“I’ve been thinking.”
Judging by Seth’s tone he was about to say something that would possibly dampen my good mood.
What came next though, was not what I was expecting.
“It might be worth while to take another look at that textbook.”
Surprised I trained my eyes to the floor beneath my feet.
Seth’s suggestion hanging between us with all the hopfulness of a prosperous slums.
“Rexy you can’t loose hope. I heard you when you said you couldn’t let it get to you but there has to be a way.”
Not moving.
Barely breathing.
I asked.
“A way for what?”
“A way to feel anothers touch.”
I turned my head towards him a rare vulnerable side was seeping through his usually iron clad facade.
My voice shaking with emotion I whispered.
“There is no way Seth.”
“Only if you don’t try.”
I was afraid of what I saw in his eyes.
Scared to see what I couldn’t except given what would happen if he ever tried.
“You’re not thinking what I think you are, are you?”
Pulling back he was quick to set my fears aside.
“I’m not saying we try it and see. I’m just saying don’t give up.”
Relief flooded through me.
If he truly wanted to try touch me I would have had to pull a mission imposible and spiderman my way down the side of the building.
I sighed finding it hard to hide the hopelessness from my tone of voice.
“It’s been ten years. If there was a way, don’t you think I would have figured it out by now?”
“Not if that book is the only thing that has the answer.”
Before I could say anything else Seth chimed in again.
“Just think about it. No pressure.”
Part of me wondered if we was talking about the book.
Or something else entirely.
Finally passing it off as me reading too much into it I nodded.
It was far more likely that he just felt bad for not being able to help me like he’s helped so many others.
“I’ll think about it.”
“Good.”
It felt great to be back on civil terms with Seth.
I hate it when we fight.
To finally get some things off my chest felt refreshing.
I hoped it was the same for him.
Taking in to account the mood he was in on our way back it seemed so.
As promised he ended up walking me home where a bouncy seven year old was already waiting beside my door.
“Hey kido what’s new in the zoo?”
Her laugh was the sweatest thing to hear after what turned out to be a pretty awesome day.
“Mumma asked if I could stay with Rexy tonight since she has a double shift.”
“Again! That boss of her’s needs a kick up the arse for making her work so much.”
“Rexy!”
“My bad. Sorry sweatie but he is a jerk.”
Offering her the keys so I could say good bye to Seth in private I sent her inside.
“Go on hunny I’ll meet you in there.”
Milly took them from my hand and bounded down the hallway closing the door behind her.
Facing Seth I suddenly didn’t know where to put my hands ending up awkwardly linking them together in front of me as I tried to hide my embarassing moment with a nice, “Gee doesn’t the wall look nice,” fadeaway.
Why did this feel so strange?
It’s not like it was the first time Seth and I had been out together.
We go out all the time.
Why I was overthinking this.
“What’s that look for?”
My fidgeting stopped immediately.
“What look?”
“Rexy relax. Were good. No more awkwardness. Remember, we fight, we fix, we move on.”
I breathed a sigh of relief and inclinded my head.
So it was just because of the fight.
“We fight, we fix, we move on.”
“Perfect. Have a good weekend Rexy.”
“You too Seth.”
I watched him walk back the way we’d come waving just before he disappeared out of sight.
Standing in the hallway for a bit longer needing a minute to ponder Seth’s proposal.
Should I really try look into the book again.
I mean I had been thinking about it a lot lately.
Part of me had given up just like Seth said but there was another part of me that had a feeling that it might hold the key to everything I’ve been looking for.
What was I looking for though?
I still didn’t really have an answer to that.
How do you know what you want without knowing what you have to work with.
“Rexy! You coming?”
Luckily Milly interupting my thoughts reminded me that I didn’t have to figure everything out all at once.
I’ve waited ten years already.
What’s a few more.
“Coming sweatie.”
~
Milly’s mum arrived some time after three carrying her still sleeping form in her arms she thanked me and went to get some much needed rest.
I watched as she tiredly hobbled her way down the hall again cursing my existance for not being able to help.
There was no point berating myself over what I couldn’t control.
Just being there for them through tough times was enough.
It was a hard pill to swallow.
Realising there was no chance of me even attempting to go back to sleep I made myself some coffee, sank into the couch and turned on the tv.
A tv was yet another rare comodity in the slums.
Most were either broken stolen or pulled apart for parts.
In retrospect I had it far better then most which was probably why I felt the need to help others.
Hence the eargerness to work for Seth.
I mean sure it originally started with a selfish intent the was just about finding clues that could help me, however it turned out to be the best thing to ever happen to me.
Apart from my adopted parents of course.
It was all Seth.
He had this way of making you want to do things.
Making you want to get involved, to fight back for the things you believed in.
That was just who he was.
Every person that was ever touched by him was better off for it.
He had a gift.
One that couldn’t be replicated.
Proven by the fact that he lived in the slums in the first place.
He was a wolf shifter.
One of the upper shifter forms that almost never ended up in the trash of the city limits.
And yet.
He chose this life all on his own.
He wasn’t kicked out, exiled or even down in his luck he just up and left one day and never returned.
I wanted so badly to find out why he did it but was always too scared to ask.
Or more acurately my respect for him and his privacy far too great.
As someone who’s past has more then its fair share of truma I wasn’t about to delve into his.
I had hoped that he would offer the information when he was ready but so far nata.
Not even a hint of the reasons he would want to leave a life of luxury for a run down mowed over piece of rolled up shit covered in layers of dirt.
It just didn’t make sense.
I was barely listening to the woman on the tv droning on about how highlights were the new streak as my mind continued to churn over Seth’s mysterous existance in my life.
I guess it all came down to the fact that I was glad he was here no matter the reason.
If he hadn’t of taken me in, who knows where I’d be now.
The day I found Seth I was at my lowest.
Alone, scared, in need of a helping hand when all of sudden there he was ready to move mountains.
There was no one like him.
A true friend.
One that would never let you down.
He was Seth.
Wolf shifter.
Private investigator.
Safe.