Mia
I moved past them and toward the stairs, anger and hurt settling like a lead weight deep in my stomach. The strength of my work ethic and motivation had always buoyed me through harder times in my life: breakups, the death of my mother, rough patches with friendships.
My value as an employee at RMG was now tinged with self-doubt. Was I making him see me differently because I was fucking him? Now that he’d seemed to register—finally—that if others knew about us it could be bad for him, would he start to question my judgment more globally?
I was smarter than this. It was time I started acting like it.
I composed myself before stepping outside and returning to my seat beside Joel.
“Everything all right?” he asked.
I turned my head, letting myself look at him for a moment. He was really quite cute: neatly combed dark hair, a kind face, and the most beautiful blue eyes I’d ever seen. He was everything I should be looking for. My gaze shot up a moment later as Mr. Montgomery returned to the table with Mina, but I quickly looked away.
“Yeah, I’m just not feeling well,” I said, turning back to Joel. “I think I might need to call it a night.”
“Here,” he said, standing to pull out my chair. “I’ll walk you to your car.”
I said my good-byes, feeling the unfamiliar shape of Joel’s palm on the small of my back as we walked into the house. Once in the driveway, he gave me a shy smile and took my hand. “It was really nice meeting you, Mia. I’d like to call you sometime and maybe have that lunch.”
“Let me see your phone,” I said. Part of me felt bad for doing this, having been with one man upstairs not even twenty minutes ago, and now giving my number to another.
But it was time to move past this, and a lunch date with a nice guy seemed like a good place to start.
His smile widened as I handed him his phone, and he gave me his card in return. Taking my hand, he lifted it to his lips. “I’ll call you Monday, then. Hopefully your flowers aren’t completely wilted.”
“It’s the thought that counts,” I said, smiling. “Thank you.”
He looked so sincere, so happy at the simple possibility of seeing me again, and it occurred to me that I should be swooning, or giddy. I really just wanted to throw up.
Joel nodded, opening my car door for me. “Of course. I hope you feel better. Drive carefully, and good night, Mia.”
“Good night, Joel.”
He closed my door and I started the engine, my eyes straight ahead as I drove away from my boss’ family’s house.
The next morning at yoga I considered spilling my guts to Julia. I’d felt reasonably certain I could handle things on my own, but after an entire night of staring at the ceiling and completely freaking out, I realized I needed to confide in someone.
There was Emily, and more than anyone Emily would understand how maddening my hot boss could be. But she also worked for Scott and I didn’t want to put her in an awkward position by asking her to keep such a huge secret. I knew Mina would be happy to talk if I asked, but there was just something about her being a Montgomery, and knowing what she might have heard that left me feeling less than comfortable.
These were the times I really wished my mom were still alive. Just thinking about her brought a wrenching pain to my chest and tears to my eyes. Moving here to spend the last years of her life with her had been the best decision I’d ever made. And even though living so far from my dad and friends was tough at times, I knew everything happened for a reason. I just wished the reason would hurry up and make itself known.
Could I tell Julia? I had to admit I was terrified of what she would think of me. But more than that, I was terrified of saying the words to someone out loud.
“Okay, you keep looking at me,” she said. “Either you have something on your mind or I’m the embarrassing and gross kind of sweaty.”
I tried to tell her nothing, I tried to brush it off and let her think she was being absurd. But I couldn’t. The weight and the pressure of the last few weeks came crashing down and before I could control it, my chin started to tremble and I began bawling like a baby.
“That’s what I thought. Come on.” She offered me her hand and helped me up and, gathering our belongings on the way, led me out the door.
Twenty minutes, two mimosas, and one emotional breakdown later, I was watching Julia’s shocked expression at a table in our favorite restaurant. I told her everything: the panty ripping, my liking the panty ripping, the various locations, the mid-make-out-session-I-hate-yous, Mina catching us, my guilt over feeling like I was betraying Raphael and Susan, Joel, Mr. Montgomery’s caveman declarations, and finally, my fear that I was in the most unhealthy relationship in the history of the world, with no power at all.
When I looked up to meet her gaze, I winced; she looked like she’d just watched a car wreck.
“Okay, let me make sure I’ve got this straight.”
I nodded waiting for her to continue.
“You’re sleeping with your boss.”
I cringed slightly. “Well, technically not—”
She threw her hand up to stop me from finishing. “Yeah, yeah. I got that. And this is the same boss you oh-so-lovingly refer to as ‘Beautiful Bastard’?” Find the original chapter at g.com.
I sighed heavily and nodded again.
“But you hate him.”
“Correct,” I mumbled, my eyes shifting away from her. “Hate. Very big hate.”
“You don’t want to be with him, but you can’t stay away.”
“God, it sounds even worse to hear someone else say it,” I groaned as I buried my face in my hands. “I sound ridiculous.”
“But the sexytimes? Are good,” she said with a touch of humor in her voice.
“Good doesn’t even come close to describing it, Julia. Phenomenal, intense, mind-blowing, multiple-orgasmingly amazing doesn’t come close to describing it.”
“Is ‘orgasmingly’ even a word?”
I rubbed my face with my hands and sighed again. “Shut up.”
“Well,” she replied thoughtfully, clearing her throat. “I guess a small penis isn’t his problem, after all . . .”
I let my head fall to my arms on the table. “No. No, it most definitely isn’t.” I looked up slightly at the sound of her muffled laughter. “Julia! This is not funny!”
“I beg to differ. Even you have to see how insane this is. I mean, of all the people I’ve ever known, you’re the last person I would have ever imagined ending up in this situation. You’ve always been so serious, with each and every step of your life so planned out. Come on, you’ve only had a few real boyfriends, all of whom you’d been with for what everyone considered a really silly amount of time before you slept with them. This man must be something else.”
“I know there’s nothing wrong with having a purely sexual relationship with someone—I can handle that. And I know that I can at times be overly controlled, but it’s the fact that I feel I have no control over myself when I’m with him. I mean, I don’t even like him, and yet . . . I keep going back.”
Julia took a sip of her mimosa, and I could practically see the wheels turning as she considered everything I’d told her. “What matters to you?”
I looked up to her, understanding. “My job. My life after this. My sense of value as an employee. Knowing my contribution matters.”
“Can you feel good about those things and still fuck him?”
I shrugged, unable to actually untangle my thoughts on the matter. “I don’t know. If I felt like everything was separate, maybe.