The pop up rave.
A split second later.
Eric nodded tersely and stepped forward, an eager smile growing on his face. Fang baring patrons backed off as he approached, continuing the tense stalemate. The wall of blood covered flesh snarled with scores of fanged faces hissing at the man.
A yell cut through the silent tension, as one of the vampires screamed “Come on Daywalker!” and burst forward from the wall of flesh.
Blade pulled a shotgun out of his duster to point at the advancing figure. A single shot cracked out, sending the aggressor flying back into the blood covered ceramic tiled wall behind him. The body half dissolved into ash by the time it hit the ground, and seconds later the rest of the attacker was completely turned to dust.
This was all that was needed for chaos to erupt, as the human patrons of the rave rushed to escape, and the undead patrons rushed to attack.
It began with a blood covered asian woman dual wielding katanas, rushing forward while flailing her blades in a vaguely circular motion. She was met by another shotgun blast… a perfect example of why knives are generally frowned upon in gunfights… and her screaming form joined the first in dusty oblivion.
Blade ceased all pretense of self-defence after that. He brought his shotgun back around to blast a vampire man with a yellow jacket. The man’s body flew back, smashing through a chain link fence around a large industrial fusebox, and sending sparks flying out to the surroundings as his body burst into an ashy storm.
“Whoever built the electrical system in this building is going to be quite put out,” Greg noted, floating behind Eric. He gestured casually at the ash pile. “And that first woman clearly didn't know how to use those swords. It was like watching the ‘Star Wars kid’ meme, but even more awkward.”
A clean vampire wearing a beanie and black clothing stood behind the vampire hunter. Blade swiftly turned, cocked the slide on the shotgun and blasted the man back into a stairwell, smashing a swinging fluorescent light fixture behind him as he fell.
“That guy was clearly just standing there waiting to be shot,” Greg remarked.
“Hey!” a familiar looking woman screamed at Eric while baring her fangs, “I’m going to rip your fucking head off!”
Blade answered the woman (formerly associated with our new friend Todd) with a roundhouse kick to the head, turned to blast another beanie and sunglasses wearing vampire (who incidentally also destroyed another light fixture on his way down), and brought the shotgun back to aim at the woman’s face. The trigger clicked on an empty chamber and Eric dropped to his knees.
“I’m starting to think you really have a problem with electrical infrastructure, Mr. Brooks,” Gregory said as he shook his head.
The woman followed, hissing in anticipation of her attack. Eric pulled a second shotgun from his trench coat, held it below the woman’s chin, and pulled the trigger… sending Todd’s already infinitesimal chances of getting laid (in a completely respectful manner) up in literal smoke.
“If you aren’t going to help,” Eric said as he stood up from the floor, “Could you at least keep the comments to yourself.”
Eric dropped to a knee again, pulling a double bladed weapon from his coat and tossing it at an approaching vampire. The man awkwardly flew forward, landing with a comical ‘Oof’, after having his legs knocked out from under him. Brooks stood, only for a man with a tragic porn mustache to grab his shoulder from behind… a textbook example of ‘things no one ever does, but every Judo instructor prepares you for’.
“And seriously,” Greg continued, ignoring Eric’s pleas for silence, “Why are so many of them wearing sunglasses? It’s a dark club. I know that they’re vampires, but do they really need to protect their eyes?”
Eric didn’t disappoint, responding with a swift chop to the throat followed by a textbook judo throw. The man struck the ground and Eric reached into his jacket to pull out a silver stake from his belt. With no wasted movement Eric shoved the stake into the attacker's chest, and the vampire’s ashen remains burst apart to settle onto the ceramic below.
Eric fully committed to melee for the next few kills, swiftly taking down a chubby blood covered vampire in a track suit with a one-two punch combination, followed by driving a stake through another vampire’s chin as he was pinned to the ceiling, and a punch and a quick stake to the chest to an asian looking man after.
“I’m wearing sunglasses too, asshole,” Eric growled at his calm tormentor.
“Yes, but you’ve been here like, one, maybe two minutes tops,” Greg answered, “These men have probably been here all night. You would think they would’ve been annoyed at not being able to see clearly by this point.”
