Secret Crush
Early in the morning, Xue Ling opened her eyes to a message from Xue Yulan.
It had been only three days since the post went up, and already plenty of men had sent in their résumés. Her mother was so pleased with herself that she’d printed them all out. She held up the thick stack, snapped a photo, and sent it to Xue Ling, telling her to have a good look through them together after breakfast.
Xue Ling was so startled that all her sleepiness vanished. She tried to sneak out, only to be turned back at the door by the bodyguards.
She turned around without expression.
She was pitiful, and so was that thick stack of suitors.
Maybe, like her, they hadn’t volunteered. Maybe their families had pushed them around and arranged everything for them, leaving them no privacy at all, their headshots and résumés practically scattered for the whole world to see.
The nanny was playing with the little girl in the toy room. Xue Ling and her mother faced off in the living room.
“Don’t be so quick to dismiss them. I put a lot of work into sorting these out. At least take a look.”
Xue Yulan handed her the stack of profiles.
Xue Ling was furious. They’d been arguing for ages, and her mother still wasn’t taking a word she said to heart.
“I told you, I’m not looking! I don’t want to get married, and I don’t want to stay in Yuncheng. Do you really have to force me?”
“I’m not forcing you. If you won’t even glance at them, how am I supposed to accept that? At least flip through them. You might find someone you like.”
As she spoke, Xue Yulan tried to shove the papers into her hands. Xue Ling panicked, her voice breaking into a sob.
“Can’t you show me a little respect? This isn’t my home. I’m miserable here, and things are so awkward with Uncle Cheng… I’m never getting married, not in this lifetime!”
As she spoke, she suddenly flung out her hand and knocked the papers from her mother’s grasp.
“If you really cared about me, you’d let me leave tomorrow…”
Then she stopped, eyes brimming with tears and stretched wide.
Amid the flurry of matchmaking résumés, a handsome face drifted past her eyes and fluttered down to the floor.
Xue Ling wiped her tears with her sleeve, clearing her vision, then crouched down.
Xue Yulan was so exasperated that she clutched her head and sank onto the sofa. For a long while, she couldn’t say a word.
With Xue Ling living on her own overseas, Xue Yulan could never stop worrying. She’d had people keep an eye on her for the past three years.
Xue Ling had practically shut herself away at home, doing nothing but drawing. Her days and nights were turned upside down, she never went out to make friends, and when she got sick, she went to the hospital alone. If anything happened to her, no one would even know.
Xue Yulan had been beside herself with worry. That was why she’d forcibly brought her back to the country, so she could keep her close. If Xue Ling could settle down in Yuncheng and get married, all the better.
“You…”
Xue Yulan tried to compromise. She could put off the blind dates for now, but Xue Ling couldn’t go back to living in that house overseas.
Before she could finish, a sheet of paper was held out in front of her. Xue Ling sat down beside her, eyes still red. “This one.”
She’d actually found someone she liked. What a pleasant surprise.
Xue Yulan glanced at the man’s profile and narrowed her eyes slightly.
She had good taste.
*
When Xu Jingzhuo’s parents came to visit Tianxing, Xu Jingzhuo was in a conference room, brainstorming with his team.
They were all old friends. With a little liquor in them, they were at their most uninhibited, and one new idea after another sprang to life.
Things had been especially rough lately. The project had been stalled for a month, and the whole team was in a funk. No amount of drinking could liven them up.
Then someone sighed. “If Shunhua were here, things would be different. He’s a genius. Once that fish of his swam in, the whole place came alive.”
Xu Jingzhuo was browsing rival games’ online communities on his tablet for inspiration. At the name, he didn’t even look up. “Mention him again and you’re out.”
“Come on… What actually happened between you two back then? You were friends for years, then suddenly you cut him off.”
Xu Jingzhuo said nothing.
Someone else chimed in, reminiscing. “I thought Wen Shunhua was dating someone. He was always with that girl, and after that he stopped hanging out with us. I saw them together a few times. She was pretty, didn’t talk much. I think she was from the fine arts department…”
An unopened can of beer came flying at his head. He caught it just in time, sensing Xu Jingzhuo’s temper flaring. He hurried to placate him. “All right, boss, I’ll shut up. I won’t mention that Wen guy again.”
Xu Jingzhuo swiped the screen a few times, but his mind was so restless he couldn’t take in a single thing. He set the tablet down hard and said coldly, “They weren’t dating.”
The man didn’t catch his meaning. “What?”
He repeated himself. “Wen Shunhua and that girl from the fine arts department weren’t dating.”
“No way. They were always together. Weren’t there tons of posts about them on the campus forum?”
“Now that you mention it, I remember. They were on every campus-couples list. A wildly popular ship.”
