I was yanked out of the darkness like I’d been struck—sharp and painful.
White light flooded everything around me, unbearably bright and painful after the smothering blackness I’d been floating in.
I couldn’t take it.
I screamed so hard I deafened myself.
My strength ran out fast, and my body—which barely obeyed me—was hit by an unbearable cold, like I’d been dumped on top of a mountain.
What was a mountain?
I couldn’t remember, but it was clearly somewhere very cold.
I don’t know how long it lasted, but at some point warmth and calm washed over me.
Something soft and gentle surrounded me on every side.
My consciousness drifted back into the saving darkness.
The only thought that made it through before I went under: Everything happening here is strange…
Some noise nearby woke me up.
It sounded like talking, but the language was unfamiliar.
What was my language, anyway?
What even was a language?
I couldn’t remember, but the thoughts in my head seemed to sound different, somehow.
The first thing I saw were strange little shapes, spinning above me for some reason.
Why strange?
I didn’t know, but something told me things like that shouldn’t be hanging over my head.
Looking closer, I made out little ships, animals…
maybe…
and something I couldn’t place at all.
Someone speaking that unknown language was coming closer and closer.
Clicks and low growls answered them.
What was happening?
I got scared.
I thrashed and tried to throw my arms out in front of me, but they wouldn’t obey.
The footsteps stopped right next to me, and then an enormous human face looked down at me from above.
It was definitely a girl—though for some reason an enormous one.
She stroked my forehead gently.
I could feel warmth rolling off her in waves.
Then she picked me up, so carefully it was like she thought my little body might break at any second, and brought me to her bare breast.
Somehow it felt wrong, even a little humiliating.
It shouldn’t be like this.
Why not?
I didn’t know.
Soon she put me back down, and even that looked strange.
A sense that everything happening was wrong flooded my mind.
I shouldn’t have been carried around and tucked into a metal cradle shaped like an egg.
Warm, slightly damp lips pressed against my forehead, and I started slipping back into oblivion.
I should have tried to figure out what was going on, but sleep caught me fast in its gentle net.
I had no strength left to fight it.
I don’t know how long that kind of life went on.
I’d wake up to eat and get put right back to sleep.
Sometimes she’d carry me around, but even then my body just wanted more sleep.
The one clear memory I have from that whole stretch: the girl wrapping me in some huge cloth and carrying me somewhere.
I couldn’t see much, and honestly I slept through most of the trip.
All I remember is a strange hum, distantly familiar, like I’d heard something like it before—though I couldn’t place it.
And a smell, sharp and foul.
That’s what a city smelled like…
What was a city, though?
Vague images flickered behind my eyes, replacing each other fast and vanishing just as quickly as they came.
I came to lying on a table, a heavyset, gray-haired man leaning over me.
He passed some oddly shaped bits of metal near my body—small lights blinking in different colors, beeping every so often.
Something jabbed my leg, sharp and painful.
Tears sprang to my eyes no matter how hard I tried to hold them back, and my own scream tore through the dark room.
A child’s scream…
But I wasn’t supposed to be a child.
Someone lifted me up and rocked me slowly, humming some quiet song, and my mind drifted back into oblivion.
My next clear memory was of being able to hold my head steady and turn it on my own.
She carried me around again and let me feel different toys.
Sometimes she set me down on a soft mat scattered with big balls, blocks, and other baby things.
There was no doubt left now.
I was a child.
It wasn’t supposed to be true, but it was.
It was around then I noticed something interesting.
A ball slipped out of my hands, and I wanted—really, really wanted—to touch it again.
It felt so nice…
And a moment later, that rough, warm surface touched my palm again.
Nice…
Somewhere in the back of my mind, a thought flickered past: I’d seen something like this before…
The older I got, the easier it became to think.
And at some point, I just felt the need to study the world around me.
Everything here was so strange, so wrong.
A voice inside me kept insisting: no, it can’t be like this.
Metal cradles don’t fly.
Balls don’t fly into your hand by magic.
Ships don’t fly through the sky.
That was when my active study of the world began.
Though it ended about as fast as it started.
They didn’t let me out of the room—all I could do was lie there and turn my head, or crawl across the floor, or babble along in conversations with the girl I somehow really wanted to call mama.
It was hard to tell what was going on outside from sound alone.
Through the walls came some mechanical hum, muffled unfamiliar voices, women laughing.
The one thing I’d worked out for certain was that we weren’t living in our own house, or even an apartment.
Some kind of dormitory, maybe, or a hotel?
What was a dormitory, though?
Well…
somewhere a lot of people lived.
Yeah, that sounded about right.
At night, loud music drifted up from downstairs.
A couple of times, while I was dozing, someone barged into the door, realized they had the wrong room, and left.
Once or twice, huge shadows helped the stranger along, with sounds of blows to go with it.
How did I even know what a blow sounded like?
Uh…
no idea.
I didn’t get to think it through before I fell back asleep.
Complicated…
Once a day, Mama would come check on me, read to me, carry me around a bit.
Sometimes that warm, kind girl stayed with me through the night.
Then she’d lift me out of the cradle and bring me to the bed, where we’d fall asleep together.
It felt wonderful, like a small glowing sphere formed around us, wrapping us in calm and comfort.
The less I slept, the more I wanted to see what lay beyond the room.
I tried to get out of the room by every means I had, but Mama blocked me, gently and without fail.
The moment I crawled toward the door, she’d scoop me up and carry me right back to the middle of the room.
So all I could do was wonder—what was out there, past that wall?
Time went on like that, slow and lazy.
I learned to crawl fast enough on all fours.
I grew into a calm, well-behaved kid who rarely cried and almost never broke anything.
Why would I?
It just felt wrong, somehow.
That was probably why they’d sometimes leave me alone on the floor instead of in the flying cradle.
And it really did hover above the ground—every single time, it gave me that same jolt of unreality.
That’s not supposed to be possible!
But one day, I finally managed to get out.