The quick patter of automatic gunfire cut through the club, causing the remaining human patrons to panic. Blade dropped the asian man that was already turning to dust and dove for cover. Sparks splashed as bullets struck a wall of force surrounding the young man floating nearby, and he sent a dirty look at the clean vampires that had newly entered the room.
“Rude,” he said as he popped a few more kernels into his mouth, “Why are these people panicking now? They’ve been running around in circles since the fight started. As if shotgun blasts and people turning to dust wasn’t frightening enough. MDMA does strange things to people.”
Eric swiftly moved from cover to kick a completely unrelated vampire through a plate glass window and stake him before once again being interrupted by automatic gunfire that somehow completely missed him. He ducked, creating a low profile against the oncoming shots, and returned fire with a futuristic looking automatic weapon of his own. Bullets struck two human bouncers with generic Uzi 9 mm submachine guns, and sent a blonde woman covered in blood, also firing on Eric, to duck into the crowd, where she could retain her plot relevancy for later.
The DJ for the party, who until this point had continued spinning electro-house with a remarkable dedication to his craft, screamed with rage as he fired at Brooks. Brooks answered with a muzzle burst that threw the man straight back into the speakers… a strategic placement flawlessly designed to completely ruin the DJ's hearing, though that quickly ceased to be a concern.
“See,” Greg said, pointing at the turntables exploding with sparks, “I knew you had something against electronics.”
With the DJ’s demise, and apparently the loss of the music that was fueling their desire to remain, the crowd finally fully cleared out.
“You really are an insufferable asshole, aren’t you,” Eric said as he tossed his empty weapon to the floor and took the first easy breath since the start of the fight.
The lull didn’t last long, however, as a new group of aggressors arrived, looking remarkably similar to the bodies already littering much of the floor with ash. Still, when you’ve seen one generic tire iron wielding thug wearing a beanie, sunglasses, and a black track suit, you’ve seen them all. It was possible Greg's mind was just combining all of them into a few familiar shapes.
“We’re gonna jack you up,” yelled a vampire with a bushy blonde beard and long hair, wearing a leather jacket and wielding a tactical knife in the back of the crowd of the vampire thugs. Eric drew a tsubo-less katana from somewhere inside of his duster, and moved into a clean Kendo stance, ready to fight the oncoming thugs.
The blonde vampire in the back licked his lips and pointed his knife at Eric, clearly identifying the target to a group of men that weren’t actually looking at him. It must not have been obvious enough that the large black man wielding a katana in the midst of the ashes of their former colleagues was their current foe.
"Bob," Greg spotted one of the men trying to remain inconspicuous near the back, "I thought you already quit?"
"Greg, holy crap," Bob answered sheepishly, "I mean, I put in my two week notice, but I didn't want to give them a reason to give me a bad reference."
“Eh, don’t stress it,” he said with a friendly wave and motioned for the man to join him, “Come over and have some popcorn. This is about to get exciting.”
One of the mooks charged and Eric met him with an upward slash of his blade, somehow sending the vampire into the air and crashing down on a nearby table to turn into dust afterward. Eric followed up with a horizontal slash, sending a second mook to his demise, and quickly fled into another room.
“Did they make you a Vampire, Bob?” Greg asked. He watched Eric depart, but the fight had already become ridiculous around five minutes prior, and Greg declined to watch the rest of it. He offered Bob his popcorn bowl.
“Nah,” Bob answered, grabbing a fistful of the treat, “I was just hanging out at the office when somebody said they needed bodies. I figured I might as well get some overtime before I leave. Most of my human coworkers are in the hospital after the thing with the red haired lady, so only the vampires were left.
“Honestly, the only guy I really know anyway is some guy named Bill that showed me the ropes. He was supposed to be getting his big break today, something about a DJ gig? I bet his wife is really proud of him. She just had the kid last month, so I know they needed the extra money. It’s not easy living in NYC on the salary these guys pay us.”
“Oh, Bob,” Greg said as looked over at the smoking remnants of the DJ booth, “I’m sure the guy is doing great.