“Heh, I kind of miss those posts. No idea who the jerk was that hacked the forum later, but the whole thing went down.”
They chattered on about the old days. Xu Jingzhuo didn’t want to hear it, so he pushed back his chair and went outside for some air. He ran straight into his parents, who were about to knock on the conference-room door.
He closed the door behind him, shutting out the noise. “Here to check up on me?”
His mother handed him the half cup of iced coffee she was holding. “Check up on you? My son’s young and accomplished. I’m not even fifty yet, and I’m retired and enjoying life. I’m not about to make more work for myself.”
Xu Jingzhuo took the coffee and passed it to the man beside him. “You’re giving me your leftovers again. Isn’t this the kind of happiness your husband’s supposed to get?”
“Your dad’s already had three cups.” Huo Shu rolled her eyes and sat down on the sofa in the lounge. “Even your own mother’s leftovers disgust you. What’ll happen when you get married? Will you eat what your wife leaves behind?”
He gave a quiet scoff. “Getting married doesn’t mean I have to eat leftovers. If my wife can’t finish, she can throw them away herself. She has hands, doesn’t she?”
As he spoke, he nudged the silent man beside him, who was drinking his coffee. “Right, Chairman Xu? You should’ve set some rules at home twenty years ago. It’s not too late now. Show her where you stand.”
He pointed at the trash can. “There you go.”
Xu Bing’an gave a dry laugh. “If you want to stir things up, leave me out of it. I’ve been eating your mom’s leftovers for thirty years. That’s where I stand.”
“You’re hopeless.”
Marriage could make a man betray even his own character. Xu Jingzhuo gave his father a pitying look, then sat on the sofa nearby. He hooked a chair over with his long leg and propped it up casually, playing with the solid dragon-bone chain hidden beneath his shirt.
“If you’re not here to check up on me, what do you want? I’m busy.”
Xu Bing’an’s brow creased automatically. “Mind your manners.”
Xu Jingzhuo had a meeting with senior executives from the group that morning and was dressed reasonably well. But he slouched in his seat, making a white shirt and black trousers look rakishly careless.
He lifted one corner of his mouth and said nothing.
Gaming had become one of the group’s core businesses in recent years, and Tianxing occupied three buildings in the headquarters complex.
Zhongqi belonged to the family, with its senior executives’ interests tangled up in one another’s and rules everywhere you turned. Tianxing, on the other hand, was Mr. Xu’s own domain. It was the one place he didn’t have to follow anyone else’s rules.
Huo Shu scrolled through her phone. “I was looking through my feed the other day and saw a girl…”
“Not interested,” Xu Jingzhuo said, cutting her off with practiced ease. “Career first, marriage second. I can’t settle down until I’ve expanded the group’s business across the entire universe.”
In other words, not in this lifetime. Maybe the next.
Huo Shu glanced at the pinky ring on his left hand, a sign that he was single by choice. “I haven’t even finished. She looks really familiar. I think I’ve seen a photo of her at your place…”
“Mom, if you’re lying to me,” he said quietly, eyes fixed on the back of her phone, “I’ll make you come out of retirement and go back to work.”
Huo Shu handed him the phone. “See for yourself.”
Even in the tiny thumbnail, Xu Jingzhuo immediately recognized the girl in the photo. She was looking toward the camera, a polite, distant smile on her lips.
He stared at the screen for nearly three minutes, his expression giving nothing away.
Huo Shu ventured, “Well? There’s competition, but our family’s in a good position. I can put in a word for you.”
“We’re not right for each other,” Xu Jingzhuo said evenly. “Forget it.”
His eyes never left the photo.
Xu Bing’an tossed his empty cup into the trash, took the phone from his son, and handed it back to Huo Shu. “Then forget it.”
Huo Shu sighed regretfully and echoed him. “Then forget it. I’d reserved a blind-date spot for you, but I’ll cancel it now. No point keeping her from meeting other men. Maybe we’ll be at her wedding banquet next month.”
As she spoke, she watched Xu Jingzhuo from the corner of her eye.
He stared into space for two silent seconds, then curved his lips in a careless smile. “Yeah.”
*
Xue Yulan was playing with the little girl on the living-room sofa when Huo Shu called to apologize.
“I’m sorry, Yulan. Jingzhuo…”
At the opening words, Xue Yulan immediately turned off speakerphone and picked up the phone. “What’s going on? Didn’t you say your son was interested? Now that we like him, he doesn’t want to meet?”
“Sister Huo, do you even believe what you’re saying? They haven’t met, so how could he know they’re not right for each other? If you thought that from the beginning, why did you bring us into it?”
