museum and the glimpses of the outside world it could offer the people of the city — even if he had accepted that it was not meant to depict an accurate, or fair, view of that world.
Most of all, he loved being
Sheam
.
He had been spending more and more time simply being
her
. For hours at a time his own body would sit slumped, staring blankly in a locked room, while Sheam lived a
life
.
“Back inside your head again, my dear friend?” Johnathan asked, giving it a tap.
“Sorry. Tired.
Distracted
.”
“What by?”
“Oh, business.
Work,
” Daelus lied. “Nothing we need to think about right now. You were saying?”
“I was asking if you had read the book I loaned you.” Johnathan took a sip of his wine, eyes gazing expectantly over the rim of the glass.
“Ah, no, sorry, not yet.” It was a lie. Daelus had read it, but also knew if the topic was to proceed, Johnathan would launch into a myriad of analysis, theories, and criticisms about the work. It was why he loaned Daelus books in the first place. He wanted an audience for his
thoughts
.
“Oh! I am sorry, I know you are very busy. I do hope you shall soon. I am absolutely brimming with enthusiasm about its approach to a third act subversion.”
Daelus nodded, and grew more sure of his decision to pretend he hadn’t read it. The story was an emotional one, and he wanted to be able to sit with his feelings about it without being told how he was
supposed
to feel.
“Oh! That latest decree from the Benefactors? Doesn’t it just rankle you? What was your first thought when you heard it?”
Daelus took a deep breath. He knew the one that Johnathan meant. He knew that he couldn’t actually share how he truly felt. He also knew that that didn’t matter, and what was about to happen. Still, an answer was expected, so he began to give one. “I find it perplexing. I am not sure what it will actually help pre—”
“Precisely my thoughts! I mean, speaking as someone who has never named his entourage, I hardly have a stake in the matter, but it feels terribly invasive to expect us to always register such things in their official ledgers. What do they hope to accomplish? What do they hope to prevent?”
He went on, and on, and Daelus stopped listening. He knew exactly what it was about: Randall, and Jaegré. The Benefactors wanted tighter control on the delegates. They wanted to keep them on shorter leashes. They wanted all of them in lock–step, tight formation; all obedient henchmen.
Daelus wasn’t going to say any of that to Johnathan. He wasn’t going to get a chance to. He knew that Johnathan enjoyed speaking with him because he would let him talk, not because he was invested in what Daelus had to say.
“My word!” he said suddenly, his tone of voice shifting enough to snap Daelus out of his head.
Daelus blinked, looking up at Johnathan, and saw that he was not looking back. Johnathan was looking at the window.
“It’s
snowing
.”
Daelus felt his heart stir. He got up from the floor and went to the window, with Johnathan following closely behind. The two leaned up against it, watching the small specks of white flutter to the earth.
“I always find it beautiful,” Daelus said.
Jonathan laughed. “I didn’t use to, but your love for it has given me a new appreciation. For me, it was just a thing that happened when it got cold. But you, my dear friend, look positively enchanted by the sight, and that’s made me love it now, too.”
Daelus found himself smiling. One thing about his life as Daelus did still bring him comfort. As much as he internally protested and complained about the details of their interaction, he was glad to spend time with the man he was currently sipping wine with, watching the snow fall.
His friendship with Johnathan was important to him, even if often felt one sided. Daelus knew that Johnathan needed things that he couldn't provide, and he couldn’t be the
person
that Johnathan wanted him to be.
And so, the night went on, the two watching the snow. Johnathan would speak, ask questions he didn’t really want the answer to, launch into monologue, all while Daelus’ mind drifted, getting lost inside his own head. They’d eventually refocus, have a genuine moment, and then the cycle would begin again.
It wasn't ideal, but they weren't unhappy.