“You know Bob,” Greg continued after having a good cringe, suddenly realizing why some superheroes had a ‘no kill’ policy, “Why don’t you give me the guy’s contact info… I’ll make sure the guy’s widow is well compensa… er, I’ll see if I can find another couple of gigs for the guy.”
“Oh, that sounds great! Do you have a lot of rich friends that like to throw parties?”
“Eh, no, actually,” Greg answered.
Back at the apartment.
A few hours later.
The teleportation circle faded as Greg’s figure appeared. Elsa Bloodstone, red faced with her eyes slightly drooping, returned her shotgun to the harness on her back before sitting back down at the breakfast bar. The sound of women chatting was audible from the closed bathroom door.
“Ah, Greggy… heh heh,” Elsa slurred, giggled, and then rushed to raise her fist to her mouth to hide a slight belch, “Me and yer aunties are plannin’ te head out an’ tear up the town in a bit. Doreen an’ that Gwen bint are off doin’... somefin’... I think? Who the fak knows wit them two. Yer auntie Fie sure knows how to knock ‘em back.
“You got m’choker?”
“No, Eric is still investigating,” Greg answered, grabbing his newspaper and taking a seat, “I’m guessing it’ll be a girls night?”
“Right,” Elsa answered, thumbs raised clumsily, “Jus’ us birds.”
“No worries. You ladies have a great time. There are literally four floors of empty flats in this building. Take a spare master key with you when you leave. I don’t suppose Jean or Jess have returned yet?”
“Eh, I ain’t seen ‘em. Hic.”
“That’s fine,” Greg nodded. “Be careful… not that anything is going to happen to any of you. I’d give a pinkie toe to be a fly on the wall if anyone tries to mug the three of you.”
“You ain’t gotta worry about nuffin’,” Elsa says proudly as she puffs out her chest, “I’ll make sure yer aunties are safe and sound all night.”
“Oh, you sweet, summer child,” Greg said as he turned back to his newspaper, “I’ll be counting on you.”
Elsa nodded proudly, as the satan-class and celestial level entities that had been getting ready in the bathroom joined them. The three said their good-byes (there were cheek kisses all around), and the ladies took off for their bar hopping adventure.
Spot, likely happy to finally have a reprieve from the refrigerator, took up her rightful spot on Gregory’s lap, doing her best to make his newspaper completely unreadable. The struggle between the two continued for close to an hour. Gregory shifted the paper periodically to bring it into view. Spot took note of the shift, adjusted the position of her behind to make her interference possible, and placed her tail strategically over the exact place Gregory was trying to read.
Eventually Greg just gave up and settled in to give the little supervillain a good long pet.
The summoning circle appeared on the floor just as Greg was resigning himself to not being able to catch up on the news that night, and Jean’s figure appeared as the circle rose… twice.
“Jean,” Greg said as his girlfriend and his girlfriend appeared, “I didn’t think I was drinking. Maybe there really was MDMA in that blood tonight. I suddenly feel like I want to rub both of your heads for a few hours, so it’s totally possible.”
“Hush love,” one of the Jeans said, though Greg could easily tell that this was his Jean. The Devil piece had significantly refined her already beautiful features, and that wasn’t even taking into account the perpetually bouncy anatomy granted by the piece, “This is Maddy, she’s my clone.”
“Hello, Greg,” Maddy waved with a sheepish expression, “Jean’s told me all about you. Sorry to impose.”
“Right,” Greg responded while waving distractedly at Maddy, though this time the word was doing the normal amount of extra work, “I believe I was warned about that kind of thing being… well, not exactly common, but… alright, yes, common. How did this come about?”
“I received a summons using the card you left with Kittie shortly after you left for your own call,” Jean continued, ignoring her boyfriend’s snark, “Apparently Xavier and Scott left for a mission a few months ago to investigate a place called the Essex Clinic. When they returned, they had a woman that looked exactly like me. They’ve been telling everyone that she is the real Jean, and that the woman you took away was an evil impostor that was possessed by a demon.”