“I’m not the one rushing things. You’re the ones…”
As she argued with Huo Shu, she happened to glance up and saw Xue Ling leaning over the second-floor railing, watching.
She immediately ended the call. “All right, let’s leave it there, Sister Huo. Let’s pretend it never happened. Don’t tell anyone.”
Being rejected before they’d even met would sting anyone. Xue Yulan looked up at her and asked gently, “What about looking at some others?”
Xue Ling shook her head.
“Then we’ll put the blind dates on hold. Get some rest at home, and I’ll take you out in a couple of days.”
Xue Ling said nothing and went back to her room.
Xue Yulan sighed. Then she felt a tug at her arm and looked down. Her younger daughter blinked up at her and said she wanted to go upstairs and play with her sister.
Xue Yulan thought it over, then called the nanny to take her up. She patted the little girl’s braids. “If your sister tells you to leave, come back downstairs.”
Xue Ling wasn’t all that upset about being rejected. In fact, she felt a little relieved. That vague, pointless hope had only left her confused.
A crush was always something distant and unreal. Not getting what you wanted was only natural.
She sat in her room staring into space for a minute. Then messages began popping up on her computer. Several clients had approached her with illustration commissions, all offering handsome rates.
She worked out her schedule for the coming months and accepted every commission she could manage.
She had nothing else to do, after all. She could spend the whole day doing nothing but drawing.
Getting married or not didn’t matter. Making money did.
Just then, there was a knock at the door. The nanny brought Cheng Fei to her room. The little girl ran straight to the computer, then secretly pulled a small square of folded paper from her pocket.
Xue Ling turned her computer chair toward her and bent her head to look, puzzled.
The paper unfolded completely. It was Xu Jingzhuo’s blind-date résumé.
Seeing that face again, Xue Ling couldn’t help being drawn to it.
So handsome, perfect from every angle. Even his ID photo was stunning.
Cheng Fei held up the heavily creased sheet and opened her arms. “Hug me, Sis.”
Xue Ling adjusted the screen so the blue light wouldn’t shine straight into her eyes, then leaned down and lifted her onto her lap.
She couldn’t help wanting to draw whenever she saw Xu Jingzhuo. She sketched a few lines on her tablet, outlining his face from the ID photo, and asked Cheng Fei, “Why did you bring this?”
“Did they reject you, Sis?”
“Who taught you to say things like that? I don’t like hearing it.”
“Dad said not to be afraid of being rejected.” Cheng Fei pointed to the phone number on Xu Jingzhuo’s profile. “You can try for anything. Twice, three times, as many times as you want.”
Xue Ling’s hand paused. She glanced down, then returned her gaze to the screen. “No.”
“Are you scared, Sis?”
“Mm.”
Cheng Fei encouraged her. “The brave get to enjoy things first.”
“I’m already enjoying myself.”
Xue Ling could have all the fun she wanted just drawing him. She didn’t have the nerve to make a fool of herself.
Cheng Fei fell silent. She folded the paper up neatly and set it on the desk, leaving the phone number visible, facing Xue Ling.
*
Huaxi Bay was a luxury villa district in the heart of the city, where every inch of land was worth a fortune. Everyone knew who lived in the grandest detached mansion there, the one with a thousand square meters of floor space.
Given the billions at his disposal, it was hardly surprising that Mr. Xu owned a mansion like that.
But all of Yuncheng knew that the Xu family had strict rules. The Old Madam was domineering and stubborn, and once she made up her mind, that was that. Every younger member of the family, including Xu Jingzhuo’s parents, had to live together at the old family estate, keeping the old lady company and enjoying a lively family life.
The Old Madam was highly respected in their circles. Elders from every family showed her deference, and their children followed her rules to the letter.
For decades, Xu Jingzhuo was the only one who’d managed to slip out of her grasp and live on his own.
No rules could hold him down. He made his own.
The villa had four floors, with a sprawling courtyard. Apart from the cleaners who came on a regular schedule, only Mr. Xu, his dog, and a professional butler lived there.
For the past few days, it had rained during the day and cleared up at night. Huaxi Bay was quiet after dark, the moon bright and the stars sparse. The villa’s top-floor terrace was high enough to take in the distant cityscape.
Ten o’clock wasn’t late. A single young man would walk his dog, shower, pour himself half a glass of liquor, then take his laptop and a few reference books out to the terrace. He’d switch on a small lamp, study and work, and wait for the alcohol to hit and his mind to tire before heading to bed.
Tonight was no different from any other. The man sat in a camping chair, leaning back at ease as he drank and gazed toward the dense darkness on the horizon.
He’d finished studying and working, and had nearly finished his drink. All that remained was to wait for sleepiness to come.
There was one small difference from usual. A photograph lay on the table.
