“Fucking skeleton porn—”
The thought tore through the narrow tunnel.
FUCKING SKELETON PORN.
FUCKING SKELETON PORN.
FUCKING SKELETON PORN.
Everyone stopped.
Sid turned.
“Ahem. Name and former occupation.”
The green-eyed skeleton stared at him.
“Huh?”
“What does that even matter right now?”
“You are not here for free,” Elias said, continuing down the tunnel. “We need you. You need us.”
Sid nodded enthusiastically.
“Exactly.”
He pointed at himself.
“I’m Sid. This intelligent chap is Elias, and somewhere behind us complaining is Kaya.”
“Fuck you.”
Sid ignored her.
His attention returned to the newcomer.
“So. What were you? Handyman? Engineer? Perhaps even a dentist?”
The green-eyed skeleton stiffened.
“A buttslut.”
Silence.
Then—
BUTTSLUT.
BUTTSLUT.
BUTTSLUT.
If you encounter this story on Amazon, note that it's taken without permission from the author. Report it.
Kaya folded against the tunnel wall.
“HAHAHAHA!”
Her laughter joined the echoes.
Parker covered his face.
“Oh my God.”
Elias looked at Sid.
“…Is he broken?”
“Sorry,” the green-eyed skeleton muttered. “Intrusive thoughts. I have OCD. Sometimes things just—”
“Rhetorical,” Sid interrupted. “Answer the question.”
The skeleton lowered his hands.
“…Chef.”
Sid waited.
“Parker. My name’s Parker.”
Sid’s eye lights brightened.
“A chef?”
Parker immediately stiffened.
“…Why did you say it like that?”
“Because that’s potentially useful.”
“Oh.”
“We have no wood, no reliable heat source, and currently no means of boiling anything. You understand fire.”
Parker stared at him.
“I understand ovens.”
“Close enough.”
“I don’t think it is.”
Sid waved this aside.
“We’ll find a use for you.”
Several hours later, Parker appeared to be losing a war against his own brain.
“Skeleton tits.”
Skeleton tits.
Skeleton tits.
He knocked his forehead against the cavern wall.
Kaya patted him on the shoulder as she passed.
“Getting better.”
“No, it isn’t.”
The group continued deeper into the labyrinth.
“Hey…” Kaya fell into step beside him. “I can’t be the only one who thinks this whole situation is insane, right?”
Parker looked at her.
“It’s still less weird than him.”
Several paces ahead, Sid dragged his fingers along the stone.
“Hehehe… smooth walls. Consistent crystal growth. Absence of erosion…”
Kaya nodded.
“Correct.”
Parker rubbed at his brow.
“How are we even here? None of this makes sense.”
Moss spread between the rubble beneath their feet, creeping over scattered bones. Faint blue crystal light pulsed from the walls, just enough to illuminate the tunnel ahead.
“I don’t—”
“Chef.”
Elias stopped.
Parker looked at him.
“What?”
“Wood is not necessary for combustion.”
Parker stared.
Elias continued.
“Fire requires fuel, oxygen, and sufficient heat to initiate and sustain combustion. Wood is simply convenient fuel.”
“What the fuck does that mean?”
“It means if this cavern supports animal life, combustible organic material should be available.”
Parker’s green eyes narrowed.
Then widened.
“…Animal fat?”
Sid’s head snapped around hard enough for his vertebrae to crack.
“ANIMAL FAT!”
The tunnel erupted.
ANIMAL FAT!
ANIMAL FAT!
ANIMAL FAT!
Sid pointed at Parker.
“YES!”
He spun around and started back the way they had come.
Kaya stared after him.
“Where are you going?”
“The dinosaur!”
Sid broke into a run.
“Hehehehehe!”
Elias immediately followed.
Parker watched them disappear into the darkness.
Then looked at Kaya.
“…Are we really going back to the giant dead dinosaur?”
Kaya sighed.
“Apparently.”
A sound came from somewhere ahead.
Tap.
Parker stopped.
Kaya did too.
Tap.
A long way ahead.
From the direction they had just come.
Parker slowly turned his head.
“…Was that them?”
Kaya stared into the darkness.
Tap.
Closer.
Her pink eye lights narrowed.
“No.”
Parker went rigid.
The scream from earlier returned.
High-pitched.
Hungry.
And much, much closer.