“Well, that’s horrible,” Greg started to lean forward, but stopped in order not to disturb the supervillain that was currently using the lower half of his newspaper as a claw sharpening device, “How in the blazes did they think they would get away with something like that?”
“That’s the thing,” Jean said, pushing the cat aside unceremoniously and laying her head on her boyfriend’s lap, “Maddy, grab a seat. You’re making me nervous.
“Anyway, Scott and Xavier seemed to be under some kind of mental influence,” Jean continued as her clone pulled up Jess’s beanbag chair, “It wasn’t strong enough to trip any of Charles’s defenses, little more than a mental suggestion, but it was enough that it completely warped the two of their minds over time. It was like the Psychic version of one of those worm viruses you were telling me about. It pretended to be an original thought, slowly replicating, until the two men were eventually obsessed with it.”
“I’m guessing the suggestion had something to do with you?” Greg asked as he started playing with his girlfriend’s hair, completely forgetting the increasingly embarrassed woman on the bean bag.
“That’s the creepy thing,” Jean said from her boyfriend’s lap, “For some reason, someone decided to implant the suggestion that Scott and I needed to breed. I did some digging in my own mind afterward, apparently the same suggestion had been woven into the block Charles put on my mind. I don’t know if it was there the whole time, or if someone put it in later.
“The funny thing is,” Jean said, humming happily as her lover stroked her head, “I remember visiting the Essex Clinic with Scott back when we were teenagers. I can’t even remember why we initially went. I think it was all part of the compulsion.”
“Do you need my help with anything?” Greg asked, “I’m currently on a job to find a missing heirloom necklace for a monster hunter, but the job appears to have stalled.”
“I mean, would you be incredibly offended if I said I wanted to take care of this myself?”
“Not at all dear,” Greg laughed, “You are a capable and intelligent woman, and the current host of a celestial power that is beyond the ken of mortals like us, backed up by a growing reservoir of Devil magic. If there is anything you can’t take care of yourself, I doubt I’d be able to offer much more than moral support.”
“Thank you love,” Jean smiled as she stared up at her boyfriend, “I wanted to ask if you minded if Maddy stays here? We’ve just met today, but she had all of my old memories from before the Phoenix implanted in her somehow. I’ve unlocked her memories of the cloning lab she was born in, so she’s rather confused at the moment. I’d like to give her a chance to get her bearings before turning her loose in the world.”
“Dear, I’m a literal billionaire sitting on an apartment building with five floors of empty rooms,” the man said with an indulgent tone, “If I can’t help one of my girlfriend’s family members when they’re in trouble, what is the point of having anything?”
“That’s right, family,” Jean said, looking over at her red-faced twin and squirming on the couch, “That’s how it is from now on Maddy, we’re family. Sisters, ok?”
The woman nodded, a bit too overwhelmed to respond.
“Just to be clear though, you’re literally six months old, so I’m the big sister. So anyway,” Jean changed the subject, suddenly eager, and hopped up to a sitting position while looking at her boyfriend, “What did I miss today while I was gone? You’re looking for a monster hunter’s lost necklace?”
“Stolen, actually,” Greg answered, “By a bunch of vampires.”
The flat stare given to him by his girlfriend and her twin said more than any expressions of disbelief could have.
“Oh,” Greg said, slightly put out, “You’ve no problem with Devils from another universe, superpowered mutants, and telepathic mind control… but vampires are where you draw the line?”
“Well, dear,” Jean answered slowly, a smirk forming on her mouth, letting Greg know she was teasing him, “I mean, when you put it that way, I suppose it’s not hard to believe. Did they sparkle?”
“They didn’t sparkle,” Greg answered with a pout, “They politely waited their turn to attack a vampire hunter I was hanging out with. It was rather confusing, actually.”
“It sounds like you had quite the adventure dear.”
“Quite,” Greg said, his face suddenly growing confused, “If you think the vampires were hard to believe, wait until I tell you about the British monster hunter my Aunts are currently getting boozed up, Doreen’s insane friend Gwen, and Bob from Hydra that doesn’t currently, nor has he ever, worked at Hydra.”