Summer. On a bench along a campus path, a girl wearing white wired earphones tilted her head slightly to the right and smiled at the empty space beside her. She’d just taken the earbud out of her right ear and was about to put it in the ear of the person beside her.
That space wasn’t really empty. Someone had been edited out, leaving only the girl in the photo.
An orange bird hairpin was clipped to the upper-left corner of the photo.
The hairpin’s color was so bright that when the man set down his glass, a casual glance was enough to draw his eyes back to it.
He’d deliberately chosen strong liquor tonight, hoping to sleep well. His head heavy, he leaned back and held the photo up in his left hand, looking at it against the sky.
The moon and stars blurred before his eyes. The cold silver of his pinky ring caught the light and flashed dangerously, reminding him that the alcohol was taking hold, warning him to put the photo down.
The warning went unheeded.
No one could control him, not even himself when sober.
His gaze traveled inch by inch over the girl in the photograph: her short skirt, her smile, the arms and legs she had left bare, and the impossible-to-ignore movement of her taking out and sharing the earbud.
Someone had been beside her. She’d been interacting with that person.
Even though whoever edited the photo had done such a masterful job that the person had become empty space, their presence couldn’t be erased.
That empty space kept reminding the man who’d saved the photo just how ridiculous he was.
He’d showered and put on a simple black T-shirt and loose lounge pants.
His right hand was warm against his palm, meeting little resistance as he gripped himself. His Adam’s apple bobbed, and a low, helpless gasp slipped from his throat.
The ring’s gleam blurred at the edge of his vision. All he could see was the photo, and the long-dormant, unspeakable craving inside him had been roused in full.
A man born with boundless energy was never strong in only one area. He put that advantage to use in his studies and work, and couldn’t avoid suffering its torment when it came to desire.
As long as he didn’t dwell on it, he was fine. But once the thought took hold, there was no stopping it.
He knew himself, of course. Even taking himself in hand, he could barely keep control. He was never satisfied, and didn’t know where his limit lay. If the girl in the photo had to bear it, she’d probably be frightened into tears, hurt, left traumatized.
For a long time, there was no sound but the man’s suppressed, muffled gasps in the night.
He’d lost count of how many times.
It wasn’t enough.
He kissed the photo, his thin lips brushing the bird in the upper-left corner. His hot breath washed over it, surrounding the girl invisibly.
It wasn’t enough.
He called her name, imagining how she would answer, how she would smile, how she would share one earbud with him.
It wasn’t enough.
They’d never had anything to do with each other. Fantasies so far removed from reality couldn’t stir him.
He needed her alive, with a will of her own.
The phone on the table vibrated. A message from his assistant.
[I’ve finished checking, Mr. Xu.]
[[PDF]]
He tapped it. Inside was all the girl’s information, from her birth up to the present, including her phone number.
“Tsk.”
His attention was fixed on his palm. His mind was so muddled that he couldn’t remember when he’d told his assistant to look into her. Even fully conscious, he’d gone and done something like that.
What a creep.
*
Xue Ling spent the afternoon playing with Cheng Fei. The little girl insisted on staying the night, so Xue Ling gave up half her bed.
She turned off the overhead light, leaving only a small lamp on. Cheng Fei fell asleep in bed, while Xue Ling, not tired, sat by the bay window, gazing out at the night view.
That was when a call came in from an unfamiliar number.
Not entirely unfamiliar, though. Thanks to Cheng Fei’s impressive origami skills, the number was right there in front of Xue Ling whenever she sat at her computer and looked down. Even when she tried her best to ignore it, she’d nearly memorized it.
She sat up straight and stared at her phone in disbelief, wondering if she’d fallen asleep by the window and her soul had left her body to go dream up nonsense.
She froze at the first call and didn’t answer.
The caller was persistent and tried again.
This time, it felt real. Xue Ling drew a deep breath and answered.
It was late, and the caller seemed just as surprised that she’d picked up. For a long while, neither of them spoke. Only their unfamiliar breathing mingled through the phone.
Xue Ling pressed the receiver to her ear, trying to listen closely, when a muffled sigh suddenly slipped into her ear.
It was a man’s rich, resonant voice. Xue Ling held the phone close, and it sounded as if he were right beside her.
Electricity shot through her mind, then a powerful current coursed through her whole body. Her breathing grew uncontrollably heavier. At the same time, the sensation gave her a surge of courage, and she opened her mouth to greet him first.
“Miss Xue.”
Before she could speak, the man on the other end did. He deliberately lowered his voice, his tone calm and polite, but there was no hiding his uneven breathing or the husky sensuality beneath it.
“If it’s convenient, let’s meet.”
…
In the third year after graduation, Xue Ling married the person she’d secretly loved since her student days.