8 — First Day
It was to be a very special day at the museum.
The museum had been in operation for nearly a year. During that time, Daelus had kept one spot on the museum’s employee roster open: the day manager. He told everyone that the role required someone very specific, and that he was happy to perform the duties required himself until that perfect person’s resume appeared on his desk.
He had been planning for the last two months to introduce her today. Today had arrived. He wasn't sure he was ready.
She was there, standing right in front of him, eyes dim. The woman was a perfectly, expertly formed entourage. Had Daelus the intention to do such a thing, she would obey any command he willed her to.
He had named her Sheam.
There wasn't a complicated meaning behind it. He wanted something that felt bright. Shine. Gleam. Like a morning ray of sunshine.
It was everything he didn't feel.
She and Daelus were the same height. He had tried a more diminutive frame for her at first but found it too difficult to move in a natural, fluid way. The muscle memory was important when doing what he had been training himself to do over the last year.
They had similar features, but not too similar. One could guess that they were cousins, or at the very least both shared ancestry. Her eyes were a slightly darker shade of brown than his. Her hair on the other hand was on the lighter end of brunette, in a thick, shaggy mop. Daelus wanted to imagine more luxurious hair for her, something curly, but needed more practice before he could get it right. They had the same thick dark eyebrows and heart-shaped face without the distinguished cheekbones one in high society was expected to have. He was tempted to give her those, but he didn’t want to just chase societal beauty standards. The thought gave him no joy.
There was no room in this experience for anything that didn't bring joy.
He took a deep breath, and—
—was
.
I felt my body fill with air. After a big gulp from my mouth I focused on getting into a rhythmic pattern, and slowed to a pace that let me stop thinking about it.
Daelus — I — was there in front of me, but I could still feel myself. I was in two places at once.
“Okay,” we said in unison.
“What's the worst that could happen?” I — Sheam — said.
I could still see through his eyes, and with them I could still see Sheam's eyes. They weren't dim anymore.
Sheam. Daelus. I. Me. It was difficult to keep all of that straight when doing this. I quickly learned that I didn't really need to keep it straight. When I was just Daelus this felt so terrifying, but as soon as I manifested my entourage, which was the easy part, and Sheam appeared there before me, and I became her, after the initial surge of effort needed, it was natural. Easy.
Preferable.
I couldn't remember why I thought I wasn't ready for today. I had this. This felt good.
We delegates weren't supposed to use our entourage this way. They were supposed to be tools. When you used a hammer it could in a way feel like part of your arm, but you weren't supposed to experience the hammering from its point of view. When you put it down, it was supposed to vanish into the cabinet.
You weren't supposed to lay awake thinking about the next time you’d be her, and maybe you could be, right
now
.
I didn't tell anyone I was doing this. Not even Johnathan knew. I knew it would be misinterpreted. I knew they'd find some way to think of it as a perversion, or grotesque. I felt like that would be the worst of all.
Instead, they'd all think I was just another person. A resident of this city. A new employee. The day manager, finally hired, and wasn’t it about time? Or, would they?
Daelus' mind flooded with anxiety. He grew certain they'd all be able to tell at once. It would be obvious, wouldn't it be? She wasn't
real
. They'd see right through his act.
So you can summon your entourage after all! they'd say. And they'd treat her as a thing, not a person. The thought horrified Daelus. He found the idea of her being treated that way unbearable.
No. He'd practiced for so long. She was indistinguishable from a flesh and blood person. She wouldn’t
act
like an entourage. She would be full of life — bright, enthusiastic, and present in the moment. She would somehow seem more alive than Daelus did.
It was so strange to think of myself that way, but it filled me with confidence. I was going to do this.
We had practiced and practiced while the building was empty. I walked the halls blindfolded. I went through the motions of the routine with my eyes closed. We had roleplayed all of my interactions in hundreds of possibilities. I knew the patterns, I knew the motions, my muscle memory was like clockwork. I could be both Sheam and Daelus at the same time in front of everyone while we each did our respective jobs.
They'd see Sheam work — me work — and remark on how naturally I had picked it up.
Taken to her role here so quickly
,
they'd say.
It's almost like she's been here the entire time! Where have you been hiding her, Daelus?
Right. I had to get out of my head and focus on the here and now. I had two bodies to steer.